11 ways to Fake Work like everyone else in your office
mod note: this was originally posted on 7/11/12
Everyone’s on vacation. You’ve pretty much done minimal work the last week because you were celebrating your independence. Let's face it, you've probably checked out since memorial day weekend and now begins the long stretch towards labor day weekend and the end of the lazy summer. With most colleagues on vacation, it's pretty difficult to get much done during the summer - but you’re stuck behind a desk anyway. So how do you keep busy and stay underneath the radar, while doing as little as possible?
I'm by no means a pro, but here's a list of tricks I've picked up and have seen others execute masterfully along the way. These tricks are almost as powerful as Ben Bernanke's eyebrows, so please, use wisely or else you'll ruin it for the rest us.
- Always have a few spreadsheets up
This one can be tweaked, depending on your job, but the key here is to always look like to you’re plugging away at some document. You could be working on a personal budget spreadsheet or a comprehensive list of local bars and happy hour list. It doesn't matter, just keep your desktop covered with things that look like work - Take notes
Take notes furiously. Keep a notebook open and glance up at your spreadsheets and then jot down a few fake notes. Everyone will surely think, "man, they're writing up a storm, better not disturb, I'll come back later" - Block off some time on your calendar
This is one I use year round. I don’t like Monday morning meetings and I certainly don’t like a meeting on a Friday after 2pm - so I block off some time in outlook. Bingo Bango, no one tries to book those slots. Put a few of those on your calendar - use sparingly and in combination with the next tip. - Take a walk and carry a prop
If your’re gonna step away (during aforementioned blocked off timeslots) to take a lap around the floor or the building, for that matter, take a notebook with you. Everyone will think you’re on your way to take notes somewhere. I also like to print random things at the printer fartherest away from my desk - not because I hate the environment, but because I dont have a printer at home. Taking a long walk to the printer and staring really hard at what I just printed in the copy room makes me feel busy. - Take a walk and leave a prop
When combined with the previous tip, this is a sure-fire way to look like you're really on the move. Leave some food out - a half eaten apple or something next to a spare notebook with a strategically placed pen/highlighter. No one will beleive that you’ll be gone for an hour if you leave a half eaten granola bar at your desk next to notes that you were obviously busy reviewing. - Walk with a purpose
If you’re walking fast (with notebook in hand) it must mean you really need to be somewhere and have no time to dilly dally around. You've got places to go and people to see. For a dramatic flare, look pissed off. - Make your desk look like staples threw up on it
I like to have a mix of random notes, notebooks, and slide decks strewn across my desk. Expert tip: Have some the slide decks open and stick some post-its on it so it looks like you read through it and have some items to follow up on when you have the "bandwidth". - Have a Penske file on hand
Forgive me for the Seinfeld reference, but George really nailed this one. Have a vague project that no one really knows about. Talk to anyone, anywhere, all the time about it. “the Pensky file... can't wait to sink my teeth into that.“ You'll never actually work because you're so busy telling everyone how busy you are. - E-mails, lots of E-mails
You can send and receive e-mails to yourself. You can schedule your emails to be sent later. The sound of you clammering away at those emails is a sure sign that you really chipping away at that to-do list. Schedule an email to be sent late in the day so it really makes you seem like you're burning the midnight oil. Or schedule it to send before the work day - early bird gets the worm, right? - Headsets - these are now attached to you
Keep your headset on at all times. Makes it look like you're on back to back calls all day. Combine this with your laps around the floor and those fake meetings you created in outlook and no one's gonna mess with you because you're so busy taking calls and notes - a regular walls street mover and/or shaker - Do some actual work..but not too much
Use this as a last resort. When all else fails, do a little work. But don't spread yourself too thin! Easy there, tiger. Don't do today what can wait until tomorrow.
We have about 6 more weeks of summer, so what are your suggestions for looking busy during the slow times.






Comments
The always be ready to tab
The always be ready to tab into an Excel sheet is my go to.
another mindless thread
another mindless thread
adapt or die: another
another mindless thread
I disagree, this is completely relevant to office life.
AKA "the life of the 2nd year
AKA "the life of the 2nd year analyst"
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Cane0180: adapt or
another mindless thread
I disagree, this is completely relevant to office life.
