It’s because most guys limit themselves in a really dumb way. Don’t be one of those guys
Note: This post is for single men interested in meeting women. If you are not a single man who is interested in meeting more women, then I’d skip this one if I were you.
“You can’t meet a good girl out in a nightclub”
“Dude meeting a quality woman in New York is hard”
“I’m fucking awesome, I’m smart, I’ve got a great job, people should be throwing themselves at me!”
Every Sunday after a weekend of heading out to bars and clubs looking for love, I’d hear at least one of my single buddies say something like this.
New York City can be an easy place to find someone to hook up with, but for many guys it’s a tough place to find someone you’re truly excited about.
Despite having millions of singles to meet, most newcomers simply stick to their friend groups from undergrad. They form little cliques that hardly include anyone they didn’t know in college.
Even for the guys that love their crew of dudes, many tire of going out weekend after weekend, throwing down drinks with their buddies and hoping to drunkenly cross paths with a pretty girl.
Most of the single guys I knew in finance worked hard 5-7 days a week. That leaves at most two days a week to drink, catch up with friends, and try to meet a girl! When you quarantine your flirting to bars and clubs, you don’t give yourself much time to find Mr. / Mrs. Right, or the many Mr. / Mrs. Wrongs that come before them.
Compounding that with a time intensive, high stress job doesn’t make it any easier for you.
So what’s the solution?
What if you could try to meet someone any day of the week? Better yet, what if it only took 5 minutes to go up to a beautiful woman, get her phone number, and set up a date? You could do it on your coffee break, your walk to pick up lunch, or your commute home.
Think about it. Can you remember a recent time when you saw someone you were incredibly attracted to but you didn’t do anything to meet them?
Maybe they were hanging out in a coffee shop, walking down the street, or standing in the subway.
Well good news: meeting that girl is absolutely possible. Easy even. I’m going to show you how you can meet her every time you want to.
So if you’re a guy who wants to meet amazing women – without spending money and without spending hours out at the bar – this post is for you.
Acting on this advice will take you 5 minutes. No matter who you are, no matter what you do for a living, you’ve got the time for it.
It’s easy, it’s fun, and it’s the most genuine way I know to meet someone.
This is going to sound ridiculously simple, but here it is:
“Hey, I know this is totally random, but I just saw you and I had to come say you are absolutely beautiful. I’d be kicking myself all day if I didn’t come find out more about you.
I’m Ben”
(Note: credit to Tim Ferriss and The Four Hour Workweek for this introduction.)
That’s it! It’s really that simple.
The next time you see that beautiful woman walking down the street, you want to talk to her but you don’t know what to say, just say that! Worst case scenario, you just made someone’s day.
But I don’t want to be a creep!
There are certainly many ways to go up to someone during the day and creep them the fuck out. But there’s also a way to do it so that you absolutely make her day and end up with a new date on your calendar.
Acknowledge the social strangeness/randomness of it. Be direct and honest without being needy. Make it a compliment she could call her mom to brag about (not “you’re hot” or “nice ass”).
Do this and you’ll be rewarded with a huge beaming smile across her face.
You can do this no matter who you are. I’ve coached all types. You can do this if you’re short or tall, chubby or skinny, 18 or 48. Any race. Any city. Any time of day.
The best part is, this will change your life.
It’s about more than just getting a date. For most people, the prospect of going up to someone during the day and giving a direct, genuine compliment is something they don’t do often if ever. It’s new and it can be scary.
Pushing your comfort zone like this can turn an already confident guy into the type of guy who never doubts himself, whether it’s the most beautiful girl in the room, the most successful guy at the networking event, or a room full of senior partners at a meeting.
And that’s it!
I could talk for hours on how to successfully meet women during the day. If you’re interested in learning about how most guys completely sabotage themselves, what to say next, how to set up a date so you don’t get flaked on, etc. you can click here for more.
Right now, you’ve got all the information you need to get started. And if I could give you one and only one piece of advice it would be this: TRY.
90% of the single guys that read this article will just read it and ignore it. They’ll say it’s stupid or wouldn’t work, because they’re too scared to even try.
