Man Week: The Bachelor Hood

Depending on life experience and trajectory, somewhere between the late teens and early 30's most men will experience bachelorhood. For the wisest among us, this era will stretch until death do us part. This is the time of your life that can loosely be defined as no longer a boy, but with the freedom of one.

Once upon a time, this was the most prized period of a man's life. It was accompanied by an air of debauchery, rebelliousness and devil may care attitude in literature, media and film. Guys fought, chased tail, drank themselves under the table...and sometimes under the ground. Generations of Americans grew up on James Dean, Jimmy Hendrix and Jim Morrison. You lived as fast as you could. Maybe you died young. Perhaps you even left a good looking corpse. Those days are long gone. Today, I will give you some reasons to bring them back to life.


The (Sad) State of Affairs



Today's bachelor is a shell of his former self. He's become a damsel in distress. He sits around and waits and calculates. He prides himself in being a thinker, while daily murdering the doer within. He has redefined the phrase he who hesitates...masturbates. Though the implications of the previous sentence may seem clear, they are actually far more expansive than most realize.

Today's bachelor is like a bride building her dowry. Accumulating bullshit to impress women, other he bachelorettes or worst of all, his own delusions. With these words in mind, read the following story and think about if it applies to you or someone you know:

Some weeks ago I met up with my buddy Stan. Stan's a good guy and a successful financial industry professional. He's got all the trinkets most monkeys obsess over. A good, stable job. A chunky paycheck. A great car and apartment. A corpulent bank roll. He gets A's across the board.

We had a couple of drinks at a local spot and some dinner, as well. I chatted up the table of girls next to us, Stan was disinterested. His Blackberry was malfunctioning and his tranquil universe could not entertain intrusion. Eventually, the ladies joined us but the conversation didn't go far. Five of them and two of us would only work with a team effort. Sadly, Stan was in a rush. It was the weekend, after all and the one-day TMobile promotion was going on. Stan needed a new phone. Like. Now. Well aware of the imminent AT&T buyout offer, he wanted to do a bit of his own merger arb. He was rude and dismissive to the girls, who we wound up leaving at our table as he practically dragged me out the door.

For the next hour we would circle the stuffy cell phone store with Stan interrogating the salesman and negotiating down prices while pilfering extra features. Here was a man making well into the six-figures (on the fast track to seven) busting balls over what wouldn't amount to more than $200 in savings over the span of 12 months. Upon our leaving the shop, his face shone in victorious glee. His post-coital shit eating grin soon subsided. He was back to melancholy.

Dude, I'm lonely. I cannot find happiness for the fuck of me. Women are fucking shit, all they want is money. I wish I could have a family. I'd trade everything for a real life.


If You are a Stan...



It is easy to take a story like this and tailor it to your own views. After all, you don't know my friend. You don't know that he's a great guy. You don't know that he's nice and funny and chill and giving and caring and loyal and smart and charismatic...the problem is neither does he. You see, my man Stan has no identity or personality that he can call his own. His life is a constant stream of mergers and acquisitions. He is always buying something or looking to buy or looking to invest. He is never actually out there living and enjoying the moment. He craves simple pleasures, but complicates his life beyond measure.

He would confess to me later, that he thought one of the girls at our table to be gorgeous but was too focused on maintaining his dietary regimen to talk to her.

You see, Stan is focused on losing 50 lbs, because when he loses that weight... girls will like him more. Nowhere in the life manual that has been repeatedly beaten into his head was it written: deal with the situation at hand, there may not be a tomorrow.

As this post is already starting to get lengthy, I will skip straight to the meat without serving you guys any more appetizers. You are young and you only live once. There is no greater penalty in life than lost time and unused energetic potential. Here is a short and sweet guide to living your bachelorhood to the fullest.

The Bachelor Hood: Rep With Pride



Rule#1: Be Independent

It's funny how much talk you hear about independent women. It looks more and more like guys have accepted that independence is a female quality. So let's outline the sub text so there is no confusion:

a) There is no such thing as a guy's night out. You do not need a crew to hit the bar, the club or whatever social event. Going out by yourself is called living, you may seek sex and you may live in the city... but this ain't Sex and the City. You do not need a crew, stand strong on your own two.


