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Saying Sorry at Work
 

anaismalcolm's picture
IB
(Orangutan, 329
 
Points)
 on 6/9/12 at 11:59am
sorry for being adorable

The other week I read an article on why women shouldn't say "sorry" so much at work (http://tinyurl.com/bpnpfkv), and while I disagreed with some points, it made me much more self-conscious about apologizing at work. Do the male analysts say it as much as I do? If they fuck up, how do they handle it? I haven't really ever noticed the frequencies with which people say "sorry," so I had no idea, and decided to conduct an experiment.

The next week I attempted to conduct my analyst duties without apologizing for anything. This was more difficult for me than it might seem, since I'm the type of person who, when running into inanimate objects, apologizes to them. But, there were many situations I encountered where I was surprised at how simple it was to drop the "I'm Sorry." For example, if I made a typo, instead of a "Sorry, let me fix that right away," I would just fix it as quickly as possible and say "The changes you requested are attached." However, every Southern bone in me still felt the need to apologize, since I was raised that it's the polite thing to do. I didn't notice any members of the team reacting differently, but who knows what they are thinking to themselves.

So I come to you guys to ask whether you think this is a good strategy. As a woman in investment banking, the last thing I want to do is appear "weaker" by apologizing a lot -- but isn't that true for any analyst, regardless of gender? So, monkeys, how often do you say sorry at work? Or, when do you think sorry is appropriate or not appropriate? Should you save it for the "big" screw-ups? And, finally, do you think there's a difference between how "sorry" is perceived if said by a man vs. a woman? Having given myself an internal feedback loop thinking about this stuff, I'd like to hear outside thoughts.

Tags:
melvvvar's picture

rule 1: never apologize

(King Kong, 1,693
 
Points)
 on 6/9/12 at 12:29pm

rule 1: never apologize

Relinquis's picture

melvvvar: rule 1: never

RE
(Neanderthal, 2,186
 
Points)
 on 6/9/12 at 12:55pm
melvvvar:

rule 1: never apologize

^^^ This...

Make a habit of saying "excuse me" instead of "sorry" when you bump into people.

Just to clarify, even if you made a mistake do not apologise. You can acknowledge what needs to be done without saying your sorry. If bank CEO's had apologised they would have been fired, instead they're still doing "god's work" and getting richer.

Apologising has no place in business.

relinquis... Killing the GMAT this December; Over/Under set at: 725 GMATs.

Boreed's picture

I never say sorry. Just say

PE
 
Points)
 on 6/9/12 at 12:55pm

I never say sorry. Just say "Oh ok, I'll get right on it."

With every apology, you give more power to the other person and make them lose more respect for you.

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Rambo's picture

Everybody in this world needs

(Baboon, 150
 
Points)
 on 6/9/12 at 1:30pm

Everybody in this world needs to stop saying sorry for no reason.

Since I'm still in college I'll use a student-to-student example: When you tell someone that you had a rough week because of all the exams, many people would say "Oh I'm sorry to hear that!"

...wtf? No you're not sorry at all.

randomwench's picture

A very wise analyst told me

(Monkey, 57
 
Points)
 on 6/9/12 at 1:38pm

A very wise analyst told me during my internship to never say sorry.

Khansian's picture

Rambo: Everybody in this

O
 
Points)
 on 6/9/12 at 2:21pm
Rambo:

Everybody in this world needs to stop saying sorry for no reason.

Since I'm still in college I'll use a student-to-student example: When you tell someone that you had a rough week because of all the exams, many people would say "Oh I'm sorry to hear that!"

...wtf? No you're not sorry at all.

I agree with everyone that apologizing for things at work is a big no-no, but what you're talking about isn't the same thing. When I say 'sorry' to express sympathy with someone I get really irritated when they say 'why are you saying sorry, it's not your fault I'm sick'. I'm not *apologizing*. 'Sorry' is not reserved for apologies; it can be used to simply express sympathy or reflect that a situation is unfortunate, etc.

Khansian's picture

I learned not to say sorry at

O
 
Points)
 on 6/9/12 at 2:24pm

I learned not to say sorry at my first job at Best Buy. I would apologize to customers for stuff that was usually their fault anyway, and all that would happen was that they would complain to my manager because they became even more convinced I was at fault.

You can express regret or surprise without apologizing. Mistakes happen, and should not have to hurt your standing. I think apologies should be reserved for moments when you actually do need to take yourself down a notch, like if you hurt someone personally and need to ask for forgiveness.

sloppyj's picture

randomwench: A very wise

 
Points)
 on 6/9/12 at 2:28pm
randomwench:

A very wise analyst told me during my internship to never say sorry.

Ditto

BTbanker's picture

So if someone says, "You

IB
 
Points)
 on 6/9/12 at 2:39pm

So if someone says, "You fucked up," just come back and say, "Okay, I'll unfuck it."

"A man generally has two reasons for doing anything. One that sounds good, and the real one." - J.P. Morgan

abacab's picture

I just say "Shit happens" or

IB
 
Points)
 on 6/9/12 at 3:15pm

I just say "Shit happens" or "Unknown operator error"

Bondarb's picture

i am not a woman but I really

HF
(Neanderthal, 2,283
 
Points)
 on 6/9/12 at 3:38pm

i am not a woman but I really dont like to ever apologize for mistakes at work...its not like i made a mistake intentionally and everyone makes mistakes so i dont think it really makes sense to be "sorry". When you make a mistake just admit you fucked up, fix the fuck-up, and then make a proactive change that will prevent the fuck-up from reoccuring. No need to apologize but just never make the same mistake twice. Throughout my career I have actually been helped by some fuck-ups because I handled them well.

J_monkey's picture

this post really interested

O
(Baboon, 165
 
Points)
 on 6/9/12 at 5:32pm

this post really interested me.
In Asia, I learned to apologize for every small mistakes.
However, apologizing does not solve the problem and "I'll fix it right away" seems like a more logical choice.

anaismalcolm's picture

Very interesting and

IB
(Orangutan, 329
 
Points)
 on 6/9/12 at 6:56pm

Very interesting and appreciated responses. I guess I always figured that I would come across as a dick if I didn't apologize for fucking something up...I'll definitely have to make a conscious effort of saying something like "I'll fix it right away" instead.

kmzz's picture

Boreed: I never say sorry.

O
 
Points)
 on 6/9/12 at 6:58pm
Boreed:

I never say sorry. Just say "Oh ok, I'll get right on it."

With every apology, you give more power to the other person and make them lose more respect for you.

^

protectedclass's picture

very good thread, never

 
Points)
 on 6/9/12 at 9:46pm

very good thread, never thought of this stuff before.

UFOinsider's picture

For the most part just a

O
(Human, 10,345
 
Points)
 on 6/9/12 at 10:03pm

YOU JUST GOT TROLLED
http://www.troll.me/images/red-foreman322/dont-you...

lloydmof's picture

I'm in this very same boat.

HF
(Baboon, 132
 
Points)
 on 6/23/12 at 10:10pm

"It's not until the tide goes out that you see who's swimming naked" - Howard Marks

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