Racism or harmless micro-aggression?
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Simply breathtaking
You should of told her: ''Did you went to HBS? No? Don't talk to me then.''
That isn't a microagression. That is just ignorance.
Sounds like she's just an idiot.
I'd wager that the football talk was more aggressive banter than an antagonistic remark.
Edited to add: I forgot to ask, was she hot?
No. She was not attractive.
Still should have hit that. Would you feel better having hit that and quit that, or complaining about it here?
She was attempting to make small talk. It turned out to be ignorant and furthermore rude, but I don't really see the harm. Did you attempt to educate her in a respectful non-condescending manner? I'm not saying she wasn't in the wrong, but was a week suspension without pay really commensurate to her actions?
Do you even HBS, bro?
I can't imagine the girth and length of the broom that must be stuck up your ass if you're insulted by an ignorant waitress wanting to make conversation with you. Just think about it: you're significantly interesting enough for someone, who clearly hasn't ventured outside the vicinity of her neighborhood for potentially her entire life, to want to venture outside her comfort zone (which is very obviously firmly established) and take a risk by engaging a stranger in conversation. This post is the very definition of being lacking in humility, for no plebeian can approach you in search of enlightenment, no. Only those qualified enough and educated enough should dare to risk pissing you off.
Definitely gave you a monkey shit.
Give him a break, he's Asian. They have huge chips on their shoulders. When I was at HBS, we always had some Asian guy who would stand up during a conference, and ask the speaker about discrimination against Asians.
They call it the ''Bamboo ceiling''.
Asian boys bitch & moan a lot. Asian girls rather submit to the white men because they feel like Asian men are weak.
I feel for Asian dudes. They take white names and still get shit on. Lol.
There is a clear line between polite small talk and being disrespectful, nosy, and stupid.
She asked a question which I answered directly. Instead of taking my answer at face value, she expressed skepticism that we were really born in the states, and then made a series of comments regarding our English and mouthing off at my nephew. Meanwhile, this waitress was on the clock, her primary job being to serve food and drinks to paying customers. Small talk on the job should be minimal. This entire exchange lasted a good 5 minutes.
The manager agreed that the waitress was out of line, hence the harsh punishment. She apologized profusely and stated in no uncertain terms that her behavior went way beyond simply small talk and was extremely unprofessional and crude.
Me thinks she was trying to give you the chance to offer her the D , and instead of taking that up you got her suspended for a week without pay.
Which, as previously mentioned, begs the question:
True, we cannot evaluate his response without the answer to that question.
Is micro aggression an Orwellian newspeak word?
How stupid of her....
When I was living in Asia, I was frequently complemented for my ability to use chopsticks. Also, for my ability to speak Mandarin and Chinese (EDIT: this should have said Cantonese), despite being a foreign devil.
I always felt that, in the eyes of the Chinese, even two whites could never make a Wong.
There is plenty of racism and stupidity in Asia. You are not going to hear me defend those comments. Sorry about your negative experience there.
Why do you apologize? Are you the King of Asia? For sure relax.
Two things wrong with you're saying- 1) Just because you experienced discrimination in Asia doesn't somehow make it okay for Asians to be discriminated against here. 2) "When I was living in Asia" is the key takeaway- OP is a citizen and lifelong resident of a country that was always open to welcoming in immigrants and assimilating them to an American identity while allowing them to change what being an American meant. You were a total and temporary outsider in another country whose citizenry is defined (often by law, look up Jus Soli vs. Jus Sanguinis citizenships) by being a member of certain ethnicities or cultures.
Dude, you were practically lynched! You're lucky you got out of there alive.
So social justice warriors are all bad, you're completely against them but as soon as you perceive the slightest racist sentiment you cry about it and actually make a big enough deal to get some retarded bumpkin suspended? Your ass gets chapped by something as small as that but you're ok to say shit like "blacks need to get their shit together rather relying on the government to get into elite schools and jobs." http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/trump-wont-rule-out-database-spec… You go Rosa Parks.
