Marrying another banker

wow.

I think it's an interesting question.

I wouldn't have a strict aversion towards marrying a female banker, given the right candidate. I do feel, however, that banking attracts a very specific personality type (hyper-aggressive, uber-conservative, etc.) - one to which I am not typically attracted. There are, of course, always exceptions. I usually go for liberal type girls - HR chicks, artists, grade-/high-school teachers, yoga-instructors.

http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/female-prospective-monkey

There was actually a funny article (that has since been deleted) on this topic a few years back, titled: "So You Wanna: Be An I-Banker Girlfriend?"

An excerpt is here, but the full article is gone:
http://wallstfolly.typepad.com/wallstfolly/2006/04/funny_post_so_y.html

that if you find someone worthy marrying it won't really matter what they do.

I'm a girl. I'm not hugly competitive... but ok, I'm lying I kind of am. Last time I dated someome, I broke up with them because they weren't competitve enough. That said. I guess it really depends on your personality.

I agree with LdnMezz. I have however never met a banker that was married to another banker. If you are marrying a banker and you have a different job I think it would work so long as the non-banker was aware of how little they would see their spouse and the constant canceling of plans that is inevitable.

The Prince of Wall Street
http://www.princeofwallstreet.com

You've been on the street... how long? I've only met a handful of bankers in my life, and there were plenty that had spouses also in banking.

.

Not that this can really compare to your experience on the street b, but I did spend 3 summers working in banking at MS for what its worth. I probably worked with about 35 different bankers who were older than 25. About half of them were married. Only one of them was married to someone in the industry and they are now separated. I know this is all anecdotal but I do resent that in your last post you acted like I don't know anyone who does banking full-time.

The female bankers I have worked with and for in previous summers were not treated any differently than the guys in the office. I also worked for an MD who was a real rainmaker one summer and it seemed like the fact she was a woman didn't really factor into how she was perceived. However, I can't really say how women are perceived by more junior people or at all banks. That is just my experience.

The Prince of Wall Street
http://www.princeofwallstreet.com

Will, what are you wowing about?

Prince, I find it highly suspicious that you summered three summers in MS IBD - unless you are the CEO's son or the 2nd coming of Christ, but even then I highly doubt it because one of my best friends summered in Goldman's finance dept with Blankfein's son. Apparently his son purposely chose ops his underclassmen summer since he knew he'd be in IBD the next summer and wanted to live a little at least one summer (i.e. not work 100 hours a week).

Anyone on here ever heard of someone having three summers at a top IBD (GS, MS, etc.)?

interesting question
depends
some female bankers are hot
there just aren't that many

One of the directors I worked with in banking had a wife that worked at another bank as a VP. I'd say they were pretty happily married. He was a great guy but a terrible banker, though, so that probably helped with the free time situation.

There were definitely some really cool girls I worked with (at the associate level and up, too). So I wouldn't rule out the possibility.

I'm still the only girl at my office (other than the receptionist and HR ppl), and I consider myself lucky since I went to art school before going into banking. The few girls I have met have ZERO personality, are a little bit more than jaded (ie never crack a smile without thinking about it beforehand) and not very fashionable. I don't know why that is, I get why they might not have a personality.....and could be jaded, but come on....fashionable? Open up a damn VOGUE. Get a better haircut! lol. As far as gaining weight goes, I've gone on the raw food diet which is working like a charm....of course I miss ribs.....gravy.....and all heated food, but it's a price one has to pay to be thin. Especially in this industry. I don't want to be a cow in heels.

But not only were BOTH of my parents bankers, but several of my coworkers are married to women who are quite big names in the business. So I don't know how that happened.

Hilarious note about the Sotheby's in that link, there sure do seem like there's a lot of good looking girls who work there!

********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********

I wouldn't want to marry someone in my own field with basically an identical job, it pays to have variety. Also, it would be kind of difficult to raise kids with 2 parents as bankers... talk about some deprived children.

