I’d like to share with you all a brief story – something that recently happened to me. Will do so ‘in effect’ rather than verbatim to protect anonymity of the counter-parties in this story. What you should take away from this, young monkeys, is something you should never do. With that, a brief recounting of events as they transpired:
In addition to my finance-related work, I work with a local non-profit. To make a long story short, let’s say the non-profit is a benefit program for younger students with certain kinds of disabilities. It affords them the opportunity to branch out and try new sorts of enrichment activities and trips on an international level. So these kids will get to travel all around Asia and experience really fun activities. Brilliant kids – every last one of ‘em.
So I’m trying to set up an event for these guys in a foreign country, let’s say it’s Malaysia. I send a perfectly innocuous e-mail to a contact in Malaysia saying, “Great to meet you, blah blah blah, got your contact info from Jim…would be interested in learning more about xyz for our kids!” Straightforward. I hear nothing for a few days.
Then, a rather mysterious e-mail arrives. From someone else, with whom I’ve never spoken, but in response to my first e-mail, as is evident from the Subject: line. I open it up and my jaw drops.
This e-mail, addressed directly to me and again, written by someone with whom I’ve never spoken, rips me apart for having a factually inaccurate introductory e-mail, claiming that I clearly have not done my research on the organization because of reasons a,b, and c. The e-mail continues for 1800 words (think 3+ times the length of this post) shredding me for not conducting thorough due diligence on the organization and how much I’ve offended them with my questions.
Oh yeah, and he copied the e-mail to OVER 30 PEOPLE, all of whom work in related fields across Asia. At the end of the note, he casually mentions, yes everyone, this note is ‘just for your reference.’
Recap: Wrote an introductory e-mail to a non-profit trying to form a link. Received a response from someone whom I never contacted wherein he berated me and my organization. That e-mail was copied to anyone whom I might ever want to talk with about this or a similar project. Not so great.
Two lessons to be had here, young chimps. Listen up:
1) Unforgivable mistake I made - don’t always trust what you read on the web. The information I used in my initial e-mail I had found ON THAT SAME ORGANIZATION’S WEBSITE. Yet it was factually incorrect. If I had put my PE hat on while sending this e-mail, I would have and should have corroborated everything I found on their site with a third party.
and
2) Unforgivable mistake he made – copying a scathing e-mail to over 30 people and eliminating any sort of credibility I have with them moving forward. On a scale of 1 – 100, the chance that I go out of my way to do this guy any sort of favor is less than the number of balls I have between my legs. Don’t be a jerk by exposing other people’s mistakes to a wider crowd than needs to see them and especially ruining someone else’s chance at accomplishing their goal.
I cannot overstate the importance of this when working with a team in the finance world. We’re all going to screw up at some point. Whether it’s a misplaced decimal point, a formatting oversight, a botched due diligence operation, or even a blown deal, finance is a tricky game and mistakes are part of it! If someone on your team, especially a subordinate, makes a mistake, turn that moment into a teaching and learning moment, not one for public castigation and humiliation. Air your dirty laundry somewhere out of earshot from the rest of the team.
Rule one of business – before you open your mouth, get your facts straight. Rule two – don’t be a jerk.
I'm not really seeing how you screwed up, but what a piece of shit that other guy is.
Ditto
Yeah I don't see what you did wrong, could you please clarify.
What could you have possibly said about volunteer work with kids to warrant that kind of response?
Surely this chap has done himself no favours by copying all those people, who can see what an insufferable douche mover he is.
What a dick. Any chance he didn't speak english well/misunderstood something big
i really wanna read this e-mail haha
Love your posts
I honestly failed to see what you did wrong. Let me get this straight
In the original email, you only wrote "Great to meet you, blah blah blah, got your contact info from Jim…would be interested in learning more about xyz for our kids". You effectively referenced a mutual contact and was just trying to learn more about their organization and how you guys can work together for your kids. I saw nothing wrong with this. In fact, this is pretty much how I send cold/warm emails to other professionals I'm trying to form a link with ("Hey, Jim/Jane told me about you. Would be interested in learning more about your experience/career path/blah blah. Wanna meet up for coffee??")
You got their information directly from their website. So what the d-bag said about you not doing any DD is incorrect. Of course we should always be critical about information. But I'm telling you, if the info in your email is obtained from their official website, and this is not a multi-million dollar deal, or if this is something where nothing is at stake, and you're still just trying to "learn more about xyz", I don't see any reason why you should feel bad about yourself and call this "unforgivable mistake"
They can't even get the right information on THEIR OWN WEBSITE?
It seems strange to me that someone would be pissed off THAT MUCH (or have that much time) to warrant an essay (1800 words you say?) and copy 30 people in it. Are you sure you've never met this guy or offended him before (without you recognizing?)
Anyway, if he replied to your original email, that means the other 30 people will see how innocuous your first email was. Don't get too worked up about this.
Just curious, did you write anything back/contact him after he named and shamed you? How did it go?
Wait none of us thought to ask - did you reply to the fuming email?
