Depressed and re-considering IBD offer after accepting

Hey, you have to step back a second, just thing about all this, realized these are not huge problems and take a deep breath. For some of your points, I had similar feelings so I give you my 2 cents: 1) This is just NO-SENSE. You have reached something that a lot of top people are fighting to get. Having a FT offer for a top shop within a good BB is something that would make any parent/friend proud of (btw, obv. it is not JPM since no one at JPM would define it a mid-BB so just don't write mid-BB and then use JPM as example). You have to consider that, no matter what you achieve, there will always be several people which are better than you. Even if you are at KKR or at BX, there are people out there that are more smart or more reach or more happy or have more success with girls so just relax. It is normal to know, meet and live with people that IN SOME FIELDS are better than you. Also, you are analyzing this thing only from a business point of view. Ok, working at GS TMT is probably the best job in IBD (or one of the best) from a career driven point of view but this is just one important thing and not EVERYTHING. Also, you have to consider that you are lucky to have smart friends and it is good if they are on par with you or above you. it will challenge you to go on the same level and it will stimulate you down your life. So, it is fine to be the underdog and people don't choose boyfriends or friends considering if they are at GS or CS. Megafunds may do, but this is just a piece of the story. 2) this is normal at any bank (although it is the reason why I dropped my FT offer following my internship). People in banking feel miserable all the time. They work a lot, the pay is not at the same level it was years ago. They have the feeling they are just slaves, etc. It is true, you work a lot but people complain almost everywhere. You have to do what you like. If you like doing financial models, company profile, marketing material with ppt and every other thing you do as an analyst, you will be fine. On the other hand, if you hate what you do and the fact that you work a lot it will be hard. Also you have to consider this as an option. If you start, you will ALWAYS have the chance to step back if someday down the road you don't stand it anymore. You will always have the chance to go into finance in a F500 company or to do mid-market banking into a big 4 company. On the other hand, if you don't start know, it will probably be bloody difficult to find another chance (also a chance where, as you said, you already know the people in the team and you like them). (disclaimer: I believe my decision to drop the offer was wrong because of these reasons). 3) This is hard. It is always difficult to realize that you are putting your biggest effort in something that drives you away from your friends but a) you will make new friends b) your true friends will always be there once you are back and when you have time. The hard thing is that you are sacrificing your youth to pull all nighters but for this, go back to the previous post --> you can always leave when you are done. 4) see all previous posts, especially the (1). 5) hang out with people which are not into business school, career driven, travel, do a sport, find a girlfriend, play videogames, go to partiers. If you don't like to have those people around, just spend the time at school studying and networking with people you like. You don't have to pay attention to all this. Just relax and give them the attention they require (which is 0). 6) maybe you are not. It is just that you have been bombed by all this career obsession it seems you have. Solve the previous points and you should find your way through.

Finally, man relax. A part the friend part, these are not big issues. You have a well paid job which can guarantee you a comfortable life, you have smart and accomplished friends, you don't have healthy issue, you are not going to Iraq. Take a deep breath...

Disclaimer: none of this is meant to be condescending/pretentious/etc

Look hoss, you could be in my shoes. I wasted my time in undergrad at a pretty good school getting mediocre grades (cumulative just south of 3.5) with an easy major (social science). Now I'm teaching English in a 'stan, which is at least halfway around the world from any of my family/friends (though this situation is partially by choice, but that's very OT).

I have to rely on a bit of luck to get into the M. Acc program of my dreams (UC Davis), and then a bit of luck from there to get my dream accounting job (big4 advisory) while you probably would have a decent shot at an m7 MBA in a few years if that's what you want to do.

As far as maybe not liking your job, you should first approach it with an open mind. Maybe you will find that you do enjoy it. And if you don't find that you enjoy it, then try and find some meaning in it. Think of it as a stepping stone to what you really want to do, and try to find a way to take on day-to-day responsibilities that will turn your job into that stepping stone.

