1) Uncle Sam Takes His Dividend With JPMorgan Chase Settlements (Forbes) - You guys are going to find this pretty interesting. It looks like the feds are taking advantage of an obscure regulation put on the books during the S&L crisis to extract big fines and settlements from the banks that were bailed out in 2008. Fair play?

2) Can You Get Rich by Investing $1,000 During an Internet IPO? (Mashable) - Pretty cool infographic about what $1,000 invested in various Internet IPOs over the years has returned. I would've thought Google would be the clear winner, but it's not and by a large margin. Best Internet IPO you could have ever dropped a grand on? Amazon. That grand would be worth a quarter million today.

3) Fleckenstein Says Last Stand Will Be 'Shooting Fish In A Barrel' (FIN Alternatives) - I've been meaning to do something about the Return of Fleckenstein ever since he announced that he's coming out of retirement to short the world a few weeks ago. His is a popular thesis, which makes me doubtful that it'll actually work.

4) Now All Of Snapchat's Investors Are Being Sued By The Man Who Says He Was The Third, Ousted Founder (Business Insider) - It's starting to sound like Reggie Brown might actually have a case here. And after yesterday's Twitter IPO, you'd better believe I'd be fighting tooth and claw for every shred of equity I could get my hands on if I were this guy.

5) Bankers must focus on morals, says Archbishop of Canterbury (The Telegraph) - Shut up, douchebag. How about you clean up your own house before you worry about ours, mmkay?

6) LDS ward makes a Privacy violating Google Map (imgur) - In more religious news, this Mormon ward clearly hasn't reached the part of the Bible that says, "Judge not, lest ye be judged." Pretty hilarious (and creepy) use of Google Maps.

7) 1 in 5 U.S. Workers: I'm Too Educated for My Job (The Atlantic) - This is really no surprise judging by the sheer number of degree-holding garbage men and baristas out there. But the funny twist to this statistic is that, while it may be true in the strictest sense, most of those people claiming to be too educated for their jobs barely have the requisite raw skills to hold it.

8) 'Man, you ought to be ashamed': Irate grandpa stops upskirt photos at Nashville airport (NBC News) - I think the thing that cracks me up most about this story is the fact that the perv shooting the upskirt photos on his phone was a federal Air Marshall. And the fact that a federal Air Marshall got manhandled by an old man.

9) Man argues ‘up-skirt’ photos protected by First Amendment (TruTV) - Here's a novel defense for the loser in #8. You gotta love lawyers sometimes. Only a true shyster could make surreptitious nonconsensual pornography a free speech issue.

10) Lenny Dykstra, ex-Phillies teammate Mitch Williams clash at a mall (USA Today) - Way to keep it classy, Nails.

Video of the Week:

I usually don't go in for movie remakes because they're almost universally bad, but this one looks so legit that I'm practically beside myself. The original Robocop was a movie I saw no less than 10 times in high school. I could literally never look at Red Forman on That 70's Show without seeing Clarence Boddicker. This new version is highly stylized, but it looks like it keeps the same human story. Michael Keaton looks like he's perfectly cast as the creepy corporate shill out to make a buck, and the special effects look awesome. Can't wait to see this one:

That's it for this week, monkeys. Let me know what you think of this week's Bananas in the comments, and enjoy the long weekend!