Savage.
Absolute GOAT!
You are my hero, clearly buddy boy here has some double standards.
She wouldn't have asked you that if you were wearing your HBS jacket and showed mad swagger.
Amen brother. Now that I know that Brady is Asian, his HBS obsession all makes sense now.
Still can't take people seriously when they use the word 'microaggression.'
It's really just a way of saying "I'm offended" but with an intellectual association.
"What a pussy." - Mrs. ArcherVice
In the future, if someone (who appears kind of ignorant) asks you where you're from, I'd respond, "I'm a proud American, born and raised in [so and so], but my ethnicity is [so and so]." I think that "micro aggression" in particular comes down to people struggling to articulate their question, particularly someone of lower education. As a D.C. resident, I've had the opportunity to ask scores of people the question, but I've learned to articulate the question properly: "What's your ethnicity?"
@MBAGrad2015" .. remember, offense is taken, not given.. If you can't be the bigger person and choose to get entangled in the semantics, then you really are an SJW in denial
You should've just moved on really. Idiots will continue to exist and the more you are involved with them the dumber you look. Have a thicker skin.
+1
Surprised at how much shit you got for this. Your reaction was totally fair.
Then again, I don't really find this surprising from a forum that's so fucking casual about racism. There have been guides with a dozen plus SBs that say stupid shit like "if you're Indian and at a target, make sure your name starts with an A cause I can't tell you apart" or something about East Asians having to 'prove' their English is stellar through their resume or something ridiculous like that. I guess both the South and WSO have a long way to go...
Welcome to WSO... I get MS all the time for saying something logical.
I'm not surprised at all. I knew that the post would get tons of monkey shit, not that I care in the very least.
From reading the posts, there seem to be 2 main critiques: first, that I'm no different from the SJWs and second that i overreacted to harmless ignorance.
The key difference is that SJWs interpret individual racist acts as systematic ones and attack what they perceive to be broad institutional racism intentionally holding down minorities. They also arrive at conclusions prematurely and hold minorities to a different standard when assessing which acts are "racist." I reject this. At the same time though, I'm not naive enough to think that there are lots of ignorant or even malicious people out there and that racist actions by individuals still occur. I am certainly not going to apologize when I call someone out for it.
WSO also thinks I overreacted. I respectfully disagree. I kept my cool at the restaurant and did not make a scene. I called the manager the next day, told her what happened, and explained to her that I want to be respectful to her establishment so that we can resolve this behind closed doors rather than airing out their dirty laundry. She apologized, thanked me for my discretion, and took care of the matter as she saw fit. I did not demand the one-week suspension, nor did I ask for a free meal. I merely told her to talk to the waitress in question, and she determined out of her own volition that she had to be punished. The manager told me that if this waitress said those things to me, how many other customers would have also heard similar comments? This area is actually quite diverse, so she obviously has had interactions with a lot of minorities. Also, even if she were that profoundly ignorant, that does not excuse her from basic etiquette, and she needs to learn and grow as a person.
Finally, I do think that WSO's reaction would've been different if I were black. Unfortunately, these types of comments towards Asians are not seen as racist but mere misunderstanding and the result of benign ignorance. Now, let me pose the following hypothetical. Let's say I were black, and this waitress asked me what I do for a living. I reply "I'm an investment banker in NYC," and she replies "wow, are you REALLY a banker? That's surprising. Like you're big, strong, and black, so I figured you would've gone into sports or something." Would WSO have the same reaction, or would their take be different? I lean towards the latter. I think most people would agree that the waitress was clearly out of line and that the customer has the right to be upset and bring it up to the manager.
I'm mix and female, and get reactions like this all the time. One time a man at a dinner party asked if I sure I wanted to be in finance cause not "a lot" of women do it. Of course I'm sure I want to do this. At other times I've had men tell me that they don't want my help and they prefer a man to do it, even though I have the same qualifications. Even attending one of the most liberal schools in America (CU) white students assumed I was an athlete and not an econ major.
