1/15/17

Okay so I've tried to be nice and avoid saying this all week but there's only so much hysteria a gal can take.

Wannabe interns, can you please SHUT UP! Enough with the "Why isn't HR calling me back?" and "Omg, does HR hate me?" bullshit already.

I know you've coasted through life with an inflated sense of entitlement up until this point but right now you're crossing over into little fish/big pond territory and it's time you stop whining like a little bitch.

Newsflash: you are not the only person applying for an internship right now.

Just because HR didn't call you back by the date we said we would doesn't mean there's a mass conspiracy theory stacked against you. I mean, neurotic much?

The HR-related paranoia on this site runs so deep...

My advice to you: crying about it gets you nowhere. Nor does HR bashing.

I know that most of you are predisposed to thinking HR managers, what with our small lady brains and all, go about misplacing resumes and losing track of candidates just for fun. But the fact of the matter is, we're screening thousands of applicants at any given time. Most of whom are white men with generic white men names like Daniel or David..or Asian men with similar fake white sounding name (looking at you Bobby Chang). Which makes the process all the more difficult.

Right now with intern-tsunami-season in full swing, there's even more shit to sift through. So please forgive us if we don't respond to your contrived follow-up email ASAP.

My second piece of advice to all you aspiring bankers: be patient.

If you make it, you're going to be doing A LOT of waiting in this job. Waiting for your boss to send grammar corrections for footnotes in a pitchbook (that will never see the light of day) at 2AM. Waiting for everyone in your team to leave the office so you can finally get TF out of there and remember what a Friday night out feels like for the first time in 14 months. Waiting for someone, just anyone, to finally say "Hey, nice job you did there." (This will literally never happen).

You get the gist. As you've probably heard, this life isn't easy. Well, surprise surprise, neither is the recruitment process. No one's going to tolerate your bitch ass whining when you're an intern. So why not start practicing how to be a passive doormat right now and quit complaining about if/when/how HR will get back to you. We call you monkeys for a reason...

Sincerely,
Your HR Queen

Comments (55)

1/9/17

I guess if you knew anyone in college who was an HR major you'd understand the paranoia

Overwhelming grasp of the obvious.

Financial Modeling

1/12/17

Ah damn, I really don't wanna be that guy but I was wondering if you could explain the joke to me lol. I know it defeats the purpose but I really wanna know and I wasn't gonna pm you just for a freaking joke.

Absolute truths don't exist... celebrated opinions do.

1/9/17

"Just because HR didn't call you back by the date we said we would... "

yeah, I find it tough to stick to deadlines I set for myself too

1/9/17

HR strikes back? Good for you @hrQueen ... fighting the good ole fight. respect dude.. or gal

1/9/17

that would be gal ;)

1/9/17

The MS warriors on this forum are fucking faggs lol. All the butt hurt, is indicative of very swollen, throbbing prostates from stimulation, caused by constant and persistent big veiny cock punching on the inside. And, I recognize that it's only because my dick is just that huge. Yes, I'm fucking you in your ass with my big fat cock. So, of course, just fuck off!

1/10/17

Whut

1/10/17

wtf did i just read

1/10/17

Post of the year.

Best Response
1/9/17

i work at a BB in IB, and HR are the most incompetent retards I've ever met in my life. Totally understand the poor interns.

1/11/17

If they are actually competent, they wouldn't be HRs. They'd be like you ;)

1/9/17

Only people who back up HR reps are those who have never dealt with them, or those who work in HR. No one else. There's a reason for that.

1/9/17

I think her post about sums it up

Overwhelming grasp of the obvious.

1/10/17

Not even Canadians like them! Now that's saying something.

1/9/17

I do not work in banking but having worked in several corporations I can put my hand on my heart and say I honestly do not understand what HR do or why you'd need any more than 1 part time person per company to do it.

Any serious recruitment is done externally and if anyone other than my direct management attempted to disciplinary me I would be out the door before your form even hit my desk.

