Is this Cover Letter too short or too general? Other feedback will be greatly appreciated as well.
[Contact Information]
September 20th, 2010
Name
[Title]
[Name of Bank]
[Address]
Dear Mr. / Ms. Name,
My name is Me, and I am a senior at UNIVERSITY majoring in. I am currently seeking a full time investment banking analyst position and am interested in FIRM for the firm’s superb reputation and close-knit team culture. I believe these factors as well as others make FIRM an excellent place to start a career.
I would be a fantastic choice for this position for three reasons. Firstly, I have considerable experience working with and creating financial models through classes such as Second, during my research internship at BULGE BRACKET, I gained a strong understanding of the different areas of an investment bank, and why I belong in a investment banking division. Lastly, through serving as President of a student-run I have gained valuable experience leading a team in a professional atmosphere, evaluating the fina
A copy of my resume is included for your reference. I would welcome the opportunity to discuss my qualifications with you and learn more about FIRM at your earliest convenience. I can be reached at PHONE # or via email at . Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best Regards,
Attached: Resume
bump 1
First paragraph, if you met someone at the firm make sure to mention that.
Second paragraph, some parts of it are cheesy, or course it is difficult not to come out cheesy in a cover letter.
I would make your research internship the number one reason. Developed and used strong analytical skills, market related...spin it to touch on a) analysis and/or b) companies. That reason "learned about different areas" is super cheesy and the entire sentence should be taken out. Also, talk about using models (if you did) with the internship.
the second reason, can be the mergers classes, ect. Except don't say you have "considerable experience" Say something along the lines of " I have gained a strong understanding of corporate finance and financial models from a corporate finance and a M&A class I took. (If you did some long term project with a model mention that here). I really enjoyed the work in these classes and I know that I would like to work with companies in my career----this is actually a crappy line, but you get the gist.
Third reason, not bad. but change some of the wording. I would add something like developed leadership skill by managing th club of XX people. Balancing a full course schedule and managing the society, I have also learned how to prioritize and multitask my responsibilities.
Drop the last line of the second paragraph.
Third paragraph is fine, but I am a bigger fan of "I have attached my resume" and "second sentence".
Overall it is not that bad, just remember that most people don't have time to look at the cover letter and it does not matter nearly as much as the resume.
I would take out the word "fantastic" from you second paragraph. It just reads funny and you mine as well say "super-duper". Not to be harsh but it makes you come off as poof. If you don't know what poof insinuates then watch LayerCake.
What I would say is "I believe that I have the skills/qualities necessary to handle the responsibilities....etc." and then back them up with the other fluff.
Other than that I would follow the above posts suggestions and it will sound more professional.
Not to be harsh but if you don't know the difference between MIGHT and MINE I suggest you go and read a dictionary.
Please restrain your efforts to giving cover letter advice not editing it!
Amazing feedback!! Thanks a ton! I am working on changes right now.
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