Rule#2: Debauchery is God

Putting on weight is okay. Staring at her cleavage while you talk is okay. Farting/burping/adjusting your crotch/scratching your ass in public is okay. Making fun of those who are different from you is okay. Not respecting authority is okay. Every last fucking thing is okay, so long as you feel the need to do it and you are aware of potential penalties. Pursue your desires vigorously and with reckless abandon...and don't lie to yourself about career advancement being your passion. Go out and start some shit. Get into a situation where the outcome isn't clear. Make a complete and utter ass out of yourself. Realize how incredibly liberating it is and why it doesn't come in a glossy box.

Rule#3: Develop a Personality Via Hobby or Passion

I sometimes lose my mind over how many chicks have so many different interests. I knew a model who most men would drool over who liked knitting and could talk your ear off about it. That shit was cool. Really cool. That is called having a personality. Having an interest tied only to your own affinity, without need for approval. I am amazed how many dudes don't know shit about anything, other than: their job/career, sports, pop culture, college major. This state of affairs stems from the growing desire of men to conform. This is a female trait. Fucking stop it. Take your skirt off. It doesn't have to be mixed martial arts, sky diving or the stalking of wild game. You do not need to be a part-time DJ or dope dealer. Just do something that you like. Hell, stamp collecting is the shit... if it is your shit. Stop looking to be like others. Stop worrying about what others will say and think of your words or actions. Figure out what gives you enjoyment and then do it. Repeatedly and shamelessly. Don't look for society's approval. Look for your own.

Rule#4: Make Love

Sex and violence are the two biggest issues facing the bachelor today. Guys either can't get ass to save themselves or they are swimming in fish tail. Both groups are not having enough good sex, however. When I say good sex, I mean the kind where both you and the girl are emotionally vested. This may sound counter intuitive to propagating debauchery, but remember... I didn't tell you not to cheat. Bachelorhood is a great time to explore relationships with different women. This means dating, getting to know, cohabitation, breaking up, making up and kicking her ass, couch and that ugly ass coffee table her mom gave her to the curb. This means not being an eternal playboy. This means not being in long term relationships in your 20's. This means not keeping porno shop owners and pick-up artist websites in business. This means going out and learning about women through being with them. This means learning how to please them and teaching them how to please you. Good relationships cannot happen later in life, without proper exploration today.

Rule#5: Make War

This section is so important that it is getting its own post... tomorrow.

Epilogue



There are a great many issues which I simply do not have the time to touch upon here and now. Let's simplify them greatly and say that men do not have a cozy welcoming place waiting for them in this society if they are of strong will and non linear mind. Many of you will go through life as opinionated, neutered little pups, barking bravely in a crowd of millions but pissing your legs when standing alone. If you fit this description, admit to your self and do something about it. It is never too late.

You are your own God, your own President, your own Man.

Nobody can tell you what is right, but everyone will tell you what is wrong.

Fuck them all, myself included. Live the life you desire, not the one you have accepted being sentenced to.

Become a man... Stan. Today is your day.

 

Originally I was going to say that you and Eddie should start a man workshop to kick some ass (you could get guys to pay you $250 to let you beat them up). Then I realized that would probably defeat the purpose.

Either way, these posts are great.

looking for that pick-me-up to power through an all-nighter?
 

Another great post. Re: Rule #1 - I agree you don't need a man-posse to roll out to the bar...but are you really saying we should go out by ourselves?? Having one wingman is good. Plus those nights where you get trashed with 6 of your friends and then make a fool out of yourselves at the bar can be fun, although they do usually end up nowhere.

 
HireUp212:
Another great post. Re: Rule #1 - I agree you don't need a man-posse to roll out to the bar...but are you really saying we should go out by ourselves?? Having one wingman is good. Plus those nights where you get trashed with 6 of your friends and then make a fool out of yourselves at the bar can be fun, although they do usually end up nowhere.

Ya, I'm not so sure about rule 1 here. Unlike caddy girls who just create a clique and don't like each other, I actually like my friends and enjoy hanging out with them. It's hilarious to get a huge group together and pre-game, then hit the bars. You certainly don't need a huge posse but you need a wingman or two.

 

What sad state of affairs? Most guys I know are partying like its 1999 and they are still 19 well into their 30s. During my apex I was getting so much tail that I saw my roommate (I was living w/ 3 girls at the time) sprawled out on the couch and a very serious thought crossed my mind: I should just take her pants off and fuck her. Like that is something you just decide to do and then it happens.