I have seen bankers marry before, but I can't say I'd honestly consider it.

In theory, female bankers should be treated the same as everyone else, and most of what I've seen confirms this. But I can't help but think they must feel somewhat alienated given that many offices have only a few females and banking/finance in general tend to be male-dominated.

atropolation: I've been trying something similar wrt that diet, though not quite as extreme and it has also worked pretty well. Though now it's difficult to go to restaurants with co-workers and whatnot.

Funny thread...

I just took a quick poll of the men that are in the immediate vicinity of my office. Three out of 5 of their significant others are teachers!

I say this ad nauseum on the forum... bankers marry teachers, nurses, flight attendants or granola-save-the-earth-type women. It's the perceived simplicity of these women combined with their non-threatening careers and ability to be absolutely doting on these men that they fall for these types of women.

Would I ever marry a banker? Sure. If my husband was never home and we had a "quickie" every now and then, that'd be fine with me. I like the spontaneity and I love my independence more :-)

However, I actually find marrying a banker is futile and is of no utility in the long-term. I'm setting my eyes on marrying an architect. I haven't met one yet, but I have visions of a chateau and I would love for my husband to build me one. Note that most bankers are wimps. They swing big dicks in business, but they don't even know how to work with their hands and are utterly useless with tools. I once had a colleague who confessed he worked as a carpenter in college. I thought that was HOT. Brawn in a man is sexy.

As for diets ladies... I'm lucky, I don't need to go on diets. Stress keeps me skinny. When I'm overworked I completely forget to eat. It's not that I starve, it's that I often work thru lunch/dinner and one distraction after another, my food gets cold and I don't finish it. Sigh. I was actually a size 6 a few months ago. I'm now a 4. Not a significant difference really. I can just tell that certain clothes fit better.

marriage is not a business proposition.

aadpepsi... haha you described a few of my ideal women right there. I love cute teachers... mmhm. Also, I had the "granola hippy type girl" in mind in my original post regarding "liberal girls" (I dislike calling them hippy-girls though because "hippy" in my mind connotes dirtiness and unshaven armpits. bleh.)

Oh bankers... how they all think alike. ;)

Note to self... hit up Sotheby's when I'm in NY.

granola hippy chicks and girls who work at sothebys? I don't think that they co-exist. hahaha.

My kinda guy....well....yeah if he can use tools and the such...yeah that would be really sexy. I kind of go for the hipsterish dude who can wear skinny jeans and a sweatshirt and smell nice. Call it the effect of art school on a girl.

********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********

Hmm, that's interesting. I don't think I'm very jaded...most people generally assume that I am naive and innocent. It's probably my face and small size. And I've been considered very stylish by a lot of girls though I imagine I wouldn't be dressing very fashionable at the office just because this is banking and most men see fashion as frivolous. If I worked at Vogue, however, woo I'd go fashion crazy. But again, banking = conservative place so it doesn't seem to me to be an area to displaying my amazing fashion sense. I'd dress boring too.

Gaining weight, don't like how likely that is for me. I eat a lot less when I am stressed and in general, don't eat much at all...never finish everything on plate, eat like a mouse, and that freshman 15 thing was complete bs for me...I lost weight.

I don't intend to be a lifetime banker so I'm not sure if I would wind up with a banker then, but I do have to say, I find a man who can wear a suit and nice tie with an air of success a real turn on. Not gunning specifically for a banker though.

I'd never rule a person out based on their profession. Although my girlfriend now is probably the last person you'd ever see in banking, which is fine by me. I will say I was quite surprised at the amount of women that I worked with while I was in banking that had were fun, had witty personalities, stayed fit, and were very cute. More than I would have expected, anyways. Even the not-so-cute ones were fun to be around, in my opinion.

Now that I'm in private equity and have more time, coupled with the fact that dealflow is non-existant and probably will be for at least a little while, maybe I'll hunt down a female banker to marry and support me...

Just make sure the banking chick is in Restructuring because that's the only area getting dealflow right now...

