Im a 25yro Banker Who Still Dates "Goth Girls". Is there something wrong with me?

Hi guys, long time poster here, and even longer time lurker (was gone for a bit of hiatus). For the record, this is NOT a troll post. If you think it is, please refrain from replying because I need a genuine opinion here. (Thanks). I'm posting under anonymity for obvious reasons as colleagues/clients know me and I don't want this stuff on the net.

Here's the story (and rationale): I'm a 25yro who is apparently still stuck in my old high school days of punk rock and wearing lots and lots of black. I'm currently dating a 19 year old girl (3 months now) who attends nearby college in NYC. The catch: She's into the whole "goth" thing, dresses like one (though not too hardcore), listens to that kind of dark music, and wears a bracelet with a small vial of our mixed blood in it (not kidding). I have an identical bracelet although I take it off at work. She wears mascara and eye shadow frequently and when we're out, always wears a lot of black.

On date nights, though, she sports an expensive black leather jacket..(Google search "Kate Beckinsale underworld movie" to see the wardrobe she attempts to imitate with that). I don't buy shit for her; She apparently has a big-law partner for a father (who was never there in her life) that paid for all expenses. Now, girls like her is similar to the 4+ girls I've dated the last 6 years, and the 30+ girls I've slept with (though shes the only one who is wealthy). I'm only attracted to these kinds of women for some reason; I never got rid of this habit I first acquired back in high school. While most "goth girls" are ugly, or overweight (morbidly too, no pun intended), I find many of the slim ones are damn sexy. Especially on the days they dye their jet black hair, to blood red. New Years Eve, she dressed up as a vampire and we did a little roleplay. "Normal" girls don't seem to be into that sort of thing -- that whole, dark, demented, "i-want-to-fuck-you-to-death" kinda feeling.

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, go to Google images when you're not at work and search for "redhead goth girl"

Now, THE ISSUE: I feel like I am getting too old and white collar to still be into this kinda thing, but I really can't help it. Regardless of the amount of hot "normal" women who flirt with me, either at work or after work at clubs/bars with colleagues, I can't ever find myself to want to get in their pants. When I see a slim goth girl with jet black hair, it's like WHAMM, that chill goes up your spine and you just want to.....you know?

One day I wish to get engaged. But what the fuck do I tell my family, friends, colleagues, and clients when they check out my lifestyle? Even if that wasn't an issue, is there something seriously fucking wrong with me? I was heavily into this shit back in high school; I thought it was just a phase and I'd get over it in college. Well, I DID get over it, in that I no longer dress in all black and listen to goth metal music. But I'm still fucking obsessed
with these sorts of women. At this time, I have tried everything in trying to change my tastes...to no avail. There was even a cute blonde friend who heavily flirted with me; I flirted back; she was bubbly and fun, but never could really get me turned on.

Suggestions and opinions welcome.

My background: I work in IB--restructuring and attended an Ivy, and have been sleeping with women who think they're sexy little vampires, ever since I was in 9th grade. All my male/female friends are totally normal but, with the exception of my closest bud, have no idea who i'm dating. I'm too embarrassed to talk about this with anyone in real life.

 

Not sure if troll, but troll alert to anyone who didn't bother reading the entire thing.

If not, I wouldn't worry too much about it. In the end it doesn't really matter at all. Just make sure you're comfortable when your kids make snarky comments like 'you know it's hot when daddy actually takes his coat off'. After a huge dinner - 'mommy reminds me of vampire the buffet slayer'. When you're out drinking with your 'normal' buddies - 'Dad, remember - too many colors spoil the goth'.

 

you're 25 and she's 19. I've always felt that an age difference of 3+ years in your 20's is always too much. I was talking to this very pretty girl but she was 19 and I'm 25. At one point I felt like I was preying on a younger mind because I was clearly more mature. This is besides the point but like the other person said...you like gothic chicks dude, it's not a big deal. Don't try too hard to fit into what you believe should be the "normal" behavior for someone in your position. We're all different, as long as the girls you're dating are cool and not too crazy then you should be fine. Also, if you could actually see yourself building a life with these types of girls then you have even less to worry about.

