Female Bankers

Personally, I expect my relationships to have the kind of mutual respect (real respect, not just talk) that takes no consideration of what jobs we have or how much we make. It's not just an issue of profession or money - it's respect in any circumstance and any issue, so if it doesn't exist in that area it'll come up in some other.

I may be in the minority, but I always seem to go for girls that have more money than me. I think it started with my tendency to date older girls in HS, and the trend has continued. Some came from family money, some had well-paying jobs, etc. A part of it seems to be that I am really into girls who are very fashionable, which generally goes hand-in-hand with having money. I would definitely date a girl that earned more money than me, though I can't imagine what would bring in more than high finance. Ambitious girls are hot (except those cold cutthroat ones).

That being said, I do think that being part of a banker couple would lead to a pretty devoid sex life. I don't want to be with someone who is always going to be as tired as I am. That would be depressing.

female bankers can date successful lawyers and doctors i guess.

Personally I'm not intimidated by banker chicks...however, I would never want to date/marry one. I like it when women are ambitious, intelligent, etc. but when you're looking to settle down you want to be with someone who will make a good wife and mother - banker chicks, no offense, will not be either of these things.

You can date older guys. A 30 year old accountant who is successful should be making more than a 1st year analyst.

As to cockstone - why would someone who is a banker at the age of 25 be a banker for life? Just because you've done something out of college doesn't make it who you are and brand you for life. Are you going to be a banker until you retire?

Date a guy with self confidence.

My fiance is a engineering phd student in the same university with me. We got engaged just before I got my FT offer last year (I wasn't an SA). He's been so supportive to me when it came to my career choice.

He couldn't care less how much I make now, neither does he worry if I'd be a good wife/mother. We're happy together and believe we'll make it a wonderful family. He believes in himself making billions in the future, when I can retire to be a housewife ;)

I don't think people should consider female analysts to be evil (in marriages). That's not fair because people in banking may well have diverse personalities, plus they won't necessarily go down the same career path.

.

Remember the guy: girl ratio in finance. Chances are, you're likely to find a guy that makes as much/more than you there. Or you can date outside your field. Outside of banking, most people don't know much/care about it. "Oh you work in finance. Can you do my taxes?" There could be a slight difference in pay, but the guy will still feel like they're wearing the pants in the relationship.

Sometimes, it's just the personality type. To make it into banking, you've got to work hard and be pretty determined about what you want. Wouldn't that translate into the relationship as well? This could be why the guy feels like she's wearing the pants. She knows what she wants and makes the call.

If you're dating a guy that makes less, don't flaunt the money around on dates. Spend on things they notice less (clothes/shoes/makeup/haircuts) and don't tell the guy how much it costs (how many guys can really tell how much these things cost). Let the guy treat and feel like a big shot. Don't tell him how much your bonus is. Comparing "base" salaries should be pretty comperable.

fishsail, I totally agree on all points.

We're Italian, "WACC" means something else to us.

"IE - if you were working at a MM bank, how would you feel about your girlfriend working at a BB?"

hilarious btw.

personally i think other bankers, drs, lawyers, traders are your best bet. i dont even think its about the money i just think an ambitious women needs an ambitious hard working man to match her. for example i think the dynamic between a female banker and a male struggling artist wouldnt work but i suppose stranger things do happen.

Shouldn't banker chics be dating buyside guys...

I know this is totally generalising, but I would not date a banker chick. first of all im with bankers and banker chicks 18 hours a day. for the 4 hours of free time i have in the week, i want to spend them with non banking people, just to get a break from banking. i dont want to discuss comps and models or even deals in the little precious free time i have. I just want to feel like there is a world outside the four walls of my cube (turns out there is!)

theres a banker chick in my group, nice on the outside, reasonably attractive. she is the most selfish, cold hearted, calculating woman i've ever come across in my life. all the while being nice. there were times when we've had conversations about committment and relationships, and she says " i'd neverrr do that for a guy, or i'd never ever do that for a husband". she loves money and is also very shallow and would stab her friends to get ahead. so smart, not bad looking, ambitious, and horrible girl friend/wife material all at the same time. I pity the guy who would marry her.