There's a difference between "nighting" a girl and marrying a girl. I would "night" a girl from
sothebys. I would marry a teacher/artist/etc..

Trust me, all the girls from Sotheby's and Christie's are crazy.

A bit coincidental... but every teacher/artist/art gallery/granola type chick I know is the first to go get breast implants. They're also the most likely to ooops, accidentally get pregnant?

Coincidence? Eh, don't think so. These girls have you bums all figured out. They're not as dim as they act. They covertly want to marry you, be barefoot and pregnant and then ask for $8K a month in divorce. The house. They'll want the house for sure.

Go get 'em fellas! I'll invite you to rendezvous at my private cabana in the Seychelles when you need some hand holding after these chicks work you over. I promise I won't say I told you so. LOL.

Pre-nup?

EDIT: On a side note - how awkward would it be to ask for a pre-nup after dating a girl for a long time, say 4 or 5 years+?

You sound like an absolute basket case. Thank God I don't interact with girls like you.

Here's my answer: If you've been dating her for 4-5 years and are considering marrying her, you shouldn't be hiding stuff like this. Awkwardness is an extremely petty concern when it comes to your girlfriend of five years. Everyone should have a prenup.

I agree that pre-nups make alot of common sense, but don't agree that it's extremely petty. Asking for a pre-nup can be extremely insulting to a lot of girls.

aadpepsi, truer words were never written.

Hey, you go and ask for a pre nup if you want one, otherwise your wife will automatically get half of everything. Trust me, most divorces don't end amicably. I have property that I don't want my husband getting. He's def. signing a pre nup.

Yes, the house will be hers. Always remember that. Especially if there are children. Though maybe you can win the kids over because any children will get a say as to which parent they want to live with, and I assume that the children will stay with the one who gets the apartment.

Speaking of sotheby's, they have an office in my building and I peered out onto the floor when the elevator stopped by....there were only a bunch of women walking around! I thought that was so WEIRD! I never really thought of sothebys as being a girl magnet! I'd hate to be on that floor and have my period get in sync with them all. Can you imagine?

********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********

The only thing "insulting" to it is because you're putting a price on your marriage. It's like an option.....it could expire worthless..if you stay together...but if you divorce and exercise then it's worth it!

/end of bad analogy.

********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********

Maybe a TAD too much information...

By the way, who else besides incredibly attractive women could qualify to sell useless, I mean priceless, items to rich people?

Does anyone know where I can find the "So You Wanna Be An I-Banker Girlfriend?" article? Does anyone have it saved (for whatever reason) or have a link of it? I would love to send it to my girlfriend.

And, yes, the artsy-type is the way to go. It's the most destressing thing to love someone who has no idea about finance, banking and business. Pretty colors and hugs and kisses - the simple things the artsy-type cares about - is a huge destresser.

I guess that's good for you. ^_^. But I didn't say a guy had to be extremely competitive. Just somewhat. The guy I broke up with was hippie pothead-like. hah.

First of all, you apparently didn't read my post. I said that any concerns of "awkwardness" are extremely petty if you have known this girl for 5 years and are considering marrying her. Grow the fuck up and tell her the truth.

Furthermore, if it's insulting, then that's even more reason for them to know that you want one. How do you think these easily "insulted" women would feel if they found out you were seriously considering a prenup but were keeping it a secret?

I'm actually going to be working for an MBB consulting firm in London, and I was thinking that I would love to date a banking chick. Sure she'll make more than me, but I'll have time to cook and plan cool social events ,which I love doing and why I decided not to go into banking... so I'd have a little bit more free time..

anyhow, any banking girls in London? hah

I'm a banker (well S&T) chick dating a banker (IBD) guy. It helps that we don't have the same job, although we're in the same industry. We can make dinner reservations at 9:30 and neither one of us complains. We can commiserate over all of the shit at work. And because we don't have a ton of time, when we're together we focus on having as much fun as possible. It's working out pretty well I think.