 

To be quite honest, I'm not sure what the problem is. Why are you so worried what other people are going to think? That only thing you should be concerned about is whether or not you're happy. Everyone has a preference in these things one way or another. Some like blondes, some like girls with huge tits, and you like goths. Hell, I like girls who are really fit (Marzia Prince fit, not German bodybuilder fit). Some of my guy friends give me a hard time about it (and I give them shit about the flabby girls they date), but that's just who I am. You just need to become comfortable with who you are.

 

If you have to write a disclaimer that your post is not a troll, you should probably reconsider posting it altogether.

People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for freedom of thought which they seldom use.
 
xt12mn:

and wears a bracelet with a small vial of our mixed blood in it (not kidding). I have an identical bracelet although I take it off at work.

Go for it man. haha...Angelina Jolie did something similar with blood vials during her teenage goth days:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/06/11/angelina-jolie-on-the-blo_n_106619.html

considering how hot she was back then... http://ts2.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4596488148813001&pid=1.7

id say that was one hell of a lucky boyfriend, bloodied or not LOL

 
CornTrader:

This forum is generally very safe in terms of "sharing" but never mention that blood thing again, dude.

LOL!

We often don't have control over who we're attracted to, however goth is not a "type" of girl per se, there's nothing about vampires, the color black, blood, fangs, etc that's anything intrinsic to a girl's personality, it's just accessories and gimmicks that are part of an odd subculture. But, it sounds like what you're really attracted to are girls who are psychologically dark and mentally deranged potentially...not going to lie, that's messed up.

 

Seeing as how she just graduated high school last year and is now attending college, maybe she'll grow out of the Goth scene and then you'll get the girl you can take home to your parents out of evolution, but it'll still be that same goth girl that you fell in love with.

make it hard to spot the general by working like a soldier
 

@AndyLouis : Nope, I like metal chicks, not gothic chicks.

OP : Who cares, you like what you like. If you bat well in this niche, it makes no sense to try to force yourself to like other kinds (and I've been into all different kinds of women). Date and have fun.

Metal. Music. Life. www.headofmetal.com
 

There's no accounting for taste, you like what you like. Why force yourself to date someone you aren't as attracted to because it's more 'normal'?

P.S. That blood thing is really creepy.

This to all my hatin' folks seeing me getting guac right now..
 

@AndyLouis : Marilyn Manson, Danzig, Type O Negative, Paradise Lost, Cradle of Filth...all these have been called "Gothic" at some point or another. just an attachment.

Seems he's more concerned about the 6-year age gap. She obviously doesn't seem to have a problem with it; some girls know themselves well enough to be genuinely attracted to older dudes.

There's nothing wrong with Gothic ladies. There's nothing with metal ladies. Or religious ladies, or atheist ladies, or ladies who like hip-hop and R/B (I'm pretty sure).

Metal. Music. Life. www.headofmetal.com
 
In The Flesh:

There's nothing wrong with Gothic ladies.

Not to be intentionally tautological but the essence of what makes a girl attractive to a straight guy should be her "feminine nature"...and what embodies feminine nature are the qualities that typify the female in original form...nurturing, caring, gentle, kind, graceful, etc. The qualities that evolutionarily have been important for the future mother of your kids to have. I know we're all fine with all sorts of new age stuff these days, but a girl who's obsessed with death and darkness and blood and god knows what is not "right" in my book.
 

Looks like you missed the boat OP. Your goth girl could have been your in to a life on the buy-side. If only you networked harder and brought your goth mistress around for the hot topic acquisition.

"On June 12, 2013, all of the outstanding shares of our common stock were acquired by investment funds managed by Sycamore Partners Management L.L.C. for $14 per share. The acquisition was valued at approximately $600 million. As a result of the completion of the acquisition, we are now privately-owned and our common stock is no longer listed for trading on the NASDAQ Global Select Market."