This girl has really skewed my vision of banking chicks. I am keeping my eye open for a girl who works in non profit or teaches third grade.

Guys don't want girls who date them for their money, but they also don't want to date girls who make more money than them.

Obviously a generalization, but still. It's a lose-lose proposition.

I will echo ghost on his "banker chick" sentiment

A girl I used to work with was one of the most conniving malicious people I have ever come across. She was super smart, slightly above average looking and she dated a guy at a PE shop (might be engaged now). We alway joked that if she was holding a suitcase full of money and her boyfriends hand at the top of a buidlding and had to let go of one....dude would be kissing the pavement.

She is as close to the devil, Patrick Batement, Gecko etc. than anyone I've ever met. Managment and clients loved her as her superficial character masked her true identity, but I have feeling it will catch up with her one day.

I would never seriously date any girl that works in Investment Banking/Trading or even has worked in those sectors. Just not my thing/

My most recent ex used to work in marketing and made a s...load of money in her job ($70 000 as a first year). She was always proud of it, while I was simply going for a masters degree. I didn't really mind the idea that she made so much money while I made -$50 000 to pay for my masters degree... The thing that bothered her the most (and what seems not to be your concern OP) is when I landed a banking gig in London. I made much more as a base salary than she did, and she knew banking bonuses were huge as well. She was litteraly jealous of her boyfriend for making more money than her...

On another note, it's ok if your girl friend makes more, the important part is that you have the potential to be making more than her in the future. This is one of the reasons I never was bothered w/ my ex having the higher salary; I knew I would eventually get something much better paid than her.

Remember, you will always be a salesman, no matter how fancy your title is. - My ex girlfriend

srr636:

A couple of my girlfriends and I were having this conversation the other night - most of us have had bad experiences dating guys that make/will make less money than us (ie - one SA was dating a guy working at a non-profit for awhile). It's not that we're gold diggers, just that the power balance seems to inevitably get thrown off...the girl ends up wearing the pants in the relationship and the guy inevitably finds a nit-picky reason to break up with the banker chick, only to start dating a PR girl, who, in several cases was not better looking. If, theoretically, having a "higher powered" job or a larger paycheck than your boyfriend means that you're emasculating him ... who are banker chicks supposed to date besides the obvious...other finance types? And - what're peoples' thoughts on this? If you're a guy, could you date a girl that made more money than you? IE - if you were working at a MM bank, how would you feel about your girlfriend working at a BB?

Caveat - no, I don't think that someone's salary determines their self worth etc etc etc ..

I'd be fine dating a girl in banking. It's a job. As long as she's got more to offer than work, sure.

Ambition is a fine quality in a woman, it's part of a total package.

I would DEFINITELY date a girl who makes more money than I, and so would most of my friends - we've had this conversation.

I will say, though, that I am never surprised in the least when a girl in a high-powered money job turns out to be a shallow and pushy bitch. Keep that in mind.

I don't know who female bankers are supposed to date because I'm not female, but how about someone who appreciates them for their smarts, ambition, etc. rather than their money? I've dated women who were wealthier than me, as well as women that had less money than I did. I think a big reason why the relationships lasted as long as they did was because of the respect and appreciation we had for each other, instead of money being the focal point of everything.

For me, inherent traits like ambition and drive are very important qualities in terms of the women I go for, but there are many ways these traits can be manifested. All else equal (if such a comparison is fair), I think I could have the same appreciation for a woman in finance as I would for an artist who was passionate about their craft, or a researcher that loved their clinical work. And I say this only because finance, as big as it seems in our individual lives, is just one possible career path out of many. Although it's not so easy for someone in another career to appreciate the nuances of our professional lives or vice versa, it's actually pretty easy to identify determination and ambition when you see it, no matter what field the other person is in.