TL;DR, you should appreciate what you have and you should not compare yourself to everyone else - just be the best you that you can be, and let the chips fall where they might. I really wish I had learned this lesson when I was much younger and not just now at the ripe old age of 23.

OP, it's normal to feel this way, but considering I'm unemployed, I really can't tell you anything other than: keep kicking ass and moving ahead in your life.

Besides the fact that your friends' jobs are perceived as more prestigious than yours, I think the rest of your complaints are rather juvenile, to be honest. I think that one complaint is actually the main source of your discontent from reading your post. JPM and CS are also very strong firms in IBD, and I think to diminish them in the way you have is kind of inaccurate: basically saying if you're not at GS or MS you can't be a baller is the biggest load of shit I've read on this site, and I've read a lot of stupid shit.

The job is what it says on the tin, and you've probably known that since the start of recruiting. Days go fast when you're actually working, and time spent with friends is more meaningful when you have less of it to spend.

I think you need a reality check. You didn't know that you were getting into? Tons of kids would kill to be where you are.

Looking back on it I'm pretty sure OP is a troll post.

Op gotta be trolling also lol at MBB much better thn JPM...

Lol JPM is "mid-tier." What will they come up with next?

You have a bright future. Sweat 2 years, go to B school or a PE/HF and you will be set. As goblan said many people dream of being in your shoes so stop whining.

As much as I wish this were a troll post, it's not. I am genuinely feeling on the verge of depression, and I agree that all my feelings are ridiculous. I am so happy for both of my roommates, but it's pretty obvious they are better than me. Whenever people talk about work/careers (which is all the time) - it's like "oh roommate A, you work at GS HOW COOL" "roommate B, you work at MBB - you must be brilliant!" "roommate C...you work at 'mid tier IB' - wait, what's that?"

Does not make me feel good about myself at all. Now, I don't by any means feel like I did badly, I'm not even at a bank I would ever consider 'bad'. In fact, I got my first choice of where I interviewed. I just wonder if I settled/should have reached a little "higher". It kills me that people are constantly comparing everyone to everyone else, and for whatever reason the people I am surrounded by are ridiculously competitive. And it makes me feel like a failure.

I feel good helping people when they come to me, but even then I feel like my life is a blatant lie. How can I help people with IBD recruiting when it's pretty much the worst thing to have ever happened to me? I haven't even started working yet, but after one recruiting season and 1 summer I have lost friends, become a more stressed out/angry person, and feel miserable. I don't know who I used to be before all this, but for whatever reason I remember being a lot happier. Even though I wasn't as 'fulfilled'. There was just more to life back then.

The brutal competitive nature of this industry disgusts me, and I am even more disgusted that I have given into it.

Then quit. You also need to get into your skull that JPM and CS aren't mid-tier and different banks are bigger in different spaces. Your posts are seriously bullshit.

You must be at Credit Suisse since everyone knows about Citi. You're not at JPM for the reasons stated in the above posts. You must be in an ECM/DCM group to be feeling this depressed. You would not be feeling this way if you placed in CS M&A.

Regarding the post above, CS is definitely far from mid-tier IB, but I would say it's mid-tier BB, along with Citi, Barcap and maybe BAML (could qualify as low-tier). DB and UBS are low-tier BB.

This explains it all - OP is in an ECM/DCM group. This explains the entire "looking down" compared to your GS, MMB roommates

well thanks for those of you that gave decent answers

Looks like we have a few butthurt capital markets boys in here. Or are you guys from UBS? Cry.

And OP, you said my ranking is beyond the point, but you're crying because you feel your group is lesser ranked. Funny.

Everything is based on perspective and should be looked at with pluses and minuses. Would you rather be the cool kid in CS M&A getting cool deals and interviewing with MFs or the 30 year old analyst in GS TMT working on AAA bond issuances and interviewing with MFs? Every top group is going to be able to interview with MFs so cut the crying. It'll be due to your incompetency that you don't get the MF offer, not because of your group.

haha funny

Who cares. Go out and and find a better looking woman than theirs and they'll know who's better.

