Private Grade Schools & Highschools

As I get older and as my siblings get older and have kids, I've noticed that we've been talking more and more about schools (mainly grade school & highschool) -- e.g. what area to live in based on schools, public vs. private, cost of schools, etc. It's pretty clear that many people on this site come from more privileged upbringings and likely attended elite private grade schools & high schools.

I'd be interested in hearing about everyone's experiences going to private grade school and high schools. For example, what were the students like (spoiled or normal), how competitive were the students academically, was there a lot of drug use, what are the main benefits (e.g. how it helped for college admissions, network), main difference between public schools (e.g. caliber of students, faculty, resources, etc), how were the sports, overall impressions, etc?

Please let's not turn this into a discussion about public vs. private and whether the cost is worth it. I'm just curious about hearing about actual experiences at these schools from the people who attended. Thanks.

 

I went to a private HS, but I wouldn't say it was elite. Most of the kids came from poorer areas, and were able to afford the tuition through some sort of government program. As far as academic competitiveness goes, the overwhelming majority went into the trades or to community college, with some not getting any higher education and some (including me) going to university, though typically state schools. I was able to go to a decent midwestern public and one of the students went to UCLA.

4/20 might as well have been a federal holiday at my school, and our sports were subpar. I was on the varsity soccer team my junior and senior years; my junior we won two games (both against the Jewish High School) and my senior year we lost every single game. Our basketball team was much better - IIRC one of the players got looked at by Stanford, but then did something stupid and lost their attention.

I unfortunately spent a lot of time during my HS years trying to conform, which left me unhappy and had an impact on my first few semesters in college. I only recently realized that if I am happy with who I am and I do not try to change it or be something I'm not, people will like me a lot more. Hopefully this realization will help a fellow monkey out there.

 

I can probably answer this. I went to a public high school and my brother went to a private school. Reality is, you dont really lose much one way or the other, IMO. I have great and successful public school friends (Me, IBanker, Doctor and Healtcare consultant) and my brother does too.

Where you live determines what environment the public school your kid goes to will have. Similarly, your private school will be determined by academic achievement, finances, etc. Either way, at least in my experience, it shakes out pretty evenly.

If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford
 

I think it really depends on the school, and how your kids react to the environment at it. I think it did hurt my social intelligence, or at least my social development, but mostly because of how I reacted to the environment. Doing homework instead of drugs was actually considered rebellious at my school. I'd rather not go into more detail in the comments, pm me if you're interested.

 

I laughed at both of these first 2 responses... so far, weed seems to be the common theme?

@danin650 - I couldn't help but laugh at your soccer team stats...

@45c345 - interesting experience you're having. Is this is pretty expensive school you're at? Do a lot of these people, even though they don't care about grades, still somehow end up at good colleges (e.g. one of their parents are a legacy at a good school and they and rich)? Why is it that your school is so liberal? I'd think it'd be the opposite at these kind of places.

 

From this years senior class of 60, two are going to Stanford, two to MIT, and one to Princeton. Three of the five are smart, but one MIT kid only got in because his dad is a physics professor there and one Stanford kid is there because he's 7' and can dunk. He needs a 3.5 there to play, and he scraped by with a 2.9 here, so he might lose that seat. It's a pretty significant drop off after those five. My school is hard pressed about STEM and "progressive" teaching methods. Regarding weed, kids will literally sit in the back of class and hide a vape in their hoodie sleeve, only to pull it out when the teacher looks away to write on the board. It's also pretty funny how many kids buy vodka from seniors and keep handles in their backpack. Why liberal? Who knows. I think it's derived from the sufficient amount of economically disadvantaged and inter city kids who are here to play basketball and soccer, both of which have been undefeated for the past few years. There are still some very conservative families, all of which are definitely more affluent and involved in politics or sports team ownership. Tuition costs are high for a day school, and went up to 42.5K for the 2014-2015 year. To conclude, some private schools are a joke, and some are worth the rigor. I just thought I'd update my words.

 
Best Response

The school you send them to is almost irrelevant. The major factor in determining if your kids will do well is YOU. Let me repeat that: THE CHOICE OF SCHOOL IS VIRTUALLY IRRELEVANT.

So what matters? Stability at home and engagement from the parents is far and away the predictor in academic success. Everything else: the curriculum, the teaching method, location, quality of teachers, etc etc etc almost don't matter. This is proven in studies over and over and somehow people think this is debateable.

I've been through every type: public school, boarding school, Catholic school, an elite monastic school, homeschool, and self instruction. The only time my grades took a beating was when a parent died and I was forced to fend for myself and my siblings. Before that though, I was straight A (straight A+ in some years actually) and I attribute it to having a good family to back me up. Now that I'm on my own as an adult, obviously being disciplined is a factor in my studying, but for kids....YOU are the deciding factor.

As for acceptance to good colleges, friends were accepted to Ivy League schools from public, catholic, and private high schools. One kid really is a genius who applies themself, but the rest have the full support of their family.

When America realizes this, the whole bullshit debate of teaching methedologies, common core, No Child Left Behind, etc etc etc will fade into complete irrelevance. Until then, I'm telling you what works.

Get busy living
 
UFOinsider:

The school you send them to is almost irrelevant. The major factor in determining if your kids will do well is YOU. Let me repeat that: THE CHOICE OF SCHOOL IS VIRTUALLY IRRELEVANT.

So what matters? Stability at home and engagement from the parents is far and away the predictor in academic success. Everything else: the curriculum, the teaching method, location, quality of teachers, etc etc etc almost don't matter. This is proven in studies over and over and somehow people think this is debateable.

I've been through every type: public school, boarding school, Catholic school, an elite monastic school, homeschool, and self instruction. The only time my grades took a beating was when a parent died and I was forced to fend for myself and my siblings. Before that though, I was straight A (straight A+ in some years actually) and I attribute it to having a good family to back me up. Now that I'm on my own as an adult, obviously being disciplined is a factor in my studying, but for kids....YOU are the deciding factor.

As for acceptance to good colleges, friends were accepted to Ivy League schools from public, catholic, and private high schools. One kid really is a genius who applies themself, but the rest have the full support of their family.

When America realizes this, the whole bullshit debate of teaching methedologies, common core, No Child Left Behind, etc etc etc will fade into complete irrelevance. Until then, I'm telling you what works.

Studies have shown that a child's peer group is far more influential than even his/her parents.

 

@UFOinsider -- Appreciate your perspective, and I fully agree that a lot of the responsibility for the child's success is a result of good parenting. However, I'm not looking to debate public vs private school. Rather, I'm just interested in hearing about various experiences from people who went to these elite private grade schools or highschools. Basically, I'm just curious to know what it was like going to these schools.

 

I can probably give you some perspective - I went to Phillips Academy ("Andover") and my mom is now head of school at Deerfield.

My background - went to public school through 8th grade, Williams for college, IB for 2yrs, PE for 4, MBA wharton, now run WSO full time.

My opinion: I agree primarily with what UFO said. The outcome of where you end up is largely based on your parents and who you associate with and the kids personality. I was basically a nerd that enjoyed sports - played varsity soccer and squash in hs, varsity squash at williams.

The pros of Andover: while it's hard for me to compare or guess how it would have been different, I think the main difference is workload and expectations. At Andover, I had on average 4-6hrs of homework every night and it made you grow up fast and learn how to manage my time (HS has a lot more class time than college, so it made college easy by comparison...we even had classes on some Saturdays when i was there back in 1994-1998).

That's not to say if I went to public school that I wouldnt have worked really hard and still hung out with the nerds, just that at Andover, that was maybe more normal? All of my friends were brilliant and made me realize that I had to work extra hard to be able to compete.

I probably would have been fine going to public school, but I think for my inner nerd, Andover was a good place for me. Note, a few of my friends that did well still curse the place because I think when they were going through it, they were more miserable. It's not easy to be thrown to the sharks and given that much work when you're 14. I have a very passive / calm personality so when I saw everyone working harder, I just assumed that was normal...

Not good for every kid though...

 
WallStreetOasis.com:

I can probably give you some perspective - I went to Phillips Academy ("Andover") and my mom is now head of school at Deerfield.

My background - went to public school through 8th grade, Williams for college, IB for 2yrs, PE for 4, MBA wharton, now run WSO full time.

My opinion: I agree primarily with what UFO said. The outcome of where you end up is largely based on your parents and who you associate with and the kids personality. I was basically a nerd that enjoyed sports - played varsity soccer and squash in hs, varsity squash at williams.

