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So I am a very attractive male (or at least people say I am, and girls literally threw themselves at me in college)

Will I be treated differently b/c of my looks in Investment Banking?
Will the other male analysts resent me or look up to me?
Will the straight MDs give me higher bonuses b/c subconsciously they have a crush on me? Or will I make them feel emasculated?
Will the gay MD's come on to me and make things uncomfortable?

So basically, I'm really worried that people will judge me on my looks rather than performance. Am I just being paranoid?

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Comments (58)

  • bearbanker's picture

    Mockery of the same thread posted by a female a few days ago??? Could have been stronger but I applaud the effort.

  • Affirmative_Action_Walrus's picture

    look

    i just want to know if good looks in banking apply to males as well

    like, will i get promoted to associate directly after 2 years?

  • Ricqles's picture

    sadly, i think attractive people do get treated differently. nice post though

  • brotherbear's picture

    No one cares what you look like. They only care about cock size--girth, not length. Will you get treated better with a big one? Absolutely--where do you think 'big swinging dick' comes from?

    The key is letting everyone know you're packing heat. Sure...you can be like every other guy and talk a big game, but the way forward is obvious: full-frontal nudity in the middle of the trading floor.

    If HR catches on, you're fucked, but if you play your cards right, you'll be getting a BJ from an MD and a job at Moore Macro (as I hear it, they LOVE big swinging dicks over there).

  • In reply to brotherbear
    Affirmative_Action_Walrus's picture

    brotherbear:
    No one cares what you look like. They only care about cock size--girth, not length. Will you get treated better with a big one? Absolutely--where do you think 'big swinging dick' comes from?

    The key is letting everyone know you're packing heat. Sure...you can be like every other guy and talk a big game, but the way forward is obvious: full-frontal nudity in the middle of the trading floor.

    If HR catches on, you're fucked, but if you play your cards right, you'll be getting a BJ from an MD and a job at Moore Macro (as I hear it, they LOVE big swinging dicks over there).

    what about wearing tight cut european dress slacks to show off the bulge?

  • brotherbear's picture

    True story: I used to have a boss who would ALWAYS prop his leg up on the desk when speaking with a female intern/analyst/associate. ALWAYS.

    Why stop at tight trousers? Thrust your cock into co-workers' unwillingly, unsuspecting faces and see what happens. At the very least, they'll know you mean business.

  • rebelcross's picture

    Dear Brotherbear,

    2 ingenius posts = +1 Silver Banana to you.

    Yours Sincerely,
    Rebelcross

  • southernmonkey's picture

    what if the whole reason you got an offer was because you slept with a female MD?

    would be be treated differently than?

  • In reply to The Phantom
    monty09's picture

    PussInBoots:
    monty09:

    i lost a job over this...true story... not MD but VP

    For the love of God... DETAILS...

    if 20 people ask I will tell story

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  • jostor's picture
  • youngblood's picture

    Details please, I make 4 which is 20% of 20, so that's close enough. Give us details, now.

  • In reply to monty09
    she_monkey's picture

    monty09:
    PussInBoots:
    monty09:

    i lost a job over this...true story... not MD but VP

    For the love of God... DETAILS...

    if 20 people ask I will tell story


    yes please. pretty please.
  • pantherdb26's picture

    ya, I want details as well

  • youngblood's picture

    Wow, monty, good story. So, where did you go from there...how does one go from being fired to IBD?

  • monty09's picture

    1. I was an intern
    2. I did not work for a BB again for 4 years

  • mktmkr's picture

    I was at said coffee with Monty09 and said VP was indeed attractive.

    Little pigs get fed, fat pigs get slaughtered

  • justanotherday's picture

    monty09 nothing to regret about, great story that will never get old

  • Solaxun's picture

    I had a beatdown of a day and that story made it better... hahha.

  • MarkyMarkWahlbergWasAwesome's picture

    props, +1 silver banana...

    ------------------------------------------------------------------
    "I just want to be a monkey of average intelligence who wears a suit. I'll go to business school!"

  • geniusisnteasy's picture

    Great story Monty... in my haste I accidentally threw monkey shit at you. I will now use my last two credits to give you silver bananas on your other posts. BTW, you should kick IT in the nuts.

  • xtc89's picture

    props seconded--made my night!

  • PiperJaffrayChiang's picture

    how does IT even get their grubby hands on this stuff? so they notice all the e-mails being sent, whoopee. can they accuse you of having a relationship when that's all the proof they have? never trust ops people.

    =========================================
    We are excited to formally extend to you an offer to join Bank of Ameria

  • giants92's picture

    my favorite part is, You:"how about lunch?" Her:"how about dinner?" You:"how about breakfast?" Her:"Oh my"

  • excel_monkey's picture

    so when do we get to hear these stories? I personally want to hear about the soccer mom (in similar detail to the s&t vp)

  • Ari_Gold's picture

    I wish I had credits for silver banana. Classic.

    I believe I had the opportunity like Monty as an intern once. But unfortunately lacked his forward/awesomeness. Looking back, I kinda wish I did. Not like I actually went back to that company.

    Damn, the soccer mom AND her sister. WFT! I guess, it's not like the soccer mom can call you out on it if she was(?) still married. All she can do is bitch to her sister.

    What I want to know. How do you handle the aftermaths of these hook-ups? When I had a one nighter --> turned to one weeker. It was so awkward afterward, This was still back in college. What's coaching LL like and your relationship with the said VP --> MD like now?

    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    Hug It Out

  • zip's picture

    am i the only one who cannot see monty's story?

  • iluvhermione's picture

    I have the exact same problem as OP except im extremely ugly.

  • DontMakeMeShortYou's picture

    Can't see it either.

  • Mzz's picture

    think he deleted his posts

  • Otter.'s picture

    Repost it?

    Hi, Eric Stratton, rush chairman, damn glad to meet you.

  • feenans's picture

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  • D M's picture

    "You stop being an asshole when it sucks to be you." -IlliniProgrammer
    "Your grammar made me wish I'd been aborted." -happypantsmcgee

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