Hit Rock Bottom
Long time lurker, but first time poster here looking for advice. So anyways, I graduated from a non-target, but very well respected school last year with a finance degree. Despite having a 3.87, two boutique PE internships (no big names), and an internship at a M&A advisory firm (again no big name), I struck out for IB recruiting. In all honesty, my failure was probably attributable to my abysmal networking efforts.
Fearing unemployment, I took a job as a "financial representative" at a life insurance firm, and by representative I mean a commission based salesmen. Now before anyone gives me too much shit, I was desperate for cash at the time and really had no other options. Now I have been here an entire year, and I can assure you that this job sucks ass. I drive around in my POS rusty ass Honda Civic most of the day trying to "source clients". I am constantly pressured by my retarded manager to push the company's worthless products on my friends and family. One time I caved and tried to sell some of the shit to my group of friends, which almost caused me to be kicked out of the group; the whole thing was f*cking embarrassing.
If this was not bad enough, my managers are bat shit crazy. We have this cleaning lady in the office who is a complete ogre; I am talking a negative 5 on a scale of 1-10. I can smell her sweaty bush every time she walks by my desk and it makes me want to vomit. Every time my manager sees her bending over, he whips out his phone and takes pictures of her ass, this is not a joke mind you. One time he even raw dogged her in a closet near our shared work area and the next day I found pubic hair on my desk. I wanted to puke. A few weeks later, I walked into the shared work space and he jumped out of the closet. He told me that he "lost his shoe", but I knew she was in there too because I could smell her vagina.
Hope you guys all got a few laughs out of the soap opera that is my job. Obviously, my current job is shit, but should I try to lateral into IB as an analyst one year removed from school, or wait and try for a top mba program? My end goal was something on the buyside, so I would love to get into banking pre-mba if possible.
Any thoughts?
ho le shit...
I don't get it. Why didn't you have the chance to stay full-time at any of your internships???
I wish, but they were all small shops with really no positions for entry level analysts :(
If you did a decent job, why wouldn't you reconnect with them and see if they have any openings?
Whenever I'm having a bad day I'm going to read this post haha. Lateral to IB is possible, there are many banks that will still hire analysts a year out of school
Thats what I have heard. Do you think they would still consider me since my current job is not really finance related?
Your manager sounds awesome man
how are you going to get into a top mba lol
No idea, that is what I am trying to figure out.
What did you do with the pubic hair on your desk though?
Seasoned my coffee with it.
Very creative.
Anyhow on a serious note - I think banking is easier to get into than most people think. You should definitely do it now (unless you absolutely love pubic hair-flavored coffee ofc)
It took me about 200 cold calls to get my first internship but I was in an even worse position than you are right now. And honestly 200 calls, 10 a day - that's 20 days. Nothing. You just need to aim for smaller, unknown firms and trust me one of them will be desperate for an intern (especially given where M&A markets are right now).
The funny thing is you don't need to know anything about banking besides what is listed on M&I and how to calculate FCF. It's all about working the phone. More calls - higher chance. Like I said there will be one 10-man boutique who's like "oh shit we need someone RIGHT NOW" and they will appreciate that you called directly.
Be prepared to get 199 "no"s. But hey - you only need one "yes". Good luck.
I thought you were being dramatic until the third paragraph.
I'd try to lateral to another bank if it were me.
This post is out of hand. Sounds like you just need to take some action. Get your resume' out there, start networking and try to make the lateral. If it gets difficult you can begin the parallel process of studying for the GMAT/enrolling in the CFA program. Hell you can even just bide some time and sanity in a middle office job while you plan your next move. Anything sounds better than what you are dealing with right now.
I am laughing my ass off so hard, SBs for you.
Well this makes me feel better about my situation. I guess just try to make yourself stand out as much as possible (take the CFA, network, etc.)?
Haha, what is your situation? In my case, I dont think think the CFA will make much of a difference.
Non target school with a GPA of 3.26, non target masters with a GPA of ~3.7, only recently found a job, months after graduation.
And the CFA definitely does help, it just won't land you a position on its own. I passed Level 1, and got interviews for pretty much every (entry-level) job I applied for afterwards. My response rate was probably 20% before I put that on my resume, and closer to 60% afterward. That's just my experience though. My guess is that it shows that you're serious and knowledgeable enough about finance to take it and pass it.