But this isn’t like a history test. There’s no points for knowing the information if you don’t use it.
So go try. Don’t write it off as impossible without giving it a shot. Don’t pretend you aren’t interested. Just go try. Try and fail. Try again.
Eventually you’ll be going on tons of dates, meeting incredible women, and laughing about how everyone else waits until their drunk in the bar to try to meet someone amazing.
Sounds like all the other random stupid shit I see on FB
Agreed. This probably isn't the place to throw out percentages with no empirical basis.
Well it's just a number pulled out of his ass to make the point that most people won't take his advice.
personally i hate trying to create a relationship w/ a chick out of thin air, especially when it's not in a bar and i don't have a buzz+. if it's not built into your personality, going up to a girl in public w/out actually having a legitimate reason to is hard to do. i'm sure it can work if done right, but personally when I actually find myself in those situations where i could go talk to a chick in a daytime public location i see my lizard brain say "why put yourself through all that? you'll be buzzed/drunk at a bar later this week and can go hit on girls then" or "you're meeting up with [female friend] and her friends tomorrow night, why talk to some stranger when you can just get introduced to girls via your friend... sooo much easier"
how do the girls in Rio react compared to the girls in new york?
what's your opinion of online dating? have any sites caught on in brazil?
The link on how you limit yourself is probably the one you should read. If you do not see it clearly, what you say is exactly that: limiting beliefs ("lizzard brain","if its not built into your personality").
You do what the author says: You do not step out of your comfortzone. I do not know anything about you, but I guess, there have been a lot of situations when you had to do something you really did not want to do. Might be that speech you had to do in school, feeling uncomfortable in interviews etc. The more often you do it, the better you feel. You expand your comfort zone. You will have to do this in business to achieve something and it is as important for your personal life.
Furthermore, think about being buzzed. Why can you talk to girls then? It is just that you are in a comfortable frame and you really do not give a fuck what that person thinks about you, if you fail miserably.
This is what the author means with "fail and try again". It is chance + try and error. Not every woman is available. She might have stong believes about relationships which is why she wont open up or she might just have a bad day. You cant change that. That is chance. You approach someone that is available or not. If you get to someone who is available, its try and error. If you are too creepy, if you approach that person the wrong way, you will get blown off. You can learn from that and get better. And after a while, you lose that anxiety and start conversations everywhere.
I cant speak off experience, but I would guess that girls in Brazil are much more playful and open for conversations. Especially if you are a stranger. Thats already the first topic you can talk about and it is naturally interesting to most people.
@"Lana." awesome response! +1
Honestly, re: Brazil vs. NYC, it totally depends on the girl. Some of the women in NY are total sweethearts, and some in Brazil have a bit of a shield up against gringos. But some women in NY can be cold and some in Brazil are total sweethearts. It really just depends on the woman.
"Furthermore, think about being buzzed. Why can you talk to girls then? It is just that you are in a comfortable frame and you really do not give a fuck what that person thinks about you, if you fail miserably."
Well said!
So for me it's not an either / or decision of meeting people at night vs. meeting people during the day. The point is, if you're a single guy trying to meet someone awesome, why limit yourself to one vs. the other? Do both. Especially because I find it much easier to meet people during the day when they aren't in "bar mode"
I can't really generalize the women in Rio and the women in New York, they're different across the board. But I've met women during the day in both places by saying something similar to this.
Various forms of social media somewhat remove the need for such direct and potentially creepy mid-week intros...
Also, "absolutely beautiful" girls know how they look, so pointing out the obvious to them isn't going to make their day...
Agreed...some girls are so jaded that telling them that won't have any effect.
what about asking a hot chick on the subway if she's into black sabbath and wants to share a blood vial with you?
source: http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/im-a-25yro-banker-who-still-dates…
Agreed, 100% agreed. Some women are jaded. Some are friendly. Some are married. Some are single.
I'm not saying this will get you a date 100% of the time. But it 100% WILL get you a date with a stunning woman SOME of the time. If you're single and interested in that sort of thing.
So you do not like compliments? I doubt that a beautiful woman that really puts much effort into her appearance does not like to hear, that it totally works. If said in the right way, you wont hurt her. The most that might happen is, that she already knows, says thanks and you part ways.
