WHAT THE HELL IS A HEDGE FUND AND HOW DO U START ONE

lol.

www.google.com
www.wikipedia.org

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"its the running joke now, we now have fair trade with china so they send us poisoned sea food and we send them fraudulent securities."

That has to be one of the funniest quotes I've ever seen.

A hedge fund grows shrubbery, horticulture is
where the new money is at since the subprime crisis.
The reason it is so profitable is because the "fund" grows exponentially as the hedge bushes reproduce.

Stern's right.
Eventually, once the fund of hedges grows to a certain size, it can then be harvested and the biomass can then be converted into ethanol.
The real trick however lies with the hedge fund manager.  A good one knows exactly how much sunlight and fertilizer each type of hedge needs and thus will yield the best result.
Good Luck!

I have a 3.5 GPA and go to a non-target. What are my chances at harvesting hedges?

Man, nice job guys...nice job. Dont keep the man in the dark about how to best leverage all that high grade shrub and bush and fertiliser to augment returns now, and how to program the pruners to re-trim the hedge heights for optimal diversity in the hedge portfolio. Do continue to sprout the abundant wisdom. Treat the above posters with respect ecoe and they might let you in on a few tricks of the HF trade.

I'm surprised no one has brought up this key fact about various hedges in use. Everyone forgets about the fact that not all seeds are ripe for the hedge fund world. Are we talking about using a standard american shrubery, or a eurpean hedge? How about a nice japanese-style bonsai bloomer? Also, there are comodity hedges that make great use of proper sunlight and fertilizer which will generate non-corrolated gains to the rest of your hedges because these aren't tied into the ethanol/replant cycle.

I'm personally enamored by a nice hedge or shrub that's not too expensive but appreicates well, and fits well into my  nihilistic view of the current markets.

how lazy is the OP? I mean SERIOUSLY. Look for a NYMAG article called "Above the Hedge", it explains it. If you want to start a hedge fund, you can't be lazy and dumb, both of which you are. So you can't start one.

You also need $ + credibility. Don't see either...

Haha you could always pull a Tim Sykes; invest during some bubble, make a cool million and then flaunt around how you made so much in order to get people to think you are some big shot trader. Convince these people to give you a lot of money in order to trade it into billions. Be an asshole. Lose about 35% of the money given to you, liquidate your remaining assets, and start a publishing company.
Then, start a website where you try and make a million out of your bar-mitzvah money again in order to regain some lost shred of credibility.

Glad I could help.

Make a lot of money.  You start one by making a lot of money.  So, sounds like you won't be starting one anytime soon.

If you do have a lot of money, though, let me know - I'll be happy to take some of yours and make more with it.

http://www.mergersandinquisitions.com/
Mergers & Inquisitions

^burn!!!
I somehow got onto the tim sykes e-mailing list... and I can't unsubscribe!!!

You know how you were told that money grows on trees, well basically everyone that told you that was wrong.  Hedge funds basically raise money trees.  I recommend a double major in agriculture and finance.

I appreciate everyone's concern about ecological issues (we are in the green era, after all) but I'm shocked no one mentioned the importance of animal rights activism- the hedge hogs of the world need the brightest & most driven minds fighting for their cause too!  Basically a hedge fund is an activist animal rights group that raises money for the preservation of hedge hogs.  Highly profitable- you wouldn't know it, but there are over 1000 separate species of hedge hogs--for instance short haired, long haired, long & sort haired etc.  Consider taking zoology or biological classification courses before you graduate as well.  

 its a shame that you all fell that way, but hey i guess thats life. Thanks for everything

don't be a baby. If you lay yourself out like that expect to get nailed.
If you want to find out about this sort of thing, start with google, wiki is good as well, or, go to a bookstore. Better yet, ask friends or parents of friends, or friends of parents of friends. Start smaller though and try to get a handle on what the stock market is, what finance is, how an investment bank works, how this is different from a retail bank, what products they offer, how companies can make money with debt products or equity products or advisory products etc. Get the basics right. I'm not trying to bollock you, but for people who have some experience, we're on here trying to add a small amount of value add to guide less experienced people through the early parts of their careers. When we see something like this...

Right! Go to Cornell!

Sue him for soliciting spam......

HAHAHA some funny shit

I seriously looked into getting a hedgehog for a while, but decided that my work schedule just wasn't condusive to the well being of any living animal.

I have a chnchilla

I had a chinchilla once, but my pet condor ended that relationship within a few hours :(

i really wanted a hedge hog, no joke.
once i had a friend who accidentally stepped on a chipmunk and crushed it.
also, i know two football plays with chinchillas. they're cute - but kinda random...

this is one of the funniest forums on WSO by far. but seriously, what do the senior monkeys think of tim sykes - savvy investor or overrated prick?

Tim Sykes asked me to be his "friend" on facebook. I don't know the guy, yet I can't even hide from him. Tim Sykes = Big Brother?! Maybe that's what washed-up "millionaires" do with their free time...

The things I leave in the toilet every morning are mmore qualified than Sykes
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http://modernyuppie.blogspot.com/
The musings and antics of a Meathead college wrestler turned asset backed securities trader.

yea you should try looking up at least basics before you post a question on the forum.

But basically a hedge fund is a group of people that manage money of very high net worth individuals. Hedging means to mitigate risk by implementing various investment strategies to offset each others risk, such as swaps, derivatives, and taking advantage of arbitrage. While some hedge funds do do this, this definition doesnt really apply to hedge funds.

In reality hedge funds probably take on more risk in order to have higher returns for their clients. What makes a hedge fund fundamentally different than other money managing entities is that they are highly unregulated (although this is beginning to change) and the lack of regulations allows for them to bend the rules and implement nontraditional investment strategies to increase returns.

If I am wrong somewhere feel free to correct me.
You should look this stuff up to get a better handle on it and to get more detail too.