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9/13/06

I had an experience last night that was rather unfortunate: I had sex with one of my female co-workers over at her place and it sucked. Now before I tell you what occurred I would like to put this in context. I have been told I am sexually proficient -actually I have been told I was great many times, but for the sake of modesty we will say proficient. This female compatriot is rather hot. When I say hot, I am distinguishing between cute and hot; that said, she was hot. So we get down to it and she just lie abed. She just lied there expecting me to do all the work. I did do all the work and when it was over she proclaims 'that was awesome' and proceeds to smoke a cigarette. Now what the fuck. I have worked with this analyst-ette many times over and I know how to gauge her level of sincerity. She was sincere, for I hope she was since she came, as it were. Now, normally I would just cast this episode aside and lapel it an unfortunate experience. I would also cast her aside, sexually that is, and probably call her a sexual miser -that is a sexual cheapskate. Indeed I have already done that. However, what engenders this post is not this one experience, but rather a history of them. Yes that is correct, a history, or many experiences akin to the aforementioned. It is this observation, and two others that force me to label IBD Analyst-ettes as sexual misers.

Comments (210)

Best Response
9/13/06

Dan/IBAspirant, as requested, a point of view from a female banker:

When I'm working more than 110 hours a week, I definitely don't have the sex drive I'd have if I was working 40. I also can't spend hours screwing... I mean, as tempting as it sounds, if I could set aside two hours for having sex, I'd probably choose to have sex for twenty minutes and then spend the rest of the time sleeping. I-banking has definitely made me more like a guy in certain ways. I don't want to waste time seducing, cuddling, pillow-talking, foreplaying, or artfully flashing glimpses of my lingerie. I want to get the job done, get my needs taken care of, and get on with my life.

Does that mean that I just lie there, however? Hell no. It's really hard for girls to enjoy sex when they're just lying there. I mean, if we get turned on, we're going to move around. It's almost hard-coded. It takes actual willpower to stay still in that circumstance.

So what happened? Dan, I'm sorry to say this, but my own personal opinion is that you might have gotten gypped. I know you think she came, but I think there's a possibility that she didn't. Girls fake it ALL the time. Sometimes there's just no other way to fulfill the responsibility that one takes on when one chooses to have sex with someone.

Of course, this says nothing about you. Even the world's greatest lover is going to have a hard time making a girl come if she's frigid, exhausted, anxious, resentful, or just not in the mood. We're not like you guys. The biological drive is just not as constant and overriding.

Hopefully I haven't offended anybody here or started a big drama thing... just seems like I'm one of the few females on this board, and female commentary was requested.

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9/13/06

don't dip your pen in company ink, I think this phrase is very relevant in ibanking, because most of these women are overworked and exhausted. I mean yesterday was a workday, so most likely you did it after work, so both of you were exhausted.

9/13/06

I am not sure I understand your ink/pen example. Anyway, you bring up a relevant point. I would agree with it, however, this has occured before.
-Just judging from that past. What am I to conclude?

In reply to Dan Bush
  •  9/13/06

nobody cares, man. Posting about yourself being "sexually proficient" just makes you seem like a douchebag. Find a friend and tell your stupid story to them instead.

9/13/06

it means you don't fuck people from work because it causes nothing but drama.

9/13/06

RogueBanker: i'm assuming you're young and think that pounding a motionless girl is fun. And it is, of course, but it does get fucking lame and boring when she's just lying there.

"Anyway, you bring up a relevant point. I would agree with it, however, this has occured before.
-Just judging from that past. What am I to conclude?"

Dan, that guy is an idiot and his one-sided point sucks. Of COURSE the girl is exhausted, but SO ARE YOU. You, too, are in IBD and work insane hours. What the fuck is that about? It's no excuse.

And the fact that it has happened in the past multiple times does, IMO, give you the right to make this conclusion.

"it means you don't fuck people from work because it causes nothing but drama."

Shut up you New Jersey fuckhead. Drama has nothing to do with this.

9/13/06

zala why don't you go back to writing your interviewer rape/murder stories, and leave intelligent conversation to the rest of us?

9/13/06

Njandrewg, if you are seriously arguing that your post was more on-topic and logical than mine, go ahead.

9/13/06

female ibankers around here to counter/confirm (!?) Dan's argument? :-)

9/13/06

I'm going to have to say yes.

"Shut up you New Jersey fuckhead.

I don't see why you needed to use profanity. And whats wrong with New Jersey?

9/13/06

My use of profanity has nothing to do with it, NJandrew. I was on-topic, I didn't try to derail the thread by bringing up the drama caused by coworker dating (which is irrelevant to the thread and Dan's question), and I addressed your thread to try to keep YOU on topic.