Sorry about your friend Stan, sounds like his life sucks.

 
someotherguy:
What sad state of affairs? Most guys I know are partying like its 1999 and they are still 19 well into their 30s. During my apex I was getting so much tail that I saw my roommate (I was living w/ 3 girls at the time) sprawled out on the couch and a very serious thought crossed my mind: I should just take her pants off and fuck her. Like that is something you just decide to do and then it happens.

Sorry about your friend Stan, sounds like his life sucks.

Glad to hear that, more should follow suit. The situation you outlined, however, is not the status quo or anywhere close to it. Stan is far more emblematic of today's bachelor, unfortunately. -1 for passing on passed out roomie, btw... you always hit the corpse.

 
someotherguy:
What sad state of affairs? Most guys I know are partying like its 1999 and they are still 19 well into their 30s. During my apex I was getting so much tail that I saw my roommate (I was living w/ 3 girls at the time) sprawled out on the couch and a very serious thought crossed my mind: I should just take her pants off and fuck her. Like that is something you just decide to do and then it happens.

Sorry about your friend Stan, sounds like his life sucks.

That's called rape dude.

 
cheese86:
someotherguy:
What sad state of affairs? Most guys I know are partying like its 1999 and they are still 19 well into their 30s. During my apex I was getting so much tail that I saw my roommate (I was living w/ 3 girls at the time) sprawled out on the couch and a very serious thought crossed my mind: I should just take her pants off and fuck her. Like that is something you just decide to do and then it happens.

Sorry about your friend Stan, sounds like his life sucks.

That's called rape dude.

Oh man, haven't been here in about a week and I see this reply, as well as some monkey shiat thrown at me.

Well my roommate was awake, watching tv- totally consensual.

 

@ the rule #1 comments

This is one of the classic examples of how heterosexual male tendencies are vilified by modern society. A man alone on the prowl is a wolf, hungry and dangerous. A pack of dogs on the other hand is cute and controllable. Sure they bark and piss all over but they are easy to track and subdue. A hungry wolf, however, can chomp down your whole flock of sheep and disappear into the night. If that sounds a bit too theatrical, you clearly haven't had an adequate comparison.

I dig having your boys around for companionship and the confidence comfort of a wing man. That having been said, you always eat better when you hunt solo. The wing man relationship is overrated in my opinion. It may be tougher at first, but there's no comparison once you start seeing results. Wing men fuck shit up and if you read between the lines you probably realize I don't buy into many aspects of game as it is mass marketed today.

I agree that in the college atmosphere you are going to get a few looks. These looks, however, are mostly of fawning man fans and sycophantic chicks wondering how you got the audacity to show up without a posse. The story of you look creepy alone doesn't fly if you are confident and care about what matters to you and not some bullshit audience. More than anything else, that was the main point of the post.

Try what I suggested, you may fail at first...but once you succeed you'll see precisely why I made it the first rule.

 
Midas Mulligan Magoo:
@ the rule #1 comments

This is one of the classic examples of how heterosexual male tendencies are vilified by modern society. A man alone on the prowl is a wolf, hungry and dangerous. A pack of dogs on the other hand is cute and controllable. Sure they bark and piss all over but they are easy to track and subdue. A hungry wolf, however, can chomp down your whole flock of sheep and disappear into the night. If that sounds a bit too theatrical, you clearly haven't had an adequate comparison.

I dig having your boys around for companionship and the confidence comfort of a wing man. That having been said, you always eat better when you hunt solo. The wing man relationship is overrated in my opinion. It may be tougher at first, but there's no comparison once you start seeing results. Wing men fuck shit up and if you read between the lines you probably realize I don't buy into many aspects of game as it is mass marketed today.

I agree that in the college atmosphere you are going to get a few looks. These looks, however, are mostly of fawning man fans and sycophantic chicks wondering how you got the audacity to show up without a posse. The story of you look creepy alone doesn't fly if you are confident and care about what matters to you and not some bullshit audience. More than anything else, that was the main point of the post.

Try what I suggested, you may fail at first...but once you succeed you'll see precisely why I made it the first rule.