Actually, some of the most beautiful women are the most insecure. Especially if they are a model or an actress, they are constantly being rejected in auditions and casting calls, being told they aren't good enough.
Also, I agree that shouting "you're hot, let's date!" isn't going to get you anywhere. But a really genuine compliment followed by saying you want to get to know her, that can make a big impression. Not that looks are everything, but I've seen guys get dates with models, former playboy playmates, actresses, etc. by complimenting them during the day.
If you're single and interested, just give it a shot. You might be surprised.
+1...I can't tell you how true especially that first point is. If I think about all the most attractive women I know, almost all of them are usually quite modest or even borderline insecure about their looks. If not their looks, something else. Only one is a model, but it still seems to hold true no matter what. Strange how that works. I think given the chance, any human being will find something wrong with themselves and perhaps become too concerned with what ever that thing is.
Always see the dimes on the subway...best place in my opinion, but hey I already have a 10/10 at home so whatever.
Are you the dude that wrote that post about quitting your big time job to do life coaching? To be honest man if I were paying you money to life coach me and this is the advice you gave me I'd be pretty mad. I'm pretty sure I read the exact same advice everywhere.
I mean, any attractive girl is used to hundreds of guys going up to them over the years. Just the mere mention of something sexual in the first 5 seconds will make the shields go up faster than you can say "10/10", unless you're just that much of a stud...but what the hell do I know.
re "what the hell do i know".... aren't you the 5'2 guy who benches 120?
just kidding :-)
Getting awfully snippy there Mr. Louis...
On the wit vs looks continuum, I think I have a decent idea where I stand.
A very wise response indeed. @AndyLouis, your fairytale life is making us all look bad! You made him all self-conscious!
Do men really go to bars and talk about their relationships? That sounds like something women chat about
I mostly agree with the OP's advice. The reality is that you have very little to lose. In terms of the creepy vs not creepy approach, I've found one very simple rule:
Anything you do will be labeled as "creepy" by a girl who is not attracted to you and "not creepy" by a girl who is attracted to you. I'll use extreme examples to illustrate my point.
Example 1: Tom Brady goes up to a random girl in a bar and tells her she is the most beautiful girl in the world, asking for her phone number. Girl tells all her friends about the cute guy she met at the bar. Example 2: Ugly Duckling goes up to a random girl in the bar and tells her she is the most beautiful girl in the world, asking for her phone number. Girl tells all her friends about the "creepy rando" who wouldn't stop staring at her at the bar.
Sounds like the best advice is: don't be ugly.
You are right. And you just prove the OPs point: You will make her day anyways. She'll be as happy to chat about that ugly duckling as she will be to brag about that cute guy.
That's basically it. Like it or not, that's kind of how life works. And that's why there's probably so much ambiguity about the best way to go about it...because most people are in the middle...so there's only so high of a chance (statistically speaking) that the person they've decided to approach is going to also find them attractive..or at least more attractive than their hurdle rate, so to speak. Learn how to dress, learn how to carry yourself, be confident. Maybe start going to the gym. That should get you 90% of the way there if you do it all correctly.
@CompBanker : Correct.
I also think the OP is overcomplicating this a bit. Confident guys don't need gimmicks or tricks. They just reach out the hand and say hi.
@AndyLouis you can meet girls at other places besides bars or clubs: at work, through the friends' grapevine, at shows...in case of the latter, switch the line from "You're beautiful" to "That was f*cking great set, wasn't it?!?!?"
When in doubt, swipe to the right !
This guy gets it - shotgun method
MS'd like a tard. My bad. Will correct in another post.
Trying to make an opening move on a woman based on their physical appearance only sounds as vacuous as gold-diggers who make move on a man only because of the size of his wallet.
This.
weak. making an "opening move" on a woman based on physical appearance is NATURAL. It does not mean you have to marry the girl, just that there initial physical attraction and potentially more.
I can say this. If more guys would listen to the OPs advice, there would be a lot less sexual frustration and guys bashing each others heads in at the end of the night.
