Job Interviews and Flirting

Hi all,

I had a very weird experience recently and wanted to see whether someone here has had a similar one. I recently had last round interview for I job that I really want and I have the suspicion that I got flirted with during the interview - and what is even worse, I think I reciprocated that behavior.

There were three interviewers, but the most senior (boss of the boss) one was the one who asked most of the questions, anyway. During the interview, on occasion, he would get off topic and make witty comments - including commenting on my fashion sense and looks (I was wearing a pants suit!!), which I assume must have either been widely inappropriate flirting or , also widely inappropriate, form of mocking, and I don't believe it was the latter since he was friendly overall; at times he reacted so spontaneously that it almost felt like I was a teenager talking to a friend. He was looking me straight in the eyes the whole time, and on the rare occasions when someone else was talking, we were just staring at each other, him smiling, and me, smiling back, like a complete idiot. I felt like I could cut the air between us with a knife, it felt so intense.

Even though I had a positive feeling at the end of the interview, I felt like the whole thing went quite unprofessionally and was not sure whether I will get an offer.

I got an offer the next day, compensation was 10% more than what I said I would expect. The headhunter, with whom I am working, said he was genuinly surprised at the salary they were ready to pay, considering the fact that they had candidates with more and more relevant work experience for the role. They must see potential, he said.

I always dress conservatively for interviews, and generally do not wear make up. I look decent, no idea how I rank on that 1-10 scale, probably slightly above average, but IT IS NOT A 10. I have only had a few interviews for full time jobs post graduation, but I have never had one like this one.

I have decided to take the offer because it is a job that I really, really want, but I still feel bad about the interview.

I may be wrong about what actually happened in that interview, because I still cannot imagine someone would actually be flirty in such situation. I always hear how men are willing to hire women only based on looks, even more so in male dominated industries, but if I were a hiring manager, I would never hire someone just because they are attractive if they are not the most qualified applicant. Even if the person is the most qualified for the job, I would NEVER act flirty in such situation.

So, what is your take on that? Would you hire someone based on looks, have you flirted in an interview (or got flirted with), and why the hell would someone (experienced professional in their right mind) do something like that?

 
Best Response

I had an interview once with two ladies and the whole time they wouldn't stop complimenting me and smiling. They liked to say how well dressed I am and how charming I am etc. I don't think they asked me a single job related question. I got the job though even though I was their last choice going into the interview. Turned it down because I'm playing hard to get.

 

But what did Megan and Betty say? Or were they in on it (no pun intended)?

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."
 

I agree with downsloper - Milk it. Honestly part of the interview is about how good your answers are, the other half's about how well you get along with your interviewer.

 

is this interview for SA or FT position?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.——William Shakespeare
 

Consider good looks / charm as a skill. It's your right to use it in your favor, the same way you'd use above-average smarts, or knowledge about sports, or whatever gets the interviewer going.

Think that's unfair? Fuck fairness. No one will be fair to you when they're trying to sell you something for 50% more than it's worth so they can afford their 3 vacation to St. Barth's.

 
Bonzo Bojangles:
cracker:

no idea how I rank on that 1-10 scale.

Post pics, we'll give you an honest rating.

Just show the bottom of your neck to just below your crotch if you want to stay anonymous. It will tell a large part of the picture, by those nude shots alone.

We're not animals. We just want to help.

 

"We're not animals. We just want to help."

I just had an epic Spit Take with delicious Bombay Sapphire because of how fucking hilarious that was.

"I'm talking about liquid. Rich enough to have your own jet. Rich enough not to waste time. Fifty, a hundred million dollars, buddy. A player. Or nothing. " -GG
 

pics or gtfo. from what you have written, pretty clear this guy wants to bone. whether or not he will do anything more than just flirt is questionable, sounds weird that he was eye-banging you the whole time while others in the room were talking.....

twitter: @StoicTrader1 instagram: @StoicTrader1
 

I have been flirted with by both men and women in job interviews. This is speaking as a guy. I don't know if I give off a vibe or what. It's kind of awkward to think about later, but I agree with HY.r.e.a.m. I think, hey, if they are going to do that and I am not instigating it, it is on them and doesn't mean anything negative if I benefit from it. Others may disagree with me, but I wouldn't worry about it too much

 

You got the job, you got some money, congrats and welcome to a world where most of the woman hired in roles in finance are above average looking.

