Good morning all.
Hope everyone had a swell time at the WSO conference. Wish I could have made it out, but that'll unfortunately have to wait until next year. I don't doubt that it was a great time.
Today I'm going to be talking about something that isn't heavily related to finance, recruiting, or anything of that sort...but it's an integral part of life in general: being a decent human being.
Now, I don't claim to know everything there is to know about being a good person. I'll be the first to say that many times in my life I have made decisions that had negative implications for others, based on my own self-interest, ignorance, or some combination of the two. But as I have matured, thought about things, and met a lot of new people from different walks of life, I have started to realize more and more how important it is to simply be a good person.
I think sometimes it's hard to remember that this is an important quality of human beings. For one, a lot of people, especially folks on this site, are very career-driven and look out for "numero uno", as it were, as their number one priority (ha..ha). This certainly doesn't imply anything negative, but always looking out for one's self can lead to tunnel vision, which can make you forget or ignore instances when you're being a raging asshole. Secondly, so many people spend so much time on the internet (an ethereal place that is largely anonymous), that they take those behaviors and that anonymity into the real world, and become raging assholes.
And being a good person doesn't necessarily mean that you dedicate your life to helping children in Africa (though that is certainly an honorable thing to do and I do not knock anyone for taking that path). I think for most of us it means being respectful, kind, and courteous to every individual you interact with; helping folks when asked for help; and not leaving people out of things based on superficial qualities. This is a similar definition, based on my rudimentary understanding of this work, to the "Thomas Jefferson Bible", a book constructed by Thomas Jefferson that leaves all of the crazy religious mess out and simply focuses on the teachings and morals presented throughout the New Testament by Jesus. I'm certainly not one for religion, but living in the South, I have encountered a lot of very pleasant, respectful, and generally nice religious people.
These aren't things I think about often, but one of two things is true: either I am noticing myself being an asshole to more people simply because the degree to which I am an asshole has increased over the last few years, or I'm more cognizant of the fact that I can be irritable and disrespectful at times (most everyone can be) because I've matured and cultivated a more pronounced understanding of why being respectful is important. Hopefully it's the latter!
We live in a society where people snap-judge each other based on pretty superficial things (guilty as charged) and make assumptions that are grossly inaccurate all the time. I'm not saying that this is reversible in any tangible way, but I am saying that since I've started taking a less judgmental approach to life, I generally just feel happier and most positive. So the next time you see that hipster on the train and think "God, what an idiot" because of the homemade jorts, try not to -- might make you feel kinda good.
Okay, I'll shut up.
What do you guys think? Have you noticed that you've become more cognizant of being respectful to others as you've matured? Less cognizant?
Love and peace.
I definitely have. I operate under the assumption that if you run around insulting other people, you're really just an insecure twat. I love showing (most) people respect. To be fair, I judge the shit out of everybody, but I don't hold it against them for the most part. Unless you're Christian. I don't like Christians.
(joking)
The irony in this post is overwhelming.
Irony? What irony? That couldn't possibly contain any irony whatsoever. Or could it?
One of the shortest, yet most important things that was said at the conference over the weekend:
"Don't screw people."
Can't overstate that enough, the world is way too small. It's amazing how small it is sometimes.
Unless they're sexy and naked. Or at least partly naked. Or not naked, but willing. Or at least mostly willing.
Slippery slope you're on there, pal.
But it gives me immense pleasure to laugh at hipsters...it's one concession i can't make.
Being a decent person can be good for your karma, if you believe in that sort of thing. Example: A guy I know, (lets say his name is Bob) was waiting in line at a coffee shop a few years ago. The man in front of him, who was wearing dirty, somewhat ragged clothing, went to pay for a coffee but realized that he forgot his wallet. Bob assumed that this man didn't have the means to pay and kindly covered the bill for him. The stranger thanked him for his kindness and left. Some nearby business guy asked Bob if he knew who the stranger was. Bob said no. The business guy said that the stranger was a high roller, VC type. Fast forward about 3 months. Bob is looking for capital to expand his tech start up. He ends up seeing the VC guy at a meeting or in an office or something. They talk with each other and the VC guy quickly offers to invest in Bob's business. Turns out the VC guy was doing chores and yard work before the two met in the coffee shop. Funny how things can work out. You never know who you are helping out.
It's difficult to transform stressed out monkeys into decent human beings
It's very easy for a smart person who's had success after success to become an asshole or douchebag.
I think that when same said people struggle with stuff, they become better people.
Growing up on the Chicago North Shore, on varsity swimming and water polo, taking all of these tough courses, having a pretty darned nice car at 17, I was a bit of an asshole in high school.
Then I found out I wasn't going to a private school because my family had money but they weren't going to spend it on me (they had worked too hard for it). That I would be taking engineering classes at a state school and competing against a bunch of foreigners in classes taught by foreigners for grades in a program that got no respect outside of technology or Chicago.
Then I got hired into quantitative analytics at an investment bank and there was always this ambiguity as to how front-office or back-office we were. And I had to bust my balls to catch up to folks who took the target school to front office route.
Somewhere along the way, I'd like to think I became less of an asshole- at least for a few years.
Struggle is what turns an asshole into a human being. It forces us to look at life in a different way than us being important and success defining peoples' value. Likewise, success can easily turn a good person into an asshole. So when you get that big break into banking, or when you get into that college that everyone in high school thought you'd never get into, be on guard. Use your empathy with folks; remember what it was like to struggle. Remember that our value as human beings isn't correlated with our success.
Fixed.IP, I think this quote summarizes your thoughts slightly more eloquently:
"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."
-Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Good post, but being a redneck, that is too eloquent for me. :D If I rambled too much, here is my official TLDR summary:
"You stop being an asshole when it sucks to be you."
I have never seen it stated more clearly. SB to you, good sir.
A good way to start is by showing your appreciation as much as you can. Think for a moment how many times you thank others. "Thank you" (or thanx) is easy to say, but not said enough. I'm sure many appreciate the help others provide, but let's not forget that it is equally important to actually say it aloud in order for the others to be fully aware of your appreciation. So, say it as often as you can.
Make a point to be nice to service people too. Not only does it make them feel a lot better, but it is also a hedge against them fucking you over in some subtle way.
My first job was at a cashier as a supermarket, and it was unbelievable how many people were assholes after a "Hi! How are you today?" for no apparent reason.
The people who were dicks to me, well, you can bet that your tomatoes are on the bottom of the bag getting squished by the 15 cans of soup you bought.
And that is nowhere near as bad as what might happen in the food industry . . .
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