In reply to zala rules
9/13/06

Dan asked for an explanation of what the dipping pen in company ink meant..I gave it to him

9/13/06
In reply to aspiringmonkey
9/13/06

"don't dip your pen in company ink, I think this phrase is very relevant in ibanking, because most of these women are overworked and exhausted."

Honestly, what the fuck does this mean? This is terrible writing. Dipping your pen in the company ink has NOTHING to do with the women being overworked and exhausted. You shouldn't have brought it up in the first place. Shut. Up.

9/13/06

[here is a better list rogue :P
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_sex_positions]

Yeah, but I was just looking for something quick that aims for the G-spot.

9/13/06

Its like an old phrase...kinda like "catch more bees with honey" or "can't catch 2 birds with 1 stone". And its not IB specific, its universal, you don't fuck another IBanker,just like at Mcdonalds you don't fuck another window server or whatever they are called.

9/13/06

Andrew, I know what the god damned expression means. I was referring to the poor flow (and irrelevance) of that post. You are so far behind. Forget it.

9/13/06
9/13/06

Everybody just calm down now. This post was not meant to engender so much hostility. It was simply me sharing an observation with fellow IBers.
RogueBanker, you just need to get that head of yours checked because you are one sick fuck. Fuck man, reading your comments makes me want to e-mail this post to the NYPD.

9/13/06

Dan, I would imagine most of the gunner females working in corpfin/IBD are rancid human beings to begin with.

  •  9/13/06

Dude Dan...getting kind of pathetic wouldn't you say? Banker by day, poor lover by night? Or vice versa.

And zala really needs to get your dick out of his mouth.

9/13/06

Hey, way to sling insults from behind the double protection of both anonymity and the internet!

9/13/06

"banker by day, poor lover by night," hahaha, thats a pretty good one. ill give you credit.

9/13/06

zala, why would they be rancid?

9/13/06

Dude, you should know better. Ask your question here. I can't do this through work email and personal emails are blocked. I'll give you an honest answer to just about whatever you ask.

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9/13/06

alright, why would she fake it? i dont think she did, i dont mean ti be vulgar, but i could feel the clamp and her face got red.

  •  9/13/06

I dont know if the thread title is true, but a lot of the females in banks are hot. Some don't look that good but mostly all of them keep in shape, the job demands it

9/13/06

Well, for starters, was she really wet? That tends to tell you she's having orgasms.

9/13/06

yeah, she was, i am pretty confident she came. for the previous post, im at a bulge and there are some hot girls here, but they are not front office.

9/13/06

You actually asked two questions, Dan. One was how could she be faking it, the other was why. As to the former, well, it doesn't take long for a girl to figure out that if she doesn't want to get caught faking, she needs to clamp and jiggle. As to the latter, the reasons for girls doing this are myriad.

9/13/06

I'm not sure how you hit on girls in the office, it would be kind of like talking to random people in class and trying to hit on them (which I'm about to do tommorow, girl is hot like fire).

9/13/06

"zala, why would they be rancid?"

i don't know if i could answer that with your "dick in my mouth," but i'll try.

basically, think about the type of woman who would work 100 hours a week with the end goal of making a ton of money. i'm just going on personal experience here, but i can't see any healthy, wholesome girl i know giong into this line of work. not to mention most of these women are not going to be the understated, cultivated girls with modest wants - this is investment banking for christ's sake. this is the type of girl who salivates over $5000 dresses, purses, etc. do you see what i'm getting at?

9/13/06

By the way, I realize that even bringing up the possibility that girls can fake and guys can't tell is a little stab in men's dearest bastion of self-esteem. For this, I apologize. Feel free to consider yourself an exception to this situation if it helps.

9/13/06

i cant believe it. fake, shit. I'm going two floors down to have a little chat.

by the way, i disgaree w/zala. some women are just motivated.

9/13/06

By the way, Zala, I'm wearing $39.99 shoes and carrying a 30-euro handbag. My main luxuries are good wine (Chile, South Africa, Spain) and perfume (Coco Mademoiselle, Narciso Rodriguez), but never at the same time. Please understand that the banking world is more varied than you seem to think.

9/13/06

mis ind, i need dating advice. train me.

9/13/06

"even bringing up the possibility that girls can fake and guys can't tell is a little stab"

it is a stab in the direction of guys who freak out over how "good" they were in bed. if it weren't for them, girls wouldn't feel (nearly as) obligated to fake it. i could care less if you come.