The pros of Andover: while it's hard for me to compare or guess how it would have been different, I think the main difference is workload and expectations. At Andover, I had on average 4-6hrs of homework every night and it made you grow up fast and learn how to manage my time (HS has a lot more class time than college, so it made college easy by comparison...we even had classes on some Saturdays when i was there back in 1994-1998).

That's not to say if I went to public school that I wouldnt have worked really hard and still hung out with the nerds, just that at Andover, that was maybe more normal? All of my friends were brilliant and made me realize that I had to work extra hard to be able to compete.

I probably would have been fine going to public school, but I think for my inner nerd, Andover was a good place for me. Note, a few of my friends that did well still curse the place because I think when they were going through it, they were more miserable. It's not easy to be thrown to the sharks and given that much work when you're 14. I have a very passive / calm personality so when I saw everyone working harder, I just assumed that was normal...

Not good for every kid though...

Phillips Exeter Academy grad here. Our schools tend to have some healthy competition.
 

I went to public school up until college. I agree with UFOinsider, there are far more important factors than simply public vs. private. In my case, I lived in a super progressive college town (Big 10) in the Midwest, population over 100,000, high percentage of foreign born, regularly listed as one of the top 10 cities to live in etc.

For high school, I attended a magnate school that utilized an alternative curriculum and admission was done through a lottery system since there were far more applicants than spots available. Most of the kids obviously wanted to attend this school and therefore seemed to have far greater loyalty & respect for the school.

Most of my classmates' parents had Phds and were faculty or researchers at the local uni. I think this had a far greater effect on the school environment than anything else. My high school classmates were far more politically & academically engaged than many of my college classmates at the elite, East Coast, private college I attended.

 

Also went to boarding school in NE. Probably the best place to send your kids if you're looking for private schools. My school was more of a sports school (all, boys, I'm sure that narrows it down) and loved it. Best 4 years of my life. Here's why.

I had a different background. All throughout elementary and middle school I was constantly getting into trouble, sitting in the principle office etc. I played hockey, and our home rink was at the boarding school I would soon attend. My mom was walking our dog during a practice, met an admissions ambassador and was encouraged to come to open house. I was never even thinking about going to a private school, and neither were my parents.

After I was admitted, I knew I was given a fresh slate to start over. New friends, different atmosphere, different teachers. The one thing I noticed about boarding school (or at least mine) is that they do everything to encourage you to be yourself, and no one looks down on it. There are no "clicks" or random groups of assholes like in public school, and you really get to know everyone (given the size is ~400 kids) really well, especially since you have to play a sport all seasons. My school prides itself with the "brotherhood" and on the first day, they told me to look around and notice that some of the kids you are sitting next to will be your best man at your wedding, etc. and it's true.

Most schools (at least in the founders league, as far as I know) make you go to school on Saturdays. Wednesdays are half days, with sports after lunch. Saturdays are half days, with the same idea. You have morning meetings every morning where everyone comes together and announcements are made, the headmaster talks about the weekend etc. Every Sunday there is "Vespers" which brings the entire school together in the Chapel. Dinners are family-style sit down, and you need to get dressed up.

College-wise, its the schools main priority to place every student into college, whether its a community college or Ivy-league. I think, because you are "forced" to play sports and take an active role in the community, that you have a much better shot of getting into a higher-tier school than some of the kids in public school. You are molded to push yourself more, and explore more areas of interest you may not have known about by joining sports teams and clubs.

Drug use is highly penalized. I will say that of course, kids smoke weed. No doubt. I didn't know of any kids who did hard drugs, but if you're caught, you're thrown out. High price to pay for $50,000 tuition, which you don't get back. That did happen a few times. Our teachers live with us (usually under our rooms in the dorms) so they keep a close eye on things. I'd say less than 30% of the kids smoked weed, which is WAY less than the public high school I would have went to.

Students were normal. Like I said, we were a sports school. No one really cared about how much money daddy has in the bank. We were all forced to wear coat and tie every day, so everyone is relatively the same. You can't really tell who has money, but I'd say the majority of students do. No one really flaunts it though, because you really cant. The kid who's dad owns a major company might have a $600 hockey stick and wear brooks brothers, but that's really it. Shit no one really cares about or even notices.

Academically, students were pretty much average at my school. Lots of kids come to play hockey, and many go off to play at top colleges and join the AHL/NHL. Overall though, I'd say across all boarding schools, kids are relatively smart and very motivated. Most of them have parents who are very hard on them and push them to get good grades and get into a good college.

The main difference from public school is that private schools push you a lot harder, open you up to more opportunities and provide you with a network like a college that you can reach out to when looking for a job. I can't tell you how many times alumni from competing schools have come up to me when I'm wearing my school's jacket and introduced themselves.

They push you harder academically, with mandatory study halls and you can't really miss a class. The teachers know you by name, and meet your family to discuss how you are doing in class. The resources are all there - expensive lab equipment, up to date computers, some schools have trading rooms and the sports facilities are the best of the best. The network is great too. Most kids go to great colleges, and often end up at large companies or run their own businesses. They are very receptive to emails and calls (at least in my experience) and will do their best to get you a job if you're truly interested in their work.

The interesting thing about the faculty is that, at a private school, they are not required to get the teacher certification like public school teachers do. However, private schools are much more selective in choosing their faculty with the intention that they will be there long term and will make a difference. The faculty live with the kids, and coach the sports teams. Kids really get to know them and in many ways, they become a mentor to the students.

Sports-wise, as I said, it depends what school you go to. Some schools don't put a huge emphasis on sports but more on academics. Those schools attract smarter students, but those students often don't join sports teams and just go there to get goods grades. Nothing wrong with that, but I think schools that attract more "social" and open students who have been involved with sports and clubs their whole life make a much more enjoyable community.

Overall, I would 100% recommend a private school. Your kids will be more motivated to work hard by those around them, be exposed to more activities and may even discover their passion early on. They will also have a better shot at getting into a good college and will always have that network to fall back on. Your kids will learn much more valuable life lessons, will be less prone to getting roped into the wrong group and will overall be better off. The boarding school mentality doesn't end when you graduate, it stays with you for life.

*EDIT: What UFOInsider says may be somewhat correct, but when you attend a public school, you are around students more than you are with your parents, right? Like he said, those around you are those who influence you. But you're not around your parents at school. You hang out with kids you think have something in common with and you become friends with them. A parent is not going to determine who you can and cannot be friends with. You choose who you associate yourself with. If you become friends with a group of kids who get in trouble for vandalizing equipment and you happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, your future is pretty much ruined.

At a private school, 99% of the kids are motivated and won't get you into trouble. Its the atmosphere that counts, and I think the argument here is that the atmosphere at a private institution is much like that of at home, minus your parents. They push you to work hard, be motivated and explore different things.

 
DickFuld:
Waymon3x6:

sitting in the principle office etc.

Waymon3x6:

There are no "clicks" or random groups of assholes like in public school

How is this education worth $50k per year?

Well I wrote an entire post about it. Maybe check it out?

EDIT: Thank you for the monkey shit. You must be one of those kids I was referring to in my post.

 

.....who determines the peer group? When a sibling started hanging out with the 'wrong crowd', my parents pulled them out of that school and found something more suitable. Within that framework, peers have a big influence, but the parents are (well, should be) the ones overseeing things until the kids get old enough to make their own decisions.

As far as environment: public school had less emphasis on academics and I felt isolated in that regard but I was also free to 'do my own thing' to a greater extent. Catholic and private schools were about the same, but the private school placed less emphasis on dress code, rules etc and more emphasis on starting to think about a career. The seminary was a rigid and tough environment but everyone wanted to be there, so moralle was very high. I had my best performance in that environment and skipped two grades when I left and I wish I hadn't left. Home/self study is overated and I was lonely but I did read several hundred books those years.

Knowing what I know now, I'll put my kids wherever the other kids come from good families and the culture intrinsically looks beyond minimum standards rules to really cultivate the youth. So, if the local public school is in a good neighborhood, I'd go with that and if I have to ship them to a Catholic/private school, then so be it. High school, I'd do boarding school if I can afford it. They really weed out the losers a lot better and there's less peer pressure to slack off. Plus, they have more interesting activities and more focus on the future. I would give them the option to try a very intense seminary type school if they want, but I'd never force someone to go into such an intense environment if they didn't want to. Homeschooling is a last option. They do spend more time studying but lag in social development. I'm only speaking for my own preferences based on my own experience, take from this whatever is useful to you. One note on seminaries: there's no standarization. You look at the order running it and their core mission, and have to get to know people personally to learn about them. The order teaching my school was a very small sect that answered directly to the Pope, so they took their responsibility very seriously, but other orders (Franciscans, Dominicans) may be different, I don't know. The Legionaires of Christ are pretty well regarded, or were, but again, I have no first hand experience.

