For those in IBD: Dumbest things you've seen in a resume?

Even dumber shit on cover letters! Ay vay.

(Yes, I read them)

e.g. resume shows an accounts payable position while in undergrad and the kid spins the experience on his cover letter to say he's done "transactional level" work.

Ah ja... I get it, I get it... A/P, shoving paper along, from this person to that person, yup transactional!

I've seen objectives where they say something like "to obtain investment banking analyst position at ________" which is lame in and of itself, but on top of that, they get the name of the bank wrong...

I personally misspelled "Bear Stearns" in an old cover letter (left out the 'a' in 'Stearns'). Name of the bank is probably the first thing you should get right.

Otherwise, I've seen plenty of pompous cover letters before. Usually not the best idea, even if you may be God's gift.......

when people put CEO or something along those lines of some bullshit company they founded...i mean give me a break

The CEO bit is played out too much...

Excerpts from letters received this week - either with generally poor writing, punctuation or just desperately stretch experience:

"I reguarly contact and interact with CEO's, CFO's, and Presidents of company's to discuss various available M&A and Exit strategies."

"I supplemented my academic work with

I've seen kids lie on their resumes and to me that's the DUMBEST thing you can do.

One loser said he worked for Piper Jaffray's tech investment banking group in Seattle, WA, which was bullshit. I had interned at Piper so I knew the company. They only have muni/public finance up there.

"To find a challenging position in a hungry firm that will leverage my entrepreneurial drive and experience."

Just for shits 'n giggles... let's examine that statement a bit.

Why would anyone want to seek a position in a "hungry firm"? At first pass, the expression implies firm is not bringing in any business. Would you find a challenging position joining a sinking ship?

I might be a wee bit tired this afternoon so perhaps I'm missing something else. How does entrepreneural drive match IB? Entrepreneural drive fits VC, but IB?

Haha, exactly. To top it off, under interests, the applicant listed high-energy physics and phantom racing...

What the hell is high-energy physics?

What the hell is low-energy physics?

So confusing, my brain hurts

I certainly have no idea...but as far as interests go, I would file it under the socially awkward category.

I'm just paging through a recent book of college seniors:

"I have a real passion for Finance." Uh, really? I didn't think finance was actually passion-worthy. And what's with the Capital Letters? Are we in the seventeenth century?

"I believe that the atmosphere at [firm] will help nurture my strengths and satisfy my visceral urge to work in the financial markets." Great. Why don't you tell me all about your... um... visceral urges.

"I would love opportunity to compete for this position. I am very eager to learn and very hardworking. I wish I could apply for all the positions within [firm]. [Firm] has been a dream company of mine for the past three years and I would love to work for such an amazing company." Okay, kid. Calm down. Just breathe, okay?

One kid wrote to "Mr. Alicia Wu". Alicia Wu is clearly a woman.

One kid's last name was "Dorkman", I kid you not. Dude, I feel sorry for you, but if your last name is Dorkman, change it before you apply to investment banks. In fact, change it before you do anything anywhere. No one can possibly take you seriously no matter how hard we try.

"I am currently the Director of Finance and the Vice President of Content for a growing on-line investment service company." Great, glad to hear you and your buddies know how to build a website.

One kid attached his entire school transcript when we didn't ask for it. Dude, do you know how much space you just wasted in our book?

A few select phrases from one kid's letter: he wants to join "the world's most talented individuals," my firm is "the best, bar none," he's "the top finance major in his class", he wants "limitless learning potential." Dude, I call limitless bullshit. I was only one year ahead of you in the same school, remember? Don't say you're the best when you know your resume is going to be looked at by people who actually went to classes with you.

"I have an insatiable desire to learn." Again with the dirty talk? What is it with all these primal urges and passions and insatiable desires? Don't you guys ever get laid?

"Last summer I was exposed to Morgan Stanley's Investment Banking Division." Exposed? How kinky. Got pictures?

Take-aways: Don't be dumb. Choose your wording carefully. Don't let your cover letter sound even remotely like sex. The words "lust," "visceral," "urge," and "insatiable" probably do not belong on a cover letter. You're looking for cool confidence, not warm sweaty palms. Don't bother telling us how badly you want this. Everyone wants this badly.

