Yet more fun with resumes
Andy note: "Blast from the past" - We're resurrecting some old popular posts to hit the homepage again for the new monkeys that may have never seen them. If you like it give it some SB love, (it may have never had the chance). This post originally went up August 2007. Message me if there are any old posts you'd like to see up on the homepage again, thanks.
Since I'm now recruiting for a boutique wealth management firm rather than a bulge bracket investment bank, I'm seeing a whole new type of resumes. Some of them are quite funny, and you all know me -- I love to share.
Since people in the past have been upset by my posting humorous responses to the drek I read in resumes, I considered just posting the drek this time and omitting the humor. However, it just didn't seem as useful. The point is that this stuff doesn't sound that funny until you're a recruiter looking at your fortieth resume of the day -- and in order to submit a good resume, you need to understand your recruiter's point of view. Here we go.
Candidate 1: High school GPA: 3.52. [Not very tough college] GPA: 2.96.
Great, dude. Clearly, you had a lot more fun in college than you had in high school. It's understandable; your school is known for partying. But if you're trying to prove that you have the potential for a 3.52, then you'd also have to answer to why that potential went down the tubes during college and why you're still a top-quality candidate. Sadly, I don't have the time or inclination to ask that question. Next.
Candidate 2: Summers 2001-2006: Burger Patch Restaurant, Sales Associate.
You know what they say -- if your summer group keeps asking you back, it shows that you are hardworking and likable. Next.
Candidate 3: First place, poetry.com Poem Contest.
Hmm -- isn't that the contest that's famous for awarding first place to everyone who enters? Did you shell out the $65 for the heirloom-quality coffee table book containing your poem, the $575 to accept your award at the quarterly conference, and the $169 for the elegant silver-tone trophy cup too? If so, I would like to honor your ground-breaking work in poetry as well. Please PM me for the name and address where you should send your check. Next.
Candidate 4: Diablo 2 -- Self-Run Online Business.
This is exactly the kind of entrepreneurial self-starter we want in our firm. Next.
Candidate 5: "This seems to be an ideal position that will enable me to contribute to your company by utilizing my current skills and experience. I am eager and enthused to be given the opportunity to contribute my diligence and hard work ethic to your company.... My work experience has taught me to work independently as well as exemplifying team work by taking initiative in other aspects of departmental obligations such as administrative support."
My friend, you probably thought that exhausting the thesaurus would make you sound intelligent. Unfortunately, all it did was make you sound like a tool. Also, it doesn't hide the fact that your grammar is disappointing. Next.
Candidate 6: Fanatic video gamer (mainly console).
There is a short list of things that you should never put on a resume, no matter how true they are. Smoking marijuana is one. Drinking to blackout is another. Fanatic video gaming is in the same group. Like many scions of the '80's, I am a huge video game fan and have wasted too much of my life on video games -- from Final Fantasy I in 1990 to Street Fighter II in 1993 to World of Warcraft and Civ 4 and Guitar Hero II now. Does that mean I have sympathy for somebody who feels that this belongs on his resume? Absolutely not. That's something you can bring up on the third round of drinks during a social event when there are no seniors around to hear, but not on your resume.
haha hilarious, I assume
haha hilarious, I assume your new job is treating you much better than the last one?
i love you mis Ind
i love you mis Ind
Re: i love you mis Ind
i love you mis Ind
Hah, as you tumble down the
Hah, as you tumble down the prestige ladder it becomes more comical that you mock other people
Re: Yet more fun with resumes
Candidate 2: Summers 2001-2006: Burger Patch Restaurant, Sales Associate.
You know what they say -- if your summer group keeps asking you back, it shows that you are hardworking and likable. Next.
This gets to me everytime. Are you saying that your company is above the sort of candidate who has put in his/her time at fast food and retail? If this was his only work experience I can understand you having a laugh at it, but if you ding him for simply putting on his resume, thats kinda sad.
Why sneer at someone who has real job experience? Not EVERYONE has the resources to get a PWM internship at Merrill their freshman year in college.
There are two ways you can look at this. You can write him off as some untouchable not worthy of your "boutique wealth management firm" (whatever that means). OR you could view this person as a candidate who stuck it out in jobs that probably sucked. Doesnt the finance industry value real down and dirty work anymore? Some of the best bankers and traders in the world got their start in mail rooms and retail centers.
*Here ends the public service announcement*
Quote:Why sneer at someone
Why sneer at someone who has real job experience? Not EVERYONE has the resources to get a PWM internship at Merrill their freshman year in college.
Lol when did people start holding PWM internships in high regard?
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im not sure if it's the case
im not sure if it's the case here, but it's really deplorable to reject an (otherwise strong) applicant just because he/she worked in a fast-food restaurant.
