Why YOU Aren't Getting OffersVC
I have been meaning to post something regarding this topic for some time, even though it has been covered to the point of exhaustion. My final breaking point was about 2 weeks ago, when I had the unfortunate experience of riding the train from Stamford to NYC (a commute I am too used to dating to my IB and hedge fund days and have sworn off for life). Regardless, as my crackberry session commenced upon being seated in the sweatbox, an important phone call came through from a portfolio company who I happen to sit on the board of. During the call, I noticed the young Indian kid next to me spring up at the chance to listen to the call – which he surprisingly let me finish.
I also give the kid credit for attempting to turn this into a networking opportunity (which I would gladly accept) had he not wanted to make me throw myself under the moving train – a feat unaccomplished until meeting this lad. The following chain of events is why he and so many young monkeys on this forum (who go to Ivey, have internships, solid grades, whatever else) are not getting jobs:
• He assumed because he went to Yale, he deserved an IB career (he basically said this)
• He was wearing a suit that had pants with zippers for pockets (obviously this fucker hasn’t read the 20,000 posts on “how to dress for an interview” – I would auto ding this kid even if he was Summa @ HBS for such a fashion faux pas.
• He focused on nothing but EXIT OPPS (which began to make my blood boil). Upon our discussion where he has interviewed and where he was going to be interviewing (which I could have been a HUGE asset on both prep and recommendations) his only questions related to where it would get him after. WSO – top exits opps will be available to a sample size of any year’s analyst class (and as the wonderful recent PE thread has addressed, it ain’t all that great kiddies).
• He was as stale as a 4 year old Triscuit in the August sun in Tuscon, AZ. Bring something to the table, I don’t care if all you can do is crank a DCF – any moron can do this.
• He could not speak to his strengths
• He could not tell his story
• He knew nothing about the bank he was going to
• He knew nothing about the market
• He did nothing but ANNOY me – asking dumb questions, ranting about DCF calculations when he was actually fucking wrong, and did not take the time to pick my brain, someone who has gone the path he is attempting and succeeded (and he knew MY story quickly because I know how to tell it).
Monkeys, bottom line – if you have the tangibles required for banking / finance in general and are still not receiving offers (whether FT or SA) you are lacking the intangibles. I know many people on this forum say all they want is an excel machine, but there is much more to banking – and finance for that matter. Take a step back, and really examine your process thus far if you are without an offer.
This is my rant for the week. Thoughts / Comments?
"Jesus, he's like a gremlin; comes with instructions and shit"