The Diary of a broken man

‘Nah chief, I’m not really feeling it tonight, I’ll have a beer but will probably leave early..’

We’ve all uttered a variation of those doomed words. Fast forward 10 hours and it’s 6:00 AM on a Friday morning and I am swaying slightly, cursing my reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Idiot.

Maybe it was your boss that dragged you out for ‘one beer’ after work, maybe it was a leaving drinks, or perhaps, as I often find in my case, you are just a f***** moron. Either way, you now face the ironically sobering prospect of x number of hours in a well-lit office, staring numbly ahead as the time on your taskbar remains stubbornly still, mocking you for your naivety.

Christ I feel awful.

Stumbling from the shower, I desperately try to find a shirt that bears some semblance of being ironed, whilst keeping up a monotone of encouraging comments inside my head.

You’ll be fine, it’s just a Friday, no one works on a Friday. You can definitely sleep in the toilets. I’m sure no one will care.

Then, amid the morning panic, a small moment of redemption. My inebriated self has foreseen my morning grievances and has attempted to dull the pain by premixing a large mug of instant coffee, which, despite being cold and slightly nauseating has the desired effect of restoring some level of brain activity.

I really shouldn’t be handling boiling water whilst drunk, that’s slightly concerning.. hey, I remembered to put in milk and two sugars!

Bitterly reading through Uber receipts and cursing the 2nd year Associate who tempted me out, I leave the flat for what can only be described as one of the longest and worst days of my life.

Now, with the prospect of another Thursday night out approaching (London time) I reach out to you monkeys for help. What do you do to survive the mid-week bender?

 

Amphetamines. Like a middle-aged Denzel in Flight.

If that's not your cup of tea per say, throw back 1000mg of B12 and a Pedialyte before hopping in a cold shower. Grab a bagel for before you're in the office and some fruit to have at your desk to give off the appearance you aren't completely dying inside.

 

So basically you're screwed up because you drank and feel like shit accordingly. How about... Not drinking? Or at least not when you're heavily sleep deprived and a night out gives you three hours of sleep before you have to wake up and get back to work.

It's your life and nobody has to dictate what you do with it.

If you're interested, go to the gym instead, or some other activity you enjoy. Get some sleep. If you have an alcohol/drug issue, then the first step is admitting you have a problem and seeking treatment.

 

Indeed, it can be classified as a 'screw up', but surely you've had those nights where one beer to say goodbye to good old Betty from Accounting descended into a night of drunken debauchery? I'm not trying to portray myself as as some sort of depraved alcohol fiend, but was merely, out of interest, seeking the opinions of this forum for their preferred methods of coping with an unplanned 'session' when they inevitably present themselves.

 

I don't drink for lifestyle reasons and from lack of appeal, so in those situations I simply drink water or nothing. For those who want to drink, you have to set a limit beforehand by knowing your own tolerance and stick to it. If you're not able to control yourself and its a recurring behavior, that doesn't sound good and you might have an issue to be worked out. It also helps to eat beforehand (so the alcohol doesn't assimilate as rapidly) and stay hydrated by drinking plenty of plain water to mitigate some of the hangover effects.

I have had an issue with procrastination in the past, so I can relate to the feeling of having some lack of control. It's like being a moth attracted to the flame -- you know its bad for you, but you do it anyway.

You might also not have an alcohol issue, but are being led by social influence instead. For example, a few years ago, I went with a friend to one of those "ice cream socials." I didn't get any because I think ice cream is garbage; while my friend, who is totally lactose intolerant, got some likely because that's what everyone else was doing. Sure enough, before it's even over, he's on the toilet pissing coffee out of his ass for three hours because he didn't exercise some basic common sense and bought into the herd-like mentality.

In the end, it boils down to self-control and only you can assess the exact root of your problem. Substance issue? Social influence? Both? Something else? If self-control isn't viable and it's a larger issue, it's something in which you might likely need to seek professional assistance.

 

So let me get this straight... the post suggesting that he not be a fucktard and avoid drinking on a work night when it's clearly fucking him up gets shit on, while the post suggesting he venture into amphetamines is passively accepted.

Makes sense.

 

Vitamins before and after going out, and if you're conscious enough at the end of the night, down like 6 glasses of water. Wake up and hit the caffeine hard with a cold shower.

To all the people telling him not to drink, if you can't cut loose every once and awhile and have some fun, there's a pretty high chance you're going to hate your life.

 

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