@"IlliniProgrammer" would be very proud of your choice in car
Haha "choice" that is a good one.
Andy, what can we do to get an update on this guy? This is a top 3 post for me.
LOL that is kinky +1
Hey OP,
I feel you should definitely be doing more to help yourself. Have you tried banging the cleaning lady?
Haha man...there isnt enough Viagra in the world to get up. I think I get an inverse boner every time I see her...ahem smell her.
You are an obvious MSF candidate. The degree is made for you. Apply to MIT, Vandy, WUSTL and CMC. Take the GMAT. Do well on it.
This is not rock bottom, by the way. I graduated with a 3.93 from a non target and ended up in a stock room for 2 years.
MSF is a good idea but I am broke AF, hence the rusty Honda Civic lol. I would be scared to take on 70k of debt.
So was I. You have to take risk to make it kid. Or do you want to spend the rest of your life with stinky puss?
do analyst programs admit people who are a couple years past graduation? I was wondering if it would be possible to get a back or middle office job, or even retail banking and then transition to IB.
has anybody ever witnessed this or have any info?
Crazy story. At the least, you have entertained us.
Join the military. The ''Thank you for your service'' crowd will suck your dick and offer you jobs at Goldman once you tell them the magic/code words: I'M A VETERAN.
Hey, I might be in the same position as you, I was wondering what advice do you have on networking or what would you have done differently? Keep your head up man. There's no where else to go but up.
sb'd. i really hope this is a toke jopic, but either way you deserve a silver banana.
Hahahah...
I wish I was joking bro. I might be slightly exaggerating the smell, but everything is 100% legit.
You said that these shops that you have been at are too small to offer you a position there, but surely they know people at bigger places. I would reach out to them and ask if there is anyone they could refer you to.
Lol you hitting that op?
Yeah I have, but I am in a small finance market so there aren't a ton of finance shops around. I feel that I would have better luck networking in NY or SF/LA, but my poor ass can't afford those kind of rents without a good job.
Find any firm geographically (e.g., withing a 4 hour drive) and call all of them asking if they have any opportunities / could you do an informal meeting with someone there.
http://equity-research.com/list-of-top-200-investment-banks-and-boutiqu…
Then call / submit resumes to the other 200.This will be nothing more than a numbers game.
You could likely have a better shot with regional banks, etc. Also, find some alumni that have any financial services background and start talking to them.
I'm from a big non-target as well but if I see a kid reach out to me with a high GPA (like 3.75+) and good internships I will try to help them as they are an easier introduction.
HELL, worst case try to get to corp dev, at a fortune 500....
PM me if I can be of help. I feel for you dude. There are other ways to start networking as well.
This is probably one of the funniest posts I have come across thus far!
there's no way this is real. you shouldn't be able to smell vaginas from that far out
Idk man, maybe it is her ass, all I know is something smells like tuna shit...
@DickFuld Is the trauma from that smell why you drink so much?
Seconded. Having had the displeasure of traveling a few times on a small private jet in India - think Citations - and being locked in a compartment with recirculated air and stinky curry bush, I can attest to the fact that a ripe bush can turn your stomach years after the fact.
OP - I can only sympathize, pound that pavement, and may god have mercy on your soul
Had a buddy that was in a similar situation. Start working on an exit strategy. If you really hate your job, it's up to you to start planning your transition and how to get a new job .
A few things he did: 1) do just enough to get by at work and focus the rest of your energy on finding a job. 2) tailor your resume to the job that you want, i.e. analyst, respesentative, coordinator etc. 2) read everything you can about this job/ field. 3) apply, work, apply, sleep, repeat 4) don't look back
You have a buddy in a similar situation?! Wasn't aware there were that many jobs out there where the manager was banging the ugly cleaning lady in the closet. Tough break!
^ Also get laid as well while trying to network Massive stress relief!
I hope you aren't suggesting banging the cleaning lady.