Definitely listen to what Midas is saying here... I discovered this on accident a few months ago when all my friends were out of town on a trip but I had to stick around and work. It's uncomfortable at first but after a few drinks you'll lighten up and really stop giving a shit if everyone else is looking at you. When you do catch people looking stare back and don't be the first to break eye contact (death glares at the guys, sex eyes at the ladies). An added bonus of being by yourself is that women are more comfortable APPROACHING YOU. They can sense that you're confident and not insecure, and are much more comfortable approaching a guy who is by himself than a guy who is with 8-9 of his drunken retard friends.

Summon the courage (whiskey helps with this) and give it a try...

 

Tell Stan he could be a camera man and take videos of women doing softcore to get his confidence up. Shit my buddy rode the train for 1.5 hours each day for 2 months to network and he made a lot of videos of chick doing their thing. Pretty soon he was in some of those videos, then the chicks told their friends ... next thing I know he lays the girls down, lines them across Park Ave from Midtown to Downtown and rolls down striking gold every other roll.

 

I agree with number 1. Some guys will refuse to go out unless they cant get a group of five or more guys together. Nothing wrong with going out your self. I pick up more woman that way anyway.

Disagree with not having a long term relationship in your 20s though. if your 27- 29 you may want to consider at least trying a stable relationship for about a year. If nothing else just to work on commitment. I mean who wants to be 45 sitting in some singles bar trying to pick up 20 year old girls that are basically laughing at how sad your life has become.

Oh and don't cheat on a girl you are actually serious about and are considering being in a relationship with because that just causes problems, its immature , and its an asshole thing to do.

 

I just relocated to a new area. I went out alone to a bar a few weeks ago and it was terribly uncomfortable. Everyone was with a group of people and I looked like a complete loser. I was approached by one girl--she asked me if it would be OK if I moved so that she and her group could have my table.

Array
 
Virginia Tech 4ever:
I just relocated to a new area. I went out alone to a bar a few weeks ago and it was terribly uncomfortable. Everyone was with a group of people and I looked like a complete loser. I was approached by one girl--she asked me if it would be OK if I moved so that she and her group could have my table.

Going out alone depends on these factors: 1) it depends on the bar you go to 2) dont sit at a table sit at the bar itself 3) Sit near people so you can blend in a little 4) make small talk with people around you maybe even the bartender (waitress too) and if you come off as friendly people will soon stop looking at you like a loser.

It is not easy to do the first time and it takes some balls. You may want to get a drink as soon as possible to loosen up first. If you can get these four things correct though you can come across very well with woman and they may even approach you for reasons other than wanting your table.

 
Virginia Tech 4ever:
I just relocated to a new area. I went out alone to a bar a few weeks ago and it was terribly uncomfortable. Everyone was with a group of people and I looked like a complete loser. I was approached by one girl--she asked me if it would be OK if I moved so that she and her group could have my table.

Perfect cure for you. Custom made. Pretend she's a liberal idiot (if female and between 18-30, likely is anyway) who just told you that being white, christian and heterosexual means you can only go out in an easily identifiable and classifiable group...this is the reason you owe it to her to get up and leave. From that point, just be yourself.

Amazing things happen with proper motivation.

 

Midas, I really like what you and Eddie have been putting together, not just here, but the NSFWs are great too. This is some good material to sit down, reflect on, and do a good evaluation of yourself. But I do have one question: what happens if you get all this information 10 years too late, and you are in your 20's and already married? Is all hope lost? Have you forfeited your male birthright and forever banished to the deserts of domestication?

 
Grayson:
Midas, I really like what you and Eddie have been putting together, not just here, but the NSFWs are great too. This is some good material to sit down, reflect on, and do a good evaluation of yourself. But I do have one question: what happens if you get all this information 10 years too late, and you are in your 20's and already married? Is all hope lost? Have you forfeited your male birthright and forever banished to the deserts of domestication?

Excellent question, Grayson. Welcome to the party. There is nothing wrong with "getting married young". For thousands of years we were wed as young teens and had teens of our own by our mid 20's. Things are out of whack today and people who marry young are not to be looked down upon or hated. Far from it, if you are one of the few who can make it work...you're the one who is blessed. The love of a good woman and your kids trumps any crazy story I can tell and I've gotta a warehouse full.