I used to go out a lot in my single days with one specific friend... why did I choose to go out with that one friend the most? We would always have the best time because we would encourage each other instead of worry about rejection. By going out with the intention of meeting people (guys and girls) and being social / having fun, etc, the number of opportunities to date beautiful women multiplied.
When you stop trying to make excuses like @"SSits", you'll open up an entirely new world where going up to someone to pay them a compliment without expecting anything in return will be liberating.
Why not just try it? You'd be surprised if you did this 100x that you'll soon realize that you won't die. What if you went up and tried this to the women you find most attractive / interesting, etc? Online dating makes this even more rare since people can hide behind computers and "wink" at each other (no bashing online dating sites - met my wife on match) -- it's really a great way to build confidence and make someones day.
When some of the women respond "I have a boyfriend", it's a pretty easy exit and nobody is any worse off. So are we now to the point that we are denying any natural desire to be with a woman we find physically beautiful? This is so weak it's a joke...again, how are you going to find a woman you are both physically and mentally attracted to if you sit around and hope your friend introduces you?
As you can tell, I am pretty opinionated on this topic because I have other friends (opposite of friend above) that over analyze and never had much fun going out because they would sit there drinking instead of accepting that failure is ok. Be the fun guy that takes chances and is fine getting rejected and not the guy that points and criticizes. At least guy #1 has the balls and is trying to improve himself.
Solid point, but there really isn't much you can do besides comment on appearance to a random girl you see on the street
You can ask her for directions and then to join potentially, you can ask about knowing a good blank nearby, you can ask her opinion on something that just popped up, you can comment on something happening around you, etc. Plenty of ways to strike up a conversation without highlighting your focus on her appearance, even if that's why you're talking to her.
I never understand this thought.
If you're a guy with high standards who doesn't settle, you're probably looking for a dream girl that is smart, funny, sexy, positive, makes you happy, who you have chemistry with and are incredibly attracted to.
I'm not going to date someone unless they have all of those things.
So I start with what I can tell right away, which is who am I physically attracted to. And then I go speak with her to find out if she's smart, funny, positive, if we connect and have chemistry.
I don't hook up with a woman just because she's pretty. Having standards for the people in your life, men and women, is huge. But I also don't date people that I'm not attracted to on some level. Happy to be friends with them. But for me, a sexual relationship isn't nearly as good without attraction and chemistry.
Why is that vacuous?
Its really not hard to meet girls at all even if your busy work is a good place to start. Confidence is everything in life- girls work whatever. If your ugly and confident you have a better chance then someone great looking with none. I never understood why guys that want something so badly are afraid to ask for it.
After I swiped right on Tinder, and she swiped right on me, what should I text her?
"Can I touchez ur boobz? lulz?"
@Lana. - Eh? You don't think that a woman may end up worrying that creepy superficial guy who went out of his way to talk to her purely on the basis of her looks is the sort of guy who could follow her to a quiet place and try to sexually assault her?
You might think that's over-reacting, but it's not an insignificant chance that a woman could react this way. Particularly in a world where women are at a significant physical disadvantage to men and where sexual violence is not uncommon.
Approaching random women (well, a random choice other than their looks) and taking the risk that your 'compliment' will make them fearful like this, purely in the self-serving hope that you get somewhere with the woman... that's being a bit of an arsehole, no?
Dude, if you're delivering the sentence "Hey I know this is random, but you're absolutely beautiful and I would be kicking myself if I didn't come find out more about you" in a way that makes a woman fear you will sexually assault her, you are delivering it very, very wrong. If that's the case, there is a lot of personal work to be done on tonality, body language, eye contact, and delivery. If that sentence is creating anxiety in the people you meet, that same guy probably has problems all over the place in his relationships and his ability to connect with people, men or women.
I thought I would chime in with my two cents here.
This might not be easier than the bar/club route, but I have found through personal experience that art museums are a good place to pick up high-quality women. Perhaps it is just my taste in women, but every time I have visited the Met, MOMA, Frick, etc., I always see a good number of attractive (at least in my opinion) women.