Troll? New account lol.

2) I am coming into terms that I will be miserable: My group is a complete sweatshop. The analysts are great and I made some very close friends this summer, but everyone hates their lives. I don't know if this is true of people at every bank, or it is unique to mine - but people are straight up depressed. The hours are miserable and it does not look like they will be getting any better. We are top notch in my industry coverage, but I don't know if that justifies how painful the experience will be, given I'm still not at a firm that guarantees placement at megafunds or anything by any means. Basically, it is possible but it will be a struggle regardless - so the sweatshop culture/hours are harder to justify

I hate change. I always have. It only recently hit me that my closest friends won't be around next year. One of my roommates is going to San Fran and the other is going to Atlanta. I will be moving to a different city all by myself, where i know few people. My family isn't around, my relationship ended like a year ago and she won't be around, and my friends/support system are all leaving and doing their own thing.

The good news is that as an analyst, you'll have analyst training and make new friends- you'll know some of them from your internship this summer. They will have more in common with you than your classmates- you'll be sharing the same industry and the same rough career trajectory for the next 5-10 years. If for some reason you really like this firm, and are willing to stay for 10 years, this is the last change you'll have to make for a very long time.

This may not be the case. You may hate it and leave after 18-24 months. But then your next firm could be the company you keep. For junior high, high school, and college, you weren't in control- a path was determined for you, and every few years, there was a new change and you had to say goodbye to friends. Now, at least to some extent, if you're a hard worker and if your industry does OK, YOU choose when you say goodbye. And the pain of saying goodbye is going to always be outweighed by the benefit from leaving.

4) I can't be happy/don't feel good enough: This one is self explanatory. I don't feel good about my accomplishments because all I see are other people's being better/more prestigious.

Everywhere I go people are talking about this shit. My school has an undergrad business school and it is insane how career obsessed everyone is. I just want an escape from it and it's hard to find that when recruiting is all anyone talks about. People without jobs are constantly sucking up to everyone consultant/banker around them - it's disgusting. People with jobs are shoving their offers down people's throats and trying to one-up everyone else. It's even more disgusting. I just want out of this horrible world of finance.

The MBB hype wears off quick once you are out of college. Also, for buyside firms you could try to target places that will put you on a partner track or long-term trajectory over brand name or AUM (there are merits to both arguments).

We're on opposite sides...look at my post

Its called growing up. You probably felt similar when you left high school and went to college. Now you have to do it all again, except you're not nearly as short-sighted as you were 4 years ago. There is lots of good advice in here buried among elitist group discussions, but I'll just leave this here: http://www.reginabrett.com/life_lessons.php

It isn't a bad list of things to put it in perspective. I don't agree with it all, but reading through it tends to help me relax a bit when I get worked up like you are.

...if you read my other comments you will see that I think it's dumb to debate tiers. I'm seeking advice as to how to change the way I feel because I know it's stupid and not right. Thanks to those of you who have given me good advice

Need some tough love bud. Only you can take the depression away, no one on WSO can. all it takes is to think 1 day "im not depressed" and drill that into your head. condition yourself. stop comparing yourself to people, stop judging people altogether in fact...thats prejudice.

o well you didn't get GS or MS or MBB. Life/career is a 40+year play, not a 2-year one where the best person is the one who got above positions. Change is everything and is a must, just make sure you change for the better. And that happens by conditioning yourself... YOU ARE HAPPY. you are so fucking happy man. you enjoy making that model. how dare you judge modeling that comp as boring? honestly, if you make it comical, itll be great. meet some chicks in the city, you know you can....

now, if you like being depressed or complaining or trying to gain sympathy, keep doing what you do lol. or change.

YOUR CHOICE. btw if you're a troll, a tip of the hat

I went to a non-target and have to hustle my ass off to get into banking. If I had any credits left I would peg you with some monkey shit

Best troll ever.

