What do you guys think of this cold email sample?

My name is John Doe. I am a Real Estate Acquisitions Analyst currently working on a one-and-a-half-year contract for a private equity firm in San Diego, California. Moving forward, I am very interested in returning home to City X where I can leverage my experience in underwriting of multifamily assets, along with my engineering project management experience towards a Financial Analyst or Development Coordinator role in the real estate development industry.

I have familiarized myself with your wealth of experience on LinkedIn and have learned great deal about Company XYZ's projects through online research. I would be grateful if you could take 20-30 minutes from your busy schedule to speak over the phone or in person about the skills and experience real estate developers look for in candidates, and any advice you may have for me as I am working to move into the development side of the industry.

My schedule is flexible and I am available at your convenience.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

 

Way too long

I've started getting a lot of responses now back and key for me at least is to just sound casual and keep it short especially if you are sending emails to Executives and such. They're responses back to me when I ask to chat is basically " sure call me X time at X number"

 
Best Response

Try this, see the problem is you are not offering anything. As self serving as it is, sometimes people are too busy to staff positions. Also your email is way too wordy a problem which I have as well, I have to constantly edit myself. Something like the below has worked well for me.

Dear Mr. Human,

I am writing to you to see if 'Human Institution' might be interested in taking an analyst/associate in its acquisition or Asset Management team.

I am currently in my 3rd year as an analyst, with 2 years at Brokerage in their 'Insert Here' group. I have technical skills in excel as well as a firm grasp of commercial real estate which I have developed in my current analyst job with a New York owner operator, and previous position in real estate finance at Brokerage. My CV is attached.

I understand that 'Human Institution' has a formalized recruitment process, but if any of your team is currently experiencing high deal flow then I could be of assistance. I would also welcome an informational interview to learn more about your company and its role in the real estate market.

Would it be possible to arrange a call? I would be very grateful for an opportunity to discuss this with you.

Thank you,

 

I cut my write up quite a bit and it now looks like this:

"I am a Real Estate Acquisitions Analyst looking to leverage my experience in underwriting of multifamily assets, along with my engineering project management experience towards a Financial Analyst in the real estate development industry.

I would be thankful if you could spare 20-30 minutes from your busy schedule to talk about the skills and experience real estate developers look for in new candidates. Any advice you may have for someone looking to make this transition would be greatly appreciated.

My schedule is flexible and I am available at your convenience."

 

Below is the cold email that got me the coffee meeting, and eventually the job in a market that was over 400 miles away (my strategy was to stack as many coffee meetings as possible in one day so I could justify a trip out):

Good Morning FirstName,

I will keep this brief as I am sure you are busy with your current ProjectName project...I am writing you to inquire about potential opportunities to support your firm. I am currently an analyst at CurrentCompany, supporting our leasing and investment sales brokers with market research and analysis. I am seeking opportunities to join a reputable developer like NewCompanyName in an analyst/team support role. Though I currently live in CurrentCity, I am originally from NewCity and looking to move back to the area. I know you run a pretty lean operation - but if a need were to arise for someone young who understands the fundamentals of the industry and is willing to work hard, please consider me (I attached my resume for reference).

I appreciate your time.

Best,

MyName

 

Strengths I would say are mentioning your relevant experience efficiently. I would try to get a hook at the beginning, either mention a specific project, activity in the market, just something that would capture their interest and short attention span. Also, others may disagree with me, but your second part lacks confidence, and makes it seem like you do not know what skills a developer is looking for therefore are not qualified. I would tone that down a bit and focus on the skills you do have/skills you want to learn in development.

 

Repudiandae enim minus eligendi labore beatae. Reiciendis amet id omnis sint deleniti rerum. Ex dolor ut unde molestias maiores. Ut soluta quis aspernatur rerum doloribus reprehenderit.

Velit recusandae dolorem natus et. Laboriosam non consectetur vel et.

Non aliquam quod excepturi nulla labore et. Quaerat error vero maxime ratione incidunt laudantium. Alias reprehenderit fuga deserunt consequatur. Cum atque aut alias.

Dolores aut quod nulla sit beatae reprehenderit. Quo ea molestiae molestiae consequatur consequuntur odit molestiae. Consequatur ab accusantium eos.

Career Advancement Opportunities

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Jefferies & Company 02 99.4%
  • Goldman Sachs 19 98.8%
  • Harris Williams & Co. (++) 98.3%
  • Lazard Freres 02 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 03 97.1%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Harris Williams & Co. 18 99.4%
  • JPMorgan Chase 10 98.8%
  • Lazard Freres 05 98.3%
  • Morgan Stanley 07 97.7%
  • William Blair 03 97.1%

Professional Growth Opportunities

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Lazard Freres 01 99.4%
  • Jefferies & Company 02 98.8%
  • Goldman Sachs 17 98.3%
  • Moelis & Company 07 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 05 97.1%

Total Avg Compensation

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (5) $648
  • Vice President (19) $385
  • Associates (86) $261
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (13) $181
  • Intern/Summer Associate (33) $170
  • 2nd Year Analyst (66) $168
  • 1st Year Analyst (202) $159
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (144) $101
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

1
redever's picture
redever
99.2
2
BankonBanking's picture
BankonBanking
99.0
3
Betsy Massar's picture
Betsy Massar
99.0
4
Secyh62's picture
Secyh62
99.0
5
kanon's picture
kanon
98.9
6
DrApeman's picture
DrApeman
98.9
7
dosk17's picture
dosk17
98.9
8
GameTheory's picture
GameTheory
98.9
9
CompBanker's picture
CompBanker
98.9
10
Jamoldo's picture
Jamoldo
98.8
success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”