When it comes to a massive FAIL, no one does it more spectacularly than the SEC. Thanks to exceptional reporting at the Huffington Post, Gawker, and Dealbreaker, the reason why the SEC was asleep at the wheel during that economy thing that happened recently has finally been revealed. Remember when your mom said that every time you watch porn, God kills a kitten? Well, if that were true, the SEC would be responsible for one of the most brutal genocides in recent history.
Recently, Gawker got its hands on documents detailing 16 investigations of porn-surfing SEC employees and contractors. Their findings include awesome tidbits like this one: "Over the past two years, more than a dozen Securities and Exchange employees and contractors have tried to view pornography on government computers at least 8,273 times." Tiger Woods, meet your new bunkmate at Celebrity Sex Rehab.
Listen, if you're going to go see the SEC, just remember to knock before entering. And for the love of Pete, wear gloves if you're going to touch anything. DO NOT shake anyone's hand. If you are forced to, take a Purell shower immediately upon leaving.
One employee stated that his daily porn ration was limited to "no longer than an hour and a half a day." No WONDER the SEC uses Macs instead of PCs. These people LOVE two girls, one cup.
Gawker includes a sample of the sites that employees were visiting from their computers. The list ranges from the mean, "spankwire.com" to the friendly, "kindgirls.com," to the salutational, "hiboobs.com." The list goes on. I got spyware just thinking about this stuff.
One regional supervisor is in the mix, who was reportedly a fan of transvestite porn and claimed that he watched the videos to "relieve stress." I'm speechless.
This is just too good. I'm sure for most of you 8,273 porn views is just an average day, but a government agency that is supposed to be the market watchdog? Seems like Rover was more interested in looking at ladies with bones of their own.
The SEC wants you to laugh, and laugh, and laugh. Then cry. Then take your pants off.
this is not surprising yet still hilarious. You really have a knack for writing commentary. kudos to you!
Thanks ReadLine! I appreciate that. The SEC has really given us a lot of material to work with ... it's almost as if this is a cry for help.
Is it weird that I just visited those new sites you mentioned?
Ha. I was going to ask the same question. Had to open a new browser just for good measure. But let me say, I really enjoyed the featured content at hiboobs.com. Very tasteful.
I guess that explains why they were too busy to pay attention to all of those warnings about Bernie....
Classic ! Maybe they need a regulator inside the SEC to oversee the use of the internet...
Facere eum modi odit consequuntur. Ad sed sunt enim quis aut id.
Iure tempora sit quibusdam rerum asperiores quia reiciendis. Iste sit minus non vel molestiae. Aut molestiae sit id sunt. Ipsa nihil fuga impedit eaque. Non sint sit qui occaecati corrupti. Magnam sit nobis beatae sapiente vel.
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