Season Greetings From Your BFF In HR

Well well well what have we here. Y’know it’s funny, I saw WSO occupying a lot of monitors throughout the office this year but always figured it was just some desperado networking site. Little did I know it was a treasure trove of SA sob stories and braggadocious banker bro tales.

I have to say, the timing of my little discovery is perfect. This site’s going to provide endless hours entertainment over the holiday break when I dare say the majority of you monkeys will be stuck in the your cage toiling away... cue sad trumpet.

I mean, it’s no secret that most of you guys loathe us in HR, but to come on here and see how many of you have taken the time to transcribe your whiney contempt into lengthy rants is, well, quite the compliment (probably even more than the 4 times I’ve been asked to “grab some drinks” with VPs and Directors in the past 4 months alone).

Clearly my colleagues and I are doing a bang up job of fulfilling our primary KPI: breeding workplace discontent / sexual frustration. Wife / girlfriends not getting it done??

RELAX... for anyone who’s getting their panties in a twist, that was sarcasm (I realize about ~20% of you have some form of Aspergers).

One thing you guys need to understand is that we in human resources aren’t actively trying to bust your balls. But sometimes it’s like you guys are dangling them in our faces, expecting to get teabagged for nothing in return. .

What are we supposed to think when you openly joke about wanting to hate-fuck us or send us condescending email after condescending email asking for an “update on the status of your application”....

I’ll save you the suspense. The answer to that question is any and all of the following.
a) Shut the fuck up
b) Leave me alone
c) We’ll call you if we want you

So anyway, in the spirit of Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or whatever laborious event you’re forced to celebrate this time of year, I wanted to take this newfound forum to extend an olive branch across the aisle, from us, the HR Queens to you, um, gentlemen?, and say: hey, we’re not your enemy. We’re just your frenemy. And that warrants at least a little respect, right?

Perhaps if your vision wasn’t so blurry from all that 5AM Excel you’d be able to see us as actual human beings instead of angry fembots who were only put on this Earth to taunt you with short skirts....

Okay, that’s enough for now. Just figured this forum could use a dose of reality from the other side / perspective…

I’ll try to share some ridiculous stories while maintaining anonymity so 1) I don’t get fired and 2) I don’t get asked out on even more dates by married bankers or 3rd year analysts (in way over their head)...

Until next time,
HR Queen