That having been said. As a man, you have to be smart and know that marriage in America is disadvantageous to you in every single possible way. If you haven't already, take steps to protect your assets, your ass and your sanity. Since I don't know you or your situation I am not going to make any direct suggestions. All I will say is that genetics and biology do not discriminate. Men age like fine wine. Women age like an open bottle of Bud Light left out at noon on a summer day. If you feel you missed out on something, make up for it.

There are also many crazy things you can do that don't involve sex. I am going to be expanding on the value of hobbies later in the week and I suggest you check that post out. There's all sorts of meat to pound out there, metaphorically speaking.

 

Regarding rule #1...

Going out by yourself can definitely be done, but it's often harder.

My ideal is to go out with one friend, maybe two, and open up groups of girls of roughly the same size. I also like to go out with a female friend, and make small talk with other people (girls love it when they hear she's just my friend, and not my girlfriend). Being with someone, especially alpha guys or hot girls, gives you excellent social proof.

Now, if all you do is talk to the people you went out with, that's pointless. Often, I will go out with a group of guy friends but "get lost" in the club. I always have a group of guys I can chat with or to pull a group of girls to, but I move around the club/bar by myself, or with one guy who is an excellent wingman that adds value. Girls will notice you are there with people and won't think you are a lonely creepy loser out on the town by yourself.

 

To me it sounds like Stan just wants to find a good girl and settle down already (I infer this from the "women are fucking shit all they want is money, I just want a family" part). He certainly doesn't sound like he wants to live out the bachelor lifestyle (as described in your post) to its full extent. Wouldn't you say your advice is counterproductive to someone like Stan?

 
chewingum:
To me it sounds like Stan just wants to find a good girl and settle down already (I infer this from the "women are fucking shit all they want is money, I just want a family" part). He certainly doesn't sound like he wants to live out the bachelor lifestyle (as described in your post) to its full extent. Wouldn't you say your advice is counterproductive to someone like Stan?

I hate quoting myself but when it applies:

MidasMulliganMagoo:
It is easy to take a story like this and tailor it to your own views.

If you go back and reread you'll see that Stan living out some fantasy isn't the issue. The issue is that Stan had a potentially good girl in front of him...but was instead so paralyzed by his insecurities that he shitted on her without even knowing it. Girls do this all the time, they project their being "fat", "bloated", "bad hair day" bullshit all over the guy in front of them. This guy may actually be awesome, but they pass him up and then say "where have all the good men gone". Stan did the same and didn't notice. Neither did you. This should be a lesson to us all. The devil is in the details, not every single thought and point can be spelled out.

Go and read Eddie's post where he talks about dudes who would "rather rub one out to a 10 from a porno, then actually get with a 6 in real life". The subject here is a man, who is acting like a woman. Choosing the home shopping network life instead of going out and finding a wife. If anything, it is his obsession with saving a few crumbs, (when he takes home a fucking bread factory every week) that is akin to a "gold digger". Over analysis is the mind killer. I've talked about this to Stan many times. He still thinks it's them and not him...

 

If you think this doesn't work you are doing something wrong. End of story.

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee WSO is not your personal search function.
 
happypantsmcgee:
disregard females, acquire currency.

In other words money over bitches.

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee WSO is not your personal search function.
 
blackfinancier:
happypantsmcgee:
disregard females, acquire currency.

In other words money over bitches.

Thanks for clearing that up.
If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford
 

The lifestyle of investment banking (and finance in general) breeds "Stans" in droves. Think about it, on paper, has everything a girl should want; but key things are missing.

Things like: a personality (hard to have one when you're cooped up in an office all day), passion for life and interesting hobbies (again, office all day), free time ("sorry honey, have to work on this pitch"), lack of interesting stories, etc. AND it's not just about actually working all the time. I work all the time, truth be told; but I'm no one's bitch and if I want to take a day (or week, or month) off, I can. There's nothing more emasculating than having to cancel a date because you have to work on something for someone else (and doing that often). It's very, very, very un-alpha and it impacts you psychologically. To be a true alpha male that pulls hot chicks like crazy, you either have to be your own boss, or if you do work for someone else, be very high up and extremely independent such that you have the mentality of being your own boss. I find that by the time most of the Stans reach that level of independence career-wise, they have already settled for someone relatively mediocre. (Trading is an exception, since it's very independent and the hours are much better - maybe that's why the guys in it are usually more "alpha/jock" type? - it's all starting to make sense now, isn't it monkeys?).