I'd start by networking with alums or asking people you know who can give you advice on other parts of finance, banking, research, whatever. Get your resume shaped up in case anyone asks for it. It's hard to get into a good MBA with less than 2-3 years of good working experience. As a last resort, go for a MSF degree and use that to start off fresh.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself or looking for people to feel sorry for you. Sometimes life sucks and throws you a curve ball. Start networking ASAP, create a list of alumni/friends at IBs and reach out to past employers/managers/colleagues at the PE/M&A Advisory firm you worked at and ask them if they can help too. Dedicate 4 hours out of every night and get on this now. Networking will suck for however long it takes to land an interview/job but it will be worth it. How bad do you want it?
You need an MSF not an MBA . gtfo asap and apply for lateral
OP, here is what I would do...
First thing is get your firm to sponsor you to get your s7 and s66. Now, these licensing exams aren't a walk in the park, but if you study for them, you can pass each of them with a month of runway time.
I would then reach out to established wire house reps (UBS, Wells, Merrill, MSSB, and possibly a local RIA if they are legit) in your area, looking for a job as an AFR (Associate Financial Representative). The best way to do this is to personally drop off your resume personally at these offices. Wirehouse Reps are generally older, and they respect a young worker who is willing to put him or herself our of there. These guys are constantly looking for new staff, because good staff is hard to come by, and often gets hired away.
At this point, you will be a glorified secretary. That being said, if you show some proficiency, on the right team you will hopefully earn a spot on the investment committee, and help with the Mutual Fund due diligence. More importantly, you will have a steady income, your hours won't be too demanding, and you will be getting relevant work experience while you map out your next move. Whether it be studying for the GMAT or CFA, you're going to have time.
Also, you may find that you like the wirehouse grind, find a senior rep and take over his book.
If the insurance based advisor thing isn't for you, then you need to get out quickly. Trust me. I see it often, kids waste the beginning 3-5 years of their professional career trying to make it work, take on debt, and fail - often times owing the Insurance company money. Your manager is going to keep you around as long as he can, because he gets a persistency bonus for you staying around, you help him pay for your office space, and he gets an overwrite on everything you do.
If you need help finding Wirehouse reps in your area, I can help
If I took this route, would it look bad if I left fairly soon if something more in line with my interests popped up? Otherwise, it is definitely something I will look into.
You have to make your own way man. I personally think getting the work experience will make you more attractive than an MBA w no experience
Lol how do you know he raw dogged her?
We were telling stories about girls, and then he started bragging about shooting one off in the ogre.
Thoughts anyone?
Would it better to stay in my current role and keep searching for "high finance" positions, or would it be better to take a financey position at a good company and try to lateral to a "high finance" from there. I am not particularly interested in getting an MBA or MSF because frankly, I am broke af. Just looking to position myself the best while I pound the pavement and network.
I think you should consider working for a nonprofit
This is a HOF-caliber post. Well done OP.
I don't know what your production is, but I can tell you this... As a well established wholesaler, we barely make time for the insurance guys. There are some sharp ones, sure, but most of the time their investment knowledge is downright scary. If you aren't making the money you want, move to a wire house team. You will learn so much more about that world, an the experience is applicable to what you want to do. What you're doing now is not
This is amazing.. I'm laughing my ass off.
Funny shit...
If this happens to be real, dude make a list A-Z of everyone who you already know, have met once, shaken hands with, etc. who could possibly hire you or help you out.
Second, make a (much longer) list of anyone within a few hours drive of where you live who could hire you or help you out.
Third, dial the telephone until you speak to every single person on either list and get at least one useful piece of information or meeting or referral from each.
Fourth, rinse and repeat. If this doesn't work, it means you're not doing it.
Just wanted to chime in that one of my really good friends was making supermarket subs before he NETWORKED his way into an internship at my boutique. They made him full time after I left, but they wouldn't put him on any deals (more marketing database bullshit). He then NETWORKED until he lateraled to another boutique; this time doing deals. Now he just NETWORKED his way into a VC Associate role for a boutique that's currently raising it's 2nd fund.
My friend had much higher hurdles to clear, yet he was able to get to where he wants to be now. 100% of his successes were driven by his grit and persistence in networking and kicking ass when he lands the job.
Best advice that I can say to you is to start pounding the pavement and something will work out.
Dang, makes my situation look good. What region of the country was this in?
"good friends was making supermarket subs"
What is a supermarket subs? Please do not troll, I am seriously asking.
Any update on this?
Also interested for an update on this. This shit was hilarious - no offense
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