If you were black, the typical reaction on WSO would be: "you were only in that diner because of affirmative action".
FTFY
Brady, the issue is you are a pathetic hypocrite. You have countless posts hating on liberals, SJW's, etc. You have countless threads espousing racist or quasi racist opinions. Now you cry the biggest river because a waitress was trying to inquire about your heritage in a clumsy way.
What was this woman's intention? Is she some hate monger? She is some southern girl waitressing, which means she probably has a limited education and limited cultural experience. She is in the south, not NYC, so she sees a family of asian people and she tries to bridge the gap. Did she call you a chink or a gook? No. She asked where you were from, but she really meant what is your ethnicity. You might have been the first asian family she could talk about. Had you not been a cock she might have used this as an opportunity to ask you about your home country or expand her own world view.
But no. The loser who has 3 top tier degrees and can't find a job goes on WSO, a place that has banned him, a place where he does nothing but hate on people who act just like he does, and complain about some grave slight.
Go fuck yourself.
Wow. A guy creates a new account with a moniker called "BradyisaSJW" and goes on an unhinged rant.
You also need to go back and carefully read what I wrote. My problem was not her initial question but her behavior and comments after I gave her my answer. Furthermore, her job as a waitress is to serve food and drinks to paying customers, not to pontificate on customers' ethnic backgrounds. The manager agreed with me that the waitress' behavior was totally unprofessional and offensive, hence her punishment. As for my "home country," it's the United States.
Boo hoo, little baby. Ranting about the plight of poor asians.
Her job is to serve the customer. This usually involves more than just slamming food down and walking away. I have an obviously ethnic last name and people ask about my heritage routinely. I happily talk to them about it. You could have easily said that you're American of XYZ heritage. Real simple.
God, you are such a pussy. And FYI, unless you are native american, you aren't from here. Stop being a cock when someone is just trying to be friendly. No wonder you're such a goddamn loser.
You know what, keep refusing to tell people about your asian heritage. You make asian people look bad.
Did you seriously create a new account just to prod someone? Come on, man. Talk about being a little baby.
I don't blame him. OP is a delicate little flower that needs to be caressed the right way or his petals might be hurt. Nobody gives a rats ass what you choose to identify with at a given moment in time. When I'm not traveling and someone asks me where I'm from, I don't answer "New York" because I'm intelligent enough to conclude that they probably want to know what poor little island nation I'm from, not which part of NYC.
None of this matters though. Your opinion, my opinion, they're both nothing in front of the reality OP is trying to avoid: you'll always be Asian no matter how hard you try to be a white guy.
War Brady, WARRRRR!!
Brady only cares about discrimination when it affects him. Which is why he constantly rails against affirmative action and the reason for this post. You've probably put more thought into this interaction than you have police brutality towards minorities, specifically black males, because at the end of the day you're simply a narcissist. If I posted or complained about every "micro aggression" I deal with as a black man it would become its own novel before you know it. Get the fuck over yourself.
WE NEED MOARRR WARRRRRR
Next time tell her she speaks great English for being Finnish.
Yo what happened to your website? I was psyched to see it just now
It turns out my web host was also running a spamming operation. So I had to take it down and change A LOT of passwords. The domain name is still out there and I may resurrect it.
I think the real question here is: Did Brady aka Chun Ding Lu, gave her a tip? I hope you didn't tip her Brady. If you did, you'd be the biggest pussy on planet Earth.