9/13/06

South Africa? Stellenbosch wine? It's good but heck you could get better anywhere else, isn't really a luxury.

9/13/06

"Better" is a matter of perspective. Certain wines from South Africa (sauvignons blanc in particular) have an elusive steel and stone flavor that you don't get anywhere else. When I drink wine, I want to taste the terroir -- however rustic, however imperfectly expressed. What I don't want (and don't care about) is how many points WineSpec gave it. Had Cakebread. Had Cristal. Wasn't impressed. Now, the $11.99 bottle of Txakoli from the Basque region with the obviously-desktop-printed label and the hint of must from ancient sherry casks... THAT is fascinating. Nobody in the wine world ages wine in sherry casks because they all know better. Which makes the wine from the peasants who don't know better all the more interesting.

In reply to Dan Bush
9/13/06

"by the way, i disgaree w/zala. some women are just motivated."

this is more than JUST MOTIVATED, dan. these junior bankers aren't trying to cure cancer or write a groundbreaking book. they're generally after money and power.

mis ind: i read your post, and i am convinced that you msut be cool in real life. but tell me, with a straight face, that you don't know TONS of intolerable girls in banking like i described.

9/13/06

Dan, I probably don't understand dating much more than you do. I was never one of the cool popular girls and they always seemed to follow rules I didn't understand.

So here's my dating advice.

1: Be completely honest.
2: Hope that the girl is doing the same.
3: Dump her if she isn't.

9/13/06

I always thought that girls only went after assholes? Hence why I'm an asshole (even though deep down inside I'm not).

9/13/06

I know tons of people in banking, both tolerable and intolerable. (Some of the male behavior on this board has been just as bad as the female behavior you're complaining about, for instance.) I think on average bankers aren't the best bunch of people, but the sigma on this population is HUGE.

But yeah, there's a bleached-blonde girl on my floor who has twenty pairs of Jimmy Choos shoved up under her desk and is always dating the richest bankers, drinking their champagne at Marquee, and shopping with their credit cards. She won't spare me the time of day and brags about how she blows off entire afternoons to go shopping. Yes, there are girls in banking who are total wastes of makeup.

9/13/06

yeah, good point. why is that mis ind? why do girls seem to always flock to assholes? it high school it occured, but that was high school. in college it was the same, that is an institution too. but in real life, what do u gals see?

9/13/06

"I know tons of people in banking, both tolerable and intolerable. (Some of the male behavior on this board has been just as bad as the female behavior you're complaining about, for instance.)"

we're not talking about male bankers. say what you want about male bankers. i'm saying that i would put MONEY on the fact that the majority of female bankers are really terrible messed up, with major issues. i don't plan on dating these girls.

  •  9/13/06

Dan: for the previous post, im at a bulge and there are some hot girls here, but they are not front office.

So what department are they in. some of the ladies in front office at my place are hot, but look like they have real attitude problems. In other depts they are hot too but these girls are looking for any flash guy with a bit of cash.

A lot of the HR ones look ok.

In reply to Dan Bush
9/13/06

"why do girls seem to always flock to assholes?"

c'mon, dan, you're smarter than this. it's not about high school, it's not about college.

9/13/06

i am going to start looking for girls who are doctors. fuck finance girls. i need a nice wholesome girl or im going to jump out of this fuckin window soon.

9/13/06

I'm getting me a housewife, fuck these career women, good thing every girl at my current college isn't career woman material, thank you southern colleges.

  •  9/13/06

housewife exactly the type I would want, prob is most girls at my college were the career type

  •  9/13/06

aggressive men are typically seen as "assholes" in our society. aggressive man kill for food. agressive man feed woman and babies = woman like aggressive men.

most women do not understand this attraction. most men who aren't confident assholes don't understand how the other guy does it. well guess what?, the asshole doesn't give a fuck if he's rejected so he goes up to any girl he finds attractive and tells the bitch how it's going to be. they in turn, see strength and are often turned on. EVOLUTION.

  •  9/13/06

get married senior year before graduation. 2 couples i no at yale did that and they are happy as shit. they both live in the burbs in central CT, they prolly pull in bout 100k per household (one is cop/teacher other is cop/lawyer and they all love their jobs. Im fucking quiting this 100 hour/week bullshit. Im movin to CT and becomin a cop.

9/13/06

Yeah, I think bankers need housewives. It really helps to have someone to take care of the homefront. There are things that maids/PAs just can't do.

  •  9/13/06

I sometimes think is it worth it, but then I wanna make some cash before I retire

9/13/06

"they in turn, see strength and are often turned on. EVOLUTION."

shut the fuck up, loser. you know nothing about evolutionary psych. that post was so painfully dumb.