Get busy living
 

Pinkerton Academy in Derry NH.. Astros. The football team won the state championship all 4 years I went there, they are in the finals again this year.... Nasty football. Lacrosse. I was a member of the team there. We also won the state title 3 years in a row. We have had a plethora of lax recruits go on to TOP D1 lax programs (Hopkins, Hobart). The school is steeped in tradition, and is semi private. Good curriculum and nice professors. They push you hard and prepare you for university. Overall great school. The town sucks and is dirty though.....

I hope this is better than the last batch of shit you gave me. Produced more wood than Ron Jeremy. I don't want you to yell, "Reco!" anymore. Know what you should yell? "Timber!" Yeah, Mr. Fuckin' wood.
 

@Waymon3x6 @WallStreetOasis.com @CFACandidateLevel1

How competitive is it to be admitted to schools like Andover, Deerfield, Exeter? Is it about who you know, who your parents are, random selection, do you need to take a test, etc? Thanks.

 
Poff:

@Waymon3x6
@WallStreetOasis.com
@CFACandidateLevel1

How competitive is it to be admitted to schools like Andover, Deerfield, Exeter? Is it about who you know, who your parents are, random selection, do you need to take a test, etc? Thanks.

It is challenging. I did not go to one of those 3, but if you look at the admission statistics, your child will need to have, if I remember correctly, a high SSAT score and great extra curricular activities. It's kind of like college admissions. They look at your grades from middle school, what sports and activities you're in and if you have a family member who attended the program. If you have a family member who attended one of those schools, it makes it infinitely easier (although still not a guarantee).

Check out this website, it should answer a lot of your questions.

http://www.boardingschoolreview.com/school_ov/school_id/5

I went for an interview and shadowed a student/stayed overnight. I had average SSAT scores, and slightly above average grades in middle school. In the interview, I remember telling them how I have been playing hockey here since I was 3 years old, and that this school is the perfect fit for me and was my first choice.

But overall, to go to one of those Ive-League feeder schools, your kid needs to be a hard worker, stellar athlete, you need to know someone in admissions or have a family member who went.

 

I went to a public high school in CT. Typically at least 10 kids in each class go to elite schools. Usually at least one to Yale every year, maybe one to Harvard, a few to Princeton, MIT, etc. And my town is not even affluent for Connecticut. There's a decent amount of drinking and partying going on in the high school. Resources were adequate. Definitely a good amount of options as far as AP classes. We were also near a few private schools (e.g. Choate). The thing is that a few of the wealthier kids in middle school would have the opportunity to go to Choate and yet being in the top 10 of the class at the public high school gives the same options without having to pay Choate tuition. Also the kids I knew that went to Choate in my grade for some reason all ended up at GWU or NYU. I don't know why.

 

My experience... I spent time at both a DC-area private school in MD and a super high school in the area. I loved my time at both. There were some brilliant teachers at both, but the ratio of good to average was much higher at the private than at the public; more of the teachers at the private were truly dedicated to their subjects. One in particular was superb; I remember coming home from college and seeing that teacher's class in action one day when I was visiting the school. I was taking a class in the subject matter in college and that high school class looked like a doctorate level class compared to the class I was taking in college. We also knew the principal well at the private school, and it also went the other way; it was common to greet each other by name and have the principal follow up with, "and how was the soccer game?" or something similar that was specific to you. Speaking of soccer, everybody did sports, which is pretty much a given at most private schools, though you could get around it by doing "physical activities" like yoga.

Kids were a mix at both schools. There was a higher ratio of kids who were there because they wanted to be at the private, but there was also a great group of smart, good kids at the public. Some party-type/slacker kids were obviously at the private as well, but they usually left by senior year or if they stayed, they were the smart-but-extremely-unmotivated type. The private school kids seemed to handle a big workload in stride, though, whereas there was a bit more whining at the public school, and college stress really showed there (this wasn't really the case at my private school). In terms of college, more people went on to liberal arts school and top-ranked private schools (and their international equivalents) at the private, but the public school also fared well: lots of athletes at the Ivies, a number of kids going to MIT/Stanford/Penn Wharton on their own merit, and a solid portion going to the local in-state publics, which are very well-ranked.

The facilities were much nicer at the private school, though the public school had a lovely building as well, which, as of late, is extremely overcrowded.

Thurnis Haley:

I went to a public high school in CT. Typically at least 10 kids in each class go to elite schools. Usually at least one to Yale every year, maybe one to Harvard, a few to Princeton, MIT, etc. And my town is not even affluent for Connecticut. There's a decent amount of drinking and partying going on in the high school. Resources were adequate. Definitely a good amount of options as far as AP classes. We were also near a few private schools (e.g. Choate). The thing is that a few of the wealthier kids in middle school would have the opportunity to go to Choate and yet being in the top 10 of the class at the public high school gives the same options without having to pay Choate tuition. Also the kids I knew that went to Choate in my grade for some reason all ended up at GWU or NYU. I don't know why.

I know a few Choate kids and a large number of them ARE at GWU, of all places. I'm sure there are a lot of interesting and genuinely nice people at Choate, but those that ended up in Foggy Bottom are an odd group, to say the least.

 

Depends on the private school and it's record.Probably 15% of my graduating class went to Ivies, another 20-30% went to top 50 schools/top LACs, and almost nobody went to a school out of the top 100 national universities per USNWR. At least that I know of.

Sports did well, top level soccer, lax, hockey. Other sports were decent, all programs were somewhat solid.

Resources were exceptional. Grounds are well-kept and they upgrade buildings/tech as needed (or even more regularly).

Price range was ~$15-25k. Mountain states region. Faculty-student ratio of ~10-15:1.

Some students were into drugs, I'd say a good number at least tried them. Parties were rich kid parties. Nobody smoking crack/meth. Some weed smoking, coke blowing, mostly alcohol. Kids were smart and parties usually took place on larger properties in a nice part of town, so VERY rare to hear about people running from the police.

There were douchey kids, but for the most part nobody was particularly bad that I remember. I wasn't a popular kid by any means and I never really had any trouble.

The public school in the area is exceptional, though. If you're a top performer there you can get into a great college, you're just competing with 2,000+ other kids.

"You stop being an asshole when it sucks to be you." -IlliniProgrammer "Your grammar made me wish I'd been aborted." -happypantsmcgee
 

I agree with @"happypantsmcgee", academic success is more directly correlated with quality of parenting than quality of schooling. Freakonomics discusses this.

"He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man." ― William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing
 

I think it depends on where you live 100%. I lived in an upper-middle class town in MA and our public schools were known as some of the best in the country. Only a handful of kids went to private HS from my town, and it was only because they were accepted to Phillips/Deerfield/Milton/Groton. Going to a private school was not necessary because the quality of teachers we attracted at our public HS. Hell, I graduated 250/340 in my class and I was able to get into a top 40 university (although I transferred after my first year).

If I didn't grow up in a nice suburban town in New England, I can 100% guarantee that my parents would have sent me to a private/boarding school. I think it really just comes down to where you live, whether your child has a very bright future in a sport, and whether or not your child may need a fresh start at a new school.

 

I went to a private middle school in another country on a music scholarship and I hated it. I didn't find that the other students were very driven and it was really bitchy and very cliquey.

I then went to a top magnet school (again, in another country) and it was so much better for me. It was a lot more entrepreneurial and a lot more down to earth. The students were a lot smarter because it generally took the top students from my home city and people were driven. I'm a pretty motivated person so I thrived on the energy, the possibilities and the competition. There wasn't much support for students who were struggling with mental health or academic issues. But I think magnet schools are great options for driven students. I'm still a college student, but I'm happy I went to one over any of the private schools in my home country because I think it was better for my personality.

