Capitalism, Investment, and Weed: You Gonna Get So HIIIGGHHHHH

For struggling industries, capitalism can be a real hose beast. Take an example that's close to my heart: the once plucky journalism. The Federal Trade Commission published a report this month advising the government to financially support the re-invention of journalism because existing newspapers and mags et al are having such a tough time creating sustainable business models. And because journalism is the Fourth Estate, muthaf**ka.

I, personally, support any institution of policy that would prevent the further decline of traditional media -- but others might hold this governmental intervention as a direct affront to capitalism because one might say those resources could be better utilized elsewhere. BUT, regardless of whether or not you're a gun-stroking libertarian, it's hard to deny that capitalism makes some strange bedfellows -- and when it begins to interact with nontraditional, young industries especially -- hilarity ensues. (And heartbreak. And gov'ment intervention. And opportunity. YAY!!!!!)

Par exemple, I give you The New York Times' recent feature on the burgeoning marijuana industry in states like Colorado (where the sale of medical marijuana is legal) and the regulatory rules, taxation, etc being devised to curb the new green market. In Colorado alone, there are over 1,000 dispensaries and the estimation is that more than 80,000 people have weed certificates. Weed is becoming a big, legit business. Albeit a strange one.

Though I have to say, for me, the idea (and process) of the weed market being legitimized is absolutely hilarious. Even if I were to legally visit a weed dispensary, I would make my pharmacist meet me in some sketchy alleyway and would insist on her ripping me off and maybe knifing me once or twice.

Not to mention ... the medical marijuana business is raking in millions, and some dispensaries are turning into high-end boutiques or "wellness centers" that offer pilates and massage, etc. Many dispensaries end up looking like a Pottery Barn or some fruity apothecary. White people find a way to take the soul right out of everything ... even WEED DEALING! It's madness, I tell you. Reefer madness.

But don't think just because you've worked on Wall Street or have been to BUSINESS school that you can just go in and outwit those lazy stoners and become the Sergei and Larry (the Google guys) of the reefer industry ... according to Ravi Respeto, manager of The Farmacy, an upscale dispensary in CO, “No M.B.A. program could have prepared me for this experience,” she says, wearing a cream-colored smock made of hemp. “People have this misconception that you just jump into it and start making money hand over fist, and that is not the case.”

I would consider working at one of these establishments, IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO WEAR A HEMP SMOCK. I refuse to do that on principle. Sounds like Cold Stone. Though, "Hemp Smock" is definitely a great name for my one-man jamband. Our hit singles "Veggie Burrito" and "Quit Burnin' My Trees" should be hitting Starbucks near you soon.

Yup, life is hard for the small business owner ON WEED. You have to deal with the growers, government restrictions, oh and maybe some gang wars and irate Colombian drug lords. The weed market is still in its wild west phase and likely will be for quite some time, but there are still plenty of ways to get high ... PROFITS!!!!

You see, as the article informs us, weed is a $25 billion industry in the U.S. -- so, as it goes legit, there's going to be some serious tax revenue from its sale as medicine. Doctors are already figuring this out. Need convincing? Well, those risk-loving investors in the financial industry can smell a crisp dollar bill from 8 miles away... "We’re past the days when people call here to ask if marijuana will give men breasts,” says Allen St. Pierre, the executive director of Nat'l Org. for the Reformation of Maryjane Laws. “Now, the calls are from angel investors, or REITs — people who are looking for ways to invest or offer their services.”

Marijuana may not give you a new pair of DD's, and it may not be an immediate gateway to unemployment and child abduction, but its legal sale does seem to offer plenty of opportunities to make money if you know where to look and put in some research. But first you'll have get on the wagon so you can stop thinking your tv remote is your portable phone.

What's more, there are already a few cannabis companies that have gone public. Investment opps abound. But, FYI, as this guy says, like the gold rush, money may not be made by the miners, but by the suppliers.

Now, I personally do not smoke marijuana anymore. Marijuana took my baby. And left some Phish CDs hanging around. So I don't condone this kind of behavior, but that doesn't mean I'm not willing to experiment. For money. So I'd like to hear your (serious) thoughts about this new industry. What say you?