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I had an experience last night that was rather unfortunate: I had sex with one of my female co-workers over at her place and it sucked. Now before I tell you what occurred I would like to put this in context. I have been told I am sexually proficient -actually I have been told I was great many times, but for the sake of modesty we will say proficient. This female compatriot is rather hot. When I say hot, I am distinguishing between cute and hot; that said, she was hot. So we get down to it and she just lie abed. She just lied there expecting me to do all the work. I did do all the work and when it was over she proclaims 'that was awesome' and proceeds to smoke a cigarette. Now what the fuck. I have worked with this analyst-ette many times over and I know how to gauge her level of sincerity. She was sincere, for I hope she was since she came, as it were. Now, normally I would just cast this episode aside and lapel it an unfortunate experience. I would also cast her aside, sexually that is, and probably call her a sexual miser -that is a sexual cheapskate. Indeed I have already done that. However, what engenders this post is not this one experience, but rather a history of them. Yes that is correct, a history, or many experiences akin to the aforementioned. It is this observation, and two others that force me to label IBD Analyst-ettes as sexual misers.

Comments (210)

  • zala rules's picture

    RogueBanker: i'm assuming you're young and think that pounding a motionless girl is fun. And it is, of course, but it does get fucking lame and boring when she's just lying there.

    "Anyway, you bring up a relevant point. I would agree with it, however, this has occured before.
    -Just judging from that past. What am I to conclude?"

    Dan, that guy is an idiot and his one-sided point sucks. Of COURSE the girl is exhausted, but SO ARE YOU. You, too, are in IBD and work insane hours. What the fuck is that about? It's no excuse.

    And the fact that it has happened in the past multiple times does, IMO, give you the right to make this conclusion.

    "it means you don't fuck people from work because it causes nothing but drama."

    Shut up you New Jersey fuckhead. Drama has nothing to do with this.

  • zala rules's picture

    My use of profanity has nothing to do with it, NJandrew. I was on-topic, I didn't try to derail the thread by bringing up the drama caused by coworker dating (which is irrelevant to the thread and Dan's question), and I addressed your thread to try to keep YOU on topic.

  • In reply to aspiringmonkey
    zala rules's picture

    "don't dip your pen in company ink, I think this phrase is very relevant in ibanking, because most of these women are overworked and exhausted."

    Honestly, what the fuck does this mean? This is terrible writing. Dipping your pen in the company ink has NOTHING to do with the women being overworked and exhausted. You shouldn't have brought it up in the first place. Shut. Up.

  • aspiringmonkey's picture

    Its like an old phrase...kinda like "catch more bees with honey" or "can't catch 2 birds with 1 stone". And its not IB specific, its universal, you don't fuck another IBanker,just like at Mcdonalds you don't fuck another window server or whatever they are called.

  • Mis Ind's picture

    Dan/IBAspirant, as requested, a point of view from a female banker:

    When I'm working more than 110 hours a week, I definitely don't have the sex drive I'd have if I was working 40. I also can't spend hours screwing... I mean, as tempting as it sounds, if I could set aside two hours for having sex, I'd probably choose to have sex for twenty minutes and then spend the rest of the time sleeping. I-banking has definitely made me more like a guy in certain ways. I don't want to waste time seducing, cuddling, pillow-talking, foreplaying, or artfully flashing glimpses of my lingerie. I want to get the job done, get my needs taken care of, and get on with my life.

    Does that mean that I just lie there, however? Hell no. It's really hard for girls to enjoy sex when they're just lying there. I mean, if we get turned on, we're going to move around. It's almost hard-coded. It takes actual willpower to stay still in that circumstance.

    So what happened? Dan, I'm sorry to say this, but my own personal opinion is that you might have gotten gypped. I know you think she came, but I think there's a possibility that she didn't. Girls fake it ALL the time. Sometimes there's just no other way to fulfill the responsibility that one takes on when one chooses to have sex with someone.

    Of course, this says nothing about you. Even the world's greatest lover is going to have a hard time making a girl come if she's frigid, exhausted, anxious, resentful, or just not in the mood. We're not like you guys. The biological drive is just not as constant and overriding.

    Hopefully I haven't offended anybody here or started a big drama thing... just seems like I'm one of the few females on this board, and female commentary was requested.

