Where can I learn the black arts of hostile takeovers?
I want to learn how to be at the helm of a secret organization that operates a series of fronts that takes over public companies against the will of executive management and the board of directors.
I'm willing to train for 10 years or longer. Where does one learn how to do this? Is there a black book of other arts in related disciplines I should also master before carving out my slice of the pie?
You'll need to learn Taoist sex magic first.
Have you seen statues of this guy, Lao Tse, in Chinese restaurants?![]()
http://i.imgur.com/iJTw7cX.jpg
Lao Tse was an ancient M&A genius, using the wu wei technique for hostile takeovers.
His forehead is massively swollen because he practised Taoist sex magic (房中術), specifically the art of mei fa jing ie refusing to reach climax* so as not to lose his manly essence ie his jing (精).
That essence would instead go to his forehead, hence the swelling.
Why avoid fa jing? Loss of jing leads to lower life energies.
How to restore you jing? Well, funny you should ask...
tldr version - practice Taoist wu wei. Whereas most Wall Street wannabees would avoid the ding, you should seek out the ding. That inverted approach is very Taoist.
Once you've mastered this and have suitable girth in your forehead, send me a money order for US$500 and I'll send you the PDF bible to the black arts of M&A.
astonishing answer
I feel like you've been reading way too much about having sex with under aged Asians.
Is it still illegal if it falls under freedom of religion? ha
Where can you learn the art of hostile takeovers? (Originally Posted: 03/01/2013)
What graduate and certificate programs teach students all about the "dirty" side of mergers and acquisitions, how to be a corporate soldier for hire on the front line, getting a job as a specialist in hostile takeover strategies and implementation, etc.
in law school you learn a lot about hostile takeovers
Watch Other People's Money
Someone must have just read Barbarians at the Gate.
not sure if serious.
Find a couple, spit at the boyfriend, grab the chick ... and then slowly say 'mine.' Then grab her by the hand, lick her face, spank her ass, give her a twirl and sell her to the highest bidder. Once you do this 10,000 times you can put it on your resume.
Afterwards go work for a reputable shop, or find LPs and show them you track record of hostile takeovers. Be sure to provide the full color on the blood loss sustained by you or the other parties. The certificate and graduate level circle jerks won't help you in the big boys game.
What are you waiting for? Start taking over.
^ Haha. Loved that.
You need a PhD, MBA, and CFA. Don't even post threads if you don't have at least one of these.
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