Adjusting to Adulthood: Success Anxiety, Jealousy of Sucessful Classmates, and feeling stuck.

I know my ass will get chewed out in here, and I will be told to stop my bitching, put my big boy pants, and act like a man. However, writing in here offers me some catharsis and allows my inner me to lift some weight off my shoulders.

I don't think I'm depressed, I just think that I'm a lost 25 year old who's still trying to grasp the idea of full on adulthood, and still looking for answers to a million questions I have about it. Hopefully some of you experienced monkeys will be able to shed some light so that I can hopefully steer clear from the current rough patch where I'm at, and move on with my life.

1.Success Anxiety

I've being out of school for a year now, and I was lucky enough to land my first real "finance job" as a commercial credit analyst in the commercial banking division in the bank where I was a Personal Banker in the Retail side while I was in school. While this was praised as a success story by my parents, family, former coworkers, and some friends. The excitement of this success quickly died down, and I started to feel that the learning curve in the position was very stagnant and the job doesn't challenge me enough. I guess since I took corporate finance in school, and did my first scaled down M&A class project the Investment Banking bug bit me. However, this "epiphany" of becoming an Investment Banker came too late for me.

I was already a senior in my last semester of college with 0 finance internships, and nothing under my belt but my book knowledge and ambitious attitude. The main reason why I took the Commercial Credit Analyst/ Jr. Relationship manager position that my bank's HR department offered me, was out of desperation, and because I saw it as a stepping stone in my career to gain some "relevant work experience", and to be able to position myself to either IBD position or another finance position after a year.

I just made a year as of the end of July, and I have started applying to other places but I'm becoming more impatient as the days go by. My success anxiety has started to get really bad; to the point that I loathe getting out of bed in the morning to go to work, and I literally stare at the clock in my work computer constantly hoping that is time to go home.

2. Jealousy of Successful classmates

People tell you that you shouldn't compare your life to that of others, and that everyone's life is different. However when you feel life is going completely right for others while yours still on stand by mode is hard to not get jealous. Whenever I check my LinkedIn, and see where my other classmates with whom I graduated with are working at more interesting companies and have more interesting roles than mine that green monster of jealousy comes out. I feel specially jealous of one my classmates who works for a big french bank in the equity trading division. She makes good money, works with people her age and genuinely enjoys her job. Today I found out that she got promoted to a higher role after being there for only one year.

After seeing that I felt terrible all day, and felt that my current job is shit compare to hers. Also not that it matters but I was ranked in the top 10 percentile of our graduating class while she was in the 20th percentile of the class. Then again her BF/Fiancee knows a lot people on the street.

3. Feeling Stuck

Lately I just feel stuck in my professional life, and personal life. I'm just scared that if I something doesn't change quickly that I will be stuck where I am, and that 30 years or so down the road I will have feelings of regret of how unfulfilled my life really was.

Sorry you have to hear all this sappy bullshit but if someone could offer me some advice and shed some light I would appreciate it. Thanks in advance!!

Some Updates:

1. Thanks for the support and suggestions that everyone's has given me!! I really appreciate it!!

2. To the people that mention to take financial modeling or take CFA Level I on December. I just want to clarify that I'm currently completing the Wall Street Prep Financial Modeling Self Study program, and that I have enrolled for the December 2015 CFA level I Program.

3. I will continue to try to work harder, network harder, and hopefully land an IBD/ Corp Finance position now or after completing an MBA Program (Aiming for 2018).

4. Someone PMed and said that if I wanted to work on IBD I need to fix my grammar and mechanics on my writing skills. Please bare with me, English isn't my first language and even though I attended high school in the states and can speak and read English fluently writing has never being my forte, and the mechanics and grammar of the Spanish Writing Style has stick with me ever since I went to elementary school in Colombia, and is a bad habit which I'm trying to correct.

 

Some suggestions:

  1. Find a girlfriend
  2. NETWORK, don't just apply online and expect something.
  3. Take online classes, part time classes, etc.. STUDY
  4. Take some time off to travel

Lastly, no matter what happens, there is always a backup reset button called the MBA. Cheer up, you're in a much better position than most of my buddies from my terrible non-target undergrad.

good luck

 

Those are perfectly normal feelings to have, especially at your age. The best advice I can give is to push as hard as you can while you're at work, but then let go and accept that there is only so much you can do on the front. Focus your time elsewhere and build the life you want to live.

It's a lot easier said than done, but learning to let go of that angst after you've put in the work is critical.

 

While jealousy is often perceived as a bad thing, use it to your advantage by using it to try harder and get to the same (or even higher position) as your more successful classmates. Competition is a good thing. If businesses did not encounter competition, then there would be less of an inclination to innovate and progress.

 

if you keep thinking that way, you're going to wind up depressed or worse. Take it from someone who's been in your shoes: you're a normal human being and all you can do is give it your best shot. Any unhappiness you experience isn't from you not hitting the mark, it's from you setting the mark too high. You can achieve world domination if you set appropriate goals and pace yourself, but if you run too fast and beat yourself up about getting winded then you won't even finish a marathon.

 

your 25, mad young (im turning 24 soon lol..).

