Five Thoughts on Wall Street Bathroom Breaks

Mod Note (Andy): Throw Back Thursday, Originally posted on August, 2012

When you work 80-hour weeks regularly and the staples of your diet are $25 Seamlessweb pasta dishes and burger combos, inevitably, nature is going to call – on your office line. For the majority of analysts on Wall Street, working at an investment bank is your first time in a professional office environment.

To the uninitiated, the bathrooms at investment banks might be imagined as marble palaces, freshly stocked with the finest supplies for bankers’ quiet time atop gold-plated commodes. To those in the know – well, you know it’s not so. Five observations regarding your favorite place to catch up on Words with Friends while at the office:

Three Contrarian Takeaways from the GMAT

Throwback Thursdays: This was originally posted August, 2012

There’s no shortage of GMAT advice out there – most of it is centered around giving adequate time for preparation, carefully tracking and shoring up problem spots, and anticipating any and all curveballs that could be thrown on G-Day. WSO readers face a tricky dilemma –no time or willingness to study, yet won’t settle for anything less than a 7-handle score. Having gone through the miserable process of taking the GMAT, I ultimately found that most “normal people” strategies didn’t work out for me. Here are the three takeaways I’d offer up, based on personal experience.

#1. Cramming

How to deal with THAT associate

TBT: Originally posted on September, 2012

Props to bankerella for an insightful post delving into the mind of the newly-minted first-year investment banking associate. The only thing it was missing was a blanket apology for all of the seasoned analysts who, for the next few months, have to put up with the insufferable “value add” of their MBAed colleagues.

Analysts, if there’s anyone you shouldn’t be afraid of, it’s a bumbling first-year associate fresh out of b-school. Remember, you already do all the work around here – make it clear that until they find their footing, you will be running the show.

When speaking to a new associate:

Quote:
The MD likes the comps in this exact format, with these metrics.”
Do not attempt to “add value” by “adding work.
---
Quote:
“I’ve double checked the numbers, but will wait for you to sign off before printing and sending.”
I did not check these numbers at all. Please do your job and check them.

Lifestyle of Young Wall Street: 5 Banker Neighborhoods

Mod Note (Andy): #TBT, Originally posted on April, 2012

The New York City area is home to nearly 20 million people and 20 trillion cockroaches living together in blissful harmony. Well over 1 million people alone are packed into the 23 square miles that make up the island of Manhattan. New York is known for high rents, high couture, and of course – high finance. Every summer, waves of newly-minted investment bankers descend upon the city, snapping up apartments left and right in several of the many neighborhoods and areas in proximity to Wall Street.

Let’s take a walk down NYC’s East Side and survey the typical mistmaker lifestyle in a few of the City’s most banker-heavy nabes:

Convert Your Summer Internship Into a Full-Time Offer

As a former summer/fulltime investment banking analyst, I’ve seen a few waves of Ivy League migrant workers come through New York.

A few tips for success for the upcoming crop of summer analysts who will be sweating it out on Wall Street:

  1. Don’t be afraid to say no

    Summer analyst staffings are largely opportunistic. Nobody expects you to know much or do more than the very basics (and even then, your work will be checked). So don’t try to be a hero and accept every request that comes your way – always keep in mind that the quality of your work is far more important than the perceived quantity.

We Are The Street: USA for Wall Street

There comes a time when we heed a certain call
When The Street must come together as one
There are layoffs happ’ning
And it’s time to lend a hand to bankers
The greatest gifts of all…

Deep in the throes of wintertime, I tend to listen to my iPod on shuffle mode more often. Maybe it’s because my Beats by Dre headphones double as cozy earmuffs. Maybe it’s because my eardrums are liable to spontaneously collapse if I am subjected to a minute more of Christmas music. Maybe it’s because my taste in music is so terrible I can’t fully appreciate the lyrical genius of Beauty and the Beat. Regardless, beyond the immortal Michael Jackson (RIP), trusty ol’ shuffle usually pumps out some inspiring, introspective tunes – and they often relate to my thoughts about Wall Street.

We can’t go on pretending day by day
That someone, somehow will soon make a change
We are all a part of The Beard’s great big family
And the truth, you know
Liquidity is all we need

You see, when you’re a young banker, the lines between your worklife and lifework can get blurry. And in these tough times, it’s especially difficult for those outside the Wall Street bubble to really understand what our lives are like. For some, life is more easily expressed through song, so I put together this shuffle-inspired playlist to help your mom better understand the nature of your work.


Interns

Timeline of an Investment Banking Analyst, Year 1

August

Training’s over, and you’ve just hit the new group. You’re getting to know your bullpen-mates and you’ve picked up a few bullshit staffings. You’re settled into your new apartment in Murray Hill (no roaches yet!) and you’re loving the nightlife in NYC. You head out to the bars with your newfound work bros on Thursdays for happy hour. Life is good, and Joshua Tree fuckin rocks.

September

After Labor Day, things start to pick up a bit...

What Does Your Drink Say About You? Part II

mod note (Andy) see part one here

The breeze is brisk, the Starbucks cups are red, and the sidewalks of New York City are crowded body-to-body with packs of overweight tourists and kids on leashes. With football season in full swing and the winter doldrums looming large, summer days spent slamming beers at The Standard beer garden are but a distant memory. The holiday season is upon us, and while investment banking analysts across Wall Street are girding for a fiscal cliff-induced Christmas deal staffing special, a hint of holiday cheer hangs around the bullpen. That’s because around this time of year, junior investment bankers celebrate a Wall Street tradition as hallowed as the almighty 100-page Strategic Alternatives pitch. Monkeys rejoice – it’s Holiday Party season.

Don't Ask An Investment Banker What They Do

When you’re meeting new people, even in casual social situations, the topic of work is never far off. Maybe this is a general commentary on The Texting Generation’s lacking conversation skills, but I always find myself getting asked about my work shortly after being introduced to someone.

    “Sooo… what do you do?”

It's a question I never want to answer...

REVEALED! Wall Street CEO Facebook Convo

WSO EXCLUSIVE: Titans of Wall Street caught in candid conversation on Facebook! Read on below and after the break:

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