Our VP caught me masturbating. IS she going to report me to HR? Should I prepare?

Is your VP hot?

Ask her if she liked what she saw.

I'm guessing she didn't, which is why she walked right away.

This is slightly believable..well see where this thread goes.

If it means anything, OP, I believe you.

Just wait and see what happens and report back.

Its a medical condition, you can't help it

If you give her the dick, could you sue for wrongful termination if she reports you to HR? :D

keep doing it...same night, same time. either you get reported and fired or a blowjob and a promotion. high risk, high reward.

are you sure she saw the frank? the beans?

Well, OP, I believe you too. Anyone who doesn't, hasn't read Monkey Business.

HOWEVER, I really think that you'll be fine. Let me explain: her options here are to "uphold ethics" and get rid of a potentially great analyst OR just not involve herself and hope it doesn't happen again. That said, come reviews, you better hope the decisions about you aren't up to her alone...

Just chill out and report back if anything is said!

Troob? Is that you?

Rookie mistake, should of asked her to join you.

The reason she hasn't mentioned it is because she can't stop thinking about your dick in a box. Be prepared for her to present herself to you in the coming weeks. When this happens, aim for the eyes.

Then, write a thread on WSO to detail the transaction and hopefully, one day, a movie adaptation will be made (Hollywood or Bollywood, hopefully the former unless you're into the Indians).

Also, is she hot?

LOOOOOL

she probably wouldn't do anything though. It's late at night, and you can easily file a counter report back to her. That would be horrible for her rep even though it's not true.

any update on this? haha

.

Dude is this your first time to jack off in a hostile environment? You gotta take precautions- do your biz in the bathroom for fucksake.

Despite your claims that this is legit, you have left out the most important details:

• How often did you see her before this incident and how often since? I.e., is she avoiding you?
• Has she behaved differently or treated you differently when you do interact with her?
• How dark was it in the office and around your desk when she supposedly saw you? She may not actually have seen anything.
• How old is this VP and is she hot? This is actually the most important detail of the entire incident. Why? Cuz it just is.

C'mon dude we need more details to help you out. But if you were going to get fired for it, I think it would have happened by now.

What we need is an update...

Ahahahah this is gold

Please tell me they lock the bathroom? Or were you just generally too lazy to walk over there?

what if she's a luker on WSO?

update plz

i'm guessing OP took my advice and got canned, lol.

this might be the funniest thing I have ever read

Ugh update please. This is too funny.

I just read this, and it's funny as hell (I'm laughing with you btw).

Please provide us with an update.

Update, please.

peeing myself please update

Fellas, fellas. It's called plausible deniability. If you're ever accused of something that can't be verified or proven then just deny it. How would she prove that she caught you masturbating? Keep a straight face and deny. It's as simple as that.

Bump, still looking for an update. Are y'all married now?

Deny EVERYTHING. If you're literally at the tipping point of getting fired, accuse her that she's on you because you're either gay or a minority (in case you aren't white), that's the only way you'll ever win in this. Good luck.

soulonfire:

Okay this isn't a joke.

Monday night I was working late in the office and there really wasn't anyone on the floor at the time. Pretty sure I was LITERALLY the only person in the office at the time because sometimes at night I get up from my desk and walk around, just to get a little bit of exercise before sitting back down and nobody was in.

So I was sexting this woman I'm sort of seeing and quite frankly, got a little turned on. Then she started texting over pictures of herself. I could not control myself AT ALL (not the first time it's happened actually. dont want to talk about college LOL). I tried hard to concentrate on my work but honestly I couldn't even fucking hit 3 keys without feeling like I want to fuck something. Don't laugh.

So then I unzipped my slacks and started rubbing one out. Well, I took it a little too far and forgot the time and didn't hear the fucking door across the room.

Fucking VP walks right by my cubicle, makes eye contact with me for a split second, then immediately looks down at my dick for a couple seconds apparently to register it in her mind that what she was looking at was, in fact, a man jacking off in the office. Then she keeps walking without responding and actually tripped on her way down the floor.

Anyhow, she's a real class act - didn't mention it to anyone (not even me!) NOW, I didn't become concerned until the girl I was wacking off to mentioned that what I did was public indecency and it might even be considered an offense in HR-terms. She told me to be careful that he VP didn't report me.

Should i be worried?

Never Happened.

He was fired.