Dating Someone 6-7 Years Older Than You - LONG TERM?
Hi all,
Wanted to get people's general views on dating older women seriously. As a preface, this person is Asian and obviously there are a lot of cultural no-nos for women to date people who are a lot younger than you as a woman.
The basic gist of the story - she's looking to get married within the next few years, and she's approaching 30 soon. As for myself, I'm barely 24. However, we are a pretty good fit for each other sans age difference, and it's obviously an issue we'll have to deal with as time goes on.
Anyone have experience/would care to share? Socially, it's become a bit more acceptable than in earlier times, but still - very tough to say.
Would love any views/advice anyone has.
I have experience dating women older than me, but it never went long-term for a few reasons:
1) I think getting married before you're 30 is a bad idea, they all wanted to settle down and have kids
2) You're at different points in your life. The things you want are usually different. Read: if you're not ready to have kids, this probably isn't the relationship for you.
3) Men base attraction (biologically) more on looks than women do. Hers will deteriorate at an increased rate as she's passing 30.
4) Her desire to go out and do things/explore the world will fade more quickly than yours.
5) Older women can seem more appealing/attractive initially because of experience. This fades.
This is based on personal experience. Others might have had different experiences. Also, these don't seem like things that are important unless you're thinking about getting married, but they are. She's looking at your relationship as a lead-in to getting married. If you're not looking it at that way, then you're being kind of a douche by taking away time she could spend finding a guy that wants that.
Excellent post D M, and definite spot-on observation. While I don't mind the kids part, it's just that timing-wise I'm a bit unsure if now is the "right" time. I think we all want to play w/ our kids and be able to spend quality time with them; I just don't want it to be like me with white hair and not being able to keep up with anything my kids do.
Tough decisions -_-
I also feel like all relationships are lead-ins into getting married, no ?
Not necessarily. Yes in the sense that you're figuring out what you want out of a relationship/SO. No in the sense that most people probably aren't going to marry the person they're with right now.
That also depends a bit on what kind of relationship you're talking about. I consider anything to be a relationship from a 1-night stand to a 2-year girlfriend to marriage.
Agreed with pretty much all of this. That being said, it would be cool to try it out to help each other gain some perspective. Who knows? You might end up really liking each other.
Oh yea, I wouldn't knock dating an older women by any means. It's great for you because you learn a lot (in and out of bed) and a lot of the time its great for her because she's probably forgotten (at least a bit) how to relax and have fun.
It only works if both parties are on the same page though. It can get weird if the woman has kids, though, especially older kids.
Great post. 1+
Thank you. :)
Just date already. If she presses for marriage and you don't want it, part ways.
Why would you ever date an older woman, much less a significantly older woman? It flies in the face of millions of years of evolutionary biology. Dude once you make it past your mid-twenties the tables turn and it turns into a buyer's market.
You should be looking at in the other way: (age/2)+7 = win
22 and date a currently divorced 42 year old in my apartment complex. She's one of the upper folks in our local school district doing something, and I'm at an O&G company.
Unlike girls my age, she doesn't mind me working late, she thinks the fact that I've been aggressive on the job search, studying for GMATs, getting my nose into a lot of different things is very attractive. She loves that I'm not complacent. She has a 19 year old daughter so that's weird.
But otherwise our usual routine is for me to come back around dinner time(6-7), we have dinner together, take care of our dogs( I have one, she has one). We live about 7 floors apart, rinse and repeat during the business week but enjoy weekends together. Go out for dinner, go tobasketball games, she lets me hang out with my friends on the weekend, she sometimes hangs out with her friends during the weekday for happy hour.
No stress, no nonsense texts during workout, makes my life easier for but for sure as hell it's not long-term and she doesn't want to get married. Just enjoy herself.
Sexy lady too, so it helps.
you're set up for some mother-daughter action. don't blow this thing.
I've got a bit of experience here. My first wife was three years older than me and my third wife has me by five.
For me, the single least attractive thing about a woman is dependency. If you need me, I don't want you. So older women are definitely going to have the advantage in this case, as they're generally better established and have all their shit in one bag. When I met my wife she owned her own home and had been at her job for more than a decade. She didn't need me in the least, and that made her pretty irresistible to me.