 

I went from private kindergarten/grade school to alternative middle school / ok-good public hs / decent state uni

my grandparents wouldve paid for private schooling but my parents wanted me to go to public school, they even let me pick my alternative middle school.

in the end i like how i turned out and where i'm at, so wouldnt change much. sometimes I wish I'd gone private my whole schooling (at least up to uni) - going from a small private grade school to urban alternative middle school scared the shit out of me (i was used to a nice 'comfy' atmosphere, but it made me tougher). things got better in hs but things were wayyyyyy too easy. didn't learn how to really study til college.

i may very well end up raising kids overseas in which case they'd probably be in private 'american' schools, i've met some super bright people that went to these schools, heard both pros and cons

if i were in the usa.... depends on the school district/$ if i would put my kids in public or private. in seattle for example, public school in the eastside are REALLY demanding and high quality (Issaquah for example), up to par with private schools, so I know a student can get a great education in the public school system.

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@kmzz - You could probably describe my education as one of those top CA public schools. It isn't one Thomas Jefferson (I think that's the one) that always places in the top 5 in the nation or whatever, but mine has been in the Time top 100 in the nation a while back.

I would say that I had the most amazing time in high school. My teachers were beyond amazing, some had their PhD's and had I not been so interested in finance for a future, I know I definitely would have gone into physics or chemistry as a major. That being said, of course you have the kids who just don't achieve and they don't get the push that you probably would with tiny classes sizes or the competition between students at privates. We also constantly placed a decent group of kids into the Ivies, but most ended up at places like USC, UCBerkeley, and UCLA.

I will say that my high school is in one of the best suburban cities in the nation which has a very good standard of living. Also, as UFO said earlier - just about everyone's parents were very involved in the education process and the school required a parent to come in for parent / advisor meetings each semester to plan and talk about issues for the student; whether it was with other kids or some of their teachers you could always talk.

My school didn't have the best sports teams when I was around, but there were years when we really did used to kill it - I think we are on the rise again right now with a solid group of guys heading through.

Overall, I would have to recommend a GOOD public school. You have to really look at where you are located and what the school systems are like there. Not just the high schools. If the elementary and middle schools are known to produce results and care about the kids (mine really did and my parents were often on a first name basis with some).

I think that there are times when I wish I went to a top boarding school for the overall networking effect you get as an alumni, but then again my time in high school was one of the best of my life so I have no regrets besides deciding to coast through for a while.

Good luck in your decision :)

...
 

Private grade school -> public HS -> top-tier university.

Honestly, the private grade school was an awesome environment to grow up in. Smaller, more restricted classes. Teachers gave you more 1v1 attention. My school also specialized in the language arts, so I was doing college-level sentence diagramming (Reed-Kellogg method) by grade 5 (and yes, I have used this on the job before). It was a good work-hard/play-hard environment, and I wouldn't have traded that for the world.

Public HS was awesome too, in an entirely different way. I'm glad I made the decision to switch out. More opportunity in terms of electives. You see drastically different people. I grew up in a very homogenized peer group (stereotypical WASP), and transferring out to the local HS gave me my first - literally - encounter with Mexicans, disadvantaged families, immigrants, special ed kids, etc. I had a really harsh readjustment period, but I really value the time I spent there - learned how to hone social skills that I wasn't able to flex in private school.

Top-tier university is another story entirely that's best for another thread.

Currently: future neurologist, current psychotherapist Previously: investor relations (top consulting firm), M&A consulting (Big 4), M&A banking (MM)
 

Did 2 years at public HS, and 2 years at a very academic east coast prep school.

Both schools top ranked nationally in academics, but the public school was much better at sports. Lots of money, boozing, and drug use at both, but easier to get away with at public school. The kids that failed would have failed regardless of which school they attended. Although the academics were strong at both schools, the small size of the classrooms and required study halls at prep school made it much, much easier to get good grades and study for SATs, even though the material was no different.

 

4 years public highschool,

we sent 20+ kids to Harvard despite almost losing our teaching license because students kept failing state exam standards . I'd say it's more important to look for opportunities outside of school. There were many corporations near by we sent highschool students ti do internships at F500s. I think one kid was basically working as a financial analyst with MSFT's. There were a lot of colleges nearby too so there were plenty of tutors and such. Also, colleges were walking distance from my school so it was very reasonable to take classes at night.

I took calc at 14, real analysis at 16 (usually a sophomore college class for fairly advanced math majors), despite not having the pre-reqs for either. I got a lot more exposure to rigorous thinking, not HS memorization bullshit, simply because it was available to me. Without the local opportunities, I would've been forced to go through the standard math curriculum, taking calc maybe 2-3 years later.

 

Currently at a top public university in Texas.

A lot of my friends are from the private all-boys schools in Houston and Dallas while I'm from a public school. Some easy observations are that the guys that come from these schools party just as hard as kids from public schools but are FAR MORE PREPARED for college than their public school counterparts. Also, being surrounded by only males all the time made them grow up fast and learn how to stick up for themselves and learn how to thrive in environments where shit talking is king.

Most of the kids from these schools end up going greek at the top universities in this state and they end up becoming very successful.

 

Just to elaborate on what Waymon3x6 said regarding faculty. Private school teachers do not need state certification to teach, but it is encouraged to become certified over time. I don't think this really matters, unless you need someone to interact with special needs kids or something more specialized. In the northeast, public school teachers are paid pretty well and have good pension, so I think best candidates generally try to work at public schools. Also, the pay at private schools is pretty low compared to public schools. My gf was briefly at one, and salary was probably up to 40% lower than a public school. Not to say high salary correlates with better teaching.

Anyways, with regards to students, I think it echoes what's been said. A lot of them seemed to have been there to focus on sports, but class sizes are smaller so perhaps that is an advantage.

 

I am from a twin cities area private high school. The students were definitely more competitive, as was the course load compared to public schools. The school had expectations beyond the classroom including strict penalties against drinking and what not. So only a few kids really partied hard. We also were dominate at sports, because we drew students from many towns.

For elite students I don't really think it matters as long as the public school is slightly above average, maybe a little for college admissions--but essentially elite students will do great anywhere as long as they take AP/ challenging classes at a public school. I personally think the average student is better off at a private school just because they will need to develop good study habits.

It's all about bucks, kid. The rest is conversation. -Gordon Gekko
 

I agree with some of the comments on here. Especially those regarding the fact that when you are considering which schools to send your child, the choice is so much more about YOU and the environment you create for them at home.

Although I AM not a parent, I feel very fortunate to have been a part of the public school system. I definitely think that public school benefits you ( as it did me) from the standpoint that you are exposed to diversity from every angle...The administrators, faculty, staff, students and parents. You don't deal with a lot of the "politics" that exist in the system.

Personally, I come from a mixed background. I feel that having a mixed background allowed me to connect with literally every different race and class of people and on many different levels. It has spilled over into other areas of my life and I AM thankful for it. So I definitely plan to send my kids to Public School, unless I end up in an area where they are severely disadvantaged by the public school's ability to educate or provide quality facilities, athletics, programs, etc.

End of the day though its on the parent. Kind of a tough topic to debate, in my eyes, because there are so many factors that play into those decisions. I think if you have a single-parent household and parents aren't likely to have the time, money or resources to pass on to the kid then public school can be a tougher task to get through. Parents or anyone thinking about making decisions on where to live and send their kids to school need to understand their situation first and how it might propel or inhibit their ability to influence their kids.

 

I went to public school my whole life. Always had top grades as that was expected of me by my parents because I was capable of them.

My HS was one of the top public schools in the nation with a special tech program. Extremely competitive, 4-6 hours homework / night. Graduating class of ~500. Half the kids were in the magnet program. Placed lots of kids into TOP schools. I was ranked around ~50th percentile in my school and still got into some regional targets.

College was a breeze compared to HS. I went to a private university where lots of the kids had gone to private schools. I ran circles around these kids academically, but they were able to get into colleges much easier because their schools were focused on getting them into college. My school was focused on getting top national rankings and test scores...which usually just f*cked the students over in terms of college admissions. It made me a test taking machine though.

Lots of drug problems at both public and private from my knowledge. Sometimes worse on private because money isn't an issue and kids can afford more/ harder drugs. That's a parenting thing though. I think kids have a better chance at being in a good crowd at private schools.

 

I went to a top public high school in NYC. I say 'top' very loosely because it actually means normal in an average American family standards. Anything that is below the 'top' schools are deemed as a failing school by Bush's No Child Left Behind Act. Since I grew up in a community in Brooklyn that had a high concentration of immigrant Asians, that culture itself kept my peer group strong and kept my grades up and brought me to college even though it was a non-target.