I'm sure all of you at some point in college had to take one of those annoying non-major requirements or general education requirements (e.g. Literature, History, etc.). Personally, I took this one course called "Western Tradition: Art Since the Renaissance." Interesting. Good professor. But totally useless.
Honestly, I never expected to use any of the knowledge again after the final exams were over, so I was surprised to find out that the knowledge would come in handy and ultimately result in meeting my current girlfriend.
My strategy was simple. If I saw an attractive girl admiring a painting that I knew something about, I would casually walk up next to her and make a comment, (e.g. something as simple as "It's beautiful, isn't it?, etc.) Usually what would happen is the girl would acknowledge my comment but I wouldn't be able to get any traction afterwards, so I would just let it go. There was once or twice when I was completely ignored... oh well, maybe next time...
Now, before I go further, let me just make it clear that things like this don't come naturally to me. I don't have any more or less "game" than the average male in finance. Suffice it to say, it took a while for me to work up the guts to do it... but eventually I did... and I failed spectacularly. Despite the repeated rejections, I kept at it and eventually it worked.
After failing repeatedly, I finally got lucky this one time when the girl (who is now my current girlfriend) responded in a friendly way and gave me an opening to get a dialogue going. I then proceeded to dig up any bit of that esoteric art analysis trivia from art history class and casually insert it into the conversation.
It was almost like that scene in the Woody Allen movie "Midnight in Paris" in which the main character makes some very insightful comments about a certain painting - except in this case my girl was impressed instead of dismissive (like the fiancee was in the movie). We kept chatting for a while (still standing), and then it naturally opened up to making an offer to sit down for a tea/coffee (she said "Yes"). As much as I hate to used that tired old cliche, the rest is basically history.
TL;DR version - Art Museums are a good alternative to Bars/Clubs.
@deo that's not bad. Start a conversation as opposed to getting her to react to a compliment right off the bat. Frankly I found the OP's approach a bit forward. Right, for some girls you might make her day, for others you might have creeped her out.
I do agree with Compbanker though. As shallow as it is (mutually), I would be more inclined to be flattered or less suspicious if the guy who does this is someone I find attractive.
@SSits - I get your point.
I think, all meetings happen because of some kind of attraction. If you do not run into a girl that wears a TShirt of your favorite band chances are that you just like her looks. Opening up the conversation with "I can see you have a beautiful mind and I want to get to know you" is not less creepy, eventhough you dont hit on her looks.
She is free to ditch you with any kind of excuse. Of course, if you are a real creep, you might just follow her around and she should seriously should consider, that she might be in trouble. In that case, yeah, that person is an arsehole. If you just take it politly and go your own way, what would make her afraid that you will physically take advantage?
I really do not want to say that it is necessary to open the conversation with a compliment about her looks. The point is to find a reasonable way to start that interaction with whatever topic you like.
A) Have lower standards B) Drink more, therein lowering your inhibitions.
Gotta slay some dragons before you can get to the princess. Pull some weeds before you reach the rose. Etc, etc.
@fearless : You really should've just left that to people in the know...
@Anihilist : You forgot "gotta have some rain before you have a Rainbow."
@"SSits", I wouldn't feel like an asshole because it is a liberating thing to say what's on your mind. If a girl would tell you to fuck off and think you're creepy its either you're an "ugly duckling" or the girl has an insecurity issue that you should not be apologetic for. Walking up to a girl and telling her that she's beautiful and wanting to know her more is what nature wants us to do.... Disney movies on the other hand...
D.E.N.N.I.S.
No self-respecting girl accepts a come on from a complete stranger on the streets of New York.
If you want a girlfriend, learn how to date. It's not rocket science, but it does take some effort and practice to do well.
what about the coffee shop, library, grocery store, gym or yoga class? why should you restrict yourself from meeting people out in a bar, online or through mutual weak ties?
.
It's totally possible to meet girls during the day like this, I've done it. People who are calling it creepy are just using that as en excuse because they are too pussy to actually try it, as the author says. And you don't need to use that exact line, you can say whatever you feel like.
OP is spot on with this post
It takes balls but if you approach those girls you find attractive out in public and use a similar approach/line to what OP suggested you will get numbers and dates. I've done it myself and it works. Yeah, you might get rejected but you approach 10 girls I'm sure you'll get a date with atleast 1.
