Mentally Tough Love
Ok, so today out of the blue it just sort of hit me...I want to give you guys a gift. It is a catch-22 sort of present...wrapped in shiny foil, with a pretty bow, but holding within it's friendly confines an ugly truth.
You. Are. Soft.
Naturally, if these words do not apply to you, please disregard them and pay me no mind...
If you, however, find yourself in the throes of despair, the depths of depression and at the edge of the cliff...this thread's for you.
The truth is that all keys to all doors lie dormant in your own head. Unlocking them is simple, yet so frightening that most never will. Over the next few weeks, I plan to discuss the requisite mental tools one needs to sharpen in order to navigate his/her way not only to/through Wall Street, but life itself. There won't be any special titles or announcements. I will not shamelessly self promote as I am proudly prone to do. I do this with best intentions. Time for some of you to learn that the best taste in life can be delivered via knuckle sandwich.
Today's lead in will discuss a simple sales tactic. Use it the next time you meet a person from whom you seek something.
Three magic words:
Fear
Of
Loss
Have the self respect and belief in your own abilities to just walk away. Don't ask me for a graph demonstrating the efficiency of walking away. Don't think about whether your GPA or your internships are good enough to just turn your back. Don't worry about yesterday. This is a new day. Just. Walk. Away. Do it once today. Walk away from something. Walk away from someone. Let them realize how much they lose by having you gone.
Confidence doesn't happen when you hit the game winning shot in front of 25,000 screaming fans. Confidence happens in the gym, late at night, on jump shot # 9,999. You make confidence. Not being afraid to lose, builds a fear of losing you in others.
Life is hard. People judge you every day. They will ask "what use do I have from this kid?". You can remember all the punch lines and know all the technical theorems. If you do not believe in yourself, however, they will notice and THIS...is what gets many of you guys blown out in interviews.
There is nothing anyone choosing an employee, a friend, a partner (in business or life) will value more than a person who values themselves. So put away the tissue and stop pouting. So what if you haven't reached your goals? You will...just keep playing the game.
Put the fear of loss into anybody who doubts you. You are too good to be passed up. If you don't believe what I'm selling...try it...free of charge.
I bet you come back for seconds.
lol the new motivational speaker...your advice is good though (and true)...trying to make it on wall street or get the job, etc etc; the financial industry in general - rejection is so common that it makes even the most confident of people second guess themselves...
Great advice, great picture.
Triple M,
I JUST realized you have a blog on here (i know wtf right). Great article man.
When my friends ask why i juggle so many things in my life (full time work, gradschool (for fun), studying for IB, other grad school apps, gym), this is the reason why: the hunger for more success. Some people don't get it, i'm glad that (most) of the crowd on here understands.
Stay hungry my friends. Have a great weekend
nice, great advice.
I think one would have to be highly skilled at this in order to implement it correctly, although I agree with the premise.
Personally, I think I think I'd run the risk of appearing artificial and arragant, so I'm hesitant to employ it in an interview scenario. I'd rather sell myself on my infectious enthusiaism!
I will try it, albeit in a situation with less on the line, and try and build it incremently. It's not something that I'd be able to strike up straight off the bat given the potential consequences and how delicate a process it is.
Perhaps some chick in a bar!?
Midas,
As always, well said.
Excellent Advice, Midas.
One other piece of advice I have to offer is, "What's the worst that would happen?" That's the question you need to ask yourself. It is a much easier question to ask once you've been working for a year or at least have another offer (any offer- manager at Kroger is fine) lined up.
For people who always focus on the 95% worst-case (like me- in CS, we always went over worst-case runtimes in our proofs), "What's the worst that could happen?" is always a good analysis. As you go through life, that worst-case situation gets less and less scary, and you start getting more and more confident. It's a lot easier to risk $10K for an aggregate result of $11K if you've got $20K in the bank than if you've only got $7K and have to borrow the other three.
Three years ago, it was, "I don't get a job, and as promised, my parents kick me out on the street."
Two years ago, it was, "I get fired, collect 26-weeks of unemployment, and hopefully find another job before I run out of savings about six months later."
See, life is a lot better when you've got experience and savings.
Midas, I have to say that this is sound advice. This is what I did this recruiting season... I had a job lined up at a BB in investment/asset management but knew that I wanted IB. I had a 3 week exploding offer and tried working with HR to see if I could interview for IB internally but they demanded an answer, so I told them I'm sorry but I'm too young to not go after my dream job right now. So I went after it, networked hard and landed a BB IBD gig. My friends, parents, and other colleagues told me I was nuts and that I should take the bird in hand, but for me I knew that I wouldn't be able to live with the "what if?" Life isn't for the weak of heart... I'm so glad you brought up this life lesson Midas because I think we all need a kick in the ass sometimes. Go after your dreams hard... Have the balls to say how you feel and detach your self worth from the outcome. One of my mentors at a former sales organization I worked with said, "I don't expect to win all the time, but due to my confidence in my own abilities I can be fearless in the moment, knowing that sometimes I will fail, but my self worth is not tied to the outcome." All that guy did was go on to break a decade old sales record everyone thought was unreachable and then went on to co-found one of the most successful sales consulting firms in the world.
Thanks again, for the great post Midas...
I look forward to this.
Great post MMM. Look forward to the rest of this series (and hopefully another NSFW this Sunday)
well said Midas.... I'd like to add one quote as well... "the old religion says 'He is an atheist who does not believe in God' but the new religion now says "He is an atheist who does not believe in himself"
Excellent post MMM, well written.
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