Regardless of the diversity and all that urban city lifestyle nonsense, the crime, the lack of motivation from students, and self-segregation is not worth the experience. I had to commute to East New York for high school. There was a street crossing that was notorious for homicides and robberies two blocks away from school. I had a craving for french fries one morning, so I decided to cut my English class and go to McDonald's. When I got out of the McDonald's I was immediately robbed of my french fries that I held on my right hand and the dude didn't rob my change or even the iPod that I had holding on my left.

The students in my high school who had the highest scores were almost all Asian, and were placed well into Ivy leagues. However, I think their lack of street smarts and lack of sophistication are holding them back as they have trouble getting into relationships and developing meaningful friendships. Regardless, if I were to raise children, I would definitely move out of the inner city and pour blood, sweat, and tears to get them into boarding school.

 

The quality of public education really ranges considerably. I went to a ghetto public school where 1/3rd of the graduates went to community college. I wouldn't recommend that experience to anyone from an academic or from a social perspective.

I believe very strongly that your environment plays an enormous role in molding you as a person. Even if you doubt the extent that your classmates change you, there's no question that you have a better network coming from a good school. As a personal anecdote, one of my friends who went to a good public high school worked at two startups after graduating college, both of which were founded by friends of his from high school. They're doing extremely well. Can't think of anyone from my high school who really amounted to much.

 

Private hs here. Third of the grade got over 99% on sat and were big drug users. It's a double edged sword. Most of my friends will probably be succesful but live wild lives... It's hard to say which is better. I will say that being around those people has pushed us much further... Working IBD hours in hs.... Ya studying till 2/3 and waking up at 6. After hs, collee was a joke... If I had to do it over, I wouldn't change it .

 
realestate101:

Private hs here. Third of the grade got over 99% on sat and were big drug users. It's a double edged sword. Most of my friends will probably be succesful but live wild lives... It's hard to say which is better. I will say that being around those people has pushed us much further... Working IBD hours in hs.... Ya studying till 2/3 and waking up at 6. After hs, collee was a joke... If I had to do it over, I wouldn't change it .

Drug culture in private school; that's surprising.

"He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man." ― William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing
 

I went to a private, all-guys high school. You know how it was "cool" to not try in public school? You were actually looked down upon and considered an idiot if you didn't focus on academics. That atmosphere really molded me. It wasn't an aggressive environment, but if you got a bad grade on your test, your buddies would basically give you the "come on man, you can do better." It was an awesome environment because everyone around you was striving to be the best, and if you weren't, you were left behind.

 

I've attended a few different types of high schools I went to a private international school, a private conservative evangelical Christian school, and also a private Episcopalian school.

International School-extremely high caliber academics, especially in mathematics and music. Average math SAT score was over 700--I scored well over 700 and did not do very well in my mathematics courses. There were many students who were competitive in contests such as the AMC. My father, who has a PhD. in a math heavy field from a top university, thought my problem sets were "difficult". Not as rigorous in humanities due to English not being many students first language. Cheating was a big problem. Top students went to ivies, average students went to top state schools, and bottom students went to crappy expensive private schools. Many kids now in IBD, consulting, top engineering firms, or top medical schools. Even seemingly mediocre students are now doing well for themselves. Some slackers go back and work for daddy or daddy's friends, but hey, that's how it goes.

Socially, there was plenty of smoking, drinking, and drug use. Many kids were from prominent business families--some apparently rich enough to donate millions of dollars to elite universities so their slacker sons and daughters could get in.

Conservative Christian School-Very poor academically in my opinion, though in reality, this is probably how an average American high school is academically. A few good students, but the coursework lacked rigor, especially in mathematics and science (creationism, anyone?). Teachers were not very smart at all. Some very sheltered Christian kids and some rebels as well. Expectation was that students would go to colleges affiliated with the Church or to regional state colleges. Maybe 1 student every year would get into an elite university. I would not recommend at all.

Private Episcopal School-Solid academics, especially in the humanities. Less rigorous in mathematics and science, but still quite good. Very liberal atmosphere. Great teachers. Homogeneous student body. Opportunity to get involved with a diverse array of extracurricular activities. You can try anything. Stellar support system for college admissions--they do a great job of this. Top students go on to top schools, with top LAC's being especially popular.

Lots of smoking, drinking, and drug use among students. Wealthy kids, though not quite as wealthy as some in the international community. Sons and daughters of locally influential politicians and business people.

 

You guys want to hear from someone who attended both a ghetto school and later a top 50? Here it is. Peer group DEFINITELY has an influence - i agree with all the stuff about peer groups in here.

PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL #1: I was a punk-ass kid from 9-10th grade in the DC area. Hung out with the wrong crowd. I lived in an upper middle-class community. The catch? Our neighborhood was drawn in to share a high school with the neighboring 'ghetto' community. The legit rich kids dared not act rich, and the poor kids faked being rich with all their bling, $200 Airforce One basketball shoes, and gold teeth.There were 3 main groups at my high school: The polo shirt-wearing "preps", the goths/skater kids, and the ghetto thugs. It was literally a 3:3:3 split. Graduating class had 800. Everyday at lunch the cafeteria would explode into everyone standing up and yelling "ohhhhh! ohhhhhh!" as 2 or more thugs got into a fist fight. Despite my parents' nonstop protests to get me to become a "normal kid" i instead rebelled and hung out with the kids who wore all black. I learned to skateboard, played guitar, was in a punk rock band, acquired a liking to industrial and goth rock, had hundreds of CDS with artist names like Kompressor, Slipknot, Blackburner, Marliyn Manson, AFI, Nine Inch Nails, etc... I wore studded wrist bands in the summer and a black trench coat in the winter. I thought it was cool. On my Myspace blog, I made fun of the "teenie bopper kids" and the polo shit-wearing "preppies." (where, after some sort of existential crisis later, realized they were, in fact, the normal ones and i was the weird one) My friends all smoked cigs and a few reportedly did weed. I never did any of it - and sometimes got labeled a "goodie goodie" / "poser". I've gotten my head slammed into my own locker before by some thug I never even met. His reason? "Sorry bro, just needed target practice before my fight this afternoon." If you got A's, you were made fun of. Once I got some brain teaser right, the girl next to me turned and said "EWWW, YOURE SMART" (and totally not in the flirty/admiring way). Once I got the shit kicked out of me in the gym locker room for defending a kid who once helped me on my homework. He was getting made fun of, for going naked and using the shower after gym class (using the school shower meant you were a fking loser). Later that year I took the PSAT. Half the time I was poking the chick in front of me with my foot (was a friend I flirted all the time with). I almost got thrown out of the testing room for cracking up in the middle of the exam about something stupid. Results came back: 450 math, 400 verbal. HORRIBLE. Anyhow, one day my parents let me have one of their old computers - the one with Microsoft Visual C++ installed (they were execs at a DC tech company). My stoner friend and I thought it was "cool as shit" at the time and started flippin through some books and after a few weeks, taught ourselves to program, and made a morbidly "horror" video game about killing zombies and solving a murder mystery. My parents happily saw my potential and, after meeting several of my troublemaking friends, and got me the fk outta there.

PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL #2: My mom dished out AT LEAST 50k altogether, to rent an apartment and relocate me to another school district. This one ended up being a national top 50 public school that year on US News. Graduating class was 760. School was mostly middle class, with about 30% being upper middle class (I remember the kid next to me in AP Calc - his father was a VP at Booz Allen and mom was prof at Georgetown). With the exception of maybe 50 kids out of 760, no one else here wore all black, no thugs, no one wore their jeans hanging below their knees, no fights, etc.. In order to "fit in" immediately got a new closet - started wearing polo shirts, brighter colors, stopped spiking my hair, etc... I stopped feeling ashamed of "being smart" or getting A's. Even though the guys were pretty chill and girls were hot, most people here were deep down nerds. It was awesome. Half our AP teachers pushed us to the limit. Only about 3-4 kids in those classes were given A's. The other half of our AP classes - we sat around and did JACKSHIT. Half the class were handed A's for no reason. In one AP class we watched Chronicles of Narnia, then The Matrix, then Titanic -- all in one week. Our entire grade was to be determined by a 22-page final semester research paper. As we watched movies, the teacher sat behind his desk and used the time to write his thesis for his PhD. Another teacher did something similar as well: Got us to do nothing in class, handed out A's, and did his own Masters homework. It was both awesome and ridiculous at the same time. On hindsight, I wish they used that time to teach us something. Anyway, SATs came that year - took it twice. Both times my score was in 97th percentile - a huge boost compared to my PSATs. The nerdy atmosphere pushed me to be better than my classmates, academically, instead of trying to look cool like in the prev school. I joined a shit load of clubs. Founded another 2. Won a shit load of essay and debate awards. Did lots of research. I was finally at home. All my peers were people I enjoyed being around. They all pushed me to Excel. They made me feel "cool" about getting A's and being a good student. I finally got my shit together and graduated to have the best college acceptances in my entire graduating class (UPenn, Cambridge, Georgetown, Columbia). Despite the fact that so many of my smart friends also qualified, no one else from my school made Ivy League that year. The next highest was Carnegie Mellon. This was all published in the school newspaper under "Senior Destinations". 43 admits to UVA. 2 to CMU. 50+ to Virginia Tech. 50+ to George Mason Univ. 1 to USC. 1 to BU. And the rest are all evenly spread out across the US. Our valedictorian did shitty on her SATs and ended up at Virginia Commonwealth Univ. This, I believe, is probably the only disadvantage my public school had over the private elites like Andover -- the Ivies seemed to have quotas for students coming from most public schools (except for nearby magnet Thomas Jefferson High).