9/13/06

i actually tend to agree w/that post

9/13/06

Hey, guys? Remember, in the midst of all this talk about which girls will make suitable mates for you, think about being a suitable mate for girls. It does go both ways.

  •  9/13/06

good point Ind, bottom line quit banking.

  •  9/13/06

mis ind: Hey, guys? Remember, in the midst of all this talk about which girls will make suitable mates for you, think about being a suitable mate for girls. It does go both ways

Looooooooooooooooooooooool

I don't think we care when I am bringing home the cash she will take me what ever way i am

In reply to
9/13/06

Yeah, I'm not marrying a banker dude. No way in hell. (And wouldn't a couple of you guys feel a little dissed if I started saying "Fuck banker dudes, they suck, they're lousy lovers, I'm gonna get me an artist/actor who knows how to fuck and who can actually hold a conversation without using the word "firm"? Let's all be polite and shit, okay? We all work way too hard to suffer the insults of our peers into the bargain.)

In reply to
9/13/06

Anonymous, I think you'll find that to be incorrect in the end. Not only are the best girls completely unbuyable, but if you don't look to your suitability as a mate, the girl will eventually leave you anyway. Look at all the rich guys who can't keep a wife.

I would think it's pretty transparent: guys who rely on their cash to buy wives are just tools for turning poor single women into rich divorced women. Think it through.

  •  9/13/06

mis Ind

I was only kidding, you r right. Why would I want a woman only iterested in my money. As once the cash is gone so will she. Much rather have a girl who I get on with. No one is perfect but as long as we can get on with eachother

In reply to Dan Bush
9/13/06

"i actually tend to agree w/that post"

Are you talking about that evolutionary psychology post? You're an idiot if you tend to agree with it. Yes, there are EVOLUTIONARY reasons that an aggressive male can be attractive. But that person did not explain them, and is an idiot. Evolutionary psychology is a vast, complicated discipline, I assure you.

  •  9/13/06

zala, the only idiot is someone who asks, "Why do girls like all these assholes?"

first off, it's not the fact that they are necessarily assholes that makes them attractive. being an asshole just happens to be highly correlated with high confidence which 99.999% of women want in their man.

have you ever sat back and actually asked yourself why? men act all confused when their women leave them: "but I gave her EVERYTHING"...yeah, everything except you were also a pussy and didn't show you were a man. every woman wants to be with a man that can protect them, and PROVIDE for them. it's not that complicated. why is physical attractiveness less important of a trait in overall attraction for women? because tehy are programmed to find the best provider for thier offspring.

"evolutionary psychology" is vast and complicated? ok, but we're talking about basic femael attraction here. so many guys are so clueless, like you.

9/13/06

why wouldnt you marry a banker dude. im a banker dude w/ a rule. whenever i go on dates i have 1 rule: i dont talk about business/finance/econ. I hate talking about it w/ girls, in fact a girl told me i was elusive vis a vis my career. go figure. i like to talk about sex, philosophy, politics, never fucking business. If a girl is wrapped up in my business conversation she is not having fun. this shit is not fun. the only reason we do it is b/c of the pay.

  •  9/13/06

damn right but I like the job too, but the main reason is the pay

9/13/06

i disagree w/ the above. i hope i read your post correctly, you said physical attractivness is less important for women, i disagree.

In reply to Dan Bush
9/13/06

Hey, you see what I mean? You guys are talking all night long about how you would never date/marry a banker girl, fuck banker girls, fuck career girls, you're all going to marry nice good wholesome girls, and so forth. But I insinuate that I wouldn't want to marry a banker boy, and you get a bit defensive. All I'm saying is, let's be polite and think about things from everyone's point of view. We're all working our asses off, trying to make a buck, and trying to be happy into the bargain. If you think about it that way, you can understand all sorts of bizarre human behavior.

9/13/06

you dont like the job. nobody likes this shit. you like the money and you consequently trick urself into liking the jay oh bee.

  •  9/13/06

it's not that you need to be an a-hole to get women. you just need to have high confidence in yourself and that confidence will shine through an be extremely attractive. so many guys become little beggers when it comes to attractive females. a modestly attractive guy can land model after model with the proper attitude / intellect. i promise. one of my buddies is your typical avg joe - doesn't make a ton of money, isn't super good looking. but he's on a date with a 2-3 new gilrs a week. no exaggeration. it's all about his attitude.