This is bad advice. Here: “Hey, I know this is totally random, but I just saw you and I had to come say you are absolutely beautiful. I’d be kicking myself all day if I didn’t come find out more about you.”, her: "Thanks..." you "uh". It's not the first line thats the stumbling block, its the meat in the middle. Just use tinder, trying to flirt with random girls on the street isn't for guys without lots of time to experiment/confidence.
@Wallstreetoasis.com : Hmm...where I have heard this wonderful, life-changing advice before? :-)
I could go on and on about this stuff :-)
So many guys limit themselves and it's really frustrating to watch. What a lot of the guys criticizing the line given by the OP don't realize is that the non-verbal cues you are giving off are arguably MORE important than what you are actually saying.
If you are communicating that you are confident / fun, the reaction you will get (even if you are butt ugly) will be much more positive on average vs. if you have bad eye contact and mumble the line and scurry away at any uncomfortable pause...guys, especially type-A guys (often found on WSO) like to think you can apply a formula to everything. "No, don't say this line, say this line - play the game right!" The point that the OP is trying to make is 90+% of guys don't say ANY line because they overthink it and never develop the muscle to actually do this naturally, without hesitation.
In this context, getting more At Bats is arguably much more important to your absolute success (vs. your exact avg or slugging %)...for those of you that enjoy baseball :-)
I absolutely agree, the non-verbal cues you give off are MASSIVELY important. Potentially more important than the words.
I could talk about this for hours, there's a ton to discuss. But you guys limit me to ~1,000 words haha ;-)
Just like most things in life, this is a numbers game. OP is correct that just putting yourself out there works and not just for getting girls, but getting almost anything.
Interesting read from the perspective of the gals u would be hitting on: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/1o3z5r/mod_of_roney_here_wome…
There's no game to how you introduce yourself or start a conversation with a girl and the "line" itself is really inconsequential. Whether a girl is going to entertain your advances or not is pretty much always determined before you even say a word -- it's all about the initial attraction. You decide to start a conversation with her based on an initial attraction and she does the same in return. For all the differences between men and women, we do have some similarities.
And most girls (at least the ones worth considering for more than something casual) are honestly just looking for the dude that 1) likes her as she is 2) is willing to stick around regardless of her craziness (yes, girls know they're crazy). This is why you often hear that the best "pickup line" is, "Hi, my name is insert name." As long as you pass the initial attraction "screen," girls are usually willing to put up with a lot while they figure out if you satisfy the two criteria.
And those that have said that commenting on a truly attractive woman's beauty won't do anything because she already knows she's attractive -- No matter how hot a girl is, there's a guy somewhere sick of her shit. She knows this and it probably eats her up inside, meaning that she desperately wants to hear it from other guys.
I sort of agree with these points but I would point out that there are actually two screens, with the second one being something like a creepiness/intent flag. Even if she finds you attractive if she gets the sense that the only reason you're talking to her is because you want to bang her and then run off (because your first action was to compliment her appearance), and she isn't totally cool with that, she will tend to put her guard up.
One obvious thing that was sort of mentioned but not explicitly is that a lot of it also depends on how much social value you're perceived to have relative to her.
Agree to disagree, I guess.
I'm in CompBanker's camp in that in my experience you can pretty much get away with any line (within social norms) as long as the girl has that immediate attraction to you.
And, yeah, you have to be cognizant of the situation, but girls are just as sexual as guys and generally hate repressing that sexuality because of social norms. Inside every girl is a freak just waiting for the right guy to bring that side of her out. So if she's attracted to you she's probably going to give you a chance to make her feel like it's ok to be sexual. Granted you don't want to go up to some chick in the grocery store and let her know that basically all you want to do is bend her over in the juice isle, but most girls just want to feel like it's ok to be themselves around a guy and don't have expectations beyond that. This is especially true if you're in a bar type setting.
And if a girl is attracted to you, but not cool with some more overt sexual advances (for whatever reason-- you're boyfriend material, etc.), then she'll usually play along but not let anything happen and silently reinforce the behavior she wants you to exhibit. Pretty much the way you would train a dog or small child. Seriously.