I'm not interested in taking care of anyone.
If the only problem you have is that she's a little older, you should probably marry her.
btw, if OP's username/picture doesn't make you really appreciate his situation idk what else will
Commitment is gonna be the biggest issue, particularly for the younger one. I dated someone whose daughter's only two years younger than me. I found it quite funny when he pressed me to commit to the 'relationship'. It's pretty mcuh like my dad tried to prevent me from dating other guys in high school. If you don't want to settle down soon, make this crystal clear to her so she can adjust her expectation.
Great responses everyone - I guarantee you I'm not looking to have a 3-way or anything extremely hot and appealing like that.
Eddy, agree with you - some people enjoy having to take care of younger women/guide them, but I honestly find that a bit weird.
@Butterbean, damn...I don't know what to say, that's a pretty awesome relationship.
For the record, this person I'm seeing is pretty hot, so maybe it might be a bit of physical attractiveness?
@DickFuld - yea I wish it was as simple as that ...-_-
I can't help it, I have two other bodies constantly attached and nagging me...-_-
But in all seriousness, agree - however, always easier said than done.
I can't ask for much more, really.
I graduated May in 2012 and this is my 3rd "girlfriend". I wasn't looking for one, but if one came along that'd be great. I just needed someone easy.
I respect her privacy and she respects mine. I understand her situation, and she understands mine. I think that's the bottom line in this.
Sorry, I made a mistake. You're not ready to get married. Nobody obsessed with Pokemon should think of getting married. Well, unless she's into it. Is she into Pokemon?
//www.youtube.com/embed/99UdqbS8q2M
//www.youtube.com/embed/OJ3gsR-DqAE
.
I went out with a couple of my friends to a local bar one time and we ran into a few older women. I got closer to one of them, saw her crow's feet, and left. Old women creep the hell out of me.
As for the physical attraction, let no one fool you...it matters. It was what made me attracted to her. I just went to a small dog park near our apt complex, let my dog in and she was there. I thought she was 27ish, by the looks, but we ended out talking and slowly our relationship picked up over time. I randomly saw her at times in passing, she asked if I wanted to get wine, I asked about a place to eat, so on and so on....
I've never had much fear talking to girls, even when I get fat. I've seen my success with girls change drastically when I am not fat though lol.
Marriage is all about comparability. It would not matter that you are younger than her if two of you are very much compatible to each other.
It is also true that when you are in love then your heart rule over your head. So it's totally up to you. If you are compatible with her then i do not find any problem to carry on.
@tim75
Yeah infatuation/love are two different things, but eh - I'm sure I have to live with it if I accept it.
Bump !
So yes I'm getting in a bit too deep :( (that's what she said) - cut my losses time ? I love taking advice from online forums !
holay shit. this thread makes me feel really young. thanks guys....gonna go out and get belligerent drunk tonight. and hope i stay 21 forever.
thanks for the insight guys ;)
I think crow's feet are hot.
Haha, very metal.
Unfortunately bear in mind that even if YOU don't care about the age issue, there's a good chance SHE might.
main concern is the kid situation. I don't know about you, but I am not trying to have kids in my twenties....
I think you are misguided about keeping up with the kids when you are older. My father had me when he was 40 and that was never a problem...I mean he wasn't playing tackle football with me...but he was my soccer coach for many years as a child and very involved in my life. Also, he was more established in his career which allowed him to have more time and $ for his kids compared to friends w/ younger parents. Also, I'm in good shape and plan on being in good shape my whole life...so I will be able to keep up with the kids into my 60s no problem. I just did a triathlon with a bunch of 60+ dudes some 80 year olds too. Depends I guess how you look after yourself.
I'm scared to date a girl MY age long term because I don't want a kid MINIMUM at 35 and girls get antsy around 30. I need a younger girl.
I never thought of it that way, but it is probably true.
sorry, had to add one more thing:
HIT IT (for a while) AND QUIT IT
Your saying girls get antsy around 30 to have a kid. I think this definitely is a generalization. I'm 27, female, dating a 40 year old and am in a similar situation, we are great for each other but having a kid is his priority and definitely not mine which is a major barrier...so guys it could go this way as well :)
Dating older chicks (Originally Posted: 08/14/2013)
For some reason, I don't get nervous and am actually pretty calm about approaching girls my age or younger. But I get nervous as hell when I want to go for chicks older than me. Is this normal? I guess I subconsciously think that I'm already at a disadvantage for being younger, but is that really true?