  • Dan Bush's picture

    Everybody just calm down now. This post was not meant to engender so much hostility. It was simply me sharing an observation with fellow IBers.
    RogueBanker, you just need to get that head of yours checked because you are one sick fuck. Fuck man, reading your comments makes me want to e-mail this post to the NYPD.

    • ?
    • (Chimp, 0 )
    •  on 9/13/06 at 8:10pm
    Anonymous Monkey's picture

    Dude Dan...getting kind of pathetic wouldn't you say? Banker by day, poor lover by night? Or vice versa.

    And zala really needs to get your dick out of his mouth.

  • Mis Ind's picture

    You actually asked two questions, Dan. One was how could she be faking it, the other was why. As to the former, well, it doesn't take long for a girl to figure out that if she doesn't want to get caught faking, she needs to clamp and jiggle. As to the latter, the reasons for girls doing this are myriad.

  • zala rules's picture

    "zala, why would they be rancid?"

    i don't know if i could answer that with your "dick in my mouth," but i'll try.

    basically, think about the type of woman who would work 100 hours a week with the end goal of making a ton of money. i'm just going on personal experience here, but i can't see any healthy, wholesome girl i know giong into this line of work. not to mention most of these women are not going to be the understated, cultivated girls with modest wants - this is investment banking for christ's sake. this is the type of girl who salivates over $5000 dresses, purses, etc. do you see what i'm getting at?

  • zala rules's picture

    "even bringing up the possibility that girls can fake and guys can't tell is a little stab"

    it is a stab in the direction of guys who freak out over how "good" they were in bed. if it weren't for them, girls wouldn't feel (nearly as) obligated to fake it. i could care less if you come.

  • Mis Ind's picture

    "Better" is a matter of perspective. Certain wines from South Africa (sauvignons blanc in particular) have an elusive steel and stone flavor that you don't get anywhere else. When I drink wine, I want to taste the terroir -- however rustic, however imperfectly expressed. What I don't want (and don't care about) is how many points WineSpec gave it. Had Cakebread. Had Cristal. Wasn't impressed. Now, the $11.99 bottle of Txakoli from the Basque region with the obviously-desktop-printed label and the hint of must from ancient sherry casks... THAT is fascinating. Nobody in the wine world ages wine in sherry casks because they all know better. Which makes the wine from the peasants who don't know better all the more interesting.

  • In reply to Dan Bush
    zala rules's picture

    "by the way, i disgaree w/zala. some women are just motivated."

    this is more than JUST MOTIVATED, dan. these junior bankers aren't trying to cure cancer or write a groundbreaking book. they're generally after money and power.

    mis ind: i read your post, and i am convinced that you msut be cool in real life. but tell me, with a straight face, that you don't know TONS of intolerable girls in banking like i described.

  • Mis Ind's picture

    Dan, I probably don't understand dating much more than you do. I was never one of the cool popular girls and they always seemed to follow rules I didn't understand.

    So here's my dating advice.

    1: Be completely honest.
    2: Hope that the girl is doing the same.
    3: Dump her if she isn't.

  • Mis Ind's picture

    I know tons of people in banking, both tolerable and intolerable. (Some of the male behavior on this board has been just as bad as the female behavior you're complaining about, for instance.) I think on average bankers aren't the best bunch of people, but the sigma on this population is HUGE.

    But yeah, there's a bleached-blonde girl on my floor who has twenty pairs of Jimmy Choos shoved up under her desk and is always dating the richest bankers, drinking their champagne at Marquee, and shopping with their credit cards. She won't spare me the time of day and brags about how she blows off entire afternoons to go shopping. Yes, there are girls in banking who are total wastes of makeup.

  • Dan Bush's picture

    yeah, good point. why is that mis ind? why do girls seem to always flock to assholes? it high school it occured, but that was high school. in college it was the same, that is an institution too. but in real life, what do u gals see?

  • zala rules's picture

    "I know tons of people in banking, both tolerable and intolerable. (Some of the male behavior on this board has been just as bad as the female behavior you're complaining about, for instance.)"

    we're not talking about male bankers. say what you want about male bankers. i'm saying that i would put MONEY on the fact that the majority of female bankers are really terrible messed up, with major issues. i don't plan on dating these girls.