7 Tips for Office / Holiday Parties

Assuming you're there purely to improve your career prospects, here are the keys to the kingdom young padawans.

0. The Preparation:

is this a holiday themed party? is it business casual? business casual is hard to fuck up, but if it's holiday themed, don't wear a naked santa sweater or the one with the two reindeer fucking, don't wear a christmas suit, be a little more toned down.

1. The Booze & The Food:

Nurse your drinks, and get things you can handle. assuming it's a full open bar, stick with one thing, do not take shots, and drink SLOWLY. don't be the guy that's double fisting bud lights or rum & cokes trying to talk to the CEO. whatever you like, vodka soda, scotch neat, craft beer, red wine (just check your teeth periodically), whatever. don't overthink it, just drink SLOWLY and do not get hammered. do not be stuffing your face the entire time. eat beforehand, and just graze the appetizers, you're there to further your career, not get a free meal.

2. The Conversation:

Stay away from the forbidden topics of sex, religion, and politics. also, don't voluntarily bring up work. talk about sports, current events (again no politics), holiday plans, what their kids are up to, and let them drive the discussion. you want to be mostly asking questions, getting them to open up.

3. The Strategy:

One of the worst things you can do is literally barge into a conversation between 2 higher ups that clearly don't want you there. obviously go up and shake hands if you recognize someone, but if they give you the cold shoulder, don't stick around like a fart in the office, just move on. make your rounds when you first get there, but after that generally stay with just a few groups. no one likes being followed around all night, but at the same time you can't get to know someone if it's just 30 second conversations all night.

4. The Activities: do not be "that guy."

Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT go on the dance floor with all of your younger colleagues and proceed to bust a move. this is not your local club, this is a work function. of course, if the entire employee population breaks out in something stupid like the electric slide, definitely join, but when "wobble" comes on, just watch from a distance, and continue your conversation with directors and VPs.

5. The Most Important Thing:

Don't try to fuck a coworker. don't do it. it could very well be possible, but the christmas party is NOT the time to do it. you have all your bosses, their bosses, and HR there. the last thing you want to be seen doing is grinding on ashley from accounting after talking to your MD about career advancement. if someone is truly sweating you, politely give them the heisman, and then continue those escapades outside company property.

6. The Aftermath:

By this point, you should not be that drunk, so if you get the sense that the directors all want to do something afterwards, do it. whatever it is, do it. if it's a strip club with thai ladyboys, an art museum, a casino, another bar, whatever it is, do it. don't go with the younger crowd to the club if you can help it. if there's nothing going on, don't be a lingerer. ask some higher ups if they'd like to split an uber and then go home.

Follow these steps and you likely won't be remembered as the life of the party, but you will be remembered as a mature young person with a bright future.

Mod Note (Andy): This timely and helpful comment by thebrofessor (31 sb's) is from the post What are helpful tips for office parties? and I wanted to add it to the frontpage for those who missed it.

 
bankstar:

What is the policy on masturbation?

If everyone's partying in the lobby or the board room, there's no one to walk in on you in your office. Can't imagine a better time.

Commercial Real Estate Developer
 

You should find a better industry if drinking is your thing.

Here in O&G the luncheon drinking starts at 11AM with open bars. Followed by the actual lunch with ~8-10 bottles of wine at each table of 12-14 people. Followed by drinks with your clients where you drink even more.

It's like day drinking in college with suits on.

 

thebrofessor You forgot the Stay Hydrated line. If you want to survive an office party, being hydrated is key. Seriously, I don't know how many times having drank water during a holiday party has saved my ass - 1) from the potential hangover, 2) from drinking too much, 3) kept my pace in line. Especially in the winter, and with the ridiculous weather we are having (As I write this, Weather.com is reporting that it's 22 Degrees outside and feels like 9), being hydrated actually helps out immensely. The cold dehydrates people more than what we would expect, and if the venue is crowded, body temps will rise and dehydrate you further. It's worth keeping that in mind during the holiday party season.

 

Through the first few points, all I could think about was that fundraiser scene from Dumb and Dumber, and how they would break almost all of these rules.

Attire? Don't wear bright orange or baby blue tuxedos. Booze? It's okay to "put the vibe out" at the bar, but don't overdo it. Sex chatter? Don't talk about "hooters." Work chatter? Don't talk about canine expertise ("dogs" for the lay person). That guy? Maybe not dancing with the young'uns, but that also carries over to shooting a near-extinct owl with a cork.

The rest didn't apply very well, but couldn't help but think of Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne while reading.

 

Fundamental tip: Don't solely try to use the office party to "improve your career prospects". Improving your career prospects occurs over a long time horizon by doing good work and building relationships across many social/networking events (including, but not limited to, an office holiday party).

I just kind of feel like its common sense not to get blackout drunk, hit on coworkers, and talk about how you voted for xyz candidate and hated the other candidate. Are college sophomores going to office parties now?

 

Legit advice:

Always have a big meal a couple hours before the party (either big breakfast if its a lunch or lunch for dinner). This will ensure that if your team decides to pressure you to drink (and you can't nurse) you won't come off a pussy, but also won't get as hammered as they do (as usually the proper meal is served after a couple of rounds of drinks after).

 

Got a director (M&A) at mine who tries to get with all the (female) interns..