No one I know who is a baller and pulls lots of women is an ibanker (or HF or PE or any finance for that matter). Most of them are very independent and either work for the "family business" or have bullshit jobs (i.e. they work to live, not live to work). I don't think a true baller would subject themselves to the bullshit that is ibanking or your traditional finance job. It's one of the reasons I was so happy to resign a few years ago from PE. :)

 
alexpasch:
The lifestyle of investment banking (and finance in general) breeds "Stans" in droves. Think about it, on paper, has everything a girl should want; but key things are missing.

Things like: a personality (hard to have one when you're cooped up in an office all day), passion for life and interesting hobbies (again, office all day), free time ("sorry honey, have to work on this pitch"), lack of interesting stories, etc. AND it's not just about actually working all the time. I work all the time, truth be told; but I'm no one's bitch and if I want to take a day (or week, or month) off, I can. There's nothing more emasculating than having to cancel a date because you have to work on something for someone else (and doing that often). It's very, very, very un-alpha and it impacts you psychologically. To be a true alpha male that pulls hot chicks like crazy, you either have to be your own boss, or if you do work for someone else, be very high up and extremely independent such that you have the mentality of being your own boss. I find that by the time most of the Stans reach that level of independence career-wise, they have already settled for someone relatively mediocre. (Trading is an exception, since it's very independent and the hours are much better - maybe that's why the guys in it are usually more "alpha/jock" type? - it's all starting to make sense now, isn't it monkeys?).

No one I know who is a baller and pulls lots of women is an ibanker (or HF or PE or any finance for that matter). Most of them are very independent and either work for the "family business" or have bullshit jobs (i.e. they work to live, not live to work). I don't think a true baller would subject themselves to the bullshit that is ibanking or your traditional finance job. It's one of the reasons I was so happy to resign a few years ago from PE. :)

For the record, Stan has a great personality. He's just too hard on himself and even though finance does breed drones, he had these problems way before. The rest of what you said, I'd pretty much co-sign...with one caveat.

The whole "you have to be alpha" slogan is a bit over hyped, in my opinion. Guys who struggle and need pointers the most do not need to be told to go out and "be like Mike". They need to have fun. Being alpha is not as teachable as a lot of pick up preachers would have us think. When you and I focus on "alpha...alpha...alpha" we're confusing guys who need to master the basics.

In my view, setting limitations and boundaries on approach is what kills. Let's take having girls as friends, for example. Many men ridicule this, but I don't. As a man who can't make friends with women for shit, I see how much more easy ass I'd pull if I had girls to help me out. Having ten chicks I could call who may want to fix me up would be a better social lubricant than any slick line or game spitting. This is just one simple sample of things dudes who are struggling do not think about. Guys need to learn to think outside of the box...even if they are still living in it.

 
Midas Mulligan Magoo:
alexpasch:
The lifestyle of investment banking (and finance in general) breeds "Stans" in droves. Think about it, on paper, has everything a girl should want; but key things are missing.

Things like: a personality (hard to have one when you're cooped up in an office all day), passion for life and interesting hobbies (again, office all day), free time ("sorry honey, have to work on this pitch"), lack of interesting stories, etc. AND it's not just about actually working all the time. I work all the time, truth be told; but I'm no one's bitch and if I want to take a day (or week, or month) off, I can. There's nothing more emasculating than having to cancel a date because you have to work on something for someone else (and doing that often). It's very, very, very un-alpha and it impacts you psychologically. To be a true alpha male that pulls hot chicks like crazy, you either have to be your own boss, or if you do work for someone else, be very high up and extremely independent such that you have the mentality of being your own boss. I find that by the time most of the Stans reach that level of independence career-wise, they have already settled for someone relatively mediocre. (Trading is an exception, since it's very independent and the hours are much better - maybe that's why the guys in it are usually more "alpha/jock" type? - it's all starting to make sense now, isn't it monkeys?).

No one I know who is a baller and pulls lots of women is an ibanker (or HF or PE or any finance for that matter). Most of them are very independent and either work for the "family business" or have bullshit jobs (i.e. they work to live, not live to work). I don't think a true baller would subject themselves to the bullshit that is ibanking or your traditional finance job. It's one of the reasons I was so happy to resign a few years ago from PE. :)

For the record, Stan has a great personality. He's just too hard on himself and even though finance does breed drones, he had these problems way before. The rest of what you said, I'd pretty much co-sign...with one caveat.