Seconded. Definitely important to keep up appearances in banking. No reason to always be under a ton of pressure. Plus, when you do have that spare "bandwidth," you have the ability to commit more time and effort to your actual work.
See my WSO Blog
You're Penske material
You're Penske material
one thing that i have found
one thing that i have found crucial to selling this is that you have to act a little angry and unhappy. its much more believable that you are busy when you seem pissed off about something.
lol. Good advice. But the
lol. Good advice. But the last bullet is most important - make sure if something is expected of you, you get it done and get it done well
There is already a book on you. That book is already being written. And if I talked to your friends, your teachers, your professionals, your family, I would know so much about you I wouldn't even have to meet you. You write the book the way you want to be
Agree with Abe. I always look
Agree with Abe. I always look pissed when I have down time and periodically growl. I make 30 visits to the water cooler/coffeee station. Take 30 minute dumps. Create spreadsheets to track my lack of utilization. Put in an earbud and then hold the phone to my ear.
No one cares, really. Maybe at the 7years exp+ level, but analyst/consultant/associate levels no one really cares. They just want you to look busy and periodically turn out some lame work.
Still not sure if I want to spend the next 30+ years grinding away in corporate finance and the WSO dream chase or look to have enough passive income to live simply and work minimally.
minibar: Take a walk and
If your’re gonna step away (during aforementioned blocked off timeslots) to take a lap around the floor or the building, for that matter, take a notebook with you. Everyone will think you’re on your way to take notes somewhere. I also like to print random things at the printer fartherest away from my desk - not because I hate the environment, but because I dont have a printer at home. Taking a long walk to the printer and staring really hard at what I just printed in the copy room makes me feel busy.
Story of my life, hahaha. You need a very focused and serious facial expression to make this one shine.
I thought prop said poop at
I thought prop said poop at first
Leave a set of fake keys on
Leave a set of fake keys on your desk. People will be looking for you all over the building.
Gun Control Discussion
This is great
This is great
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Good thread. One of the
Good thread.
One of the greatest skills I have mastered (this only works if you have mulitple screens) is to angle them at such angles that you create a blind spot (mine is at the bottom right hand corner of my left hand screen) where colleagues are unable to see what is happening. So my right hand screen has a compex excel model with lots of graphs and red numbers, my left hand screen has my emails / pdf and in the bottom right hand corner a perfect youtube video sized screen for watching tv episodes on.
Be warned, this is a very risky technique, only to be attempted by those able to blag their way out of trouble if caught!!!
This is golden.
This is golden.
haha, i love the penske
The granola bar tip is
In headaches and in worry
Vaguely life leaks away
And Time will have his fancy
Tomorrow or today.
Add to that: leave jacket on
samoanboy: Good thread. One
good stuff minibar :)
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is this why HR takes forever
The Knicks are back?
Set a screenshot of excel as
I am wise because I know that I know nothing -Socrates
As long as we are talking
"A man generally has two reasons for doing anything. One that sounds good, and the real one." - J.P. Morgan
Absolutely brilliant.
I am going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. That way if something is going wrong I can beat them all at once.
samoanboy: Good thread. One
stoudemire1: is this why HR
YOU JUST GOT TROLLED
http://www.troll.me/images/red-foreman322/dont-you...
Spot on, classy moves to add
A lot of people do certain things to add days to their life. I do things to add life to my days.
Good stuff. Also create a
I may not be on the Jedi Council, but I sure am great with the Force.
See my WSO blog posts
I used to work with a guy who
minibar: Take notes Take
JDimon: lol. Good advice. But
visit my WSO blog
captainbuysidee: I used to
visit my WSO blog
When work is slow, I focus on
not too much time to waste on
minibar: captainbuysidee: I
A strategy I've used goes
Great thread. I was reading
You can also study for series
YOU JUST GOT TROLLED
http://www.troll.me/images/red-foreman322/dont-you...
The Penske File is a great
If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford
"Leave some food out - a half
Always in a rush, but never late
Brilliant ! Absolutely
I would like to hire you
You might Look busy, but you
A great way to look busy is
Great advice all round.
Just posting to get an SB
wow, just wow! story of my
- Strategyard.com
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If you really want to master
Soros: If you really want to
A lot of people do certain things to add days to their life. I do things to add life to my days.
APAE: Soros: If you really