Every job interview I've ever been hired for, we've never talked that much about my skill set. It's always been him making jokes and me laughing like it was the funniest thing I ever heard. Sometimes it is, I laugh pretty easily. Whatever.

Last time some guy actually flirted with me? Well, both were pre-2008. One was at a chop shop that is now closed and the other was at Maxim. Maxim ended up hiring me but to be honest that place was pretty awful and I left a few months later. The only good thing it had going for it was employing that guy who threw his soul cycle bike at some other guy who was grunting too loudly in class. That was pretty funny and look, I'm laughing now at my computer just thinking about it again.

Edit: Here's the link to an article about it- http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/03/nyregion/03spin.html?_r=0

********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********
 

I feel like i had a brain aneurysm or a stroke while reading this... your prose is very poor.

To address the post: Why is this even a thing worth posting about? Who cares whether or not the guy was flirty, accept the offer and move on, it's unimportant.

"Well, you know, I was a human being before I became a businessman." -- George Soros
 

Most female interviewers in the top shops flirt with me. One lady even pulled a Sharon Stone type of leg crossing move on me. I usually flirt back, but don't take the offer because I don't want them to hire me for my looks.

 

Maybe he is not looking to wet his wicket but genuinely liked your personality (tbh, if that is the case, I am questioning his judgement since you are seemingly overreacting. as an example, I am always fully engaged with people I talk to - does not mean I want to have sex with them (not always)).

Or, maybe he expects sex and he offered 10% more than usual to send a clear signal that your ass is bought and paid for. If things don't work out (whether you suck at the job or don't suck other things) they can very easily replace you. You will know very soon what the expectations are. My suggestion is that you adapt and overcome (partial pun somewhat intended).

"I'm talking about liquid. Rich enough to have your own jet. Rich enough not to waste time. Fifty, a hundred million dollars, buddy. A player. Or nothing. " -GG
 

First of all - congratulations! I don't think we met, but I have an experience that is kind of similar, so I'd like to share it.

I got my first internship (in 2014) pretty much the same way as you. My undergraduate was a triple major in Mathematics, Applied Mathematics and Physics from a top 10 university; my first maters was in Mathematics of Finance from another Ivy League university. I was really excited about that internship, because it looked like a perfect place for using and developing what I studied so hard for so many years. I thought I had a total right for it, because I worked hard, and even though all my interviewers liked my looks, I answered all the quantitative and programming questions correctly.

It was really frustrating to find out a couple weeks later that no one cared, but that the boss cared was interested in something else (which didn't involve that much mathematics). As that was not what I was interested in, I was ignored for the rest of the internship, but used the spare time to talk to other people in the firm about what they do and applied for jobs elsewhere. In less than a month, I got offers from somewhere else where my brain was needed. Of course it was stressful to be job-hunting again, but I felt like a person of character and that boosted my self-confidence and helped me sell my quant skills better at my next interviews.

I don't know what kind of a person you are and where did you interview, but in general, I think we can expect that if someone was flirting with you at the interview, they will want to go further when you join the company, and that if you don't show that you are interested in them, it may put your position in a risk.

I understand it's hard to get your foot in the door at first, and it was even worse before than now, so I don't judge anyone for any decisions that they made. Just, for the future, I think it's good to primarily sell brain and actual work experience - in 20 years, our looks won't be the same and we can only slow it down, but our brains & social network can get even more powerful, if we keep using them every day. Even better, in 45 years, the wage gap is supposed to close!

Best of luck!

 

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