Weekend Wars: The Associates
Much maligned and oft misunderstood. The Investment Banking Associates. To many analysts they are the deadbeat hippie embroidery/glass blowing double majors who decided to get their acts sort-of-straight and become investment banking lifers with no better Buyside tomorrow ahead of them. To the establishment higher-ups they are the next potential generation of BSDs, making it rain and providing the IB its own form of Future Value.
However you slice it, being an associate is almost unavoidable in high finance. Whether you're in it for the long haul or looking to jump elsewhere, one thing is likely... Wherever you go, whatever you do... this may certainly await:
At the next level in the pyramid are the associates. Lots of them. The associates' lives suck. The vice presidents take out their aggressions on the associates all day and all night. It doesn't end until the associate either becomes a vice president, leaves, or commits suicide. The associate kisses the vice president's ass because the vice president helps determine the associate's bonus. Here's how it works: the managing director says "Jump" and the senior vice president says "How high?" The senior vice president then perpetuates the panic attack by sending a voice mail that conveys a false sense of urgency to the vice president. He basically kicks the dog. The vice president looks at the associate, takes a hot poker, and shoves it up the dog's ass. The associates are barely human but at times are brought to client meetings and are expected to act human. The associates are the Cro-Magnon men. They live in caves, have trouble walking upright, and have a lot of hair on their backs. Usually, they communicate by grunting. Those are the associates.
Ten silver bananas for the guy who starts an Associate Support Group, lately I've mostly been read the analysts contemplating Russian Roulette exit strategies...
Keep pushin fellas...Monday's coming, choose your weekends wisely.
That was a fun book to read. All associates out there who haven't read it should pick up a copy for their weekend enjoyment.
Whats a weekend?
Great post. I've always like the associates I've worked with. Smart guys who know their shit, but goddamn are the tormented. I'm not talking about the job related torture the personal. I think the advantage on the shit catching sense that analysts have is that we/they have been bulled up on being bankers since the balls dropped. A lot of associates were Teach For America, Peace Corp, mountain climbers, maybe bucket shop analysts and had/have something else in their life that they loved more. You ever feel lost, lonely, or shitty inside during your analyst stint, go grab a drink with your associate and ask them how it's going on personal front. Sit back put back your drink of choice and revel in how you got your shit together at the right time and how you knew that "finding yourself in Europe for 13 months," was a load of bullshit.
Lol - "finding yourself"
What's the title of the book?
Monkey Business...cmon now
I had the luck to work with great associates when I was an analyst, but they weren't your typical post-MBA grads like in the States (one analyst promote and the other from Big 4 TAS). Made all the difference in terms of learning. I thought that being an associate would be easy street, but it's actually much more difficult shouldering the responsibility that comes with it, as well as the pressure of training people while keeping an eye on the fact that your Directors etc. are looking to move you up based on performance. The buck stops at you for the first time in your IB career.
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