The Street Before Christmas 2012
The Street Before Christmas 2012
by Eddie Braverman
And everyone on Wall Street was hustling like elves
We’ve got a Mayan apocalypse we have to deal with
And if that doesn’t pan out there’s a big fiscal cliff!
It’s been a strange year, these twelve months gone past
A year marked by scandals and fortunes amassed
Let’s take a random walk down Memory Lane
Recounting the moments, both losses and gains.
We’ll start with the big stuff; the moments of pith
Like the New York Times Op-Ed by Goldman’s Greg Smith
He resigned citing greed running through the whole clan
I guess he stayed there twelve years for the great dental plan.
At the retirement party for Lucas van Praag
The Vampire Squid will never be the same
Without LvP’s gift for shifting the blame.
Morgan Stanley proved that we have much to learn
About IPO pricing and money to burn
If you want Morgan Stanley to give you the goodies
You better start with Asperger’s and a wardrobe of hoodies
What about Citi? That smelly dumpster fire.
They got beat on Smith Barney and forced Vik to retire
It’s a mystery to me how those guys avoid jail
We should just break them up; you can ask Sandy Weill
Who should we hit next? Whose epic fail?
How ‘bout Jamie Dimon and his big London Whale!
Iksil bought SWAPs with reckless abandon
When he was done JP Morgan was barely left standin’.
And while we’re discussing losses a-mounting
Who the hell was doing MF Global’s accounting?
“Where’s all our money?” the customers whined
Congratulations, you fools, you all got Corzined!
If that’s not enough, they cleared PFG Best,
Now Russ Wasendorf, Sr. is under arrest
At least he tried to do something for the clients he crossed
Hey Russ, does this garden hose smell like exhaust?
Knight Capital got killed when their algo ran wild
I guess the coder was drunk when that one compiled
Now GetCo owns ‘em; they were bought for a song
Two HFTs merging, what could possibly go wrong?
HSBC was fined ten cents a share
For a crime that would probably earn most of us the chair
It’s this kind of bullshit that made Dylan sing:
“Steal a little, they jail you; steal a lot and you’re King.”
We can’t finish this year without mentioning the election
A cause for much GOP introspection
The big lesson here with millions being spent:
Don’t get caught on tape belittling 48 percent.
That’s it for this year, from Borneo to Berlin
Have a happy and safe holiday with your kith and kin
Here’s hoping Santa stuffs your stocking with bucks
As he flies past your house yelling, “Dodd-Frank SUCKS!!!”






Comments
haha, great)) sb:)
haha, great)) sb:)
"Every man should lose a battle in his youth, so he does not lose a war when he is old"
sb :) how much time did it
sb :) how much time did it take to make this?
As always, another great
As always, another great Christmas poem, Eddie. Merry Christmas to you, Mrs Braverman, and the Bravettes...
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"
great poem.
great poem.
Grand!
Grand!
Another classic. Good work
Another classic. Good work Eddie.
"Social cohesion and puritanical morality place roughly on my list of concerns between whether I'll pick up jock itch at the gym this week (not likely, since I don't go the gym) and whether it'll rain in Christchurch, New Zealand next Tuesday."
-Eddie
Nice!
Nice!
"When you expect things to happen - strangely enough - they do happen."
- JP Morgan
Nice poem Eddie. +1
Nice poem Eddie. +1
______________________
Please self insert a picture of someone pulling their hair out or Glenn Beck crying. Again
Good one
Good one
CNBC sucks
"This financial crisis is worse than a divorce. I've lost all my money, but the wife is still here." - Client after getting blown up
A+
A+
no mention about Hurricane
no mention about Hurricane Sandy? Barclays?
The Knicks are back?
This was the best end-of-year
This was the best end-of-year summary I've read, on any site, period.
The verse on HSBC was just genius.
47%*
47%*
"A man generally has two reasons for doing anything. One that sounds good, and the real one." - J.P. Morgan
Awesome post. My last SB, but
Awesome post. My last SB, but we'll earned.
Very well done
Very well done
I help people with the tough situation of not knowing how to respond to emails.
***Standing ovation***
Head of Metal Website: www.headofmetal.com
https://twitter.com/headofmetal2012
where is Barclays and UBS on
very good poem but the
ER?
On par as always.