Best Response

You're attempting to cut the leaves off the weed and expecting it to die.

The root cause is that you dont believe you have self worth. The values with which you ascribe to people to having value, you do not possess. Once you believe you're worth something, others will too.

Step 1:

Someone worth something looks after himself. Tidy up your life, room and personal appearance. Gym up, train hard, haircut, preferably something new, Study on fashion for people of your ethnicity/build and shop up.

Oh, chin up, smile, and before you snap at anyone, count to 10. Too many bitter negative people out there already. A little perspective helps you become a better social person. Speak less too. Something I learned from smart people. They listen.

The rest will come naturally after that.

The presumption that you are worthless is what keeps you buying alternative social medicine to enhance your life, when all you need to actually do is make yourself valuable by enhancing who you are, not what you are.

 

Are you an international student? If so, there could be cultural differences.

Of the girls I've met in finance, a fair number come off as "aloof and cold", usually because they can only talk about finance. It's creepy as hell to speak with somebody who has no apparent interests outside of work, male or female. Guys sometimes have this issue too, but girls often seem to go overboard to prove themselves.

So I'd advise you to develop some interests outside of work, and talk about those interests. Nobody wants to talk about the deal / pitch / report over dinner.

 

Going off what others already said, if you are in social settings with your colleagues, even if you don't have many other interests besides work, relax and don't be so intense. Go with the flow and you should be passable in social settings, and please don't try too hard. If you naturally aren't an outgoing person/people think you're cold, when you do try to be the life of the party, it won't end well.

Fuck Stringer
 
meadows36:

The reality is setting in. My sensational test-taking skills will only take me so far. As of now, I'm really enjoying Finance. However, it seems to have a career in finance, my knowledge won't be the key to success. Unfortunately, I often come off as aloof and cold. I'm not particularly charming or wonderful at building rapport.

I know this question has been asked before, but considering my gender, in the field of finance, would the advice change? I'm not sure if picking up a copy "The Game" will be relevant.

I'm not sure how this made sense to you to begin with, but you clearly should not ask a bunch of dudes in finance about how to change your personality. Ask your girlfriends, and if they give you shitty advice, make friends with some chicks who aren't in the same situation as you and follow their lead.

in it 2 win it
 

Look, the way to be more interesting is to do more interesting things and being able to talk about them in a interesting way.

Many finance people dont do anything besides the triangle of get up, go to work, sleep. Shit will not make you awesome to be around by itself. It would be salvageable if you could talk about everything in a interesting manner but even then.

Honestly, the best way to get good at talking about things in an interesting way is to interact with lots of people. Just talk to one random person each day.

I can tell you on many levels hoof things will come out of it. From meeting future employees, possible clients, to potential mates.

 
meadows36:

People say I'm "pretty", which I assume is based on face. I'm also 5'2'' and petite so I could easily fall into cute. I'd give myself a 6.4/10.

Oh my god you're fun sized. Automatic +2 pts.

 

You have two options here.

  1. Accept that you like the "finance" part of this business, but not the "business" part of finance. In other words, you like sitting in front of a computer, but don't like going out and interacting with people. Good. It's better you understand who you are now, and now you can adjust your future ambitions accordingly. I wish you the best of luck.

  2. You realize now that you would like to be more social, and that the 'business' part of finance is something where you'd like to excel. This seems more likely, based on, obviously, your post. Do all of the above suggestions. Join a club, charity, sports team, go to the bar, ANYTHING where you're forced to interact with people. Brush up on ettiquete, dress well, and read the book "how to make friends and influence people". If you make an effort, you'll find that social skills can be built up and will become natural. Do not confuse social skills with extroversion/introversion, they are two different things. You may or may not WANT to talk to people, but this is independant of how you ARE ABLE to talk to people.

I'm taking a shot in the dark, but I'm guessing you're an asian chick, mid 20's, comes from middle class background, stays in on weekends, and has just realized that there's a whole lot more to life than getting the "right" answer. Yes/No?

Get busy living
 
nbhuta:

What is "The Game"?

A book for PUAs. Look it up, it's interesting. Some of it is legit; the rest is extreme bullshit.
Currently: future neurologist, current psychotherapist Previously: investor relations (top consulting firm), M&A consulting (Big 4), M&A banking (MM)
 

Like you said, people consider you to be "aloof and cold." If you were a guy, it would be more well-received; they'd consider you to be "focused and no-nonsense" or some other positive descriptions.

When it comes to professional dealings, women have to split the difference; if you're too nice and smiley, then people will think that you're an airhead or that you don't take things seriously enough. There are a lot of guys who aren't happy with their situation, and they're looking for someone (other then themselves) to blame. They love to say that women don't deserve the opportunities that they get, so you don't want to give them any excuses by appearing to be too bubbly.

At the same time, if you're always serious and conservative, then people will think that you're shrewd and stuck up. A lot of women go wrong by trying to distance themselves from the other women in the office; they think that they need to become "one of the guys" to be taken seriously. That's not true. Being around other women may help you to find the balance that I mentioned. Not to mention, it may give you a stronger network to help you figure out how to get ahead.

 

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