How Do You Overcome Feeling Shitty
Ever feel like you don't want to get out of bed? How do you overcome that feeling? I feel like depression/low mood is rarely discussed here.
What do you do to overcome feeling shitty?
I think I've been suffering from depression for the past year. I'm also really scared of failure. To be honest, most of my self-worth has derived from being about to provide for my family, but recently I haven't been able to do that.
So, I'm looking for some help. I don't lack motivation, I simply have too much fear.
Context
I worked full-time during undergrad to support my parents and when I graduated I couldn't find a decent job (full-time job was law enforcement, but I realized I didn't want to be a police officer).
Transitioned into a job that paid but I knew career progression was limited. Dropped everything and moved to Asia to try to find work there - no connections, no money, eventually was an inch away from being deported - and then I got into graduate school.
During grad school: massive loans; became homeless; took leave from school; and now I barely manage. I l feel like my love of learning has been sucked dry from me. I used to work forward to the future but now I just worry about eventually graduating and not having a job that pays well enough to take care of my parents.
Rant/vent: Some past advice I've heard is find out what you like, but how do you do that when most of your life you've been doing things just to get by? Do people realize that some families can't plan for the long-term?
Just looking for any help/advice - and hopefully the advice will help those that feel hopeless/scared like me. Thanks.
Really sorry I've been MIA @AndyLouis"
You sound like a guy with the best intent, but it also sounds like you could benefit from adding just 1 dimension to your search for happiness/meaning/purpose/work/security: money. When considering your next step, think about what you like (like you've been advised), what you want, and what will make you money.
I'm fairly confident that those 3 criterion are what lead most people of modest background to something like finance in the first place.
Why don't you tell us more about what you've done? Ie jobs, undergrad, what you went to grad school for, etc? And do you have a wife/kids? If not, I suspect some older and more experienced people here will tell you that you're worrying too much. I would too except that I don't have that level of responsibility, so it bears little weight coming from myself.
I don't know what I'm really into. I'm interested in almost everything. I like learning, but there's nothing that I'm particularly passionate about.
I know I like problem solving and want to make enough money to take care of my parents.
In a former life, I was on track to become a police officer. I've worked various jobs: teaching, warehouse, stocking, non-profit, research, bartending, courier, and administrative.
I went to a state school in California where I studied something in the social sciences/liberal arts. I went to grad school for a career change/progression. Grad school was a tough choice but mentally/emotionally it helped uplift mine and my parent's spirits.
I don't have a wife or kids. What worries me is being able to take care of my parents. I am the only child and my parents do not have retirement funds/property or et al. I've known since college that my parents' earning potential is limited.
Dogs.
You need to get out of bed and walk them in the morning or they will shit on the floor. Or on the couch. That's sufficient motivation to get out of bed.
Also, they are always happy to see you.
Thanks. Unfortunately my 4x4 apartment doesn't allow dogs. Would you say taking care of a pet or having some type of responsibility in which shit will hit the fan if i don't respond will help?
4x4 apartment?
Start with a pet rock then.
Also, thanks for your posts/comments. I'm always learning something from your posts.
I know that feel, bro. Go hit the gym...a good workout really makes a difference in your mood and will leave feeling ready to conquer anything that your day throws at you.
Any specific workouts you recommend?
Heavy squats always help me compensate for my insecurities. This should be good if you are fairly new: https://www.t-nation.com/training/texas-method
Not suck
Speak to a mental health professional and also purchase Gorilla Mindset
Thanks. Have you read the book? What did you think of it.
Why do you feel the need to support your parents? If they're not sick or infirm you as a student aged person shouldn't really do that, especially if you can hardly support yourself. I helped my mom when I could in my 20's (more like bought her things that she wouldn't have bought herself,) and then allowed her to retire early but that was when I had more than enough for my wife and kids. That sounds like a huge source of stress for you.
Finish your degree and then get a job that you like and pays well enough to support you. And go see a therapist. Make friends, get some hobbies, exercise and lead a normal life.
Thanks for your advice.