The whole "you have to be alpha" slogan is a bit over hyped, in my opinion. Guys who struggle and need pointers the most do not need to be told to go out and "be like Mike". They need to have fun. Being alpha is not as teachable as a lot of pick up preachers would have us think. When you and I focus on "alpha...alpha...alpha" we're confusing guys who need to master the basics.

In my view, setting limitations and boundaries on approach is what kills. Let's take having girls as friends, for example. Many men ridicule this, but I don't. As a man who can't make friends with women for shit, I see how much more easy ass I'd pull if I had girls to help me out. Having ten chicks I could call who may want to fix me up would be a better social lubricant than any slick line or game spitting. This is just one simple sample of things dudes who are struggling do not think about. Guys need to learn to think outside of the box...even if they are still living in it.

I do agree that it's overhyped as far as a slogan/motto, but how else to verbalize it? What I mean is that it's not really about what you do, but your mentality and how you do it. The basics that most guys need to work on are related to mentality, not to mannerisms, pick up lines, etc. None of that shit matters, picking up women is 90% inside your head.

I know this is true because I've lived it. Sometimes you're "off", and can't even open something, no matter how much your buddies egg you on. And then other nights you're on fire, open everything in sight by yourself, are the life of the party and can take any girl there home with you. It's all in your head...

 
alexpasch:
The lifestyle of investment banking (and finance in general) breeds "Stans" in droves. Think about it, on paper, has everything a girl should want; but key things are missing.

Things like: a personality (hard to have one when you're cooped up in an office all day), passion for life and interesting hobbies (again, office all day), free time ("sorry honey, have to work on this pitch"), lack of interesting stories, etc. AND it's not just about actually working all the time. I work all the time, truth be told; but I'm no one's bitch and if I want to take a day (or week, or month) off, I can. There's nothing more emasculating than having to cancel a date because you have to work on something for someone else (and doing that often). It's very, very, very un-alpha and it impacts you psychologically. To be a true alpha male that pulls hot chicks like crazy, you either have to be your own boss, or if you do work for someone else, be very high up and extremely independent such that you have the mentality of being your own boss. I find that by the time most of the Stans reach that level of independence career-wise, they have already settled for someone relatively mediocre. (Trading is an exception, since it's very independent and the hours are much better - maybe that's why the guys in it are usually more "alpha/jock" type? - it's all starting to make sense now, isn't it monkeys?).

No one I know who is a baller and pulls lots of women is an ibanker (or HF or PE or any finance for that matter). Most of them are very independent and either work for the "family business" or have bullshit jobs (i.e. they work to live, not live to work). I don't think a true baller would subject themselves to the bullshit that is ibanking or your traditional finance job. It's one of the reasons I was so happy to resign a few years ago from PE. :)

i thought this was a great post +1

it's interesting the biggest players in college i know (i'm not one) all went to the typical 'best' banks, ie best of the bracket. and i wouldn't consider them "Stans" by any measure. they are decent to very good looking, well rounded, extremely smart and seem to have no problems at all getting women to notice them.

are these exceptions to the rule? this could just be in australia. the "upper-bracket" seems to take them. the "lower-bracket" (sorry for this classification) seems to take the type Alex is talking about but are OK (not really frustrated like Stan) i haven't met many that fit the Stan 'type' well except bankers from HK or Asia.

also thanks for the original Eddie

 
sanjose04:
While the lifestyle dpeicted above sounds great, I'm a little bit worried about getting HIV...

How about you look at your right forearm and ask yourself what you are more worried about the inexpensive purchase of a condom or that getting bigger.

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee WSO is not your personal search function.
 

Thanks Midas, I'm glad to hear the young and married can still take part in man week, and I'll be waiting for the hobbies post. And again, it's good to see the question of what constitutes a true man in today's society brought up. I actually read the "where have all the good men gone" article a few weeks ago when it came out; thought about it for the rest of the day. It's stuff like that and good posts like this that help people do a self evaluation. It's always good to change the lens you look at yourself through from time to time. It keeps you sharp.

 
chewingum:
Another thing that occurred to me was that if everyone in the world was "beta" we would probably have fewer wars (and violent incidents in general). Is that a bad thing? All you need for the shit to hit the fan is one intransigent third-world dictator with access to nukes and an "alpha" decision making mentality.