Why does everyone think I'm trolling? Is it that hard to think someone doesn't think they're good enough when compared to their phenomenal roommates?

sorry you arent the center of attention when your art major friends are asking about your job.

honestly, either suck it up and be thankful for what you have or renege on your offer. not a big deal, not that difficult

there's always barber school

I know several people at those banks. I will be forwarding a link to this thread to them. Let us know if your offer is rescinded ;)

Be grateful for what you have, I'd kill to be in your shoes.

hahaha there is no way this is not a troll post. The entire thread is hilarious

Your first point makes you sound like a douche. Your other points are somewhat valid. Also do you even know what a mid-tier BB is? It's def not JPM. I am assuming you work for CS based on your mid-tier comment. CS is still a decent bank. The fact that your upset because your roommates get some praise makes you sound like a whiny bitch.

I got a good nine years on you OP, so take it from someone w/a little life experience.

Many issues have been addressed well above, but the ex girlfriend issue is probably one that bothers you a great deal at your age. It's tough when you lose your girl whether it was your decision or not. TRUST me when I tell you, you will move on and meet many other girls throughout your 20s and beyond. I broke up w/my highschool sweetheart in college and it was tough but once I started working I met and dated many girls that I liked way more...just takes time.

I really think if this post is legit, you should absolutely have an initial session with a psychologist. It's a very healthy way to get an objective opinion and set some goals for you to work on.

The key is to not wallow in your own shit. Do you not wallow in your own shit, go see someone and line up some mental health goals for yourself. Take it a day at a time, dont overwhelm yourself with the future.

Lastly, get out and exercise and socialize. Keep your body healthy and even if its tough, try and go to gatherings where people are getting to know each other.

Good luck man. You got your whole life ahead of you. You still can do grad school and branch off into whatever you want. Work and resumes don't mean shit. How good of a friend, person, son, husband, father you are is what defines you.

I know it'l be tough for you to go sans blowing your boyfriends for the next two years, but don't worry, my buddies at elite boutiques will be snatching their exit opps anyways. You're pretty much fucked either way with this attitude, even if you take the job.

Wish there was a simpler way to say this:

It is absolutely USELESS comparing yourself to someone else.

That is all.

To everyone who's saying "I'd kill to be in your shoes", "Don't complain because you have what everyone wants", "Stop being a pussy", etc....

Just because a lot of people want something does not make it always good, especially for every individual.

Also, I never understood responses like that because you can ALWAYS have better perspective and try to be grateful for what you have. And we really enforced that, then all of us (myself included) should basically never complain about anything because there are millions of people in this world who are worse off than we are. And maybe we shouldn't complain, but we're only human.

In the end, OP, you achieved something that is greatly desired by many others, and you obviously worked hard (or got lucky, or whatever) to get there. But if you're coming to these important realizations now, maybe it's not too late to back out and think of getting a new job. That's the extreme option. But you can also try it for a while and quit whenever (if) you feel like you can't take it anymore.

But if you: dislike the competitive/comparative culture, know that you will be miserable, will leave your friends (you can always make new ones but some college ones are special and hard to replace), can't stand being around these types of people, then WHY would you keep going down this path? Do yourself a favor and listen to your heart.

You made a mistake of asking the opinions of this site, which is very skewed in what they think you should do. People in general respond to stories by thinking about what THEY would do in your shoes, and that's not exactly objective. I'm similarly subjective except with the opposing viewpoint of what many on this site believe (I have always despised the idea of working in banking and the culture that comes with it), so take my advice with a grain of salt as well.

And I hope to God you aren't trolling.

I'd say go with your heart and find something you LOVE, instead of chasing what everyone says is good. Down the road you will be more successful and happier. If you follow the herd you will end up among the herd, and trust me, the herd are a bunch of miserable mf'ers, wherever you work, what title you bear and how much money you make, and they always make you believe they make a lot, lol. no

devil wears prada is one of my favorite movies.

i recommend a watch.

