Being happy with what you got
It goes without saying that every human being wants to be happy. We pursue education, careers, relationships, hobbies, etc., to maximize our happiness.
Looking back on my life as well as learning from others, I think envy and insecurity are perhaps the critical forces that cause us to be unhappy, oftentimes without us knowing it. We are stuck in a job, school, or situation that bothers us. Rather than taking proactive steps, we start looking at those who possess what we desire and covet their situation in life. We tell ourselves, "oh if only i were in his shoes or had XYZ, my life would be so much better." Coming from personal experience, this is a VERY dangerous trap, one that needs to be dismantled ASAP if you want to be an emotionally healthy person.
Some key points which I have really absorbed lately.
1. Do not think about what could have been. Only think about what will happen. We all have regrets about choices we made. Some of them may have been stupid and reckless. But no need to contemplate them now, wondering how our lives would be different if we had done X rather than Y. Learn from the mistakes but relentlessly push forward.
2. No matter how successful a person is, he is unhappy at times and struggles with insecurity and problems. This happened to me a lot when I would meet someone who is making great money, awesome job, beautiful girlfriend, great social life. And on the outside, their lives seem unbelievable. They always look happy; after all, on paper, they have it made. Surprisingly though, many people wear a facade in public. Even amongst my good friends, I have been shocked to discover that they struggled with bouts of depression or some other psychological issues. On the surface everything looked hunky dory. So do not envy others; ultimately, we are all humans going through this crazy thing known as life, struggling to figure things out and to make a place for ourselves in this world. In the midst of this, be truly thankful for what you have. I know this may sound cheesy, but the vast majority of humans in this world are in FAR worse situation than any of us on this forum. Taking a moment to just reflect on that reality often puts our concerns in the proper perspective.
3. Insecurity stems from not knowing your strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps no other quality is a deal breaker, professionally or personally, as insecurity. It eats away at our core, thus impeding our ability to achieve our full potential. Part of being a secure confident person is knowing what you're good and bad at and making decisions based on that self-knowledge. For example, I am not exactly the charismatic type who can walk into a bar and leave with a hot woman. Nor am I the life of the party who attracts people whenever he walks into a room. This reality used to bother me a lot, making me feel insecure in social settings. The key to overcoming this is to tell myself, "look, you may not be the most outgoing guy, but that's okay because you have skills and attributes that are quite unique. Leverage them to your benefit and to the benefit of others." Moreover, by focusing on your strengths, your professional and personal goals become more clear. Rather than chasing a hazy vision of what others deem to be "cool" or "prestigious", you will pursue the path that is right for you.
4. Very few experiences are worth the hype. This may sound like I'm being a negative party pooper. Allow me to explain. One consequence of envy and insecurity is that we start fantasizing about a certain person, object, or goal and putting them on a pedestal. This could be money, job, admission to a certain school, dream girlfriend, etc. Too often, even when we get what we want, the luster wears off rather quickly, and we're back where we started. If you were unhappy before accomplishing your goal, you WILL be unhappy afterwards unless you make fundamental changes. Aside from family and a handful of very good friends, much of life is a blur, a series of events that may seem of the utmost improtance at that moment but ultimately in the grand scheme of things, don't matter that much.
I have more thoughts but will stop here. As someone in his early 30's I'm amazed at how much I'm constantly learning about myself and life in general.
Best of luck, monkeys.
you da mcman man.
I'd say write down those fuqkups as a sunk cost, learn from your mistakes, try to forget it yet never make the same mistake twice and move on...
I'm happy with what I've got but want MORE. Sometimes, I lose sight of what matters, so thank you for post.
:D
good read
always keep perspective. Good reminder.
It's hard to argue with 'be happy with what you got,' because the only other option is 'be unhappy,' but don't be ignorant of what you are capable of having either. In some cases, being happy with what you have just means being content with underperforming your potential... and settling for mediocrity might be great for some people, but not for everyone.
according to another member, admission into HBS will open up haremloads of poon, respect, prestige, and money out the ass.
so i say OP has got it all wrong.
Be hungry, but also cognizant of the fact that things can ALWAYS be worse. Good read.
The "there's kids starving in Japan" way of thinking has been lost on me since I was 6. I don't give a fuck about them because they're on the other side of the world, point to the guy who is in a similar situation and is having one shitty ass time and maybe the comparison will hit a little closer to home, hahaha.