Are we talking cougars or girls in their 20s who are just older than you? For the latter, yeah, there's a disadvantage. But fuck it. Just lie if you think it'll help. Or ask how old she thinks you are, raise an eyebrow, and change the subject.
Older chicks are awesome, they know what's up. I'll never date another chick in my age range again, total waste of my time. At least five years older............preferably five years younger.
This. Dating older chicks = boys to men at light speed. Dating younger chicks...vice versa.
what constitutes older
I'm 20-21 yrs old. Let's say one category is like ~22-24. Then 25+ is the other group. I get kinda but not super nervous with 22-24 yr olds, but then I'm shitting in my pants with the 25+ girls.
honestly, I don't even consider that older. I was thinking more along the lines of 30-35+. no reason you should be nervous.
Yeah, those bitches might have a mortgage. next level shit
I want you to man up right now. 30+ on Friday or you're a failure
LOL
you should lie about your age.
OKC did a nice statistical analysis that said the ideal male age preferred by women (in aggregate) is the late 20s. Like 28 29. Ideal age for women is about 23.
Another nice tip they mentioned was the biggest indicator that a girl is open to a ONS is if they like beer. It levels it around to 50-50 I believe, whereas the typical distribution is actually skewed against it.
I don't understand why cute chicks go on OKCupid. Aren't they propositioned like 200 times a day in real life? I imagine there's a good portion that just loves the attention and doesn't actually date anyone. But still
I'm guessing you're nervous because you want to fuck them and it's a new area for you. That's not unusual. Just talk to them instead of trying/thinking about trying to get in their pants. You'd be surprised how women in the 30+ age group react to that. Well, maybe not. They usually love getting attention from younger guys.
That said, if you're 20/21 and look like you're 18, you're going to have some trouble. I've noticed most cougars or whatever you want to call them generally don't go for guys under their mid-20s. There definitely are some that will/do, but that's the exception not the norm (in my experience).
Older chicks are easy. Most older chicks get insecure around younger more successful dudes - making them easy prey.
It's more how old you look than how old you are, in my experience at least. I'm 21 and I look 28ish. It has its benefits. I just hope I don't look old as fuck in 10 years.
Like, older chicks don't care about your position in life. They just don't want to fuck someone who could be their son;s friend. Or maybe they do. I don't fucking know; I'm drunk on box wine.
Yep, true.
Of course after about 23/24 nobody really gives a shit, outside of like a 10 year swing.
This reminds me I never wrote up my strategy on how I sleep with women in their 30s that I promised during Christmas.
Go on...
This post kind of makes me sad. The older chicks you're describing are younger chicks to me.
That being said, if you're 21 years old, you would have a remote chance of dating a 30+ year old. However, I think you probably have a better chance of banging one tonight than someone your own age, because there will be no pretension that it will be anything other than sex. It's worth pursuing, you just have to stop being a huge pussy.
Go for the 50-year old Sasquatch. At that age they better be fully loaded. [meaning "funded"]
" I think you probably have a better chance of banging one tonight than someone your own age" What?
And aren't you in a position to fuck pretty much whomever, whenver? Why are chicks in their 20s "older: to you?
I am absolutely NOT in a position to fuck almost anyone. I'm married, chief.
Chicks in their 30's aren't 'older' to me. Hence what makes me sad. You guys think a 25-30 year old is an 'older woman'. I think she's a young lady.
I find it amusing and surprising that no one has mentioned the Standard Creepiness Rule.
I was thinking old as in diaper wearing old. Didn't realize we were going to be talking about 22-24 year olds.....
Just make sure that they are single because they are picky or busy at work and not because they are psychopathic.
False, the SMART ones are the best in bed. There just happens to be a larger number of crazy girls that are smart than stupid. Of course, same applies for guys.
