LoS to Become Bank Holding Company

LongorShortCapital has received approval to become a bank holding company as of November 13th 2008. LoS, through absolutely no fault of management, has been hit by The Perfect Storm of Perfect Storms. This storm impaired our capital and destroyed our ability to continue paying lucrative dividends to subscriberholders. These dividends are the lifeblood for our investors/readers, many of whom derive the majority of a minority of their income from LoS dividends. Transforming the company from a purely fictional producer of financial satire into a bank holding company will allow LoS to access the TARP, the Fed discount window, and the slush fund to pay US auto workers*. The company plans to immediately draw down the full amount of money available and prudently pay it out immediately to our subscriberholders after first contributing heavily to the executive pension fund and rewarding management performance with large bonuses.
*for voting Democrat (Thank You!)