It's clear that East Asians are the most discriminated group in elite Southern restaurants even though they have great engrish
Miami doesn't exactly qualify as "the south", and she's just one stupid waitress. Why would you project a dingy waitress' comments onto the entirety of a city/region? Let me go to NYC, find some homeless bums, and see what they think of every ethnic group
Man brady is getting too much hate for this. As someone who knows who he is (as well as other WSO users I'm sure) I think brady is just is one of those people who has to make ridiculous threads and laughs at people getting all mad about it because he has nothing better to do. I think his logic on his threads throughout the years is hilarious how far off they are from reality. Do I wish he would post less often? Yes but I wouldn't want him to be banned. He still creates a few threads that are mildly entertaining.
Brady is a domestic terrorist.
I am going to surmise that the bulk of the horribly racist comments and other comments dismissing this as a minor issue (because who cares, its just Asians) are overwhelmingly from white males who never have had to deal with discrimination. I do wonder if Brady was African-American, if he would get nearly the same amount of vitriol. If you never have to deal with impact of racism when its never imparted in your direction (and racism against whites is a bs response akin to I want to also play victim even though I am not really one just so I can justify acting or being ok with others when they act like terrible human beings) then you may want to review your opinions before you spout off. Also, just cause you dislike Brady gives no one the right to be a racist prick. I don't like certain people but I don't say negative things about their race cause of that.
Seriously, most of you here need to grow up and stop acting like a tough guy online. Basically, if you wouldn't say these things in front of the very people these comments could offend out loud then its BS to do it here. But then again, guess its easy to be a tough guy online...
Apparently, it's also easy to be a tough guy to a low paid waitress in a Southern restaurant.
Well, maybe not to her face.
Just to her manager on the phone the next day.
Not sure what this adds to the discussion. And are you really trying to make the waitress a victim here? She is ignorant (with ignorance being no excuse for being racist) so I have 0 sympathy for her. I don't know her lot in life nor do I know OPs but I do know that there are consequences for being a moron and for being racist. Also, different socio-economic classes give 0 excuse for racism.
Now, I am not saying I agree with how he handled the situation as this was a great opportunity to educate someone on why her questions are stupidly racist but lets get to the core of the matter - the situation should have never came up. Go ahead and ask a black male what part of Africa he is from cause he clearly isn't from here and tell me how that goes.
Now OP could have just continued to say he was from the States but then he was dealing with an ignorant and yes, racist, waitress who refused to believe that anyone that was not white was not from America. So what do you do? Just go on your day and let it slide? If you let one incident slide, then you keep letting incidents slide and it begins to snowball where people feel they can ask questions like, no where are you REALLY from?
Given that racism against whites is the only publicly acceptable form of racism at the moment, (remember life for AA's 60 years ago?) I do disagree with your point about it being a bs response. If someone is against racism only against certain races, then they are racist themselves, just in a socially acceptable way. Saying it's not like it was X years ago, violates an important principle of mine, that the sins of the father are not the sins of the son. Maybe people somewhere up my family tree were racist, but I'm not aware that I have been, so I'm not squaring any "white debt" because it doesn't exist.
To answer the OP's point. This is not a trivial incident, but it's not a race hate incident either. The best resolution for humanity would be to find her after it's cooled down a bit, and speak constructively with her. That you aren't trying to score points, but phrasing things such as "where are you really from?", could be said as, "what's your ethnic heritage?"
Saying someone isn't a real american if they dont like football is just silly and sounds like arguing "you aren't a true fan if you dont know X."
Let me ask you a question then, how many times have you been asked what your ethnic heritage is and do you know why this question is asked? It essentially means, hey you are different and not an American. This is not being curious about someone's background. I highly doubt someone goes up to some white dude and asks, so where are you REALLY from? It never happens yet other races are supposed to somehow be ok with this? Its not a race hate incident but it is racist. Ignorant at the most innocent levels but still very racist in its connotation.
"What??? You're from UIUC?? How'd you manage to get here (Lehman/NYC)?" IlliniProgrammer: "Conestoga Wagon. " (in restrospect I should have just said rusty honda, although I wasn't quite that self-deprecating then)
"Hi! I'm Fred. And I'm from Yale! (And I've been introducing myself to people for the past half hour and immediately ignoring them if I don't hear one of three places). Where are you from??" IlliniProgrammer: "Hi, I'm Illini and I'm from Waukegan, Illinois. Which state is the town of Yale in?"