 

I like how this thread was posted at 3:32 PM EST yet here I am commenting on the post at 3:15 EST,

As to the subject, why date a chick who wears shirts that are 3 sizes too big and all black. That's just depressing as hell.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne
 

OP, I suspect that it is no coincidence that you work in restructuring IB. Consistently working on projects with firms who are teetering on the brink of demise, senior management pulling their hair out and creditors sending armies of lawyers and bankers to one big clusterf*ck of litigation and overall depressing business scenarios. I wouldn't be afraid to don some eyeliner to work every once in a while.

 

Some people actually do think that life is meaningless. It's not that they're crazy, they actually have a very solid perspective. Gothic culture or whatever it's called is based on a very real idea, at least that's what I think. Wearing black all the time is a bit depressing but the underlying thoughts and feelings of such a person can be interesting (of course if they're not some trend-following douche). At the end of the day, what the hell is "normal"? As long as you're not harming others, are honest with yourself and are relatively happy then you can act and be whatever the hell you want...

 
xt12mn:
Especially on the days they dye their jet black hair, to blood red. New Years Eve, she dressed up as a vampire and we did a little roleplay. "Normal" girls don't seem to be into that sort of thing -- that whole, dark, demented, "i-want-to-fuck-you-to-death" kinda feeling.
.... whatever floats your boat, dude. But don't you think that's kind of oversharing?

I see no problem with being attracted to goth girls (though the way you describe it, let's just call it a fetish). Weird things of all kinds turn us on. Pretty sure the age gap is the issue here. That, and the fact that maybe when you're 35 and looking to settle down, you'll be better prepared to sit down and think about what you REALLY want. If vamp/goth girls are what you really truly want in a marriage/wife/mother to your kids, then why let the thoughts of the world stop you?

Life's short. Think carefully, but then act and don't have regrets.

CaR:

Googled red-headed goths, not impressed. You're basically just a sicko, buddy

Also not impressed, although gotta admit there are a few chicks in the search results who have nice racks (but sadly, not-so-attractive faces).
Currently: future neurologist, current psychotherapist Previously: investor relations (top consulting firm), M&A consulting (Big 4), M&A banking (MM)
 

Do what you want, but drop the blood mixing vial shit. Thats fucking weird. If she can kind of learn to dress ''properly'' in public, I think you guys shouldn't have any issues. (e.g.: not going to a family dinner dressed like a goth, or a business dinner.) Basically if she can adapt to the situation and understand the nature of the job you do, all is good.

 

First, the vial of blood needs to go. Second, a previous poster brought up a good point. At the end of the day, it'll come down to if she can adapt. There is nothing wrong with dating a goth girl if that is what you are into. But, if she can't adapt, eventually the stress of hiding her from your colleagues will be too much and ruin the relationship.

 

If this was 2008, this thread would go like "I am a 25 year old banker who dates gold-digging strippers and former strippers, some have even done softcore porn".

Now in 2013, the young banker is worried about dating a goth girl, if the past round of analysts could turn those strippers into housewives, a goth girl should be no challenge.

 

The blood is hilarious...definitely not my thing. At the end of the day your future partner will have a massive influence on your life. Choose wisely. Who cares if she is not "banking material" or if you feel she will not be suited to social events with your colleagues, your partner should provide the balancing factor you need to enjoy life, it doesn't matter if she is into gothic or anything else...as long as she doesn't suck your blood lol

 

Her dad is a Big Law partner. So far so good. Is she attending Columbia? It's not HYPS but it will have to do. What prep school did she attend? This is imperative. If her father is a Big Law partner, the school better be in the top 3. Lastly, where does her family live? Upper East Side, Westchester, and the North Shore are the only acceptable answers. If she doesn't pass each and every one of these tests, drop her because you are stooping. Glad I could help.