Nicely done. Are you the anonymous pen behind Leveraged Sellout?

Thanks Mis Ind, loved every bit of that. Hysterical, made me laugh!!!

Also, I think I've seen a Dorkman name before.

BTW, might be just me, but on those late nights when the nutty comes out of people, I'd hate to work side by side with some guy who finds high energy physics (whatever the heck that is) interesting!!

I once worked with a guy who did stand up comedy as a way to build up his confidence while in undergrad. He was a hoot to work with!

Leveraged Sellout is authored by an indian male. He has a personal website he used to link to before the comments section started getting out of hand.

Hilarious, Mis Ind.

He's the guy burning the hole in the back of your head, coupled with the heavy breathing...

I just spit up my Pepsi!!!

I can hear the heavy breathing

A propos of Leveraged Sellout...looks like there's a new one today.

lol Mr Alicia Wu. it doesn't sound very attractive, whatever it is.

those are funny...and Mis Ind I disagree about the following(quoted on the bottom) if you enjoy something, it can indeed be passion worthy...just because you chose your job based on the money/exit ops...doesn't mean that was the reason for others. Personally I like the whole valuation process, because you get to figure out how much a company/stock is worth...and if IB was a job w/o all the bonuses, and all you got was the 60K base, I'd still want to do it, since I'd rather have a hard job that I enjoy, than an easy boring job that I hate.

P.S. can pretty much quote that whole 11 page resume for this thread heh

haha i bet she was looking at your cover letter... damn

i didn't use those exact words, but in a few of my cover letters I used that whole passion thing.

LOL what a fag

prospie I wonder...are you zala? Your posts seem very similiar

nope...

your post style definetly reminds me of someone...did you change your name?

Are applicants still calling your bank CSFB or do they at least have that right?

mis Ind: LMAO, great post!

Yep, nobody got the name of my bank wrong this time.

Thanks, guys. Nobody laughs at my jokes at work; nice to know I'm still funny.

May be the kid was ignorant of the market norms.(not defending him in any case)

Anywayz if some one from the ivy has something like 2.7 / 3.5. Is it worth mentioning, may be one wants to show that he/she has the potential to score 3.5 .

Cheers
Alok

Just a perspective on your example of a 2.7/3.5...

I think that raises a serious red flag. It's a large difference. Don't you think? One could argue that courses in a major are supposed to be more challenging than other general coursework. Therefore such a big difference in scale of GPA is a red flag. A 2.7/3.5 shows a level of nonchalance or indifference, i.e. you tried hard in one area and disregarded the other.

In IB it's not about the potential to be at a 3.5. It's about inner drive as much as it is about being disciplined and having a commitment to excel across everything you do.

With IB yes 2.7 is inadequate, but other industries, putting a 2.7/3.5 isn't as bad, thats almost a 3.1, which is not that bad. And every career center will tell you to put your GPA on your resume if its 3.0 and above.

---------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer: The post above has been made by someone who is not currently employed in IBD...follow the advice at your own risk

my personal favorites are when i see something like this...

GPA: 3.7
Major GPA: 3.3 (like in finance/econ)

Thanks mikesdaboss, that's another great example.

Consistency. Discipline. I had a good mentor years years years ago that put it something like this:

Let's say you start weight training, attempting to reshape your body yadda yadda. It's not going to be effective that you just attempt to lift greater and greater weights. You need to simultaneously have a complementary discipline to change your eating habits, balance weight training with cardio, in effect progressively increasing your strength.

How does this relate to IB, GPAs etc.? Well, the one follows the other.

In the spirit of full disclosure, 'cuz I know a lot of undergrads read these posts... I'll humbly admit my own undergrad GPA was far from stellar. Fortunately, I did very well in B-School :-)

how bad is "far from stellar"
---------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer: The post above has been made by someone who is not currently employed in IBD...follow the advice at your own risk

3.2

Shocked? Well, I was a ChemE undergrad. Freakin' tough stuff and all I remember is molarity is moles/ML, "-ene" refers to a double bond and the thumb test you do for isomer compounds. Whatever!