I'm not exactly sure what you mean by social value relative to her, but in my experience girls just want a guy to be motivated and driven, it doesn't matter if you're a ballin' trader making 10 figures or a 3rd grade teacher making 35k. As long as you're passionate about what you do and show that you work hard / care about things then girls are going to find that attractive/a good quality.
And I forgot to add this to my first comment, but if when you say, "Man, I shouldn't be single because..." and the reasons you list are 1) you went to a good school 2) you have a good job 3) you have money, then you probably need to reevaluate your life and realize that's why you're single. If those are your three biggest value-adds as a person than I truly feel sorry for you. You're basically defining yourself by your resume. Expecting (good) women to be attracted to your resume is a recipe for disaster and probably a lifetime of alimony checks.
A few of my own points on this one -
1) It's impossible to generalize how a girl will react to your approach - not all will automatically swoon over you and not all will tell you you're a creep. Most will be somewhere in the middle. Get a read on a girl before you approach.
2) Be confident - don't be aggressive. There was an incident where I live where self-proclaimed "pick-up artists" swarmed a mall and literally cornered girls to try and pick them up. Show some confidence in your approach, but respect their space.
Personally, I wouldn't approach like OP said unless there was some sort of "tell" . A glance, a smile, something that tells me she might be interested.
I did this yesterday getting off the lightrail and it worked like a charm
DUDE THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING THE ONLY GUY TO ACTUALLY TRY THIS BEFORE MAKING A COMMENT ON WHETHER IT WOULD WORK!!!
Ugh, finally! You just made my day :-)
Haha, yeah. I love the excitement of talking to random girls, the feeling of walking away after booking her number is well worth the butterflies.
Are you guys serious? None of you have ever done something like this?
Have all of you WSOers never heard of doing "the 100 approaches"? Keep a journal for 100 approaches to girls and jot down things you did well and things you messed up on. Time limit of 2 months - can't go too slow. and here I thought what Ben was saying was just common sense and everyone knew.
@Wallstreetoasis.com : The more you bat, the easier it gets. I've definitely noticed that about myself over the past few years!
The nothing to lose thing is all well and good, but then when you have to put it into practice, most guys seem to think "why risk it?"...Here's my foolproof method to getting a girl's number outside of the bar scene:
1) Open Tinder 2) Swipe Right 3) Witty conversation 4) What's your number
You're welcome.
numbers game brehs , plain n simple
Those who hesitate, Masturbate.
Can't you just go up to the most beautiful girl at the bar and tell her that the drinks "are on Goldman Sachs" like a real BSD ?
Get girls with this one weird old tip.
How to get girls:
1.) Have a personality 2.) Make conversation that isn't boring 3.) Be interesting and have good things going on in your life
There you have it.
I think the advice OP gave is honestly not workable. You don't need to make some bold declarative statement, life isn't a romantic comedy. Just make a small comment or observation, try and make small talk, and take it from there. Maybe you connect, maybe you don't. You don't need a psych degree to do this shit, folks.
Spot on.
I'd also add that it goes for networking as well. Generally, having things going on in your life and things to say will help you go a long way.
You don't go up to a potential employer and say "Your firm is the best in the world, I am so passionate about investment banking, are you hiring?" just as you shouldn't approach a chick with something like "you're absolutely beautiful."
Fuck that non-sense.
I agree. IMO, the one exception is women who are insecure or drunk.
Potentially decent advice gets unfairly discredited when the author doesn't have basic command over the English language.
Came across this article that I thought was an interesting read and somewhat related to this thread, so I'm just going to drop it here.
http://markmanson.net/the-toxic-10-scale
Good approach=Small talk with gradually transition into something more substantive. Body langue and appearance are key. It works especially well for students as conversation is expected.
Feckless approach, "Hello, I love your freckles. May I call you 'Pepper'?"
Creepy approach, "Hello, I love your freckles. May I... [the ensuing pun repeating the word "freckles" is so bad that it is unfit to be read, and it could trigger a moral panic]".
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