How many days do you think you will get off this "Long Weekend"?

My instructions for the weekend are:

1: Do numerous SDC runs based on X lists of crazy requirements. Keep tweaking lists until you get between 10-15 transactions for each (fat chance!). Make targeted league tables, ensuring that our firm is in front. Find and add appropriate tombstones to create a quals page.

2: Update these two pages for each of fourteen companies, reading research/10Qs/news runs for every one.

3: Spread these twelve comps and sort to create two comp summary pages. Include toggle to remove a certain subset of the comps from each page. Calendarize. I don't care if they're mostly European and rarely file, just calendarize. Include Euro/SKr/dollar toggle.

4: Find two sets of precedents, finagle transaction values and valuation multiples out of them, and set up two precedent pages. Don't come complaining that you can't find the numbers, either. Include Euro/SKr/dollar toggles.

5: Figure out buyers for each of two segments, then for both together. Include brief financial summary for each. Even if they're private. Just figure it out.

6: Pull everything into a book along with sixteen other pages that other analysts in other offices did years ago. Oh, and make it all firm-standard. Include Euro/SKr/dollar toggles. Oh, there's no backup? Recreate the backup. Recreating the backup requires an lbo model? Ouch. Well, you'd better get on that, then.

7: For every calculation and every number in the presentation and backup, print hardcopy of sources: news runs, filings, press releases, etc. Make sure relevant numbers are highlighted and calculations done by hand in the margin if necessary. Bind all backup into a book and leave on my desk by Sunday night. Don't forget to put sticky flags on every calculation so I can find what I'm looking for quickly.

Yeah, no weekend for me.

Just as I thought. Not only did I not get a day off, I barely got a few hours off. Livin' the dream, I tell you.