Those are some good thoughts, and Im pretty sure from time to time, everyone had similar thoughts. I actually want to be a credit/ credit risk analyst, and sometimes, I ask myself do I really want to put all my effort into getting a job that pays in the range of 50k- 60k (I think thats the range). If Im going the route of networking, why dont I go for an IB position instead. But you know, I listen to people that have achieved a lot more than I can imagine, and they say if you want everything quickly then you are disrespecting the people that put in work to get where they are.

Try and focus on things that you can control. The more control you have of your life the less depress you will be.

Also I feel like credit is a great job, you get to hone your reading, and writing skills as well as financial modeling, etc. Why isnt it fulfilling?

 

All this other advice like getting girls or getting a better job is counterproductive and will just amp the pressure. RELAX

Two things:

1) Your not the only thinking like this - your now 25 years old and your realizing whats important in life and yet your not in the position yet to be where you want to be

2) As time goes on it'll pass. You'll become more wise hopefully in the next couple of years and realize to live life in your terms.

P.S - get off social media - it' ll block out the noise

 

So what's stopping you? I didn't even start my pwm career until I was 25. Before that I was in the hospitality industry. I also want to jump so I earned my CFA and am headed back for my MBA. Why not sign up for level I, crush it in the spring and then try to get a research or trading role if that's what gets you going? You're still young. You have no reason to fail if you have enough motivation, put in your 300 hours and just get through the thing. Passing Level I or II while networking makes it really easy to legitimize your interest.

What I can't stand is people who don't want to sink time into certifications, money into a degree, or to develop their own knowledge of a new role/ industry then attend 2 networking events hoping to change jobs and give up, because they didn't get an interview so they're "stuck now". Yes, put your big boy pants on and find some goals to work for.

 

Well, I'm in a very similar position having just graduated in May 2015. Most of my peers graduated with full-time offers (PwC, Deloitte, Citi, MM). Meanwhile I'm just here finishing up an internship in credit that won't lead to a full-time offer with a significantly lower pay/hour than even people a year below me (rising seniors). I went to a decent college and a lot of peers took advantage of it whereas I spent my time being anti-social, playing video games and getting fat by drinking.

I dicked around a lot in college and didn't start cleaning up my act until my junior year, albeit rather late. Now I'm just in the application grinding, networking, & trying not to beat myself up phase.

My advice is probably just to focus more on yourself and not let the envy eat you up.

Also, fun fact I learned from Simpsons: Jealousy is when you worry someone will take what you have. Envy is wanting what someone else has.

 

You need to figure out what you value. If it is the prestige of your job that makes you happy then bust your ass to get that job that will make you happy or MORE successful.

No matter what it is. Figure out whats missing in your life and work on it one at a time. Work first and then maybe personal. Which ever you feel is important. If you don't work to get out of it, you will be stuck in the same place.

-Slim

 

Social networking is one of the best and worst things to ever happen to society. That, coupled with extreme title inflation, really can destroy your opinion of yourself and your job before you realize it has even happened. Realize that everyone, to a certain extent, is jealous of someone else with another position. That doesn't change once you've found your 'dream' job where, guess what, you still do mundane crap and complain about it. Embrace the opportunity you currently have and view it as something you can leverage to as experience for something else. Don't envy the success of others, celebrate it and surround yourself with as many of those people as you can. Not only are they probably interesting people but it also builds a network and, over time, will help to ensure you don't get stuck. Being around dynamic people and situations really forces you to take a hard look at yourself and continue to push forward into unknown territory. As long as you personally are evolving and growing, screw everyone else and their fancy titles/job descriptions.

 
Addinator:

Social networking is one of the best and worst things to ever happen to society..

I'm still young, but as I've grown older, I have noticed that for the majority of people, the only reason they have Facebook, Twitter, etc. is to brag about their accomplishments. Half of the posts on my newsfeed are about a new BMW, some fancy new job, getting accepted into an Ivy grad school, etc. It just puts everything out of context when that is all you see.

 

Why be jealous when you know you are capable of doing better than the person in front of you? I feel like you have a double edged sword in your hand, as in this difficult moment in your life can either destroy you if you give up or you can rise above the self inflicted torment and push forward with even more persistence and energy. It's up to you man, good luck.

 

Same situation. Most of my friends are either in Europe or working a really cool job, while I'm doing retail banking. As others have said don't worry about other people and their titles. They could be struggling too. Always look at it this way, there is a reason for everything. I could've gotten a job at GS, hated it and gotten fired. Always look at the positive. In January I was super depressed, because I wanted a better job, apartment, etc. I got over it and started to study for the 66 license, pretty soon I will be confident enough to apply for those jobs. Also from what I see it's a blessing that us 20-somethings are working and not just living off mummy & daddy and being a bum. We are part of the economy.

Greed is Good!
 

David Tepper started out as a credit analyst for Equibank and worked his ass off to become one of the top names in business. Compare yourself to him instead of idealized versions of people your age. Your worst enemy is learned helplessness. Careers are marathons not sprints. Keep the end goal in mind and work towards it.

 

You have to perform at the jobs you hate, to get the jobs you love.

