How to Save Your Weekend
Make sure to see rufiolove's comment part way down...
Given that it's Friday and I'm looking to finish up some work and get out of here myself, I'm going to keep this short and sweet.
When you first start in banking, you're pretty much stuck. I wouldn't risk the political capital and references for buyside to do any of the tongue-in-cheeck tips I'm going to recommend below. Just pay your dues and get used to having your weekends ruined.
However, once you secure an offer or you're in your second year, here are some tips to salvaging your weekend (yes it also works on the buyside).
1. Make sure you have a list rehearsed on what you have going on this weekend. Most likely someone is going to ask you what you have going on this weekend. Instead of saying "Oh I was going to grab dinner with friends" you should just rattle off your work list and then interrupt yourself by saying "Oh that reminds me, I have to go check something"
2. Run around all afternoon to look busy. Don't be the idiot standing by the chill table talking to associates/vps because that's where your boss / staffer is going to go first to drop a new deal / pitch on you. One associate in banking used to chill by the "fun" table whenever he had a staffing and wanted to scope out which analysts were free.
3. Do not grab lunch with others on Friday. It makes you look like you're free. Spend the time at your desk or eat at your desk. This also helps you finish up work faster whether you're busy or not.
4. Actually do work. Try to make Fridays your most productive day. It can be hard when people are in a good mood and talkative, but you want to be grinding away in the morning/afternoon. Even consider coming in early on Fridays so you can guarantee you're all finished by evening.
5. Related to #4, if you're productive or you came in early to do the work, don't let anyone know you're done or that you're ahead of schedule. Around dinnertime just mention you need to finish up work that you've already finished and let that be the end of it. Anything else you have to do can be done Saturday but it still lets you have a fun Friday night while staying on schedule with work.
6. Flip shit. I don't recommend this most of the time but if you already have an exit in hand and you really want the night off, I've seen it work. A 2nd year analyst actually ran around the bullpen cursing when he was giving a deliverable Friday night which convinced the staffer to give him a 1st year and told them both that they don't have to start until Saturday.
Let's say the worst has happened and you got that dreaded email or just got out of a meeting with a fresh deck of changes, or even worse, you got staffed. No worries, just brush everything off until Saturday/Sunday! Usually your team is okay with this because most seniors don't want to look at anything until Sunday/Monday anyways and most people would rather have their nighttime be free and work in the morning/afternoons.
Happy Friday everyone!
I think a lot of these suggestions start to backfire once it actually is Friday night and you're MIA. Leaving at 7 on a Friday is a great way to get hammered with staffings over the weekend / on Monday.
In my group, the staffer left after Friday dinner most of the time, so there's no way he would know.
But of course you wouldn't leave at 7pm, just leave when it's safe.
That would kind of suck if this all backfired, so that you worked hard all day and didn't socialize, then get staffed on something for the weekend.
Actually saw this one work with ruthless efficiency once and only once. Hands down one of the best played hands I have ever witnessed an analyst play in banking. One of my buddies that used to sit on my floor but was in another group had locked up an immediate start PE offer that he knew he was going to leave for within the next few months but had not ironed out all the details for start date just yet. This kid was a stud analyst and was so annoyed with his group situation given his comp and continued bs staffings that he told me one day that he was done with all this shit, he was going to go out and get a PE offer ASAP... and he did just that.
So Brose Canseco is stoked because he went and found an offer and knew he was going to bounce soon. Naturally, since he knows he isn't staying for his next bonus, broseidon starts getting uber aggressive. I'm talking showing up at 1PM smelling like tequila and the type of shame that only follows a brief trip to Tijuana, rocking shirts two buttons deep and boat shoes sans socks, clearly not troubling himself to give a single solitary fuck. Apart from his cavalier attitude toward punctuality and hygiene, this bro was still handling his shit and getting work to people when asked for it.
You could just tell that he wanted to be out and was basically just staying on to phone it in and collect some extra paychecks while doing the bare min.. Well one week his staffer hits him with this shitty bake-off pitch that was going to be a complete clusterfuck as he explained it to me and was going to ruin any semblance of a weekend for the next 3-4 weeks. Clearly homeboy is not about that game plan given that he isn't going to get any credit for diving on that grenade, so Kimosabe flips shit in the bullpen and launches into this rant about how he has reached "had it" and this metaphorical straw has broken the camel's back. Dude goes all out... we are talking Oscar-worthy portrayal of a psychological breakdown.
Kid storms out of the bullpen pissed as shit and I happen to be coming out of the kitchen after grabbing a water so I get a front row seat for all this shit. Wish I would have had popcorn it was that good. So the staffer naturally starts getting concerned and he runs to the business manager's office in a total CYA move, making sure that they don't open themselves up to any liability.
Meanwhile kid is out the building, shoots me a text like "can you believe that shit, I bet those fuckers are pissing their pants in there... going radio silent for the duration of the weekend, but hit me up when you get out, I'm going HAM if you're down to get involved." Turns out this bro had this crazy weekend planned that he was not about to have ruined by some bullshit bake-off pitch, and he calculated the likelihood that he would ever wish to use his staffer or any of the remaining senior bankers left in his group as a reference ever in his lifetime to be directly equal to the quantity of fucks he gave about making a HUGE scene. So he said fuck it and went for the gold. After the weekend, apparently he was a bit concerned about whether or not the move was a colossal mistake so he shoots the business manager and staffer a very apologetic email explaining that "He's going through some personal shit, had a breakdown due to the stress, lots of stuff going on with his family, blah blah blah" and they tell him to TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS HE NEEDS TO SORT HIS SHIT OUT...
I never saw Shoeless Bro Jackson again until the day he came in to drop off his berry... He trolled harder than I've ever seen anyone troll on this job... got himself like a month paid leave by telling HR he was going to see a therapist and then comes in and hands in his notice like a total boss. CHECK and MATE.
This Legend now works at a top tier middle market PE shop that a strong contingent of this board habitually rubs it out to...
SB for Brose Canseco. Also for the amazing story.
Great story bro
This just taught me how to leave a job like a boss. Thanks. Great story to know. Haha!
Solid as always rufio. That guy's cojones have got to dragging all over the place.
Probably the funniest post I've ever read on here. Phenomenal work.
best post evar
Great story!
This is one of the most epic analyst moves I have ever heard. I wish more people had balls for this kind of thing. Definitely plan on trolling hard as fuck in the remaining few months of this shit.
+1 SB Rufio. Loved the story.
Cool story until mm pe ;)
I wouldn't work at a Mega Fund for all of King Midas's silver... Those places are overrated, even though I'm underqualified...
Rufio killing it in the poster of the year category. WHAT.A.STORY
Maybe my BB was good, but Friday's were generally sacred. In my entire time, I don't think I ever saw a single person in the office on a Friday after 7pm.
I'm guessing this is in ER, not IB.
Brose Conseco, Broseiden, Kimosabe, Shoeless Bro Jackson. I plan on using all of those before the end of my night.
I'm getting a Brose Canseco Jays Jersey
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