Cover email help for prop trading

Hello all,

I appreciated the resume help, and now I'm working on the cover email for prop trading firms.

Here is what I have so far:

"Dear Human Resources,
A selective Proprietary Trading company like yours will be interested in my diverse experience as an entrepreneur and in the area of finance.

My previous experience in business financial consulting and non-profit management has developed into an enthusiasm for the markets and trading. By hiring me as a discretionary trader you will benefit from a quantitative and analysis driven person with experience in computer programming. I have already studied the basics of investment instruments and am studying risk exposure/ratios and hedging strategies.

The value I can add in the short term will center around analysis. Following the training period, your company will benefit from having a confident, decisive, goal-oriented person with the discipline and tenacity to be very successful.

I look forward to speaking with you soon."

How can this be improved?

This resume will be attached: http://www.razume.com/documents/26579

Thanks in advance for your help!

 
Best Response

My original email was the following, but I judged it too narcissistic:

"I am interested in a position as a trader with your company. My background is in non-profit management, where I developed a love for finance and an enthusiasm for the markets and trading. Last year, I started trading a personal account and would eventually like to take assets under management with which to trade. A position as a proprietary trader is the best way to accomplish that goal.

As an entrepreneur, I enjoy working hard. Calculating risks balances my bold personality. For example, I am studying risk exposure/ratios and hedging strategies with options, as well as learning VBA to integrate with excel models.

I am confident, decisive, and set high goals for myself. More importantly, I have the discipline to achieve those goals. There are a lot of Proprietary trading firms, but I want to work for yours. I will call you next week so we can discuss this further."

 

Yo brah, this needs a lot of work, just sayin'.

[quote]The HBS guys have MAD SWAGGER. They frequently wear their class jackets to boston bars, strutting and acting like they own the joint. They just ooze success, confidence, swagger, basically attributes of alpha males.[/quote]
 

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