Must suck being such a cynic.
I'm not saying to tell yourself "Well shit, most of the people in this world live on $100 a month. May be I should be thankful with that job at Mickey D's after all!". I'm saying, the next time you, or another monkey, finds themselves depressed because they landed a gig that pays them 90k out of school, after bonus, rather than 100k, to remember things can be somewhat significantly worse.
As others have said, work hard but keep things in perspective. Life is about balance.
Good post. Although, I was prepared for a bullet point acknowledging erectile dysfunction. :/
Great post, just a couple thoughts of my own which will most likely be considered tl;dr: 1) While it is certainly important to be happy with where you are, to a certain extent a little unhappiness can be leveraged into motivation and thus progress. For example, how can you bust your ass in school to get good grades if you're happy with landing some mediocre job? How can you bust your ass in the gym to get in shape, if you're happy being a fat ass? You get the point. Maybe I'm biased, but most of the happiest people I know are also the least motivated.... just an irony? perhaps, but perhaps not. 2) Regarding the proverbial pedestal, I completely agree. The appeal of most things, is the idea of how you dont have it but someone else does, not necessarily the attainment of said thing. I'm sure anyone who has ever put something on a pedestal (whether it be relating to girls, academics, sports, admissions... anything) and achieved said thing, knows what I'm talking about. It goes from an over-dramatized image of how awesome things will be "if only", to meh.... what's next? 3) Lastly, I also agree with "insecurity stems from not knowing your strengths and weaknesses". I find younger people have this propensity to grasp onto their inefficiencies while ignoring their efficiencies. Nobody is perfect at everything. That genius is probably mad awkward, that social butterfly is probably dumb as shit, you get the point. One of the cool things I've noticed from growing up is how you go from harping on your weaknesses, to recognizing your strengths and accepting how you can't be perfect at everything.
To OP - great post and you're absolutely right. Insecurity and envy are unhealthy characteristics, that will not lead to happiness. Nor can more success be expected to bring you more happiness.
However, I've noticed that this line of thinking tends to lead people to think equally backwards thoughts like "Don't go get that great job, do what makes you happy." People take the idea that success won't buy happiness, get confused, and start thinking you can't be both happy and successful. Some people enjoy accomplishment, working hard, setting and meeting goals. Insecurity and envy will make you unhappy, but I think drive, hard work, and the will to succeed bring happiness.
Hell yeah. I think too many people, especially those in college, let that line you mentioned really mess them up. Our ancestors busted their asses daily just to eat, while today there are more and more kids forgoing an opportunity to get a great degree so they can "chase their dreams" when in reality 95% of them find out that their English degree with a focus in Modern American literatue ain't doin squat for their pockets or their happiness.
Oh well, gotta hope to be part of that 5% that makes it!!
Here's my advice for all the youngsters.
Don't ever think you are better than you really are. If you are one in a million there are 7,000 people just like you.
Working at a P.E. firm (really anywhere on wall street), you will consistently meet people that think they (I hate this phrase) "are the masters of the universe". When in reality most of them know jack or are about as knowledgeable as the f**ker that could regurgitate the first 3 sentences out of a wsj or bloomberg article and knows nothing else. To be fair, your personality is slightly more important.
In most large organizations, such as B.B.'s or Big 4 firms, its okay - you will forever do menial crap that you internally hate doing and will bear little to now responsibility. For those of you fortunate enough to work at buy side positions as an undergrad or recent grad you will bear heck of a lot more responsibility and all of those buffers of analysts, associates, etc. might not be there to serve as a safety net. Those f**k ups matter more and WILL happen.
There's nothing wrong with having a slight ego but seriously get a grip over yourself - you're not that special.
If Michael Jordan was happy with that one ring, he would've only had one ring...
Droppin' some real talk. SB for you broski.
I'm going to flip this around a bit. Why should it matter if you are happy or unhappy? Life is all about experiences and the journey. If being unhappy creates a desire to accomplish more, and thus expereince more, than so be it. Anyways, I always seem to be in the middle, being content is where my psyche calls home.
Very good post. You said it all. Life is not about opportunities but what you do and how you react to them.
Interesting topic, but I just have to say....be happy with what you have*.
I have a never ending desire for more, so I'm happy about that.
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