MORAL OF THE STORY: PEER GROUP DEFINITELY MATTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Moreso than public vs private. The elite privates have similar academically-focused peer groups like my 2nd high school but many of the non-elite privates are just partying rich kids which are no good to someone who actually has dreams.

 
ArrestHellaryClinton:

You guys want to hear from someone who attended both a ghetto school and later a top 50? Here it is. Peer group DEFINITELY has an influence - i agree with all the stuff about peer groups in here.

PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL #1:
I was a punk-ass kid from 9-10th grade in the DC area. Hung out with the wrong crowd. I lived in an upper middle-class community. The catch? Our neighborhood was drawn in to share a high school with the neighboring 'ghetto' community. The legit rich kids dared not act rich, and the poor kids faked being rich with all their bling, $200 Airforce One basketball shoes, and gold teeth.There were 3 main groups at my high school: The polo shirt-wearing "preps", the goths/skater kids, and the ghetto thugs. It was literally a 3:3:3 split. Graduating class had 800. Everyday at lunch the cafeteria would explode into everyone standing up and yelling "ohhhhh! ohhhhhh!" as 2 or more thugs got into a fist fight. Despite my parents' nonstop protests to get me to become a "normal kid" i instead rebelled and hung out with the kids who wore all black. I learned to skateboard, played guitar, was in a punk rock band, acquired a liking to industrial and goth rock, had hundreds of CDS with artist names like Kompressor, Slipknot, Blackburner, Marliyn Manson, AFI, Nine Inch Nails, etc... I wore studded wrist bands in the summer and a black trench coat in the winter. I thought it was cool. On my Myspace blog, I made fun of the "teenie bopper kids" and the polo shit-wearing "preppies." (where, after some sort of existential crisis later, realized they were, in fact, the normal ones and i was the weird one) My friends all smoked cigs and a few reportedly did weed. I never did any of it - and sometimes got labeled a "goodie goodie" / "poser". I've gotten my head slammed into my own locker before by some thug I never even met. His reason? "Sorry bro, just needed target practice before my fight this afternoon." If you got A's, you were made fun of. Once I got some brain teaser right, the girl next to me turned and said "EWWW, YOURE SMART" (and totally not in the flirty/admiring way). Once I got the shit kicked out of me in the gym locker room for defending a kid who once helped me on my homework. He was getting made fun of, for going naked and using the shower after gym class (using the school shower meant you were a f**king loser). Later that year I took the PSAT. Half the time I was poking the chick in front of me with my foot (was a friend I flirted all the time with). I almost got thrown out of the testing room for cracking up in the middle of the exam about something stupid. Results came back: 450 math, 400 verbal. HORRIBLE. Anyhow, one day my parents let me have one of their old computers - the one with Microsoft Visual C++ installed (they were execs at a DC tech company). My stoner friend and I thought it was "cool as shit" at the time and started flippin through some books and after a few weeks, taught ourselves to program, and made a morbidly "horror" video game about killing zombies and solving a murder mystery. My parents happily saw my potential and, after meeting several of my troublemaking friends, and got me the f**k outta there.

PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL #2:
My mom dished out AT LEAST 50k altogether, to rent an apartment and relocate me to another school district. This one ended up being a national top 50 public school that year on US News. Graduating class was 760. School was mostly middle class, with about 30% being upper middle class (I remember the kid next to me in AP Calc - his father was a VP at Booz Allen and mom was prof at Georgetown). With the exception of maybe 50 kids out of 760, no one else here wore all black, no thugs, no one wore their jeans hanging below their knees, no fights, etc.. In order to "fit in" immediately got a new closet - started wearing polo shirts, brighter colors, stopped spiking my hair, etc... I stopped feeling ashamed of "being smart" or getting A's. Even though the guys were pretty chill and girls were hot, most people here were deep down nerds. It was awesome. Half our AP teachers pushed us to the limit. Only about 3-4 kids in those classes were given A's. The other half of our AP classes - we sat around and did JACKSHIT. Half the class were handed A's for no reason. In one AP class we watched Chronicles of Narnia, then The Matrix, then Titanic -- all in one week. Our entire grade was to be determined by a 22-page final semester research paper. As we watched movies, the teacher sat behind his desk and used the time to write his thesis for his PhD. Another teacher did something similar as well: Got us to do nothing in class, handed out A's, and did his own Masters homework. It was both awesome and ridiculous at the same time. On hindsight, I wish they used that time to teach us something. Anyway, SATs came that year - took it twice. Both times my score was in 97th percentile - a huge boost compared to my PSATs. The nerdy atmosphere pushed me to be better than my classmates, academically, instead of trying to look cool like in the prev school. I joined a shit load of clubs. Founded another 2. Won a shit load of essay and debate awards. Did lots of research. I was finally at home. All my peers were people I enjoyed being around. They all pushed me to Excel. They made me feel "cool" about getting A's and being a good student. I finally got my shit together and graduated to have the best college acceptances in my entire graduating class (UPenn, Cambridge, Georgetown, Columbia).
Despite the fact that so many of my smart friends also qualified, no one else from my school made Ivy League that year. The next highest was Carnegie Mellon. This was all published in the school newspaper under "Senior Destinations". 43 admits to UVA. 2 to CMU. 50+ to Virginia Tech. 50+ to George Mason Univ. 1 to USC. 1 to BU. And the rest are all evenly spread out across the US. Our valedictorian did shitty on her SATs and ended up at Virginia Commonwealth Univ. This, I believe, is probably the only disadvantage my public school had over the private elites like Andover -- the Ivies seemed to have quotas for students coming from most public schools (except for nearby magnet Thomas Jefferson High).

MORAL OF THE STORY: PEER GROUP DEFINITELY MATTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Moreso than public vs private. The elite privates have similar academically-focused peer groups like my 2nd high school but many of the non-elite privates are just partying rich kids which are no good to someone who actually has dreams.

I went to a top 300 public school in the country. However, I still got stuck in the wrong crowd freshman and sophomore year. Junior year I distanced myself from them, but I still didn't put in work, mostly BC I didn't learn how to study from my previous years. Also it's hard to avoid those kids if you didn't get into AP classes from the start. You really gotta start early and get on the right track or it is really hard to pick yourself back up.
 

I was fortunate enough to spend several years at a private school, albeit north of the 49th. My recent reunion (25th) provided a few interesting observations.

First, if you are attending private school, the idea of university is a given, not really an optional thing. Most parents these days send the kids to the school looking for that advantage. In my day it was a mix of that and problem kids, or kids whose parents would rather pay someone else to look after them.

Second, the focus on university, seems to me to be somewhat misplaced. Boarding school is about the years after university. How you live. The habits you develop. The attitude you have. An education that is rounded with a physical component and a concept of service. The guys I know from the school are my best and most trusted friends. They are amongst the finest people I know. Why? Because of the things instilled in them above and beyond the academics. This line of thought is not common, but amongst my peer group considered the truth.

Third: Today that school is $50 GS for a boarder. They don't make money on that tuition, in fact that is the subsidized price with a kick in from the endowment fund. The question is at that price: does this school offer the same benefits and real value compared to a high quality public institution? I'm not convinced that it does today.