I feel like someone is probably going to tear this apart pretty soon.

 
chewingum:
Another thing that occurred to me was that if everyone in the world was "beta" we would probably have fewer wars (and violent incidents in general). Is that a bad thing? All you need for the shit to hit the fan is one intransigent third-world dictator with access to nukes and an "alpha" decision making mentality.

Please tell me you are a girl, even if it is not the case...

Tell me how do you plan to supplant all the alphas for your betaverse? Wouldn't the likely logic of violent dictator testosterone junkies be: over my dead body?

 
chewingum:
Another thing that occurred to me was that if everyone in the world was "beta" we would probably have fewer wars (and violent incidents in general). Is that a bad thing? All you need for the shit to hit the fan is one intransigent third-world dictator with access to nukes and an "alpha" decision making mentality.

Let me guess, you think women running Wall Street would prevent financial crisis' from happening too?

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw
 

No need to get worked up, everybody. It's just a hypothetical situation: what if society bred everyone into betas (which is what Midas was arguing against in his original post), so there wouldn't be any alphas to run things because, well, there wouldn't be any alphas left? Would this hypothetical beta-filled, conflict-averse world really be that bad? That was my question.

The irony is that if I had my way, I would rather have a dictator who imposed peace (like Saddam - bad example but you get the point) than have a void of anarchy. I like order and structure, not disruption, so I am perfectly fine with the "pussi-fying" of unruly youth who make trouble and disturb the peace.

I am a guy, by the way.

jmayhem:
Let me guess, you think women running Wall Street would prevent financial crisis' from happening too?

War =/= financial crises

 
chewingum:
No need to get worked up, everybody. It's just a hypothetical situation: what if society bred everyone into betas (which is what Midas was arguing against in his original post), so there wouldn't be any alphas to run things because, well, there wouldn't be any alphas left? Would this hypothetical beta-filled, conflict-averse world really be that bad? That was my question.

The irony is that if I had my way, I would rather have a dictator who imposed peace (like Saddam - bad example but you get the point) than have a void of anarchy. I like order and structure, not disruption, so I am perfectly fine with the "pussi-fying" of unruly youth who make trouble and disturb the peace.

I am a guy, by the way.

jmayhem:
Let me guess, you think women running Wall Street would prevent financial crisis' from happening too?

War =/= financial crises

If you are an American I'm gonna punch myself in the balls. Even though you're not a woman, you have the biggest pussy I've every heard of.

 

Midas,

Great post! But a little bit too dramatic.

People on this forum (career chasers) most likely fit into your Stan description, but state of affairs isn't so bad.

I think it's about being in the right time and at the right place that you see dudes worthy of "man status."

I think wussiest existed back in your time as well.

Do what you want not what you can!
 

^ I agree with bossman

WSO monkeys are definitely more susceptible to falling in Stan's sad state, although it's not always that bad.

Debauchery and infidelity defines your manhood? I agree that you should live freely, but having total disregard for your own life and others does not make you a real man. Just because you're still young does not mean you are exempt from commitment and integrity

 

Hold up, hold up - let's go back to the going out by yourself part. I'd be uncomfortable as shit going out by myself on a weekend night but you're right, this is all bullshit societal conditioning and I could get past my fear. More importantly - I don't see this actually working in the bars that I hit up on weekends. You're telling me I can go to a place, sit at the bar, sip whiskey, chat up the bartender, and girls will just approach ME. That's perfect. But the place I frequent on weekends are pretty crowded spots where there are no seats at the bar much less time for the bartender to actually shoot the shit with you. And by yourself you would just get lost in the crowd - I don't see how women would approach you.
Does this work better on week nights? Does this work better at certain venues?

 
HFFBALLfan123:
I go out with a group of 4-5 of us (I have a girlfriend and am faithful so far) but all my friends hunt solo. Set up a home base, locate weak sheep, attack (if you need to, signal over support).

Very nice. I like the "locate weak sheep, attack" part. Reminds me of my glory days...

 

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********************************* “The American father is never seen in London. He passes his life entirely in Wall Street and communicates with his family once a month by means of a telegram in cipher.” - Oscar Wilde
 
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