I feel I need to support my parents because I am the only child and they are near retirement but do not have retirement funds/property. While my parents are managing at this moment, I know that when they retire it will be my responsibility to take care of them. We're a tight-knit family without any other family members here.
I plan on finishing my degree, but I'm worried I won't find a job that pays well enough. Honestly, I don't know what job I'll like as I've never worked in finance. I like the idea of investment banking and also sales and trading - is that possible to like both?
I was previously seeing a therapist but that was when I was enrolled in school. As I am on leave I currently can't afford one.
I think I'm making excuses. Making friends, getting hobbies, and exercise don't require money, but I think the activities via them (such as going out, trips, and etc) require money - something I don't really have.
I'll give you the advice I'd give a close friend. Step one, you need to talk to a therapist/psychologist, feeling depressed from time to time, or in response to a death in the family, is normal. Feeling so depressed you can't get out of bed in the morning, or deciding to throw caution to the wind and move to Asia isn't normal. Your health should be your primary concern.
Thanks. The move to Asia was more because career opportunities in California were stagnant. I had an interest and still do in Asia and thought I could try to make something of nothing there.
I'll quote John Wooden here - "failure isn't fatal, but failure to change might be". I know the stress you're going through having to support your parents - I was in a similar financial situation - having to support family. I realized if I were to sit and analyze how much pressure there was on me, I'd shit myself out of stress and probably go into a drug binge or something crazy. Instead, I forced myself to not think about the negatives and only drove forward. Slowly but surely, opportunities came my way.
I guess what I'm saying is eventually, things have a way of working themselves out. In the mean time, you just cant go crazy wanting things to happen on your schedule.
you're saying think positive and just have persistence? I think the worst part is feeling I have no control.
Express gratitude. It's one of the simplest and most powerful things you can do to improve your day-to-day happiness and outlook on life.
Your post is filled with all the things wrong with your life, and I'm definitely not discounting your problems, but I'd bet overall you are living a life that many people in the world could only dream of. No matter how bad things get in life, you will always see people who are happy and loving life because they focus on the things they DO have and are grateful for them.
A simple way to start cultivating gratitude in your life is something called The Five Minute Journal (http://www.fiveminutejournal.com/). It's a small notebook with a series of questions that you answer each day, and it's a really simple way to get yourself back on track.
Thanks Alistair. I'll look into it.
Meditate/yoga/practice mindfulness. Write down each day 3 things that you're thankful for.
Not to be a dick, but your parents are real assholes for not saving anything and expecting you to bail them out for their irresponsibility. Sorry, but someone had to say it.
Perhaps, but I don't see it that way. My parents immigrated over here and just met multiple barriers: language, culture, discrimination, and some shady shit from their country of birth.
Unfortunately, and this isn't meant to start an entire discussion about immigrants because I'm actually a fan of immigration to the US, immigrants can't always retire at the same time as those who were born here so don't feel like that's your responsibility unless you somehow have made it big and can provide that for them. I won't try to pretend to be in your place but my family came from Ireland in the early to mid 19th century (obviously when you're going back that many generations we're talking multiple roots of my family) and for a couple of generations they worked themselves to the bone and the grave literally (and I don't use literally unless it's literal). Fair it wasn't but fair's a four letter word. They didn't count on their kids to support them nor did their kids think that they should support their parents. The parents did absolutely everything to give their kids a shot at a better life in the US, or in reality their grandkids. Although it sounds easy to say that Irish people in the 19th century were white and it was therefore easier for them, it really wasn't because of language and culture discrimination and they were Papists from a shady country. Same with Italians and Jews (who were obviously not Papists).
The parent thing seems to be the biggest source of your stress and angst. Get over it for your own sake. Not only will it make you feel better and hopefully lead you into a better career because you're not perseverating on that impossible goal while you're in your current state, it will actually let you advance in a career where you can help your parents in the long run.
youve made alot of bad choices. make better ones and get a real job/career
How do I personally get over the feeling? Hitting the gym, learning something new (usually more coding), going out with the guys or the GF, and drugs.