Every school is first and foremost a series of buildings. The values and traditions are a product of the the administration of the school and the students that go there. Find a school that meets your values whether it is private or public this is key.

The conversations I had with many old friends was telling. The things they remembered. Those moments that had meaning for them, that were cherished. The moments that transformed their lives. Not one mentioned an academic achievement. No one said getting into a top school. It was some small moment that happened with a group of people or through the guidance of deeply committed people who taught, coached, advised at the school. It was in a social situation, on a field in a gym. It was being challenged to overcome, to grow and to see the world in a different way.

I think that this, can be found at many different schools, not just private, high tuition institutions.

One "old boy", 20 years my senior and a good friend and mentor, told me that the school for him was about the pursuit of excellence. I think that point is what the school was (and may still be) in a nutshell. Excellence is a broad term, but what it doesn't mean is the most money, biggest house etc. It was always about the quality of the individual, and their actions. You were not just representing yourself when you went out into the world, but your family, your school.

In sum: find a school where the underlying values fit your own. University is a short part of life so focus on the school that provides a student with the right idea about life. The place that instills the building blocks for the years after schooling is complete. The pursuit of excellence and service.

Whether it is public, private or whatever, there is no price that can be placed on an institution that excels in these concepts. Any student, can benefit for a lifetime from this type mentorship and environment.

 

Went to Avon Old Farms, then a private school in Texas and now Lazard IBD LatAm and boy, prep school does prepare you in terms of discipline for some life aspects. However, it took me about 1-2 months to get used to curfews past 11pm in college.

It is definitely not for every kid - in my case, it was my decision to leave. Terrific experience, missed my family but it lets you grow a pair - mainly if it's an all-boys school..

Cheers

 

From my experience, private schools are way overrated. However, it may have been different for people who went to larger private schools.

Many kids that I knew who went to private schools were out of touch with reality. I think public schools are much better option because they ingratiate people from all different ethnic and socioeconomic backgrounds.

"He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man." ― William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing
 

I went to a private school in Fairfield county CT since middle school (Greenwich/Stamford/Darien), and a lot of my close friends went to boarding school at Choate/Suffield/Deerfeild and I can guarantee that it prepares extremely well for College. I can't speak for public school but I can say that the work ethic that it instills in you from a young age is very valuable. This comes from not only the academic rigor but as well athletics (if your into that, which at my school was a requirement because there were about 80 kids per class). But I also want to mention that in some towns, the public school system was almost just as good as the private school system. I know plenty of public school kids from the same county who went to just as good universities and have just as good work ethic.

Best benefit for me was network, (which almost 90% of the dads at my school worked on Wall St. Almost all MD's, SVP's, PMs, which was a HUGE plus for me). Academics were fairly competitive but it's high school its not that bad. Drug use? yes haha. and there will be some snooty kids but everyone is pretty normal. But normal is relative because some activities aren't necessarily normal for 99% of other high schoolers.

 

There are some enclaves with zero free lunch, all upper-middle class and above families with super involved type-A parents, making really terrific public schools. But sadly, those are few and far. Selective private day schools can be amazing. Elite boarding schools are just unreal. A couple of my college buddies went to top 5 boarding schools and they had this polish and aura and worldview that I always admired.

Few people who didn't attend boarding school "get" boarding school. I started to understand it after hanging with them. To use a Ferris line, if you have the means, I highly recommend it [selective boarding school].

 

Some of my friends go to top 50 private schools in the country in NJ. Their students place better for college (kids in the middle of the pack routinely go to schools like vandy wash u and emory while the top ten percent all go to ivies). But that may be just because they're all smart. If they were all in my public school they may have done just as well. They do less work and have more free time than kids at my top 500 nationally public school. I think private schools have a stronger sense of community that help the socially inept, but I don't think that's beneficial in the long run. I have a friend who regrets paying all that money and now has to take some debt for college.

"Truth is like poetry. And most people fucking hate poetry."
 

Did we go to a public vs. private HS? or do we believe one is a better opportunity than another?

To the former question: I went to a public HS (for the first reason given below).

To the latter question: -I think if you live in an upper-middle class area (usually a wealthy suburb of a finance city) then you can find strong options in the public schools as there are mothers with time and fathers with money to support the school independently of public funding.

-If you are in a working class area and can afford private schooling, you should probably throw down to keep your kids from getting mixed up in an underfunded and/or low-scoring school. However, given that area, the private schools you are paying for are not even necessarily (and usually aren't) better than the public schools (in terms of college placement) in the upper-middle class area, so you should probably just save that money and move to a wealthier area.

-If you are in the upper class then you can do whatever you want. You can probably find great public school options if you wanted to, but you would probably be more inclined or socially pressured into paying for an elite private or prep school instead. In my opinion, those top schools might not have the same bang for your buck as the upper-middle class public schools, but they are still noticeably stronger. This is probably a good option for financiers living IN the big cities as (at least in SF) the top private school options are far and away better than the top public school options.

"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars." - J. Paul Getty
 
San Franciscan:
-I think if you live in an upper-middle class area (usually a wealthy suburb of a finance city) then you can find strong options in the public schools as there are mothers with time and fathers with money to support the school independently of public funding.

100% agreed. To that end, public school.

 

Went to public. I was number 66206. I was treated as such.

I am not allowed back into my high school. My district doesn't allow alumni to visit their old teachers for safety reasons.

Public school is a CAFO for people... my kids will be going to private school.

looking for that pick-me-up to power through an all-nighter?
 

I went to a public school and I'd like my kids to go to a public school. I want my children to be able to interact with all kinds of people and public schools provide that. Yeah, there's a higher risk that he/she might get in trouble or run with the wrong crowd, but they would have to be pretty slick get that shit past me. I just think that people that went to public schools are better when it comes to interacting and relating to other people.

I'm just not into the homogenous upper class white private school scene. Don't want my son acting like Carlton Banks. At the same time, I plan to live in a good school district that is mostly middle class. I guess it's a balance.

 

Private.

Though some of the smartest/most driven people I know thrived in public due to their ability to sort of "play the system," and probably would've been fcked in private.

"I don't know how else to put this, but... we're over." "Okay. I disagree."
 

^^ hahah i would say it's more (not completely) true for the opposite how prep school kids would have fcked in public schools because their wealth/connections couldn't play the system..

 
eating926:
^^ hahah i would say it's more (not completely) true for the opposite how prep school kids would have fcked in public schools because their wealth/connections couldn't play the system..

True... a friend of mine went to public school and almost never showed up except to take exams, and graduated with a 4.0. Couldn't have gotten away with that at the private HS I went to, though my school certainly played favorites a lot more and tended to let those kids off the hook.

I think the wealth/connections thing comes into play a lot more in college though, seeing as two of the biggest aimless idiots I know now attend Brown and Notre Dame.

"I don't know how else to put this, but... we're over." "Okay. I disagree."
 

Spent 1 year in Catholic school, the rest in public schools (including college.)

Public schools are a factory system, but I think they work just as well. It really all comes down to the parents and the teachers. 1/2 of mine had graduate degrees and one of them was actually a former Stanford history prof (got tired of publishing stuff and decided to work in a random public school.)

If you've got parents who care about making sure you focus on the academics and and competent teachers who care about doing a good job, you can excel anywhere from Nome, AK to inner-city detroit. If you don't have that, it's much, much harder to succeed- even at a private school in CT.

 

inner-city detroit public school here. (white) if you have your head screwed on tight (i was one of the few who did, and thats debatable since im insane) then you can thrive in public school. whoever said "play the system" was totally right. lots of dumb kids looking for direction and acceptance to prey off of. what a perfect experience to gear you up for wall street. can't wait. i suggest public school, ur kid will be less sheltered and wont have that sense of entitlement private school kids get. he'll also be more aggressive since mommy and daddy's checkbook doesn't go as far as it does with the private school "headmaster"... lol catholic/religious school? please. the world doesn't operate on religion and you're supposed to be learning about the world, so learning about religion in school is counterproductive. practice religion on your own time. half the world's billionaires are atheist (made up statistic, probably completely wrong). net net - public school

 

Yeah, I went to a pretty diverse Chicago public high school.

It was fun. While a majority of my teachers were intelligent and cared about the students, the students were the best part.

Go into any bathroom after school and pick up some (cheap) drugs. You needed to avoid flashing gang signs anywhere near the school (Gangster Disciples and Latin Kings). Fights were fun to watch, but being called "cracker" was not (there was no way I was going to use the n word back). My senior year one of my classmates shot and killed another of my classmates in the school (I knew both and surprisingly the person who killed the other was a really nice guy, but he's doing 25 to life right now). There were 1200 starting out freshman year and we finished with 750.

