1/4/13

Normally I wouldn't post something like this, but i'm at a point where I feel I NEED to vent and hear others opinions and there is no one in my real life I feel comfortable doing so to.

Disclaimer: I admit that a history of mental illness, suicide, and large scale depression is prevalent in my family. And it may be true that I just need to get drugged to high hell. I just haven't felt that I can admit that failure and see a doctor about this yet.

So, essentially, here is a TL;DR. I have been working AM for about a year and a half since graduation and make far more than enough money for my age. Yet, it's never enough and I can't stop spending I have piled up credit card debt on the back of large amounts of booze, toys, etc. I'm miserable at my work. I hate the job. I don't even work that long of hours (think around 55-60) and I dread it every day. I can barely get out of bed in the morning. A bed that I am consistently laying awake in most nights because of the awful insomnia i'm developing. I slept maybe 16 hours combined friday, saturday, sunday, and monday nights. I can't remember exactly how much because I was so drunk on friday and monday that I blacked out for much of the night. Saturday and Sunday I also drank, but managed to stay coherent enough to remember those days. My alcoholism is getting bad to teh point of waking up, having a drink before work, having a drink at lunch, and then spending most nights drinking heavily either by myself or at a bar trying to grab a poor soul to share my misery and some unfulfilling sex. I don't use drugs, but I'm strongly considering jumping into the habit. That leads into my inability to actually connect with other human beings. I'm callous to others situations and emotionally stunted myself. The last two females i've been involved with couldn't handle my co-dependency and depression and left me. The females who do seem to want to "save me" I want nothing to do with.

I'm in a situation where all my issues with work, boozing, insomnia, and connections to others is starting to stop me from functioning. I strongly considered suicide many times over the past 6 months. I even once pulled out the handgun I own, loaded it, and stuck it to my temple. Only do have the female I was involved with convince me otherwise. I spent yesterday fighting a hangover and feeling like my I was actually going legitimately crazy. To the point that I suicide, institutionalization, or generally dropping off the radar and heading to south america are my only options at this point in my life. I'm not sure how or why I am still alive or if I want to be a year from now. I certainly couldn't stand another year of my current existence. And I feel so isolated from the rest of the world that i'm not sure anyone or anything can help me.

I can't really explain my thoughts that well and I know this was rambling, but Ijust had to have some outlet and since I am a regular here (with a different username) this seemed as good as any.

Comments (106)

1/2/13

The WSO Advantage - Land Your Dream Job

Financial Modeling Training

IB Templates, M&A, LBO, Valuation.

Wall St. Interview Secrets Revealed

30,000+ sold & REAL questions.

Resume Help from Finance Pros

Land More Interviews.

Find Your Mentor

Realistic Mock Interviews.

1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13

Being a prospective monkey I am bound to post stupid comments due to my lack of expert knowledge. I implore you to correct me harshly or constructively, and I will appreciate any learning opportunity.

1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13

"That dude is so haole, he don't even have any breath left."

1/2/13

Harvey Specter doesn't get cotton mouth.

1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13

"Sometimes we have to get really high to see how small we are" - Fearless Felix

1/13/13

I hate victims who respect their executioners

4/19/13

I'm just a humble clown. I juggle around just for a good laugh of yours.

1/2/13

Frank Sinatra - "Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy."

1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13

The WSO Advantage - Land Your Dream Job

Financial Modeling Training

IB Templates, M&A, LBO, Valuation.

Wall St. Interview Secrets Revealed

30,000+ sold & REAL questions.

Resume Help from Finance Pros

Land More Interviews.

Find Your Mentor

Realistic Mock Interviews.

1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while a great wind carries me across the sky
1/2/13
1/2/13
Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while a great wind carries me across the sky
1/2/13
1/4/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
Best Response
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13

"Dont compromise yourself; you're all you've got" - Janis Joplin

1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13
1/2/13

"You stop being an asshole when it sucks to be you." -IlliniProgrammer
"Your grammar made me wish I'd been aborted." -happypantsmcgee

1/2/13
1/3/13

The Auto Show

1/3/13
1/4/13

The Auto Show

1/3/13
1/3/13
1/4/13

"An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Check out my blog!

1/4/13
1/4/13
1/4/13
1/8/13

Read my blog: Bateman Begins

1/4/13
1/4/13
1/4/13
1/4/13

- Only time will tell....

1/4/13
1/4/13
1/4/13
1/4/13
1/4/13
1/4/13
1/4/13
1/4/13
1/4/13
1/4/13

"It's not personal, it's business."

1/4/13

When a plumber from Hoboken tells you he has a good feeling about a reverse iron condor spread on the Japanese Yen, you really have no choice. If you don't do it to him, somebody else surely will. -Eddie B.

1/4/13
1/4/13
1/4/13
1/5/13
1/5/13
1/6/13
1/7/13
1/9/13

"An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Check out my blog!

1/9/13
1/9/13
1/9/13
1/9/13
1/9/13
1/9/13
1/13/13
4/19/13
4/21/13

I hate victims who respect their executioners

4/19/13
4/19/13
6/3/13
6/4/13
2/24/14
Add a Comment
WallStreet Prep Master Financial Modeling