Also, the girl you think was 20 percentile in your class probably knows how to do this, and has her own dreams to work somewhere else.

 

1- You're not the only one 2- Work on a plan 3- You're envious and not jealous, and that's a good thing to aspire for a better oppotunities 4- assuming you're in the US/Western EU statistically you got more chance than the rest of billions in China/India/Africa (like me) to land your dream job 5- i have no experience in finance, even i know that french banks suck, and equity trading suck also

 

Thinking that others are better than you, or just generally being jealous of others, is for losers. I think your main issue is one of confidence, which I suggest drastically building up.

 

Exact same situation over here OP. Big 4 audit and just turned 25, hustled my way through 2 CFA levels and trying to make the switch to a more interesting role. Do not make the mistake of coveting other people's jobs though, you're unique and you should pursue your own career, the one that fits you. Don't live someone else's life buddy.

Easier said than done, I must admit.

 

I feel you. I graduated with a full time offer on hand but still feel like I could have studied harder/worked harder during my 4 years at college or even before college because some of my peers are joining bulge bracket doing IB/S&T...

Just remember that everyone has different background and story life so as long as you are learning everyday and keep working toward your goal then you are fine. Definition of success varies, maybe you raise a child that cure cancer in the future and that's more successful and more fulfilling than becoming an investment banker or make millions of dollars.

 
Colombianmonkey:

3. Feeling Stuck

Lately I just feel stuck in my professional life, and personal life. I'm just scared that if I something doesn't change quickly that I will be stuck where I am, and that 30 years or so down the road I will have feelings of regret of how unfulfilled my life really was.

I wouldn't sweat it too much. In 30 years, you and that girl from the French bank probably won't even be working in finance anymore.

Whether you like it or not, we are headed into a future without traditional jobs as we know today. A significant number of jobs in virtually every industry, including financial services, will be automated (e.g. replaced by machines) or possibly outsourced to third-world countries for peanuts (but eventually automated as well).

Now, it's not all doom and gloom, new technology will eventually lead to the creation of new jobs. The same thing happened in the 19th century when new industries emerged and new wealth and prosperity were created. However, despite what experts suggest, we can't really predict what those might be. One thing we can predict, however, is that no matter what those new jobs will be, they are going to require A LOT more skill and education vs. existing jobs now.

It's going to be difficult dare I say impossible to retrain the majority of the workforce for jobs in these new, emerging industries. How then do you reconcile that with the current model of livelihood which is tied to having a job (incomes/wages) in order to afford necessities?

The utopia path is the world advances to a post-scarcity society in which necessities and even luxuries are available in abundance and people would spend the majority of their time focused on leisure and creative pursuits. The dystopia path, as you can imagine, is going to be pretty bleak with massive social unrest, breakdown of civilization, etc.

 

First of all, I suggest you read the book "The Defining Decade" by Dr. Meg Jay. Everyone go through "quarter life crisis" - the new mid-life crisis in our generation. So this is normal. Plus, it is a good thing to have time to do some self-reflection so that you can think about where you would want to head to.

You should only compete with yourself. It took me a long time to figure that out. You should never aspire to be better than other people - or try to copy other people life. You should always define who you are as a person and what truly makes you happy. Of course, it will change every couple of year but that is okay.

The art of gratitude. When you are feeling down, take a time to count your blessings - on things that are going okay. We often don't take time to appreciate things that is going great for us. Our human nature has this tendency to focus on the negatives; perhaps, all of us are trying to be perfectionists to live life to our fullest potential. But don't let that thought drag you into depression.

No one has the fucking answer - and it is okay. I used to think that there must be someone at somewhere who have all the answers in the world. But the more people I talk to - the more I realize that they don't. Even the most powerful people you can think of - do not have the world in their hands. They still have to deal with bullshit at this rapidly unstable world. But what I did notice is that they sort of "learn how to manage on 'how' to deal with whatever life throws at them".

Most importantly, have faith in yourself. You will be amazed how you can surprise yourself when you are put through difficult situations you will have the power to overcome those challenges. You are always a lot stronger than you think you are.

 

Whenever you're feeling down think about the millions of people that live on a few dollars a day and deal with uncertainty about their next meal. Think about all of the luxuries you can afford whereas others on this planet do not have access to clean water, live in crime-ridden disease-infected neighborhoods, etc.

Honestly, you don't even need to compare your life to someone from Sub-Sahara Africa. There are many intelligent young Americans who probably never had the same opportunities and guidance as you did so be grateful for the upper-middle class path.

 

Surprised no one has suggested reading to help adjust your frame of mind. The Stoics of ancient Greece are a good place to start. If you're looking for a primer I suggest A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William Irvine. If you want to go straight to the source then check out Marcus Aurelius - Meditations or Seneca - On the Shortness of Life. It's amazing how these sorts of feelings transcend place/time/culture.

I also recommend www. brainpickings .org. There is endless material on there related to living a fulfilling life.

 
  1. if you're thinking about this, you're already on the right track
  2. never compare yourself to anyone except past yourself
  3. challenge yourself – learn something new, meet new people, travel, find a better job, work out, etc. etc.
 

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