In reply to
9/13/06

"'evolutionary psychology' is vast and complicated? ok, but we're talking about basic femael attraction here. so many guys are so clueless, like you."

no, we were NOT TALKING ABOUT BASIC FEMALE ATTRACTION. That person brought up evolutionary psychology. I happen to know a little bit about it, so I showed that person why he was a fucking idiot for bringing up evolutionary psychology.

And don't try to explain to me the correlation between being an asshole + confidence, etc., etc. I am not a fucking idiot, and I think anyone past the age of 16 gets what you just "explained" for poor, "clueless" me. Re-read the thread, you little presumptuous shit.

9/13/06

The best way to keep a women is to make fun of her, let her know who's the man, also keep her in the guess, don't let her know everything, they get infatuated with that shit, "oh he's so mysterious."

Example: Woman says

  •  9/13/06

Dan Bush, studies have been done that show women VALUE attractiveness. But on a Relative basis, however, women list attractiveness further down thier list than men do on avg...it's mentioned in this study:

"http://www.sydneysymposium.unsw.edu.au/2006/Abstra..."

so if you disagree with me you disagree with science

  •  9/13/06

dan: you dont like the job. nobody likes this shit. you like the money and you consequently trick urself into liking the jay oh bee

I don't like the environment but I do like the job. Ok I would like less hours but I don't think there is any other job i would rather do. Apart from sportsman. Also the money is good. But it aint super the way I thought it would be

9/13/06

Mmm. Who wouldn't want to marry you bunch of strong, devilish, manly manly manly men? This whole conversation is a total turn-on.

9/13/06

Mis Ind, I'm still waiting for that picture.

  •  9/13/06

"The best way to keep a women is to make fun of her, let her know who's the man, also keep her in the guess, don't let her know everything, they get infatuated with that shit, "oh he's so mysterious."

Rogue, you got it. except i don't think chivalry is dead. you can still be a gentleman and keep your woman guessing.

9/13/06

Heh. Rogue, you ain't gonna get it. This career is crucial for me, and I'd be an idiot to risk it just so I can prove I'm hot. Besides, why should I prove I'm hot? There's nothing in it for me except maybe a little dollop of extra respect from you gents, and I can do without that.

9/13/06

mis ind, you're pretty mysterious. that, i might add, is a turn on. also, how do girls feel about guys who lift alot of weights. i have heard they dont like that.

  •  9/13/06

apologies for coming off as presumptious. maybe i took offense with you calling me an idiot. so you completely disagree with my point of view? i'm no evolutionary psych expert, but I do know that women are attracted to confident men. i'm curious to hear your explanation of why women go for "assholes"? all i've heard is "you're an idiot"

  •  9/13/06

girls like guys that are in shape just like guys like girls that are in shape. you don't have to be jacked out of your mind, but having good muscle tone helps

In reply to Dan Bush
9/13/06

Geez. My feelings on that matter are "whatever". I lift weights when I get a chance, just to keep some tone in my arms/shoulders/chest. I don't care if a guy lifts or not. I don't need muscle tone in a guy, but his mind has got to be top-rate.

If a guy blows me off for the gym, though? Oh hell no. We gon' have a throwdown up in here if that happen.

9/13/06

I lift a lot of weights (not like body builder) but I have pretty decent size pecs/chest and arms. I can bench like 230 and curl like 110, nothing impressive but hey I get some good looks from the ladies in class.

Mis Ind, when will we go on our date? I promise I wont be a banker, how about an accountant?

9/13/06

i lift alot of weights and ive been told that girls get turned off by that. i dont believe it, b/c it gives me the confidence of the world, but a close friend i have told me in my college days that i scared girls. she said b/c i am pretty big, girls see me as intimadating. its an impossible situation, they see me an intimidating so they are afraid to talk to me, but i am shy, so im afraid to aproach them.

9/13/06

"mis ind, you're pretty mysterious. that, i might add, is a turn on. also, how do girls feel about guys who lift alot of weights. i have heard they dont like that."

Dan are you taking the piss or something? You're sounding like this is your first ever interaction with a girl...

9/13/06

sti go fuck yourself. im in IB. i work 9-2am. i dont have time to piss, let alone date. yes i go out about once every two weeks. no i havent talked to my friends in about 2 weeks. fuck off shit head. excuse me if i want to have a conversation in between inserting figures into this fucking sheet i have been stating at since monday. fuck off dick head.

9/13/06

^ Dan is a mack daddy, he just needs some guidance, like being an asshole.

9/13/06

exactly. sti should take his fucking bull shit elsewhere

9/13/06

"^ Dan is a mack daddy"

His posts suggest otherwise.

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