 

I would bet money half the people responding here have never been laid. This isn't a big deal, he's just worried about appearances and if they would/could affect his career. As long as the chick can clean up nice for a function ie no dead animals at your wedding etc...I don't see a problem.

If the glove don't fit, you must acquit!
 

Gosh this is so simple. You are not a Goth anymore because you've matured over time, which happens to be normal for all of us. The fact that you still like Goth girls is not a problem. The problem is that you meet up with kiddos... those that keep on the Emo-dead fashion at +25 is because they are either Cosplaying all day for the pleasure of doing it, or because they are ottakus stuck in their own world. You don't have to be dressing up like Gene Simmons to actually like Kiss.

Solution: find someone just like you. By the day white collar, by night Kate Bakinsale in Underworld. Otherwise you'll deal with this dilemma aaaaaaaaall the time, over and over again.

PS. What did you expect out of a teen?

 

Well this is an interesting posting! See I'm a normal, well Asian girl mid 20s always looking to meet the potential right guy, but I always one step behind from those 19s, 20s years old college girl, I think I'm not bad looking and pretty tall too, but still. So man in finance always have a thing for younger girls?

 
Callme-J:

Well this is an interesting posting! See I'm a normal, well Asian girl mid 20s always looking to meet the potential right guy, but I always one step behind from those 19s, 20s years old college girl, I think I'm not bad looking and pretty tall too, but still. So man in finance always have a thing for younger girls?

It’s not finance related, most of them will go with “fresh meat”. It’s just the male mentality.

Question: why would you even think dating a guy who instead of you will choose a 19 y.o chick?

 
Most Helpful
xt12mn:

Hi guys, long time poster here, and even longer time lurker (was gone for a bit of hiatus). For the record, this is NOT a troll post. If you think it is, please refrain from replying because I need a genuine opinion here. (Thanks). I'm posting under anonymity for obvious reasons as colleagues/clients know me and I don't want this stuff on the net.

Here's the story (and rationale): I'm a 25yro who is apparently still stuck in my old high school days of punk rock and wearing lots and lots of black. I'm currently dating a 19 year old girl (3 months now) who attends nearby college in NYC. The catch: She's into the whole "goth" thing, dresses like one (though not too hardcore), listens to that kind of dark music, and wears a bracelet with a small vial of our mixed blood in it (not kidding). I have an identical bracelet although I take it off at work. She wears mascara and eye shadow frequently and when we're out, always wears a lot of black.

On date nights, though, she sports an expensive black leather jacket..(Google search "Kate Beckinsale underworld movie" to see the wardrobe she attempts to imitate with that). I don't buy shit for her; She apparently has a big-law partner for a father (who was never there in her life) that paid for all expenses. Now, girls like her is similar to the 4+ girls I've dated the last 6 years, and the 30+ girls I've slept with (though shes the only one who is wealthy). I'm only attracted to these kinds of women for some reason; I never got rid of this habit I first acquired back in high school. While most "goth girls" are ugly, or overweight (morbidly too, no pun intended), I find many of the slim ones are damn sexy. Especially on the days they dye their jet black hair, to blood red. New Years Eve, she dressed up as a vampire and we did a little roleplay. "Normal" girls don't seem to be into that sort of thing -- that whole, dark, demented, "i-want-to-fuck-you-to-death" kinda feeling.

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, go to Google images when you're not at work and search for "redhead goth girl"

Now, THE ISSUE: I feel like I am getting too old and white collar to still be into this kinda thing, but I really can't help it. Regardless of the amount of hot "normal" women who flirt with me, either at work or after work at clubs/bars with colleagues, I can't ever find myself to want to get in their pants. When I see a slim goth girl with jet black hair, it's like WHAMM, that chill goes up your spine and you just want to.....you know?