"You hahv the fahnniest accent!!! Wheah is that froum?" IlliniProgrammer: "Uh, it's from Chicago. " (no comment on the obnoxious Bawston accent, I'm just gahhna pawket that one foh later.)
Both are worthy of trolling people on, and both are something you will never quite live down (though I'd argue the big-dealness of Asian might be attenuating faster on Wall Street than being from a midwestern state school).
Life is full of microaggressions. If you're not that Princeton undergrad kid who wrote an editorial about how he's the epitome of white privilege and doesn't regret it, you probably face a few for your own background too.
We're all in the same boat.
Sometimes it helps to poke fun at the microaggressions rather than cry about them.
And sometimes if you're quick on your feet, you can come up with something to turn the microaggression into a joke! I honestly think most of them are innocent misunderstandings and when you turn it into something funny, you're laughing with the other guy about the silliness of it, rather than getting pissed off. It's a great way to defuse and dismiss the microaggression and crack a joke at the same time.
lol the racism against whites bs is some of the most ridiculous shit i've ever heard. I just read a story about thousands of black males having drugs/weapons planted on them by a "special" narcotics division in Alabama that consisted of white males in extremist groups. An internal affairs investigation exposed this and the district attorney proceeded to bury the case, many of these men are still in prison. That is racism folks. Shit like some students wanting to erase Woodrow Wilson's name off a building is child's play. Racism against whites.... lol. Even the term "micro aggression" offends me. There is plenty of overt aggression we need to deal with first. Lol racism against whites, what a fuckin joke.
http://henrycountyreport.com/blog/2015/12/01/leaked-documents-reveal-do…
As a white, blue eyed male of the Anglosphere, I fully agree.
The idea that: - White men can shit on everyone else's heads for hundred of years; - After a lot of struggle, other races and women finally gain some form of legal equality; - White men continue benefit from the history of everything pretty much running their way and benefit from a very strong economic and cultural legacy/current that will keep running in their favour for a long time; - Yet white men can now say "Hey we're all completely equal now, so equality means we can easily be a victim of racism/sexism in ways that has real, lasting consequences" ...
... that's Fox News level bullshit.
Before white males who aspire to work in the largely white Wall Street industry get all frothy at the mouth, I'm not talking in absolutes and saying that white men can't ever be victims of racism/sexism in ways that has lasting consequences. But the ratio of reality to whining complaints is a pretty low number.
On the other hand, in the hierarchy of shat-on-heads with lasting impact, Chinese men aren't anywhere near the bottom of the dribbly shit pyramid. So I don't have any sympathy for the OP.
Other than sympathy for what he has become. He is one of many epitomes of why my ABC wife says she never, ever, wanted to date an ethnically Chinese guy.
That's right, OP, I HAVE ONE OF YOUR WOMEN!
EDIT: Re-read the OP, he says he's ethnically East Asian, not ethnically Chinese. So my macro-aggressive comments on Chinese stuff only applies if he is, in fact, ethnically Chinese.
That's code word for: ''I have a small penis and I only feel manly when I bang small sized vaginas.''
No wonder why most white males are pedophiles.
I have nothing to add other than I am shocked you got this butthurt about that particular incident.
to answer your original question: this is harmless, the likelihood that this waitress's cultural ignorance affects your ability to support your family and lifestyle is minimal, and you would be better served directing your attention to other endeavors, like bettering yourself, advancing your career, and so on.
Only people with self-esteem issues notice so-called micro-aggression. If your mind is bulletproof and your self-esteem is sky high, like I do, you'll see people as prey, not as predators.
Troll harder.
You're a Beta Kangaroo. You can't understand.
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