I, Cro-Magnon Man, would like to punch Modern Man in the face. Why do I picture Modern Man as a skinny jean wearing hipster who rides an ironic bike while talking about the artisanal, craft, vegan, bacon, pickle, PBR-infused donuts he just made at home?

And who the fuck buys shoes for their wife?

Wait, you thought NYTimes was a respectable paper?

This list is literally has to be sarcasm. If not, the author needs to get a sex change.

What the fuck.

This generation is fucked.

"3. The modern man is considerate. At the movie theater, he won’t munch down a mouthful of popcorn during a quiet moment. He waits for some ruckus."

False. I eat my popcorn when I damn well feel like it.

i feel like this was written by the latest wave of feminists - same ones who tried to police nyc subways for manspreading, case-in-point:

1. When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn’t have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.

2. Before the modern man heads off to bed, he makes sure his spouse’s phone and his kids’ electronic devices are charging for the night.

3. The modern man makes sure the dishes on the rack have dried completely before putting them away.

4. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.

I believe the more common term for this type of a "modern man" is "whipped"

"17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?"

Why, sure, every modern man HAS a melon baller. How else do we get to flaunt our masculinity?

Gosh, Where do they find these writers?

18. The modern man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.

What the fuck is this guy injecting?

Pretty sure this is sarcasm.

7. The modern man buys only regular colas, like Coke or Dr Pepper. If you walk into his house looking for a Mountain Dew, he’ll show you the door.

16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.
17. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.

Probably easier to defend your wife from an intruder with a gun. Just my .02

20. On occasion, the modern man is the little spoon. Some nights, when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and physical shield.
21. The modern man cries. He cries often.

And I'm pretty sure this is the polar opposite of masculinity

Listening to Wu-Tang...i'll take it

The modern man wears maxi pads for extra heavy flow

Jordan Lefevre posted a pretty good rebuttal to this article as well. The original piece is some of the worst journalism I have ever seen.

Even fucking Slate doesn't know what to make of this list: http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2015/10/01/27_ways_to_be_a_modern…

This was my #smh moment of the year after reading this POS article. I know the whole gun thing is pretty controversial right now, but what type of "man" knows more about how various women's shoes fit than how to handle a firearm? Give me a break NYT.

Love these articles. It's like the church from the dark ages telling you what you need to do. I bet some hipster douche is rubbing one out to lists like these.

Also, like stated earlier, Why the fuck would you buy your wife shoes? Ain't nobody got time to return that.

I don't know what men's shoe brands run small or large. I buy from 2 brands as a result. How the fuck am I supposed to know what of the million women's shoe brands run big or small. Ask Caitlin Jenner.

The parts about not showing you low confidence and little spoon are not compatible.

I don't need a gun (although I have several); I want to stab this modern man in the eye socket with a large carving knife.

Making a modern man cry is my new short term goal of mine. There is a guy I work with who will turn conversations into a therapy session. Fortunately I come off as prickly enough that no one would open up like this to me.

Also this really plays into what my dad told me as a kid. He said they wanted to turn boys into girls. This article explains the results of that experiment.

"Ms. Paglia argues that the softening of modern American society begins as early as kindergarten. "Primary-school education is a crock, basically. It's oppressive to anyone with physical energy, especially guys," she says, pointing to the most obvious example: the way many schools have cut recess. "They're making a toxic environment for boys. Primary education does everything in its power to turn boys into neuters."

"Ms. Paglia observes this phenomenon up close with her 11-year-old son, Lucien, whom she is raising with her ex-partner, Alison Maddex, an artist and public-school teacher who lives 2 miles away. She sees the tacit elevation of "female values"—such as sensitivity, socialization and cooperation—as the main aim of teachers, rather than fostering creative energy and teaching hard geographical and historical facts."

http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052702303997604579240022857012920

According to this article Caitlyn Jenner is the new paradigm of the "modern man".

The modern man jacks off in the corner of the room while watching his wife get fucked

No. 14. Is ridiculous. I'm really going to write a grocery list on paper when I have a phone. Only thing legit about nytimes is dealbook.

I think the biggest issue with this list is that it assumes the modern man is a white dude. To prove my point, I challenge anyone on here to find a non-white guy who has even heard of Michael Mann.