After undergrad, I took what I thought was a scut level job in the financial markets which wound up not being as scut level as I thought in retrospect and one thing led to another...

What my point is that your undergrad GPA matters for that first job. Afterwards, no one gives a crap.

As for IB after B-School... companies will only focus on your B-School GPA. To boot, schools like Stanford among many others have a grade non-disclosure policy which in effect says "I did the hardest part, I got in. Now I can focus on learning."

A challenged GPA doesn't hang you. It definitely sets you back, for sure. Personally, the way I always thought of such matters is that the only difference between me and somebody else who's already "In" is time. A disciplined person will overcome that. What it imposes is that you have to work harder and you have to tie out other aspects of your profile so that you don't leave room for scrutiny, e.g. maturity, poise, interviewing skils, network etc. The reality is one might have to settle for a lesser position and prove your way into the ideal position etc. Is that so bad? NO. Not at all.

what was your MBA gpa?
---------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer: The post above has been made by someone who is not currently employed in IBD...follow the advice at your own risk

I was doing a steady 3.8 until the start of my second year when I kind of slacked off during the Fall quarter and somewhat into the Winter quarter on account of juggling way too many things, e.g. attending company presentations, mixers, on-campus interviews, off-campus interviews, traveling for interviews etc.

LOL...molarity...*shudders*...entropy/enthropy!? LOL...

I did A-Level Chemistry so that was the equivalent of first year Chem. Did A-Level Physics too. That totally turned me off engineering and science.

My undergrad GPA is alright at 3.51. It HAS been in an issue with interviewers at times and I know it might be an issue if it goes any lower with B-School apps.

I can understand what you mean by a GPA that trails. My fall semester has been brutalised by recruitment! LOL...

It's entropy! Disorder is order right?

For undergrads on the board... I got a D in Physics II and had to repeat it and when I repeated it, I got a C. Paid another $3600 bucks to get a C. Sigh. He he he

Hated physics. Haaaaated it. I had way too much personality for physics :-)

aadpepsi, I was engineering then switched to finance. Engineering classes (esp. physics - got thrown into an advanced course that assumed you took physics in HS which I had not) really hurt my overall GPA. So I feel your pain.

Hear hear!!

By the time I wanted to, it was too late for me to switch. Made my bed, lied in it. Graduated with BS in Chem. Wasn't so bad in retrospect.

I found my old chemistry goggles a few months ago. I bought a new place, moved, unpacked, needed goggles for painting and using heat gun to strip paint from the 1920's off trimwork... ta da! Also, I have a vintage condo and had to reglaze my bath tub. I used an epoxy compound and did the reglazing myself. (Impressed?) Once a chemist always a chemist?!?

At least I know I'll never be unemployed. Union painters get $30/hr. in Chicago. Not to shabby :-)

What's the best place to live in Chicago if you're in IB? My buddy lives close to work (1mi. from Wacker) and pays about $1,200/mo. Is that reasonable for a nice 1 bdrm? Do you recommend living close to the financial district or go for a cheaper place in Lincoln Park, etc. with a longer commute (but perhaps more access to daily conveniences)?

If you're in IB and inevitbly going to work long hours... you want to be able to leave your office, take a short $5-7 cab and be in bed in 15 minutes!

Listen I bought a condo this year in Lincoln Park and I'm not happy, honest. I was in Streeterville for so many years. Much more convenient for my lifestyle. Walking distance to work, theatre and groceries down the street. Life of leisure.

$1200/mo. is totally reasonable for a modern 1 BDRM.

Hey, I'm actually renting out my 2-Bedroom condo for $2,100 interested?!?!

Ha. A little out of my price range, sorry. Plus I don't have a need for a 2 bdrm, I'm looking for 1 bdrm or a spacious studio most likely. Are their grocery stores, deli's, etc. within walking distance of the FD? Buddy says he takes a $7 cab ride to work in the morning and gets black car home...

Lucky that you don't have to pay NYC rent...

You will be fine. Lots of food joints in FD that are open late etc. Also plenty of grocery spots throughout the area.

'Tis true, NYC rent sucks. $2100 would get you what? 400 sq. ft.?