I can't make any broad generalizations about women in finance being more or less desirable than other fields. I know that it's not uncommon to encounter the shallow or conniving types in this business, but those types of women exist in any field, not just in finance. If you can look past the labels and not define you or your significant other primarily based on their profession, I think you'll find that there are men and women in finance that are actually pretty relationship-worthy.

nauru- hilarious at the thought of a guy refusing to date a girl bc he is at an MM and she is at a BB, its like something straight outta LSO

honestly its hard enough to find a girl with a combination of brains, looks, and personality that further reducing the pool by career is a pretty stupid move imo

mark klein MD - idk that i agree with the majority of the posts on this thread - but you better believe that the difference between someone working at, say, Cowen and Co versus someone working at Morgan Stanley is significant.

someone correct me if i'm wrong - but i've never known any guy that actively wanted to start as an analyst at a lesser ranked bank when he could have gotten a position at a bulge bracket bank. maybe you are capable of dating a girl who may succeed in an arena where you yourself have failed, but that is most definitely not the case with most 20 something males i have met, especially not finance guys who tend to take a lot of pride in the fact that they work in finance.

it's not about who makes marginally more money (although, i still think it's awk to date a guy who makes less than you do - call me old fashioned), it's about the fact that guys are traditionally the more ambitious partner in a relationship - it definitely screws up a relationship when that balance shifts. if you think these sorts of comments are totally out of left field - you've been hiding under a rock the last five years. if nothing else, go take a look at the plot lines for recent abc and nbc shows - cashmere mafia and lipstick jungle which frequently show men leaving their wives because they can't handle the fact that their wives are more successful than them. admittedly the shows are terribly acted, but the themes they deal with are legitimate and are significant enough that they're being dealt with on prime time tv shows...

I would never date a banking chick either, simply for the reason that you need to have another life away from your job which you would never fully get if going out with another banker. Fortunately the chicks I know in banking are all actually quite nice though I don't think any of them will last longer than analysts (they also sort of say this themselves when talking on nights out) so maybe I haven't met any really cutthroat. As people above said your best bet is just people from other professions or somebody who genuinely doesn't care, which I think would be the best thing as it is probably deep down the equivalent of all us guys wanting a smart but sweet chick who teaches kids or something, ie a contrast to what you are but obviously still has to be relatively intelligent. Fortunately for us guys, the female equivalent is easier to find but that's simply because we aren't going againt the grain, and I don't care if you say I'm sexist but that's what chicks going into banking are doing.

Seriously... I don't think I would date another banker, just too close to myself. I've dated girls in the past who had similar jobs and it never turned out well. For me differences attract more than similarities and most of the banker girls I've met have been even more Type-A personalities than I am, which is scary.

Who knows, maybe if I end up working at a nonprofit I'll be more into banker girls...

It's a little silly to group the female bankers all together like this. Just because we're in the same profession doesn't mean we're ALL more apt to date (or not date) certain people. While my job may say a lot about me it certainly doesn't define who I am. It would be a very inaccurate picture if I were to be judged solely on my choice of profession.

Power (which money is often a proxy for) is definitely a theme in relationships though. It's caused me a lot of grief with exes because we needed different types of interaction from our relationship. Some people need to dominate (or be dominated), others need equality. You just have to find where you are on the scale and find someone that's compatible - sometimes that means his job matters, sometimes it doesn't.

Interesting thread...

As someone who works at a quality MM, not a single individual in my analyst class has a desire to work at a bulge bracket firm. In fact, many of us are counting our blessings that we have 100% job security and are pretty much going to be making more than the street this year with a substantially lower cost of living. The truth is, most of the guys I work with are just really bright guys who just want successful careers without the need to completely sacrifice their youth. People talk about how their next job will definitely be at a "lifestyle" firm and they would never take positions at the likes of Audax / Summit / Other shitty sweat shop PE firms! The mentality is just completely different. Dating someone who works at a BB firm would be more likely to trigger feelings of pity than jealousy.

