Things MBA students likeIB
It’s that time of the year again. In a couple of weeks, roughly two thousand of the world’s (arguably) best and brightest douchebags will descend upon the world’s most hallowed halls. I congratulate you. As you undoubtedly know, the next two years will take your douchebaggery to a whole new level and ensure your access to cash flow and top-notch pussy for life. Here’s my salute to you.
Things MBA students like:
- Abusing Career Services privileges. (“Hey guys... one shot of Jaeger every 60 seconds; first man down has to sign up for the AOL interview and post a public pic to Facebook of himself shaking hands with the recruiter.”)
- Taking an $18 cab to go someplace where the beers are fifty cents cheaper.
- Ridiculous costumes. Double points if worn in class when no one else is wearing one.
- Facebook status updates from the tops of prestigious mountains. (“I can’t believe I’ve got coverage at the summit of Mt. Everest! I <3 you, Verizon!”)
- Giving fond nicknames to prestigious mountains. (“Kili, I miss you already! See you again in only ten months. Oh, and total props to all the sherpas. You guys rock!”)
- If white: insinuating, but never actually stating, that their background is middle-class or lower.
- If not white: insinuating, but never actually stating, that their family is filthy rich.
- Not buying any textbooks or course packs. Ever.
- Buying multiple copies of Case in Point.
- Getting hammered, en masse, the night before a major final exam.
- Clubs with lots of vice president titles. (“I was VP of second-round admissions for the India club!” Translation: he organized a night out for six people.)
- Carrying their school supplies in a laptop bag.
- Leaving their laptops at home for team meetings. (“Sorry, guys... my laptop’s broken; I’ll just chime in with my suggestions instead of being the one to actually do the work.”)
- Pastel polo shirts. Anywhere a regular guy would wear a t- , the MBA student wears a polo .
- Being overdressed. For females, this includes wearing sequins in non-sequin environments.
- Corny eighties music (bonus points if it’s two straight guys crooning ballads to each other at karaoke.)
- Leaving witty insults on event signup sheets in Google Docs.
- Bringing rollaboards to class so they can go (ostentatiously) straight to the airport afterwards.
- Charity projects.
- Group photos.
- Going to Vietnam, Thailand, or India on the weekend.
- Cheating, but just a little bit.
- Racist humor. Extra points if it's racist penis humor.