Tear my resume apart!

About to wrap up my summer internship and just updated my resume, please feel free to criticize and give advice! And yes my gpa sucks ass right now due to horrible last couple of semesters and there's nothing I can do about it in time for fall recruiting.

http://www.razume.com/documents/27049

Blacked out information:
Education - Semi-target school
Work experience #1 - Large foreign corporate bank; LBO on troubled tech company
Work experience #2 - BB
Leadership: Finance based club at school

 

You should have blacked out your school's location as well. It's so obvious you go to NYU Stern.

Group your bullet points based on project. Write your months with 3 letter abbreviations (e.g. Sep). There's no need to write out the entire word. Also, no need to put "member" as your position for the club. You are the "Project Manager" so you're obviously a member.

 
Beretta:
Also, no need to put "member" as your position for the club. You are the "Project Manager" so you're obviously a member.

I was initially a project manager, but voluntarily rescinded that position due to schedule constraints and became just a regular member, so should I leave it as member or project manager? Since as project manager I took on more responsibilities and it sounds better than just a "member"

 
Beretta:
You should have blacked out your school's location as well. It's so obvious you go to NYU Stern.

No, you are wrong. Having lived in NYC all my life, no Stern school will EVER write "Business Admin in Finance".

 

Obviously just put project manager. Writing member does not give you the permission to list it as leadership experience. Besides your resume is all about "spins" and "half-truths". Did u get a ft offer btw? Your two finance experiences are quite solid - my only critique is to try to show results whenever possible. All the bullet points r just what you did but doesn't show how you contributed.

Your interests show no variety. Just hope your reviewer is a automobile geek, I suppose.

 
Best Response

You could save 2 lines by combining work and leadership under one experience section. It'll also look better because then the leadership aspect will incorporate your internships, rather than having just the 1 example to demonstrates that quality.

Some of the bullet points need to be more specific. Things like "assisted a senior financial advisor in managing..." could be anything really. Elaborate on what you did to assist him, what tasks did you do and how did they directly contribute to the task of managing $170m?

You also need to make some of the more mundane tasks a lot more important than you're making them to be. For example "conducted company and industry research when reviewing new deal proposals" - what was the result? Did they bin your research or was it used to go ahead with a proposal? Did your research point out the flaws of a proposal?

Put it all in context. Everybody knows the tasks involved in a wealth management or structured products internship, the tasks you done are no different to what all the other interns will have done in such roles. You may as well just be writing out the overview of a internship advertisement stating what work is involved. The difference is in the results of your tasks, that's what you need to focus on.

As has been said already, there's no variety in your activities or interests. Starting with activities, putting trading only looks good if you mix it in with a variety of other activities. As of now you don't come across as a well rounded individual. Likewise with your interests, it's all basically one interest which is cars/racing. Include a little variety.

p.s. who are you cheering for this year's championship? Alonso has been on another level so far.

 

Thanks for the comments!

And yeah that's what I started noticing when I looked at it again---not showing results of what I did. I used the first bullet point to summarize what I did overall and the following bullets to specify. Can you guys give me some examples that I could possibly use to make it more results oriented?

I'll definitely work on the activities and interests since you guys mentioned it was lacking variety.

As for this year's championship, I'm was rooting for my boy Jenson but he seems to be in the gutter after his sole win this season, and if Alonso wins the championship this year, he definitely deserved it, especially with the crappy car he had to work with during the start of the season.

 

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