Probably gonna get shit for this but I have no sympathy for you man. We all know what IBD/finance in general is all about as far as lifestyle goes. No non banking friends, no girl, no life for 2 years. People that to banking get into it for one reason, to make money/exit ops. You have an unbelievable opportunity that most people on here would kill for. And unfortunately most of us will never "live the dream" of an IB analyst. You knew what you were getting into when you began the pursuit of it. All that stuff you mentioned can be easitly overcome if you are mentally tough enough.

Seriosuly dude think of how fortunate you really are. This is white people probs at its finest

My $.02: you're looking at your friends being "more successful" than you the wrong way man.

Whenever one of my good friends does well, I feel a bit more relieved in the fact that I've got some good connections in the making if I end up failing miserably in the future.

You sound really insecure. Understandable, considering it's your last year of college. It's one of the worst stretches in terms of dick measuring.

You live in a bubble right now. After this year, things are going to change a LOT. You need to stop measuring your self-worth in terms of your roommates' situations and start meeting new people outside of finance and consulting. Go out and have fun in whatever city you're going to be in.

This post made me throw up. As many readers above have mentioned, 2-3 years out of college nobody gives a shit about whether you were at a top group or not (please trust me on that). You don't sound like the kind of guy who wants to go to Blackstone or KKR etc. megafund anyway and if that's your concern today, I can almost guarantee you that after spending more than 3 months in IBD again as a full time analyst, the last thing you'll want to do is go to the above mentioned sweatshops that your superstar roommate will be gunning for.

I do sympathize with you though, a little bit. I did have the same sort of feelings for a couple months after leaving my summer with an offer at an IBD. Give it a couple months, you've only just gotten back to school. Knowing that this is the last year of your school before life begins to blow and shit gets real, you'll automatically wire yourself into spending more of your time drinking with your friends and being happy celebrating your last year together than being miserable like this.

Even when people make these "woe is me, I only got a BB IBD offer" posts, it's better to be nice than it is to troll people.

Maybe it's a good time to step back and ask ourselves if these jobs are so amazing, why are so many people who have them so miserable?

If crystal meth is so awesome, why is everyone who is on it a basketcase?

If cheesecake is great, why do we say "Oh god I can't believe I ate that?" in the morning?

If you absolutely have to get a job in banking to be happy, why is it that everyone who works for a bank is utterly miserable?

Do yourself a favor, study welding, make six figures as a master welder, and laugh at all of us folks slaving away in finance.

LOL I shouldn't have used such an unqualified sentence, and now I can't edit it because someone replied Not everyone who works for a bank is utterly miserable, but many people are.

1.) You are extremely fortunate and clearly talented to have landed a job at a top shop in one of the most competitive, cut throat industries in a very soft job market. Especially as kids are graduating without jobs, dead-end jobs, or just working for some generally bad company trying to sell something and earn commission.

2.) JPM is a great firm, just go in there and kill it. I'm at a top middle-market firm and we've had some analysts really kill it and end up at Megafunds. Sure the shop helps, but at the end of the day it's about how hard you work / proving yourself.

3.) Find a girl to date, or at least a FWB you will have less time to devote to these trivial debates in your own head, feel more confident about yourself, get laid and have someone to talk to that hopefully finds finance completely boring, thus, forcing you to find something else to talk about.

4.) Enjoy your last year because you know how hard investment banking is.

Like someone mentioned earlier if it got to really be too much for me it would be a breeze for me to drop back a step into a less competitive finance role in F500 / Commercial Banking, etc and by really killing it I could end up in VC / PE / HF. Look at what you have, not what you're missing or you will be MISERABLE.

move to moelis/lazard/hl bank? I heard those are comparable to your gs/ms in terms of exposure, deal flow, and buy-side exit opps. Maybe that'll make you feel more relevant.

Or you can just wait it out because this type depression typically fade over time.

Fairly sure the OP was kidding regarding the "god forbid" comments. Look at the context/he is mocking previous posters tier rankings. He seems like a guy who feels like a douche and is reaching out to the community for a way to correct that. Would not say this is completely disgusting