Why not reply to some of their emails instead of writing shit on a internet forum.

1/9/17

Hope you aren't at my bank. Racist? Don't follow up to deadlines? Passive doormat? You're hired!

1/9/17
Synergy_or_Syzygy:

Hope you aren't at my bank. Racist? Don't follow up to deadlines? Passive doormat? You're hired!

sounds like the same at every bank, says everyone who's dealt with HR

1/9/17

And boom goes the dynamite.

Financial Modeling

1/9/17

Pics. Need to know if you are a hot HR girl or a bowser.

1/9/17

Hot HR girl? Don't exist buddy - if they're hot they work in marketing

1/9/17

False, had some very enjoyable relations with a hot HR girl. But I also don't work for a bank, maybe that's the difference?

...

1/12/17

MS NY

1/10/17

Isn't it funny how its always one end of the spectrum or the other in that dept?

1/9/17

I am afraid that your attempt to garner some sympathy is backfiring. Next time I would probably tone down the racism (ironic given you work in HR) and not openly admit to your incompetence. Just my two cents

1/9/17

Can't reply to all the negative comments here, but lol. I laughed out loud. No matter what you think of HR, this is comedy gold and all that she said about interns rings true. And come on, stop calling someone racist because they are calling white people generic white males and Asian with white names Bobby - grow the fuck up. And for the record I've met tons of Bobbys who were Asian so she is definitely not off.

HR can cock block you, so that's why you learn how to navigate around them. That's their job!
Once you work in a company HR people are amazing (just need to get in..). I've had some of my wildest nights with HR back when I was a junior. I did the whole recruiting rounds in different countries with them and we would have an absolute whale of a time.

I heart HR, if you don't, suck it. I also got a warning from someone in HR and worst from someone in HR, but guess what? That was their job, and it was not their call to give me that warning, just to give me the shitty news.

1/9/17

"I know you've coasted through life with an inflated sense of entitlement up until this point but right now you're crossing over into little fish/big pond territory and it's time you stop whining like a little bitch."

What the fuck? Go back to fingerbanging yourself in your cubicle

1/9/17

Respect Tiers:

C-Levels
MDs, SVPs
Associates/Senior Analysts
Freshman Analysts, Hot Secretary
Interns, Tech Guys, Accountants
Janitor, UPS Guy who comes by the office every day, Ugly Secretary
HR

1/9/17

Hey HRQueen, it's YOUR JOB to manage candidates, be respectful, and communicate. If you don't stick to your own deadlines, then you're not doing YOUR JOB.

Get it through your petite brain that you get paid to do this. Have some professionalism.

1/9/17

Nuke deployed

Overwhelming grasp of the obvious.

1/9/17

Dear HR,

We know we said we'd provide feedback this evening, but we need three or four weeks to make up our frigging minds. This might be our screw-up, but it's your problem, not ours'. Hope you enjoy the phone calls!

Much Love, Dawdling, and Disorganization,

The Hiring Teams

1/9/17

HR at my shop do a great job in a largely thankless task. I also heart HR (that appropriate workplace behaviour warning notwithstanding).

Those who can, do. Those who can't, post threads about how to do it on WSO.

1/9/17

Some fair points made. I lol'ed at Bobby Chang.

1/9/17

Lol

1/9/17

i've had my fair run in with HR but that's all part of the game isn't so I bear no ill will at all. having said that, i agree with some of the other comments where you guys set those deadlines so you should be able to make them. if you consistently go over, why not extend it next year? what is the definition of insanity again?

mind you - you sound like you have same fire in you. in my day i've been known to misbehave in the past just to have some super hot (I am assuming you are hot - please don't ruin my fantasy if not) angry HR lady bend me over her metaphorical knee (one time not so metaphorical). it really revs up my engine when a hot lady pulls rank (none of that 50 shades of gray shit though). id say that, if nothing else, gives HR a very good reason to exist. :)

"I'm talking about liquid. Rich enough to have your own jet. Rich enough not to waste time. Fifty, a hundred million dollars, buddy. A player. Or nothing. "
-GG

1/9/17

A: If you can't keep your deadlines, don't set them.