^ Is starting to sound like someone else from these boards who was probably banned.
yeah no
Serious question: what is the Standard Creepiness Rule?
like DM said, after about 23-24, nobody cares unless it's more than a 10+ year difference
Something buttmad people made up.
Ok cool, I'm not a creepy old man!
Fuck, I just realized I'm hanging out with a bunch of college aged dudes.
Where's the keg party?
Don't forget about the study the determined: if she smokes, she pokes.
Fuck this rule (just make sure shes at least 18).
This isn't that complicated.
If she's DTF, you're DTF. All ages/ races, spanish, asian, african, caucasian...south beach, bringin' the heat
So I was just thinking about this because I have nothing better to do at the moment. This equation implies the following conclusions:
-- Less than 14 years of age, the rule breaks down because it implies the youngest you can date is older than you. -- At 14 years of age, the rule says you can't date less than the same age. I think this makes some sense, if you assume that 14 is the turning point from 'kid' to 'young adult', given that is when one starts high school. -- More than 14 years of age, the rule says that your 'hypothetical girlfriend' should have aged 1/2 the amount you aged since 14. So if you've physically aged 10 years and are 24, she should have physically aged 5 years and be 19. If you've aged 30 years and are 44, she should have aged 15 years and be 29.
Mathematically speaking, the 1/2 slope is arbitrary and not based on any axiom.
Warm Regards, -STEM major
Lets look at it this way.
They have a job, you don't. Therefore you are a loser in their eyes. They don't want to go out and pay for your shit. So unless you are a Lowell, Kennedy or similar. You are loser in their eyes. I didn't have this problem at your age because I had my own centurion card.
?????????????? smart ones are the best in bed? What?
a
Women in my age range (22-25) have no fucking idea what's going on. They just can't hang. You might get 1% of them that knows how to handle multiple things at once. If something goes on at work, they think they have no time. It's baffling. The older women know what's up. They can handle more than one thing at a time because they've grown more than one brain cell in their time out in the real world. Always go older. Always.
Or just use discretion like a normal human being. In what scenario does the equation trump discretion? If it's none, then why discuss an arbitrary equation. Or formula, I guess.
I was just pointing out that wanting your girlfriend to have aged half as much since 14 is arbitrary. Practically speaking I think more than 4-5 years difference on either side is a little weird.
How old are you? You may think it's weird. The only really rich guy I know is my uncle and he's 41 and always with 20-year-olds. I used to think it was weird. And it is weird in the sense that weird means unusual. But do you want to be usual? What's wrong with being unusual?
I'm 21. When i'm 41, I'd like to be seeing girls the same age as I'm seeing now. Maybe like 4-8 years older. Yeah, that's weird. But if that's what you want, then so the fuck what?
Has anyone release an "Is She Old Enough" app? I feel like it would be really cheap to make and would get tons of $1.99 downloads.
And you could make an "Is he in your league?" app as a follow-up once downloads dwindle where chicks can plug in stats about a dude and stats about herself and compare their sexual market values. Or just stats about a dude or herself and it gives a 1-10 score or whatever. We need to get some Asians and Indians on this.
lol okay It was like, partially rhetorical. That's a really wide spread. Are you pretty unsure of the theoretical value of your actual age?
Yo, guys, so I'm listening to some trap music, right? And there's this line: "I never met a girl that didn't let me fuck."
Is this an alpha line, in your opinions? It implies that he seeks permission for fucking and that the ball is in the girl's court. I wouldn't word it like this. Thoughts?
Get over it, chicks only pretend to take age into account when taking someone home.
Ehh I was at a concert last weekend and a 40 year old divorced milf couger brought me home. I'm 22 but I lied and said I was 23. True story.
Um, no, it's a very real consideration: perceived age, that is. You can lie through your teeth as long as it's convincing. Better yet, leave it up to speculation. This works bets if you look older than you are.
I agree on the perceived age thing. How you carry yourself and how confident you are is a major determinant if they ever ask what your age is. And then again...once they like you they won't go "OMG you is 2 years younger no no can't touch this".
Despite the so "fact" that "girls mature sooner," I tend to find girls my age (19-20) are far less mature than I...
I am 26 years old, am I consider old? O.O" can't find a date yet! Because im too old or young?
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