What would you doooo?

Hey,

So I was wondering if other professionals could help me structure an email to a recruiter. The situation is that I just graduated from college in May 2014 and landed a position at a commercial bank as a first year analyst. I also went through the Deloitte leadership program last summer and have the recruiters emails for consulting/ financial advisory. I want to email the recruiter and say something so she knows I am still interested in a position within that group. I am also currently studying for the CPA and past BEC (Don’t know if that matters.)

 

Just send a following up email say something like: "Hello Ms. Jones, My name is John Doe and I took part in Deloitte's Leadership Program last summer, we had spoke on a couple of occasions during the recruitment process. I am currently working at Commercial Bank and I am very interested in catching up with you. Is there a good time to speak either this week or next?

Thank you, John Doe"

 

This is what I was thinking...

Hey Babygirl,

Hope this email finds you well.

My name is Biggie and I attended the Deloitte Summer Leadership Program the summer before my Senior year at ITT Tech. I graduated in May of 2014 and accepted a position at Commercial Bank as an Analyst. During my time at the bank I have registered for the CPA and have successfully completed BEC and plan to take FAR and AUD in October. I’m reaching out to understand what background and qualifications does a serious candidate need to have to be competitive within industry of Consulting/Financial Services.

Also, thanks for all the help.

 
Best Response

@"Puponwallstreet" I don't know that I'd personally mention all of the granular details in the email. The key is brevity and establishing a few key things: who you are, where you know them from and what you want; if you were to go ahead and send the email you have currently I'd drop where you went unless it's a super sexy name or the recruiter is an alum, I'd also change it to I've completed a portion of the CPA exams and I'm registeres for the remaining ones and for the final sentence is say "I would love to speak with you to catch up and discuss opportunities at Deloitte". Those are just my two cents though.

 

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