My favorite quotes (from girls who were 5 inches shorter than me) "Shut up looking at me little boy," and "Say that one more again and see what happens."

But seriously, I enjoyed it. Most of my teachers were great and it has made me appreciate where I am going to school now.

 

I think there are pros and cons to both. Private schools are good, but I really couldn't live with raising a bitch of a kid. My 12 year old comes home after getting his ass kicked and starts begging me to sue and I am returning his ass to sender. You really cannot put a price on dealing with a diverse group of people and being able to associate with them.

My dad went to a military school which I think is a good alternative. I think Catholic schools are good also.

Frankly, as long as the public schools that your kid goes to are not inner city or over crowded then I think they are fine. If you have a comfortable living then you can provide for outside classes, early college classes, tutors, SAT prep, all kinds of crap. I value diversity and I really think too much private school of any kind stifles a kid.

We protect kids too much in todays world. Everything is antibacterial. Nation of pussies.

 
craigmcdermott:
No schools in DC are elite. Even STA doesn't compare to the elite NE prep schools. Going to Langley vs Landon or Bethesda vs Sidwell isn't much of a difference. Going to Exeter vs any of those is.

What a tool. What purpose did that serve? He probably meant elite relative to the alternatives in DC. Even if he didn't, you look like a total Nancy.

 

i went to a private school well, actually a catholic school and it is no different from public school. they teach the same things and teachers are just the same. even if the school has a good reputation if the student is not willing to learn then there is no point paying a lot of money for your kid's education. just like top boarding schools, you send them their because most boarding schools are known for their high-standard teaching and discipline but some still comes back and fail, i do believe that education does not depend on how much money you pay but it also comes from the willingness of the student to learn and the teacher to guide and teach.

 
Im with Busey:
Philly has this awkward dynamic where people ask you where you went to high school before they ask about college. Everybody knows someone who went to ABC Public or XYZ Private.

Private schools are pretty good for networking.

Same thing in St. Louis. If someone around here asks you where you went to school they are asking about high school not college. If you didn't go to high school in St. Louis you might get shut out of the conversation with those native to St. Louis.

 

I'd also like to point out that some areas have public schools that are just as good, if not better than the local private schools.

for example, north chicago suburbs (where i grew up) had public schools that had teachers making high 5 figure if not 6 figure salaries b/c they had very advanced degrees (the principal at my school made close to 200k) and placed many many students into top universities and liberal arts colleges. and it goes without saying the sports teams, parties, and girls were better. at that point, you'd have to be a crazy, overprotective elitist to send your kids to a private school, in which case you probably should, since no one would like them anyways.

 
Affirmative_Action_Walrus:
I'd also like to point out that some areas have public schools that are just as good, if not better than the local private schools.

for example, north chicago suburbs (where i grew up) had public schools that had teachers making high 5 figure if not 6 figure salaries b/c they had very advanced degrees (the principal at my school made close to 200k) and placed many many students into top universities and liberal arts colleges. and it goes without saying the sports teams, parties, and girls were better. at that point, you'd have to be a crazy, overprotective elitist to send your kids to a private school, in which case you probably should, since no one would like them anyways.

Yeah. I went to a New Trier-like school on the Chicago North Shore, too. Headed back for my brother's graduation a few months ago. Seeing the white chairs lined up on a nicely manicured lawn and mothers in $1000 sun dresses talking about their favorite drinks at some trendy restaurant was quite a bit of a change from New York City where every park bench has been peed on numerous times by a drunk homeless guy.

Ironically, when I attended school there seven or so years ago, they were spending only $7K/student but graduating a class with an average ACT of 26-27.

My parents thought about sending me to Catholic school when they realized I was getting picked on for being a total nerd/dork, but decided to have me tough it out. Today, I'm glad they made that decision. Combined with going to a state school for college, it gave me a better idea of how the real world had worked.

 

I went to a "top" suburban high school. It's no Andover, but we had a number of PhDs on the faculty and the top teachers made six figures.

I chose it over a number of prestigious private boarding and day schools and I was the only child of my parents' circle of friends to do so. I am also almost 100% sure that it was the right choice for me (and the only reason I'm not sure is the branding).

I chose my high school because it afforded me the opportunity to understand society from a different angle. The K-12 system I attended has a different atmosphere than my brother's prep school. Even though our demographic was largely lower-upper class and upper-middle class, the working class was represented. While my brother's school might boast that XX% of its students are on financial aid, its financial aid students play to the aire of the school. They have the same attitude.

Private and public schools are for different people. For me, public school worked. I'm a driven and competitive person. I didn't game the system, but I took full advantage of everything my school had to offer. I'm at my dream university and have no regrets. My brother used to be in special education. He's doing fine in the normal program now, but still requires more individualized attention. He went through the public school system for a number of years and never quite fit in with the student population. When we moved to a new area, we decided to send him to private school. With closer attention, he has been thriving. His grades have literally gone from CS to As and he's participating fully in the honors program.

It just really depends on the person.

 

Catholic school. Provided private school level of education (though they had woeful facilities) for a fraction of the price. I wouldn't bother with the public schools here except for the selectives. My kids, if I ever have any, will get the diversity they need from living offshore.

“I'm tired of this back-slapping "Isn't humanity neat?" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are.” - Hicks
 

I've had the opportunity to study at both - private and public high schools, both the IB Diploma program. I'd say private due to the connections you may make as the quality of teachers, alumni and overall experience (sports, extra-curricular activities, etc.)

 

I got kicked out of a small protestant private school as a freshman and went to a public school (had attended private middle school as well). I never realized how good it was until I left, although public school was still a good experience. I had traveled to a few dozen countries before high school and thought I was well-rounded with different cultures but discovered I wasn't at all when I entered public school.

 

My brain is going to be worth $100K when I graduate and enter IBD (16 years of school). A Harvard co-worker's may likely be worth $1MM. Is the best private education in the country worth it over a good public high school and target state school? I don't know. Somebody want to answer that for me?

 

It's up to the school. If they're getting by on their current model then there's no need for everyone to pay the full price. I went to a private HS and doubt my parents could of paid the price if it was what it actually should of been. But, that did not mean we where freeloaders from other people's contributions. While in school I helped take my school's soccer team to our regional conference's final 3 years and win it twice, as well as keeping high grades and starting a tutoring service for students by students. My parents, while they couldn't give their money, they could give their time. My mom was on our school's board, organized charity and fundraising events, and even would cook for these events. My dad also volunteered as much as he could and even re sodded our football/soccer field. By raising the price the schools risk losing parents, that rather then give money, give their time. This is not to say that people of better means do not give their time also.

Personal wealth is not how much you have in the bank or the worth of your portfolio. But, rather how you've used the wealth to make your life and those around you better.
 
Addinator:
What really interests me is the idea that many schools are effectively offering a 'teaser' rate for families who couldn't afford the full operating cost of tuition, and that is made up by families who are willing to donate over top of the sticker price.

This is EXACTLY how it works (and it made my parents rage). You already pay a small fortune to go to these private high schools, at bare minimum $10k a year, you should not have to pay anything more than what is required to cover the costs.

My private high school is quickly becoming a sports "target" school, an athletic powerhouse, which is attracting a lot of black students who are athletically gifted but cannot pay (nor can they keep up in class). The school still recruits them heavily and the "regular" families are left to pick up the tab.

 
ChrisHansen:

My private high school is quickly becoming a sports "target" school, an athletic powerhouse, which is attracting a lot of black students who are athletically gifted but cannot pay (nor can they keep up in class). The school still recruits them heavily and the "regular" families are left to pick up the tab.

Mine is becoming that way to a lesser extend as well (actually it started in the early 2000's when we were in the USA Today national hs football rankings all the time). My school however doesn't necessarily get tons of black athletes. In football we'll always get an awesome white quarterback and the best white O Linemen (some blacks at skill positions and some whites). The other sport we really stand out in is crew where we actually recruit all white guys many of whom turn into big donors along with their families. Most of these crew guys go to ivy league schools when they graduate. We're pretty good at baseball now as well,... really to me the only sport where it's impossible to dominate without allowing terrible students academically into your school is basketball.

I tend to think having competitive sports teams (especially football) helps your school raise money by keeping alumni interested and involved.

 

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