Public shaming goes both ways. You are clearly in the right and will only look foolish if you let someone disrespect you publicly. If I were you, I'd write back something to the effect that
"you are glad to have been forewarned about a mistake, HOWEVER, it is no reason to sink to the level of publicly smearing you in such a shameful way, and should consider this association terminated...and that you are blocking his email."
I would write what I just said, and cc the exact 30 people he did. Then block his email. If someone has a problem with that, you don't want to know them, and no one wants to be associated with that.
I'm passing through the financial industry at this point in life, but I'm actually a psych/religion major who's probably going to end up in law or psychiatry in the long term. I know much less about this industry than many people, but I do know people and what makes them tick. HUMILIATION is the nuclear emotion, to the extent that Edgar Allen Poe wrote "The Cask of Amontillado"....humiliation and insult are not something that many people can bear up under very well if undeserved. While the Italians have a saying (revenge is a dish best served cold) I suggest you right the situation IMMEDIATELY and do as I instructed.
Best of luck, and I do hope you find a charitable organization worthy of your time!
Stay classy but stand your ground, do not let one asshole sink you.
Truth is, people are so buried in email that it's likely maybe only 10 people read the email at all and maybe 3 read the whole thing. It's even more likely that if you let it blow over for a month nobody--not one person, including the person who wrote you the email--will even remember your name. It's really tempting to write a hateful--or even intelligent and polite--email back to the guy Ccing everyone on it, but it would probably be better to let it blow over.
No, guy was just an asshole. You did nothing wrong.
To be honest, you could probably bet that hardly any of the other cc'd people read it.
So, the guy who wrote you back - you have zero recollection of? I like UFO's advice, but why not make the first line in your response "my initial email was for xyz, I don't know who you are or why you are writing to me"
This is really sharp. I'm making a mental note of using this trick to burn people, even if I know them. I also the the suggestion registering his email to a ton of pr0n
Just register his email to a lot of gay porn websites.
Seriously thought, guy clearly has some issues in his life and is taking it out on you.
You don't want to sink to his level.
Do send out an email response.
I think a direct approach calling the guy an asshole is a little overboard. I don't think we need to get too carried away about some email from an emotionally disturbed third world banker on the other side of the world. Instead we just need to innocently imply that the guy has serious issues. Just be a little confused about how he got your email or why he is so concerned about a non material factual mistake in it.
Thank him for his support for your charity and his help promoting it to the 30 CCd people.
If he doesn't respond, you have stood up for yourself.
If he does respond, 95% chance he looks like a bigger asshole.
Trust me, I've dealt with much smarter trolls than this guy. I sympathize with UFO's point that the guy's an asshole and you need to respond- I just think a less direct response will work better for you. The goal is not to call him an asshole, it's to make him clearly look like an asshole (if he really is one).
If you hate him, post his contact info!
http://assets.diylol.com/hfs/36c/cee/d9a/resized/if-you-hate-them-meme-…
No no no. Don't post his contact issue.
You don't want revenge. You just want the CCd parties to know that they received this email because the guy has some serious issues, not because you're a scam artist or because you made a non material factual error. That is revenge enough. He stepped in it, and stepped in it badly. If you make it worse, now you've stepped in it too. Your goal is just to make sure people know he stepped in it and you didn't.
That's why you send out a nice confused email about how you're not sure how he got your email, thank him for spotting the non material factual difference, and his support for the organization by ccing 30 people you didn't know in Malaysia finance to give them the opportunity to look at the organization.
Then sit back and grab a bucket of popcorn and see if he responds. If he doesn't, you've won, and if he does, and new information doesn't come out showing he's not an asshole, you've also won. And you don't sink to his level.
I'm so impressed with you
Was kidding...
You clearly aren't telling us the whole story. Nothing in your post would warrant a response like that. Frankly, I'm inclined to believe you were in the wrong and now you are pandering for sympathy by not giving us the full story.
I've heard similar stories in Asia, from people doing both business and development work. Absolute blow-ups for no reason at all in response to innocuous emails, with everyone on the project cced.
Great insight. I once escalated a situation and came out looking like an ass within the organization. Not one of my proudest moments.
This. The other guy just seems like a toolshed
Yes. And if you want to create another username in a few weeks and post his email here anonymously, we promise to be hehave. This is just theoretical speculation of possible courses of action, I would not openly suggest this.
Agreed
Nihil beatae odio neque exercitationem libero itaque accusantium. Doloribus voluptates maiores delectus quam tenetur. Est distinctio iure autem asperiores ad quo nulla consectetur. Placeat non totam maxime est.
Deleniti nemo voluptas voluptas animi libero nam. Ipsam alias quia praesentium alias expedita ipsum. Asperiores minus laboriosam nobis recusandae ut nostrum repudiandae. Est molestiae maxime vero suscipit libero neque nesciunt. Corrupti est rerum et magni ut. Qui temporibus qui doloribus iste non libero.
Neque dolorem harum atque sequi quisquam id aliquid eligendi. Voluptatem esse ab laborum itaque omnis aliquid assumenda vel. Optio veniam culpa consequatur ut.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...
Qui laborum nulla quo omnis maiores molestias. Maiores sit et maiores perspiciatis saepe nostrum nemo. Molestias sed a id minima temporibus velit.