Proper painful to watch e.g. he'd go for a hug and lean in - when the girl pulls away to the cheek he'd all pretend it's accidental and shout 'oh my god we almost just kissed!!'. This happened everytime I'm out with him. It's absolute scenes watching the snaking hell everytime we have the big work drinks

 

Having an educated opinion on current affairs should not extend to sharing your political beliefs, thank me later.

If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford
 
happypantsmcgee:

Having an educated opinion on current affairs should not extend to sharing your political beliefs, thank me later.

Assumed it was common sense to not talk politics, religion and 'life'/'choice' at the office. Be educated on things and matter so you can offer an opinion if invited.

The number of day traders on the Forbes Rich List is…zero
 

Broke so many rules last night...

"For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God. Bloody Mary full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen."
 

If you aren't incredibly smashed on the company's dime you aren't doing it right. If you aren't the type of person that will grab the microphone and start blurting out racists jokes then you should be slamming down drinks as fast as your boss buys them for you. You sure as hell better be hitting on the married MDs hot assistant. If he can't snag her he will respect you for doing so.

Also, bring gifts to apologize in advance for your idiotic drunkenness.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne
 
heister:

If you aren't incredibly smashed on the company's dime you aren't doing it right. If you aren't the type of person that will grab the microphone and start blurting out racists jokes then you should be slamming down drinks as fast as your boss buys them for you. You sure as hell better be hitting on the married MDs hot assistant. If he can't snag her he will respect you for doing so.

Also, bring gifts to apologize in advance for your idiotic drunkenness.

I would probably wait for second year.

The number of day traders on the Forbes Rich List is…zero

My advice is a combination of the OPs and heister...

Start a little slow....don't be the FIRST drunk guy and don't treat the first 2 hours like a frat party, but have some drinks. As things start to loosen up heister's advice is spot on. You BETTER get hammered on the company dime (if that's your thing). Those who care if you hook up with someone will be gone by the time that shenanigan's starts.

Unfortunately, OP is right - if you have work the next day you do need to show up. By your second year you'll be seasoned/smart enough to take off the day after the Christmas party.

And be very careful about your educated opinion. Stick to non-controversial topics.

twitter: @CorpFin_Guy
 

Point 1 is bad advice. If an office manager comes to me and say my interns are too important to help out, I will make sure he/she will not get a return offer. When you are at the bottom you pay your dues and earn your respect by not being on a high horse and think any particular task is below you.

And you know what else happens? Sometimes we really want to put you to the test if you can hack it or you will be one of interns that will have a chip on their shoulders when you're back after we extend a FT offer.

 
ST Monkey:

Point 1 is bad advice. If an office manager comes to me and say my interns are too important to help out, I will make sure he/she will not get a return offer. When you are at the bottom you pay your dues and earn your respect by not being on a high horse and think any particular task is below you.

And you know what else happens? Sometimes we really want to put you to the test if you can hack it or you will be one of interns that will have a chip on their shoulders when you're back after we extend a FT offer.

So you are going to tell the managers that they don't know how to best run their groups? Bet that will go over well for you.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne
 

We rented out the restaurant down the street and had all you can drink anything on the wine list and any top shelf, everyone got filets and we all got like 500 worth of gift cards plus I won the drawing for exclusive rights to our box for one game. The party was last night and everyone got extremely wasted so today we have about 25% of our office actually here and it's pretty funny to see everyone after we all made asses of ourselves.

The party started at 4 in the bar and all of our BB's lost email capability and none of my bosses were in attendance (the best xmas present ever) so i actually got to attend the party as opposed to working through it. Feeling pretty shitty today though as i had a few too many green labels.

 
HFFBALLfan123:
The party started at 4 in the bar and all of our BB's lost email capability and none of my bosses were in attendance (the best xmas present ever) so i actually got to attend the party as opposed to working through it. Feeling pretty shitty today though as i had a few too many green labels.
They actually disabled email on your BB for the duration of the party? That is a Christmas present. Very cool.
- Capt K - "Prestige is like a powerful magnet that warps even your beliefs about what you enjoy. If you want to make ambitious people waste their time on errands, bait the hook with prestige." - Paul Graham
 

I'd go it alone. It's very difficult to account for the unpredictability of others.

Don't treat it too much like a networking event. If an opportunity comes along, great; however, if you force it, you're more likely to ruin an important client's Christmas than establish any useful connections.

It is a networking event, yes -- but one intended to improve the firm's relationships, not yours.

 
arguewithatree:
This is actually a pretty golden opportunity. Bring a really attractive girl and just tell her beforehand what's going on

Ditto. Use her as bait; when the fish start to nibble, yank the reel back. You just might catch a whale.

I'll do what I can to help ya'll. But, the game's out there, and it's play or get played.
 
CaR:
Based on the limited # of company holiday parties I've been to, you risk looking like a douche showing up solo--especially in front of your coworkers. "Working the room" is infinitely easier with a babe on your arm. Is this a serious question?
Ya, even if you don't have a girl you are seeing, you should find a hot platonic friend and convince her to come. You just don't really want to be the guy without a girl.
 

Going stag might send some weird messages out, might even come off a little too aggressive (Or just forever-alone.)

Get a hot friend to come along. If you've got no hot friends, consider getting a hot escort. Maybe they give a discount if you're using them as, well, just an escort.

 

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Frank Sinatra - "Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy."
 

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