To be honest, I'm really surprised in this day and age by any man who feels as though they need to be making more money than their spouse. My girlfriend has aspirations of being a CFO for an international company and I truly hope she achieves it (and brings in way more bank than me). I find it important to act as a "team" and not to view it as my salary vs hers. Bsides, for all those guys who are scared that a chick will only be interested in their money, this is a perfect way to dispell any suspicians. I'm very surprised that all of the people here, who are sacrificing so much in the pursuit of wealth, would be opposed to having even more wealth. Once you're married the money is all going into the same pot anyways and who is bringing in what will certainly never be a topic of conversation.

My dad is an exec at a F500, but my mom is a specialized surgeon and brings in more than he does. It really wasn't an issue until several years into the marriage and definitely pops up every once in a while. Compbanker, it's nice to think the way you do now, but keep in mind that it may not always be that way. You may be the type of guy and your spouse the type of girl that can accept a shifted power balance, but after some time a lot of couples struggle with it. If you guys manage to stay the way you are, then all the better for you. I'm just saying that based on personal experience, time and money can change behavior.

As to myself, I wouldn't mind dating someone who makes more. I actually seek out more successful/older girls anyways (still in college, not quite in the working world). To me, a salary differential wouldn't be an issue as long as my spouse doesn't hold it over me. I don't know about a lot of you, but I'm happy to see my girlfriend succeed. I've got big aspirations and so far have done well for myself, but if my girlfriend manages to be more successful, all the better for her and for us.

A woman who's better than me at something is a major turn-on.

It depends on your commitment in relationships... as for me I could care less as long as we get to spend time together (occasionally... haha). I don't care about her status, her money, only that she loves and respects me just as I do, her. I don't know how some of you guys do it, but props on having a successful relationship while in banking.

no pun intended.

It's totally ridiculous that you would equate all finance women to that woman. None of my friends in finance (or myself) are like that. I avoid those type of women.

Having spent enough time in the bathrooms of bars and clubs, I can tell you right now that there are plenty of women not working in banking who are just as calculating when it comes to meeting men in finance. They have no ambition other than to marry a rich guy - and that's pretty scary. At least that chick wanted to network for her own career through a partner, rather than just being a straight-up golddigger.

You should really focus on the qualities you dislike in a potential partner, rather than her profession. It will get you a lot further.

I'm a female and speaking from experience, there are plenty of backstabbing women out there who would throw you under the bus in a second if they could. That's not every woman though. I mean, do the women who reply to your posts here, do we sound like we would throw you under the bus?

********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********

Okay. I have tried to hold back from posting in this thread, but after some incorrect and misleading posts I have decided to weigh in.

Do not mix up people who are short-term material and long-term material. Don't try to force one in to the role of another. You should know what you are looking for, and find it.

Think about where you are finding women. If you are searching in clubs and bars, they will most likely be money grubbing sluts. If you find them through a church group or from a friend you used to know back in high school, odds are you'll be better off.

Moral: Go to a club for a short term fling. Go to church or hometown parties or barbecues to meet long term girls. Don't mix the two.

Also, after watching my vast array of cousins and friends work in cities such as NY, Boston, Chicago as young professionals...a good general rule is do NOT pursue someone for a long-term relationship in a BIG city. I'm not just talking about NY (for the jack-ass Chicago guy) - Chicago counts too.

Yes, that's a generalization. Are all women/men in NY cold-blooded, amoral/immoral, gold-digging, and shallow? No. Are a significantly high percentage? You bet. I don't need an empirical study to verify THAT generalization. New York is New York.

Move out of the downtown areas and then find a woman/man in the suburbs or your hometown. Preferably at a park. Or a church. Or a gym. Look for people who own dogs. If you don't like dogs, look for a barbecue or a football.