Re: Yet more fun with resumes
Candidate 2: Summers 2001-2006: Burger Patch Restaurant, Sales Associate.
You know what they say -- if your summer group keeps asking you back, it shows that you are hardworking and likable. Next.
This gets to me everytime. Are you saying that your company is above the sort of candidate who has put in his/her time at fast food and retail? If this was his only work experience I can understand you having a laugh at it, but if you ding him for simply putting on his resume, thats kinda sad.
Why sneer at someone who has real job experience? Not EVERYONE has the resources to get a PWM internship at Merrill their freshman year in college.
There are two ways you can look at this. You can write him off as some untouchable not worthy of your "boutique wealth management firm" (whatever that means). OR you could view this person as a candidate who stuck it out in jobs that probably sucked. Doesnt the finance industry value real down and dirty work anymore? Some of the best bankers and traders in the world got their start in mail rooms and retail centers.
*Here ends the public service announcement*
DOCH
Nope. We've all worked
Nope. We've all worked retail or fast food, I'm sure... but the difference between a good candidate and a bad candidate is that the good candidate has better things to use their valuable resume space on than Burger Patch. What that candidate was actually saying was, "I have nothing better to say about myself than that I worked at Burger Patch for five summers." No internships. No summer volunteer work. The guy's twenty-two and he's going back home to work at Burger Patch in the summer just like he did in high school. That just doesn't look good on a resume.
By the time you graduate college, you should not have to write about flipping burgers just to fill up your one page. Especially not if you did it for five years. That tells me that the guy is not particularly focused on being a good candidate for my industry.
I didn't realize right away
I didn't realize right away that was for an FT position...I would hope that one wouldn't look as down on a frosh or soph who puts that on their resume (and no, I don't work in the service/fast food industry)?
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"im not sure if it's the
"im not sure if it's the case here, but it's really deplorable to reject an (otherwise strong) applicant just because he/she worked in a fast-food restaurant."
It would have killed the joke to explain it in my initial post, but just so you don't feel too sorry for the guy:
He didn't put his GPA on his resume. Or his SATs. Or any other number. I need at least something along those lines. If you don't include any of this, I have to assume that your numbers were bad.
His work history wasn't in chronological order.
His other work experience involved being an office assistant for four years -- essentially a secretary. In an unrelated industry.
He didn't include a cover letter when I specifically requested it.
In other words, I dinged him because he wasn't qualified. However, you could definitely draw a strong correlation between flipping burgers for five years and not being qualified. While flipping burgers every summer doesn't mean you're stupid, it does mean that you're not out there doing comps or DCFs or asset allocations or pitchbooks during your summers. And that hurts you in this field.
Are these for summer
Are these for summer interns, or full time people?
"I didn't realize right away
"I didn't realize right away that was for an FT position...I would hope that one wouldn't look as down on a frosh or soph who puts that on their resume (and no, I don't work in the service/fast food industry)?"
Hell no... if I was looking at frosh or soph resumes, I wouldn't ding them for fast food. When you're under twenty, you take what you can get. I like to see people who are at least working hard and earning money in their late teens.
However, and this is true for the entire finance industry, your resume needs to start demonstrating some finance knowledge and experience by your senior year at the latest. There is a significant difference between flipping burgers at nineteen and flipping burgers at twenty-two. The former says you're young and you need cash. The latter says you either failed or never tried to get a real job or an internship. Big difference.
Walter, this is for
Walter, this is for full-time analysts. Most of the people I'm looking at have already graduated; a few will be graduating in December or May.
Re: Quote:Why sneer at someone
Why sneer at someone who has real job experience? Not EVERYONE has the resources to get a PWM internship at Merrill their freshman year in college.
Lol when did people start holding PWM internships in high regard?
What other legit finance internships can you get as freshmen?
And will someone explain to me what DOCH is? :P
True enough -- finance
Doch means indeed.Is this
Let me guess...something
The White trash in you is
Yes, Seanc. One wouldn't
Ms. Ind, I have a question
Re: True enough -- finance
ms ind, I'm also curious
Will the lack of a junior
thanks a lot ms ind. I
Bondarb, I worked in wealth
Strangesituations, it's not
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Thanks ms ind. That was
Bondarb, I'm not sure that
...
Considering how critical it
...
...
sorry to jump in on the
as always
yea, i would like mine
strangesituations, i think
I think it's pathetic that
that guy who worked as a
Re: I think it's pathetic that
The idea is not that the kid
CompBanker
I can't believe the
Re: Yet more fun with resumes
Re: I can't believe the
i think the general
Other resume stories
Re: Yet more fun with resumes
Schumacher, it's cool. I've
What do you do on a daily