It sounds like you're suffering from mild depression though. If I were you, I'd see a doctor about getting antidepressants, and like others have said, finding more sources of fulfillment like a pet/new hobby/etc can really help. I love learning code in my free time, because I love the feeling of creating something from the ground up and tech in general. There's also a near infinite ceiling to the things you can learn within the field, so I don't think I'll ever exhaust that hobby fully. If you can find something that you can get lost in like that or feel grateful for/to (pet/gf), you're going to be a happier person.
What are you studying? What do you want to do? Where do you live?
Maybe we can help you come up with a plan of attack in achieving your goals? Everyone struggles with feeling down and out. You need to find your personal best way of attacking these blues. For me I start with the little things - laundry, cleaning up the apartment, etc... then I move onto the bigger things that involve improving myself in the aims of attaining my goals. It gets me feeling productive and from that I feel healthy.
I'm studying International Studies in New York City. I'm interested in the casual relationships between events and numbers; I'm open to learning more about S&T, investment banking/restructuring. I know the two are very different, but I not having worked in either it's hard to single one out. I enjoy both micro and macro perspectives.
+1
"Do you know what I do when I'm feeling sad Ted? I stop feeling sad and be awesome instead!"
Good movie.
bump
-
Try something on the side and see where that takes you. But even more importantly, talk to your parents about how you feel.
I used to feel similarly. What helped was finding joy in the little achievements. Over a 3 year span, I read the Happiness Advantage and similar books of the nature (The Power of Habit), helped mentor some new freshmen, watched a hilarious show (Friends) regularly (first time, and did an episode a day), and participated in a case comp (and was involved in a startup) and a sports comp. These were some of the things I did.
I believe taking some responsibility for another's growth and well-being helps greatly (being a mentor to a younger student, or even a pet - you don't have to necessarily buy one, you can volunteer at a dog rescue center). Some say you have take care of you before someone else, or more generally, do A before B. Some say you should have confidence, but maybe, you don't feel confident.
This reminds me of the story Stephen Covey tells of a man who said he didn't love his wife but wanted to love her. Covey said - "Love" the verb contributes to "love" the feeling. Practice acts of love and youll feel love. Confidence like most feelings, operates in a self-reinforcing feedback loop. Who said you have feel something to start doing it - just make as if you are. Maybe what brings you confidence is dressing well, or sleeping well and then a relaxed morning working out, showering, and cleaning up nicely. It's the same with taking some responsibility for another. I think you, like most people, would enjoy seeing something grow and develop, knowing you helped.
Find a confidant, someone you can tell your stories and struggles to and supports you. Some Acquaintances become friends, and some become close friends.
Do well in classes. Your professors will notice. Go to their office hours, talk about the material and over time, befriend them. They'll be your mentors and could introduce you to others.
I threw a bunch of stuff out there in the first long paragraph because what helped me, might not be as fitting for you. But it's not like I knew what would help either - just tried them out over time. However, on responsibility and finding mentors / confidants is likely more universal. Again. I think talking to your parents is key.
Tempora a praesentium nobis laborum unde et expedita iure. Voluptas occaecati quia accusamus suscipit nam. Voluptatem cum ipsum qui qui fuga et illum.
Rerum voluptatem excepturi autem iusto ut. Et sed nam qui harum excepturi expedita. Laboriosam quibusdam eligendi numquam.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...
Quasi asperiores ipsa fuga sapiente iste. Perferendis dolorum est qui molestiae et officia. Et aut voluptatibus voluptas laborum eligendi ut aspernatur.
Recusandae consequatur et nostrum est vel expedita qui. Ullam ipsum voluptas laudantium dolor earum non. Quis rerum facere veniam blanditiis totam. Voluptatem eveniet eum voluptatum minima. Id ipsa magnam ut voluptatem. Qui vel nostrum magnam blanditiis esse reiciendis similique.
Consequatur natus officiis quia blanditiis et. Ab expedita dolorem voluptatibus fugit et. Voluptatem velit inventore perferendis explicabo doloremque. Ut consequatur velit ipsam explicabo eveniet.
Officia molestiae quae architecto. Laborum voluptas et dolor et aut voluptatibus.