I won't be going to NY to find a wife. A hot girlfriend for convenient and frequent sex? Maybe. Random hook-ups? Maybe. The beginning of a successful career? Yup.

Maybe I just have higher standards. I have no problem with marrying a professional woman, or any woman who makes more than me. Actually, that's hot. But I also want a woman who loves me, who is ridiculously physically attractive, incredibly intelligent and funny, who I like to spend all my time with, who I can be proud of, and wants to have kids. That's a lot of shit. Oh...and who likes dogs.

So, I won't be looking for a long-term, serious relationship while I'm in New York. If you're 5'7 or taller, hot, with long hair, have on expensive designer shit, and you're with me at a club - it's probably because you have a nice ass. That's it. It's New York and everyone's living the fast life. And you're probably a shallow bitch.

But if I stop you after church while you're walking to your car in order to start a conversation - and you're 5'7 or taller, hot, and you make me laugh - you might just be marriage material.

Am I shallow? Nope. I prefer "focused."

Wow... theHam1 makes me ashamed to be guy. What's with church/bbq as wife farms? You are a huge idiot to generalize with "I won't be looking for a serious relationship in New York." And I am sure that you pull these amazing women that you are talking about- chicks LOVE prospective monkeys with little common sense and no self awareness.

Heh, funny thing is, I am severely turned off at the thought of being with someone who goes to church too often. Doesn't sound fun.

I like how you position suburbia as the Garden of Eden for wife material. My experience has been the opposite: people are the same everywhere. Qualities don't magically change with geography.

I think people on this site severely exaggerate New York and the qualities of individuals who live there. Here's some truth: they're the same as everybody else. They came from the same small towns and little enclaves you did. They too eat hot dogs, drink soda, and fart loudly when they think nobody's near. Judging people based on geography is misguided and petty.

It's easy to be blindly critical and juvenile while not actually offering relevant advice. Or even your opinion. Next time, try adding something of value.

Generalizations are general by definition. That does not mean they aren't effective tools to use when making a point. I made this point in my previous post.

Dating is a numbers game - plain and simple. There are lots of great girls out there, but you need to play the right odds.

Maybe you would know that if you spent more time with the opposite sex, rather than habitually beating off to comparables analysis. A football field diagram is a poor substitute for a great chick.

theHam1, just curious, how much time have you spent living in New York that you came to such an accurate generalization of the women in the city?

I've heard Texas girls are tops.

OK, so I know I am SUPER late posting to this thread, but I think it is ridiculous that guys would completely rule out girls because they a) work in finance and/or b) are in NYC. I went to school in the city and most of my friends stayed here, with about 95% of them working in front office finance positions, myself included. They are all great, not uptight, like to go out (when we have time), volunteer in the community, attend some sort of religous service on a somewhat regular basis, and aren't cut-throat in the least - just hard working. In fact, most of us were athletes in college, which means we are in shape AND know the true meaning of hard work.

We have actually had this discussion that even though we have to be tough and take intiative at work, we like to be the more submissive ones in relationships (as long as we aren't walked all over and taken for granted, that is). Anyway, maybe I am biased, but I know tons of great women who are doing banking for now, making good money, and who are quite successful, but who are great friends and great girlfriends. That said, I also know a lot of crazy bitches out there that aspire to do nothing else than to emmasculate their male coworkers and one day be a hedge fund manager. They gives us nice girls a bad reputation.

All in all, I think some of you guys should look a little deeper and not judge a girl based on her current occupation, because deep down inside, even the evil girls want to settle down, marry a nice guy, treat him well, and have a family. They just think that in the post-femenist era, it's a sign of weakness to admit that its what we really want (hello, its biological).

Anyway, this current banker chick is a nice, pretty (not to toot my own horn or anything), and down to earth girl, who one day aspires to teach pilates after making some money of her own first :)

you date self-made millionaire entreprenuers in their early 20s :)

If a woman possesses manly virtues one should run away from her; and if she does not possess them she runs away from herself.