As for in general, I know a few people on my team married to women in banking but not very many. But you have to remember - there aren't that many women in banking. Also just because their wives are not bankers doesn't mean they were NEVER bankers - I went to high school with a lot of girls whose housewife moms had been on Wall Street for a few years out of college and then given it up.

That having been said - none of the women in my team are single. So someone must want to date us.

I met my gf the first week of uni, over 5 yrs ago. She does research, I did IBD and now work for a fund. While aspects of research bring out an annoying side of her (takes her work too seriously on occasion etc) I could say the same about me. Bottom line, she is largely the same girl now that she was when I first met her. As fp175 said, it is nice to have someone who gets what you do and doesn't just nod and smile when you tell them you fucked up some calc and got tanned for it.

As I said before, it's a good debate, but that's just what it is. End of the day you'll find someone who can put up with you and vice versa and it won't matter what you do.

p.s. pre nups for 1st marriage at our age, largely worthless, for our second marriages, definitely.

p.p.s., the above is to do with the UK which has v different pre nup laws than the US (pre nups here are not legally binding docs, but can only be "taken into consideration" when the court is making its decision).

I think I agree with this. I've decided that I'm absolutely going to marry an Architect. Men outside of banking are just much more affectionate and they definitely, positively give more HUGS.

Now... where do I find an architect?!? Where do they hang out?

I disagree with this generalization. While I was in banking I gave out plenty of free hugs. Sure, I had to talk to HR a couple of times, but that never stopped me.

I'm telling you, HUGS are important! If we hugged each other more often the world would have peace.

Check out the free hugs campaign I linked above - Juan Mann, one love, haha.

Here you go, via the Internet Archive/Wayback Machine:
http://web.archive.org/web/20070414230257/http://make-you-hmmm.blogspot....

The best quotation comes at the end: "Aim high. Like mom used to say: Reach for a banker. You can always settle for a consultant."

AltESV - thanks for the post...after reading it, i doubt my gf would appreciate the humor in it. I did though!

This is easy - marry a trophy / house wife, she'll cheat on you. Why? You're never home and eventually she'll get really lonely and need attention. One day, you'll hear "Honey, can we get a pool boy?" That's just asking for a divorce.

Marrying a banker ensures that your partner won't have the free time to feel lonely / crave the attention while you're in the office all day and all night.

If you wanna talk about deprived children, how bout kids that grew up under 2 lawyers?

But getting married to someone in the same industry? Too messy.

"We are lawyers! We sue people! Occasionally, we get aggressive and garnish wages, but WE DO NOT ABDUCT!" -Boston Legal-

Has no one been taught about diversification? Haha, not that bankers are going to need to worry about money too much, but still...

Wouldn't marrying someone who works for a different firm but is in the same job function be, I don't know, a conflict of interest?

"We are lawyers! We sue people! Occasionally, we get aggressive and garnish wages, but WE DO NOT ABDUCT!" -Boston Legal-

If it was the exact same job function, maybe. I'm not sure that a commodities trader and an equity derivatives trader are going to have many notes to compare.

The booze, drugs and burritos have probably already cut my life short by 5 years, why would I want to shorten my life span by another 5 years by marrying an uber-aggressive, ball-busting, hard-nosed finance chick ??

I'm gonna be a neurotic corporate lawyer. I'm not marrying a neurotic investment banker. Period. Case closed. Neither will I go marry another neurotic corporate lawyer. (Hmmm....that just screams conflict of interest to me.....your wife is opposing counsel? Plus we won't be able to commiserate about work because we can't talk about our clients...not that you're supposed to talk about your clients' cases with anyone anyway) I think I'll go find a consultant someplace. Or a college professor or something.

Or maybe I just won't get married.

Seanc-don't forget those 19 hour workdays!!!

"We are lawyers! We sue people! Occasionally, we get aggressive and garnish wages, but WE DO NOT ABDUCT!" -Boston Legal-