Let’s be honest, we all have been there; lonely. As I read through Wall Street Journal, more particularly the Personal Journal, I was reading an article about it. It intrigued me because all of us have been down that road at some point and how often I have heard friends say that they are lonely or they are tired of that feeling. This could be from family and friends being on vacation or they are busy. When this occurs a lot of people will arrange some plans to do on their own, only to cancel them later on or even not answering the phone when it rings. The article came up with ways of battling this feeling.
The first way to combat this is through extending yourself. This means accepting social invitations, even if you don’t feel like going to the event. You simply cannot connect with other people if you don’t go. Additionally, you can’t even connect with people if you only do it online. Seriously, online interaction does not do anything. Plus, many people present themselves in a non-authentic way. However, what I think is one of the biggest benefit is that you never know who you are going to meet. It could be a new business partner, new friends, and possibly a better network connection that could lead to a better job.
The second method is to develop an action plan. This means mapping out your social activities and have them scattered throughout the weeks or months. Ensure that these activities are social activities. Join a social club, as long as it has you socializing with other people. However, don’t rely on random invites and there are times where you may not have invites. If this is the case, then create your own event and invite your friends and your new friends that you had created. The trade-off with this is that it forces people to talk to you, considering that you are the host of the event. Furthermore, you can develop better social skills as well.
The third method is sharing good times with people who are like minded and share similar interest. While this is a no brainer, it is often overlooked. There are some people who like to read books instead of going out to party every day and that is fine. Sharing similar interest with others creates a better connection that helps with creating new friends. Not only does it create a better connection, but it also helps defeating being lonely. Find something that you enjoy doing and join a club with that similar interest.
The last method is to expect the best. Often times when feeling lonely, you may start to read other people’s actions wrong. Just because plans were made but fell through may not always necessarily means that it was intentional. All of us live different lives and require more attention to certain things or task such as being busy with work or maybe the kids. It is best to give the person the benefit of the doubt, rather than jumping to conclusions as this can create unwanted behavior.
I found the article that I had read very interesting as it went into more depth of how the brain works and what the study found. However, I think that the feeling of loneliness could be through how technology has changed communication. It is almost nearly impossible to go through a day without being buried into our phones, computers, and tablets. I think that the socializing with people has gone from an everyday thing from the past to being a skill now, which leads to being lonely because people no longer know how to interact with one another.
Fellow monkey’s, what do you think of the methods used to combat the feeling of loneliness? What do you think the cause could be from? Do think socializing with people (person to person) have become easier or harder? Share your thoughts on this.
Great read Mr BananaB, often times I feel the same. I am a senior focused on breaking into the industry. I finally have a gig lined up but I feel like the dedication in the last two years and the focus distanced myself from all my friends previously that may be in different fields. Anyone feel like this too? Part of life?
Same here.
I think some form of loneliness is unavoidable for those striving to become 'greater than average'. Also, it seems that loneliness has a strong positive correlation with an individual's aspirations in life. For instance, It is my experience that those studying to become a medical doctor spend a huge portion of their life feeling isolated and lonely. Of course not everyone feels like this, but the overwhelming majority do, and it is a sacrifice that we must accept in order to reach our goals.
I would go one step further to say that everyone combats with loneliness more than you think... now, I am more introverted than extroverted but have been good friends with/dated real extroverts as well... truth is, everyone gets lonely. You gotta make peace with that. Not every minute of anyone's (tom brady, tiger woods - yes, i am still cool with him marylyn monroe, freaking JFK, etc) life can be full of excitement, adventure and unforgettable moments... I don't understand why that is not common sense.
the good thing about working towards a goal is that one does not tend to stray towards bad things (drugs, etc)
Milhouse Van Houten , QGKZ - This may go against much of what is said on this site, but you need to remember that there are things more important than work. Take care of yourself- especially as an undergrad- you should focus on building relationships and developing skills that can't be picked up from a book. Sure many of the "friends" you have in college will slowly disappear, but having support during those "lonely" times is crucial. If nothing else, someday you may be able to leverage those relationships for your personal benefit. I'm at a BB, but not IBD, and still struggle with socializing some months due to work. Your "free" time is only going to reduce drastically so take advantage while you still can.
That being said I'm super hungover so that may be a bit gauche.
Although your premise is correct (and I agree with it), it cannot be realistically applied to all situations. There are a number of STEM majors that are phenomenally difficult and require intellectual rigour that most people will never come close to. I know this is commonly repeated, but it is seriously underestimated because most people in university (especially on this site) do not undertake these pathways. I'm sure that there are plenty of other similar situations as well, such as needing to work during university to support yourself, ect. However, the point is the same - the scenario you've outlined (and which most people frequently repeat) is not totally realistic.
I do not dispute what you're saying. Yes, every human being experiences loneliness occasionally during their life. However, my point is that the choices we make in life are the most significant factors that contribute to loneliness. As such, pathways that require significant hard work and dedication tend to increase this incidence of loneliness exponentially.
CFA - those were some lonely years. Honestly, you eventually get accustomed to it. However, it does leave some feeling of emptiness inside (work - don't talk to anyone, study, sleep, repeat).
It's all about the journey. And what doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Being on social media these days and seeing others having fun when you're working hard to break into the industry, study for CFA, etc. probably doesn't help much either. But we all have phases in our life where we've got to endure the loneliness and build character. Like others have said, it's about the process and I'd agree it's just a part of life.
QGKZ I can't agree more. It's good to hear from people in the same boat. The loneliness is not physical, it's more the goal focus that even at parties and gatherings it seems something's missing.
RupertPupkin absolutely mate there's more to this than work haha but it's hard to get that out of my head :) Must be because full time work on the horizon is a big exciting change than the years of school.
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