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Generalizations ARE useful. That's why they're there. And by definition generalizations have exceptions. Anycase, my generalization is to stay away from 2 types of finance girls: (1) asians and (2) non-targets.

And no this has nothing to do with racism or university elitism :) If you want an asian girl date a non-finance worker.

Also, when dating, don't believe what girls say anymore than someone should believe what you say. Finance girls try to make themselves seem nice/sweet just like us finance guys try to make ourselves seem rich(er)/(more) important.

The only way you can date a guy who makes less then you is if the guy aint a man, or if the guy is more intelligent than you are and you know it. This is the type of guy that could maul you in earnings if he wanted, but in the words of bartleby the scrivenrer, "Would prefer not to."

Also, alot of guys dont want to date girls that dont want to be a mother and a wife. Girls that put their career over a family i tend to think of as 1) shallow and 2) consider them to be bitches.

My ex-bf is a resident physician with a bigger ego than me and dumped me two weeks before I got the offer from a MM. Point is, compatible salary/profession is definately desireble but it doesn't define any good relationship.

1. I won't date a girl/woman/female human being earning more money than me.
2. Can't imagine dating an investment bankers/lawyers because of their egos.
3. Why do you as a woman want to work in investment banking industry? 

Jesus. Normally most WSO posts are full of intelligent and reasonable date (unlike reddit/majority of the internet) but some of the posts on this thread sound like they come from frustrated 18yr old college kids. As a 30yr old single guy who has had a decent amount of dating experience, here's my humble opinion.

OP - I don't think most people would ever stereotype "female bankers" as one block group (or at least not to the point where they'd refuse to date them). When topics like this have come up in the past, you get the impression that many WSOers have an unrealistic expectation of a hot 9/10 gf who earns a decent salary but not too much, can have intelligent debate but isn't too pushy, and is happy to emotionally mother them while cooking/cleaning and raising their future brood of kids.

Let me just say from personal experience that I have dated a (obscure Z-list catalog) model - not saying all models are like this, but while she was a nice person she wasn't that intelligent and had no real intellectual curiosity about anything. Trust me - the novelty of having a 9/10 on your arm wears off very fast when you struggle to make conversation. So I would much prefer to have intelligent conversation with a pretty banker girl any day.

Personally I'm not sure I would date a banker/lawyer girl long-term, only for the reason that between her work schedules and mine (work in PE) we would hardly have any time to spend together. While most of my ex-gfs had decent jobs, they also were usually working 40-45hr weeks which made it a lot easier for us to make time for each other. I myself though wouldn't have any issue dating a girl who earned significantly more than me - and personally I think any guy who does is probably a bit insecure.

Having said all that, to you OP I would put the question - do you and your banker girlfriends potentially have unrealistic expectations? As an example a banker girl I used to work with is (without being harsh) relatively average-looking, and doesn't have that exciting a personality. She constantly complains about not being able to find a serious guy who would be comfortable earning less than her - but if you look at her dating history, she tends to go for very good-looking f*ck boys who are musicians/artists/don't have serious jobs. She's not ugly by any means, but if I was a cynic I would say they were probably with her because she a) paid for everything and b) acted as a surrogate mom to them (given they acted very immature).

I wouldn't ever say this to her of course, and it wouldn't make any difference. She comes from a wealthy family who always lavish praise on her, and I feel that given she is successful and well-educated, she has it in her head that she deserves the "Sex and the City" happy ending with a perfect Brad Pitt lookalike on her arm. Sadly I don't think this is a realistic outcome for her - I'm sure she could meet a great guy and settle down if she was happy to be with a stable, regular/above-average looking guy with a good job etc. But she always goes for Jason Momoa musician types - and then moans they are flaky/insecure with her earning more.

Not saying this is you or your friends OP (I don't know you obviously) - but it is a recurring theme I've seen with banker girls (as mentioned I think a lot of young male WSOers also have somewhat unrealistic expectations, so this isn't specific to banker girls by any means).