B: Wannabe interns should absolutely follow up if you don't get back to them. It's their career, if they care about it, they'll follow up.

C: While I'm not exactly a fan of the OP, the level misogyny in the comments section is getting pretty high, guys.

"There's nothing you can do if you're too scared to try." - Nickel Creek

1/9/17

" Most of whom are white men with generic white men names like Daniel or David."

I guess saying last names like Weinstein and Cohen would of been a little too risque huh?

1/10/17

i mean she did hit us with the fake sounding Asian names tho.

1/10/17

Yeah but its ok to be shit on Asians, especially Asian dudes. Not so much on the other category...

1/9/17

Of course the wannabe interns are concerned about their interview and getting the internship.... the don't want to work in HR as a fallback option.

1/10/17

What a fantastic post to confirm so many of the negative stereotypes about HR.

I've known both wonderful and helpful HR people as well as totally useless reps. Let's just say that the former (who tended to garner respect in an, admittedly, often thankless job) took pride in sticking to their deadlines, actively shied away from generalizations, and made a concerted effort to understand the other side. Essentially they came off as polar opposites to the OP.

I don't know whether the OP was reflecting her perpetual mindset or a moment of overwhelming frustration, but I sincerely hope it's the latter.

1/10/17

For all the nonsense you spout, I'd like to go on the record and say my last two interns added infinitely more value to the firm than HR ever has. Even if they were mostly useless.

1/10/17

Yeah, but you don't make the firm any money... and the little shithead kid your bitching about will.

So how about shut up and do your fucking job.

1/10/17

The intern will likely end up paying your wage and underserved "performance" bonus!

1/10/17

lol at all the hate at hr, hilarious

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My story | My Linkedin

PM me if you're traveling to Buenos Aires in 2016 (I live here) :-)

1/10/17

Let the butthurt flow through you WSO. Good. Good!

1/11/17

+1

Q: What's the difference between HR and the typical WSO poster?
A: HR has a job in the industry.

hrQueen is feasting on your butthurt, lads. Your butthurt only evidences how much you resent the power that people like her have over your fates.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, post threads about how to do it on WSO.

1/10/17

You seem like a fiery girl with a lot of pent up energy. I hope you have someone (maybe more?) to take care of that for you.

1/11/17

HR is notorious for being incompetent morons. Thank god (most) PE shops do not have an HR division. Also, you called yourself the HR Queen, does that mean you're functionally retarded?

Please Advise,

1/11/17

I feel where you're coming from HR QUEEN, I am sure its annoying and frustrating, but this post was just sooo tasteless and insulting. I don't even harass HR personnel and I'm offended. Just as you say "wannabe interns" should "learn to stop bitchin' ", you might take that advice. You did in fact, I'd assume, go to school for this field, and you did in fact, accept this job position, and you do, in fact, get paid for this...sooo ummmmm... your rant seems to be displaced. I would like to suggest maybe find some type of constructive stress-relief techniques like yoga, meditation, etc. Anything to help you relieve this negative energy, it's not good for you.

Wishing you the best of luck thru your thousands of applications, I am sure you will get things done.

1/11/17

This is why I liked the oil and gas industry. Nepotism + good ol boy's club beats HR.

At my internship HR asked ME how I got the job.

1/15/17

"We call you monkeys for a reason..."

hold on for a second. you as an HR don't call shit.

1/15/17

Why HR continues to exist and remains so bloated in many firms is just beyond me. They are like a group of outcast retards that can barely get anything done by set deadlines. It's funny they even take part in making decisions to hire/fire certain people. Fucking bunch glorified administrative assistants marching around as if they offer any tangible value to the firm.

To the OP, retard much?

1/26/17
1/26/17
1/26/17
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