One day I wish to get engaged. But what the fuck do I tell my family, friends, colleagues, and clients when they check out my lifestyle? Even if that wasn't an issue, is there something seriously fucking wrong with me? I was heavily into this shit back in high school; I thought it was just a phase and I'd get over it in college. Well, I DID get over it, in that I no longer dress in all black and listen to goth metal music. But I'm still fucking obsessed
with these sorts of women. At this time, I have tried everything in trying to change my tastes...to no avail. There was even a cute blonde friend who heavily flirted with me; I flirted back; she was bubbly and fun, but never could really get me turned on.

Suggestions and opinions welcome.

My background: I work in IB--restructuring and attended an Ivy, and have been sleeping with women who think they're sexy little vampires, ever since I was in 9th grade. All my male/female friends are totally normal but, with the exception of my closest bud, have no idea who i'm dating. I'm too embarrassed to talk about this with anyone in real life.

Tell me something

Do you beat the sh**t out of her when you have sex?

 

xt12mn

Hi guys, long time poster here, and even longer time lurker (was gone for a bit of hiatus). For the record, this is NOT a troll post. If you think it is, please refrain from replying because I need a genuine opinion here. (Thanks). I'm posting under anonymity for obvious reasons as colleagues/clients know me and I don't want this stuff on the net.

Here's the story (and rationale): I'm a 25yro who is apparently still stuck in my old high school days of punk rock and wearing lots and lots of black. I'm currently dating a 19 year old girl (3 months now) who attends nearby college in NYC. The catch: She's into the whole "goth" thing, dresses like one (though not too hardcore), listens to that kind of dark music, and wears a bracelet with a small vial of our mixed blood in it (not kidding). I have an identical bracelet although I take it off at work. She wears mascara and eye shadow frequently and when we're out, always wears a lot of black.

On date nights, though, she sports an expensive black leather jacket..(Google search "Kate Beckinsale underworld movie" to see the wardrobe she attempts to imitate with that). I don't buy shit for her; She apparently has a big-law partner for a father (who was never there in her life) that paid for all expenses. Now, girls like her is similar to the 4+ girls I've dated the last 6 years, and the 30+ girls I've slept with (though shes the only one who is wealthy). I'm only attracted to these kinds of women for some reason; I never got rid of this habit I first acquired back in high school. While most "goth girls" are ugly, or overweight (morbidly too, no pun intended), I find many of the slim ones are damn sexy. Especially on the days they dye their jet black hair, to blood red. New Years Eve, she dressed up as a vampire and we did a little roleplay. "Normal" girls don't seem to be into that sort of thing -- that whole, dark, demented, "i-want-to-fuck-you-to-death" kinda feeling.

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, go to Google images when you're not at work and search for "redhead goth girl"

Now, THE ISSUE: I feel like I am getting too old and white collar to still be into this kinda thing, but I really can't help it. Regardless of the amount of hot "normal" women who flirt with me, either at work or after work at clubs/bars with colleagues, I can't ever find myself to want to get in their pants. When I see a slim goth girl with jet black hair, it's like WHAMM, that chill goes up your spine and you just want to.....you know?

One day I wish to get engaged. But what the fuck do I tell my family, friends, colleagues, and clients when they check out my lifestyle? Even if that wasn't an issue, is there something seriously fucking wrong with me? I was heavily into this shit back in high school; I thought it was just a phase and I'd get over it in college. Well, I DID get over it, in that I no longer dress in all black and listen to goth metal music. But I'm still fucking obsessed

with these sorts of women. At this time, I have tried everything in trying to change my tastes...to no avail. There was even a cute blonde friend who heavily flirted with me; I flirted back; she was bubbly and fun, but never could really get me turned on.

Suggestions and opinions welcome.

My background: I work in IB--restructuring and attended an Ivy, and have been sleeping with women who think they're sexy little vampires, ever since I was in 9th grade. All my male/female friends are totally normal but, with the exception of my closest bud, have no idea who i'm dating. I'm too embarrassed to talk about this with anyone in real life.

No, nothing wrong with you just your preference. I would suggest some diversity in your women types though. Unless, you try something different like no goth women, you may just be missing out on some serious different types of hottest.

SafariJoe, wins again!
 

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